Come on Coach, think before you speak

CoachTEA

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I heard a story yesterday from another travel ball coach and it still bugs me. One of her former players came to my tryouts and despite the kid showing incredible heart and effort, I decided not to make her an offer. The kid had a solid stick, but I didn't see a fit/role on my team. Well the player in question went to another organization's tryout (leaving the name to protect the guilty and I didn't witness it) and after the tryout the coach told the player not only was there not a spot on the team for her, but derided her skills and knowledge of the game in front of other players some of which play high school with her! I mean REALLY??! Why destroy the kid at all but also in front of other's??? The player was very distraught, in tears, and swearing off the game. Why was this necessary? Over the years I have told players NO, but it was done in private and whereas I might tell a player what I feel she needs to work on, I didn't shred her abilities. What is funny/sad, the coach who did this, their team isn't considered "top tier" or "elite" by anyone in the community. Look, like anyone else reading this thread I have made comments in the past that I later regret and I wish I would have had "my brain in gear before my mouth was in motion", but let's be careful out there with these ladies and treat them with the kindness and respect they deserve and that you would want for your daughters. I am far from perfect and I am getting this second hand, but let it be a reminder for all of us.
 

daboss

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Just let it go. None of us were there. We don't know what happened. The information that we're reading makes this second or third hand. No information is really worth its salt unless we were there. Sounds like venting. They needed an ear to bend. A good friend or acquaintance listened and I'm sure it helped. Good for you or whomever listened and I truly mean that.

On another note of interest, using the thread as a piece of learning material, let's agree in this scenario it would be poor judgement by the coach to belittle a player in front of her peers. Even if provoked a good coach will steer any confrontation away to a more private setting. Some times you simply have to be the bigger person. That's what leadership can do to earn trust even in the face of others being disrespectful. Getting a handle on your emotions is something all of us need to constantly work to master. I need it more than anyone.

If berating a player in public is the best people skills you can muster, you have no business being a mentor or coach. Don't let others drag you down to their level. Don't offer up personal feelings and attack a player or their family publicly using your position as a coach or mentor as a platform to get even.

Your position as a leader should not be a drug that induces courage.
 

Stedman00

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No excuse to belittle a player trying out for your squad. thank all for attending and giving their best. If player asks for pointers for stuff to work on, that's a quiet 1-1 (or coach +player plus parent) conversation, NOT for entire group.
 

DanMaz

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just dumb. should not be coaching. i had a couple players at our tryout that were still in my eyes rec. level players. i never told them that but i told them thank you for trying out and keep working hard. Your a great athlete and have a lot going for you! At this time we dont have a spot on our roster but you will find a home somewhere. Stay focused and keep working hard. KISS keep it simple stupid. dont be an a-hole. its about the kids not your ego as a coach
 

coachtomv

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I'll take this thread one step farther. With what our org does and represents as a charity tribute team, we routinely have a mix of players. We do not tryout, no practice, first come first serve in most cases. We have had rec level players that can barely keep up, along side D1 athletes. We have always been able to keep them engaged, learning, and feel valued. We have had 13u playing with 18u as well. There is always a role and a way to keep the players self esteem and love of the game as a priority, its not always easy.
And you can win this way, its not everyone gets a trophy. You can push your players, challenge them, respect them, and still not coddle them. Just don't get on a power trip and forget what its all about.

Just knowing the game does not make you a good coach of it, or a leader. If you do what was alleged in the top of this thread, please stop and do something else.

You can teach and win at all levels and still not destroy the love of the game for your players.

Why do it, if not for the love of it?
 

CoachTEA

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just dumb. should not be coaching. i had a couple players at our tryout that were still in my eyes rec. level players. i never told them that but i told them thank you for trying out and keep working hard. Your a great athlete and have a lot going for you! At this time we dont have a spot on our roster but you will find a home somewhere. Stay focused and keep working hard. KISS keep it simple stupid. dont be an a-hole. its about the kids not your ego as a coach
Nicely said, Coach! It is obvious this isn't "your first rodeo" and that is exactly it is done. Very classy and positive.
 

ljvh03

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No excuse to belittle a player trying out for your squad. thank all for attending and giving their best. If player asks for pointers for stuff to work on, that's a quiet 1-1 (or coach +player plus parent) conversation, NOT for entire group.
And there is no excuse for sitting in a dugout and talking negatively about your current players on the field in front of the players on the bench but my daughter's coach did that almost every tournament. Same coach brought in his new recruits to the last 2 summer tournaments and played them over the girls already on the team. I don't understand why organizations don't do a better job of weeding out bad coaches.
 

daboss

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And there is no excuse for sitting in a dugout and talking negatively about your current players on the field in front of the players on the bench but my daughter's coach did that almost every tournament. Same coach brought in his new recruits to the last 2 summer tournaments and played them over the girls already on the team. I don't understand why organizations don't do a better job of weeding out bad coaches.

Thanks for your post. I saw your comments on another thread as well. I am not going to defend the coach. I don't know them nor do I know you. It's the context of your posts I would like to address. Please take my opinion/opinions as constructive observations.

Almost all of the travel ball coaches are volunteers. Some are great. Some shouldn't be doing it at all. At least they stepped up to volunteer. All have their faults. I'm the worst. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment because I reach out with my opinions on forums and still coach kids. This is a delicate fine line I am walking. I'll try to get to my point.

Let's start by asking a question. What did you expect from the team experience and the coach this season? I'm not condoning what actually happened to you but what would you do differently? What personal experience do you have in organized sports? If any, were your days as an athlete a good experience? Were your days always a positive reflection of your past?

Molding a child into a well-rounded person means there are times when they will fail and at times somebody is going to call them out on it. You probably have done it as a parent. Example; When a toddler learns how to walk they start out by crawling. A young parent's excitement is to encourage them to stand. The parent lifts them onto their feet, only to relinquish tension or their hold on them and allow the toddler to fall to their behind. All so innocent to us, but the baby may be getting frustrated. Are you being cruel? Ultimately all the coaching makes the toddler reluctant for your help. After all, the "bouncy baby thing" eventually is annoying and the toddler crawls away. The toddler figures out if I lift myself up on my own 2 feet by holding on to a coffee table that's just the right height, I can steady myself till I can stand. You are so happy--------but you didn't do it---------they did it on their own. When they took their first steps you were their to catch them. Over time you got farther away. They would fall. They could see you but they still would fall. You would pick them up and they would try again. In some parents lives they would leave the toddler with a relative or babysitter only to come home to find their child is walking. When asked, the babysitter says the toddler kept trying and falling but the next thing they know they were walking across the room. Are you happy or are you upset because they let the baby fall?

My point to you; Kids are going to fail. It's how they learn. As a parent you need to be objective and at times you need to get farther away. Could your interaction and attitude/approach have been better? A coach has to deal with a team of players AND their families. You deal with your child. Are you a working part of the solution or a part of the problem? If your daughter lost playing time was it because of your approach to real issues. Volunteer coaches are not miracle workers. If your daughter cannot field a ball, how much time did you spend with her away from the team working to fix and improve her fielding? If you don't know how, did you get somebody to work with her extensively to improve? Some girls simply have more talent than others. To reach that level of success some need to work harder. Same goes with hitting and every other aspect of the sport.

Every experience can be a learning moment. Some times reality can be hurtful. Maybe the game at that level is simply too much for her. You can always aspire to be better but to make it a reality it takes an extremely large amount of effort. Your attitude can help her get there but being in denial or outwardly blaming others is simply another way of being too close all the time so if she falls you catch her before she bounces.

That's not how you taught her how to stand..........
 

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