How would you explain to YOUR 9 year old...?

[Bat Dad]

We just wrapped up a very successful season and I did explain to my DD that on her 8u team - and presumably ALL 8u teams that ALL the players are now free agents. (Yes I had to explain that term too).
But she's 9. In addition to all of the hits, the slides, and the great defensive stops as well as the victories - and defeats - what she remembers the most are the relationships she has formed over the last year. And the fun chants. And the sunflower seeds. And the fun with the girls that usually involved talking about everything else BUT softball, the rare playground breaks and the end of season party.
She does love the game. But right now her all she can think about is the loss of these friends and she contends that if she can't play with the girls on the same team she just finished playing for then she doesn't want to play at all.
All of these emotions from her mere days before a new round of tryouts. I'm sure I'm not the first here to experience this. And maybe in a couple of days she will get over this sting. But I want to do what's best for her. And I have never been one to push her into something she doesn't want.
But I also don't want to keep her out of tryouts this week only to have her second-guessing it next week.
Just not sure which way to move and I know the clock is ticking.

Thanks all,

Bat Dad

 

[coachjwb]

Bat Dad ... it is hard to explain stuff like this to a 9 year old, no doubt. What she is not going to understand is why things are the way they are but that as long as she loves the game, that she is going to make other new good friends and have great experiences which, as she gets older, are actually going to be even better memories one day. My opinion is that you do have to push 9 year old children a lot, and sometimes you even have to push 12 year old and 15 year old and 18 year old children as well. While they may not get it at the time, they will one day appreciate what you did and why you did it.

 

[larrybowman]

Bat Dad.... coachjwb said it very well. Push her now, she'll thank you later. Now if she comes right out and says I hate softball and dont wanna play anymore, maybe then back off. lol....But it sounds like she enjoys it, you as well I'm assuming? The more she plays the more friends are made. When she gets a little older it'll all come together.

 

[Laser05]

I agree to push her now. She is learning now how to grow and develop and be strong. My daughter has been down this hard road twice but in the end she has grown. She has a great group she loves now, and has grown to not be dependent on any local friends or softball friends. She loves them all, but plays the game for her personal love.

 

[yossarian]

In the future, when she's all grown up into a confident young woman because her dad helped her see that she doesn't have to fear change as long as she always does her best, she'll have you to thank.

Good luck with the transition.

 

[Run26]

ah, yes, the 9 year old blues. Man do I miss these days. They were so innocent then and the world was coming to an end because Suzy was leaving the team. See it's Suzy year 1, then it's Mary in year 2 and so on.
What I always tried to emphasize is everyone is different and just because you (my DD) are happy it doesn't mean everyone is. I encouraged my daughters to pick a team for the coach and stick with he/she. I was pretty lucky in only having 2 Orgs in 10+ years of combined softball.
The other side of the coin is we saw some players come and go. This is a fickle sport and unfortunately parents think their DD is going to be more successful on such and such. This happens a lot in the earlier age groups because the parents of 9 - 12 year olds think their DD is destined for a D1 college scholarship. There's no way this can happen if she's sitting (ever) or isn't batting in the right place in the line-up.
Every year you're gonna hear "Dad, I'm gonna miss........ I really liked her". Then you'll run into said player at some tournament and your kiddo will sit in the stands with her and talk about the good ole days. This happens 90% of the time from 14 - 18U.
Be kind and understand at this point in her life she is devastated. As said above, explain she'll meet new friends very soon and the team will be even better.

Man I wish I had a 9 year old! I too miss some of the buddies I had that left. I need a Solo Cup Brigade reunion.

 

[backstop09]

So if she says she doesn't want to move on to the next grade in school in another month or so because she's going to be in a new class with new kids, do you just let her stay home? Of course not. Life is change and part of the job of being a parent is helping a kid adapt to that change. At 9 years old, kids don't know what they don't want. Unless it's broccoli, spinach, cauliflower, mushrooms or onions. Bribe her with ice cream and take her to a few tryouts. After the first fall practice she will have forgotten all about last year's team.