The details are thin but I'll take a moment to share some thoughts and considerations on the general question that a young lady has decided she doesn't want to play school ball and why wouldn't she, I just don't understand? I am a man and it sometimes is difficult to talk about women without sounding stupid, sexist, or both. Let me share anyway and see if you can understand me by ignoring these facts and look for the message.
Many girls have a different view of things when it comes to high school sports. I had an experienced Dad of girls and long time coach once tell me that;
1. Freshmen girls want to make varsity,
2. Sophomore girls want to start varsity,
3. Junior girls want to win it all,
4. Senior girls are in it for the awards.
Don't judge me but think about this and ask yourself, is this where I am with my daughter and could this be the reason for her not wanting to play?
The culture shock of going to high school can be devastating to some/many young women. The added pressure to succeed at everything can be overwhelming. You need to handle this carefully or the resentment can be damaging to your relationship with your daughter. The fear of getting cut is suddenly real as girls are no longer protected within their own age group or class participation. Now coaches have 4 years worth of talent to choose from at the high school level. Girls are seldom groomed to accept a lesser roll. Sitting the bench is a hard pill to swallow for both kids and parents.
Boys seem to accept their roll as a back up much easier than girls. Boys understand that reserve is simply another step to possibly reaching the varsity goal. Many girls witness others going straight to varsity due to the lack of numbers even participating and consider reserve as failing. Parents need to be proactive to instll the need for reserve programs, the opportunities they can create, and how bench sitters can be active participants towards a total team effort. Simply making the team is a reward of its own! Few varsity starters treat the back up players poorly. Just the opposite, they support them when they are put in the game. It is still part of the bonding experience of team play. Parental attitude to support regardless of their daughter's roll is crucial. In many cases can mean the difference in the entire program being successful.
Normally the stress factor ( from beinbg considered a failure ) comes from others not participating at all. They belittle the girls to get them to lessen their involvement to allow more time to do things they have an interest in. Drinkers and drug users rely on dragging others down to their level. Be on the alert to peer pressure from questionable sources. New friendships of others displaying life styles not conducive to your own beliefs should be a red flag to parents. Why is she all the sudden making new friends and ignoring others she has enjoyed being around for years? I mention this because of my previous statement that if she doesn't want to participate anymore, what are her plans with her newfound extra time.
If your daughter gave it a try as a freshman and realized she simply doesn't have the same drive or level of skill needed to make the starting 9, she may choose to hang up the cleats and try something else. To this I say okay. If she plans to quit and not have a plan for her extra time she'll now have, perhaps it is time for the parent to objectively reconsider how you are handling things at home and lower the bar of expectation. Maybe she sees it and you don't get it. Buy into supporting her ----------- truly supporting her at whatever she can contribute to the overall team effort. Even if that means she makes the team and doesn't get to do anything but pinch run a few times a season. Maybe it will change her attitude. Be there every game to witness the moment. Cheer her and her team to the end. Allow her to be accepted for who she is. Give her the moment that travels by so fast to enjoy her high school experience without adding to the drama that'll be present ------- or the pressure to be more. She's going to keep her memories forever. Strive to make as many as possible positive. It will help her accept her years growing up and time with her parents in a positive light. Remember; it is not a ship sailing away forever as many will reward you later with grandkids that'll give you another chance!
Enjoy the ride instead of stressing over the perfect storm.
