Appropriate Communication with Players

[InSider]

In this day and age, sadly, it has become necessary for parents to have to protect their child from predatory coaches. And for coaches to protect themselves from improper appearances.

So that begs the question, "What is a proper way to communicate with your players?" With so many avenues of private communication, this can be a slippery slope for all involved. Over the last several years, we have heard about coaches having inappropriate relationships with their players and the parents never knew until somehow, someone slipped. Text messages, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter all make it easy to hide an illicit relationship or predatory behavior.

To compound the question, most people, myself included, are of the mindset that around 14u, a player is responsible for being their own biggest advocate with their coaches. If there is a problem, the athlete should address it with the coach themselves before a parent even thinks about getting involved. We are continually instructed to let the athlete handle all the communication with prospective college coaches.

How private do we allow this to be? In my opinion, all messages relating to the team as a whole should be one big group message, whether it be via text, FB, or Twitter. Myself, I prefer text, as it eliminates the end run into direct messaging. If a message is intended for one particular player, I believe the parents should be copied on every message. Every single one.

This also bleeds over into how much, if any, time do you allow your athlete to spend alone with a coach. It is a sad state of affairs that parents can't entrust their child's well being to their coach without the potential for disaster, real or imagined.

 

[01softballmom]

In this day and age, sadly, it has become necessary for parents to have to protect their child from predatory coaches. And for coaches to protect themselves from improper appearances.

So that begs the question, "What is a proper way to communicate with your players?" With so many avenues of private communication, this can be a slippery slope for all involved. Over the last several years, we have heard about coaches having inappropriate relationships with their players and the parents never knew until somehow, someone slipped. Text messages, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter all make it easy to hide an illicit relationship or predatory behavior.

To compound the question, most people, myself included, are of the mindset that around 14u, a player is responsible for being their own biggest advocate with their coaches. If there is a problem, the athlete should address it with the coach themselves before a parent even thinks about getting involved. We are continually instructed to let the athlete handle all the communication with prospective college coaches.

How private do we allow this to be? In my opinion, all messages relating to the team as a whole should be one big group message, whether it be via text, FB, or Twitter. Myself, I prefer text, as it eliminates the end run into direct messaging. If a message is intended for one particular player, I believe the parents should be copied on every message. Every single one.

This also bleeds over into how much, if any, time do you allow your athlete to spend alone with a coach. It is a sad state of affairs that parents can't entrust their child's well being to their coach without the potential for disaster, real or imagined.

In this day and age, sadly, it has become necessary for parents to have to protect their child from predatory coaches. And for coaches to protect themselves from improper appearances"


"This also bleeds over into how much, if any, time do you allow your athlete to spend alone with a coach. It is a sad state of affairs that parents can't entrust their child's well being to their coach without the potential for disaster, real or imagined."

I can not give on acceptable reason for a coach to be completely alone with an athlete. We as a society have been given example after example why this should not happen. The best way to protect your children is to be stern in your expectations and to NEVER sway from them. My daughters know what I expect from them and they know what they can expect from me. I would not leave them alone with a coach, And I would expect them to never allow themselves to be in that situation. With that being said know your coaches, instructors and organization folks, remember the boogie man never looks like the boogie man. He/She is the outgoing, funny, approachable, caring "best coach" in world until they prey on your child. We as parents need to be our children's advocates bottom line.

 

[Irish196]

This also bleeds over into how much, if any, time do you allow your athlete to spend alone with a coach. It is a sad state of affairs that parents can't entrust their child's well being to their coach without the potential for disaster, real or imagined.[/QUOTE]


I agree with 01softballmom about not leaving a player alone with a coach. My daughter's HS coach told two players they had to stay after practice with him for "punishment" for being late to a practice the previous week. I stayed until they were done (running laps) because I just didn't feel good about it. We've also discontinued with a hitting coach that I felt acted too familiar with the older girls and said too many comments that I felt were inappropriate for an adult male. I really don't think you can be too careful and it's better to nip something small in the bud before it turns into something bigger.
I think electronic messages can easily be done with the players and the parents in one big group.
Likewise, when I coached kids (even ones our daughter went to school with) I never wanted to be alone with any of them. Who knows what you can be blamed for if no one else is there to be a witness.

 

[BouldersDad]

No player should ever be left alone with a coach period. Not only for her protection but the coaches also. In this day of law suits at the drop of a hat all it takes is a misunderstood phrase or gesture and the coach could be ruined. I'm not sure why a coach would put him or her self in that situation. Not a lot of common sense thinking there.

 

[cobb_of_fury]

Every organization I have coached with has had guidelines for coaches and #1 is NEVER be alone with a player and like you said it was mostly for the coach to avoid the appearance of impropriety.

As far as communication I would go Email to the Girls - You can use text with the parents since that is easier and more immediate but with the girls you are less likely to accidently send some thing that can be construed as inappropriate in an email then in a text message - One mis-text to a player could cause a world of problems. even at the older ages where you are communicating directly with the girls I would still use emails (maybe you could use text to advise them of emails but I would not make it the main form of communication)

 

[Fairman]

No self respecting teenage girl uses email on a regular basis. They text like a native. So if you want to communicate with the natives you have to text. The emails I was sending were not being read for weeks, (Parents were little better)

I use both 'Remind' and ' GroupMe' apps to text a team about team stuff. I try to always include my assistant coach(es) on all texts as an extra layer of protection. Heck I'll even include parents if they want....

 

[Fairman]

In PA you can call an 800 number and report an adult. The adult is immediately suspending from contact with minors and THEN the charges are investigated and the adult is either cleared or passed on for prosecution (at least 90 days in limbo). No law suit is required just a toll-free phone call.

I guarantee you that the coaches don't want to be left alone with a player....

 

[CARDS]

Some tournaments, college and high school coaches also use twitter for updates and communication.

At 14 and above I used email and group text. At the beginning of our season (which was after the fall tryouts of the previous year) I emphasized how we were going to communicate and the expectations from me to my parents and players.
By the time we hit summer we never had any communication issues. As far as coaching a player with private instruction a parent was always expected to be there.

 

[ValleyStorm]

I use group text, Twitter, etc. Our parent player meeting covers our communication methods. This day and age most young ladies are not instant email checkers in my opinion, but will read a text in a matter of seconds.

As for being alone with any player........A coach would have to be crazy. Never acceptable in my opinion.

 

[Fairman]

In a perfect world, every parent would be on time!