What Do I Do?

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I am a "first-year" parent. My DD played her first year with a select team and I was given the impression as a back up pitcher. She didn't get a lot of mound time even though we had many opportunitites to put her in when her team had the other team run ruled. Recently he had her warmed up twice and never put her in even though we had the game basically won. Is this common for "first year players"? My daughter feels like the coach has forgotten she was even on the team. She pitched pretty well when she did get on the mound. I don't want to complain, whine or question his coaching. I don't want to be a problem parent. I am looking for his opinion of where my daughter stands. Is this OK to ask? I really like her coach and she has blended well with this team.
 
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It is okay to ask what the coaches plan is for your daughter now that he knows her better. It is also okay to ask what she needs to do to see more mound time. If she is on a team with more than 3 (healthy) pitchers she will not see enough time to hone her skills and improve. Being a fourth pitcher when there are only 5 games in a weekend is a difficult spot.

When my dd was facd with a similar situation she threw twice a week in practice and took a lesson, three full workouts. Her speed, break and accuracy improved and since she wasn't throwing much on the weekends she wasn't over thrown or injured. When she warmed up for a possible game, we treated it as a bonus work out. The coaches attitude fired her up and increased her determination. When her chance came she was loaded for bear and did quite well.

She moved to a better team as their number 1 the next year and never looked back.

Good luck.
 
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Might I add, after you ask what the coaches' plan is, you run it through the BS Meter in your head. Some people just have a hard time telling someone the hard truth, and would rather lead you on to avoid confrontation. Wasting both your time and theirs.
 
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What age? You say "first year", so I assume 10U/12U, and my answer is geared with that in mind.

As an "8 year" pitchers parent, my advice is RELAX, have your DD continue to work on her pitching....A LOT!!!.....have her enjoy the game and her teammates, and try your best not to project any negative emotions, confusion or frustration regarding pitching time onto her. When she is good enough, her time will come. It is early July, so have her play out the season, enjoy her teammates, and after the season consider looking for another team if SHE feels there is more for her.

If you feel you MUST talk about pitching time, do so with the coach privately. Be prepared to accept an answer you may not want to hear, though.

Pitching at any level is frustrating and tough. In the early years, there is a lot of the physicality and mechanics to contend with. Once a certain level of consistency is achieved, the real work begins, which is the "mental/emotional" side, and the approach to the game and the craft of pitching. THAT is the big side, and it is important that in the early years, as a parent, to allow them to fail, so they learn how to succeed. I think it is harder on the parents to learn to LET GO, and leave them be than it is for the players to learn their part!!

Good luck, Mom!! Let her go succeed AND fail on her own, and enjoy watching your DD grow up. It truly will be over sooner than you think.
 
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It is absolutely ok to ask. If you can not have an open dialogue with the coach, then get a new coach. You may not like his/her assessment and agree to disagree, but you should be able to have a civil conversation with them. Every player should have a role on a team and it should be communicated, rec teams maybe not so much. I am not familiar with your team of course, but I always want all pitchers to know their role and warm up and be ready for every game. I always liked to pitch "staff" and not name #1,#2, etc, the best pitcher against the particular matchup or who is hot gets the mound. Keeps them all engaged and hungry and makes them feel that they are valued equally. One thing I always try and do is be careful not to value "potential" over "production" and not over look a consistent player because they are "too small", "too slow", or do not fit a particular mold and do not get enamored with a player that "looks" like a player, but is not consistent or not producing when called upon. Pitching is a much about leadership and demeanor as it is about size and speed, how does the team play for that pitcher? Is the pitcher putting her team in a position to be successful consistently? A 50+ mile per hour pitcher walking, hitting batters, poor defensively, or with a poor mound presence will take a back seat to me for a 45mph pitcher giving her team a chance to win......now 50+ and the intangibles is what every coach wants, of course (I am at 12u). Sorry for the rant, trying to give you a particular coaches insight....plus I am a pitchers dad as well and feel your pain, lol. Talk to the coach and see what you can work out, good luck to you and your DD!
 
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How you handle this is somewhat dependent on her age. I STRONGLY suggest the SHE is the one to approach the coach, NOT the parent! That shows two things to the coach - first that your daughter is mature enough to talk about a situation like this in adult manner, and secondly, you as a parent avoid coming across as a complaining parent. My rule was that I NEVER discussed playing time with the coach. That subject was entirely between coach and player. Parents should discuss administrative topics, players deal with playing time and game related issues.
 
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Coaches are all very different and you need to handle the situation differently. First, ask yourself why YOU think he’s not playing your dd. Does he not trust her? Does she not have enough hustle? Is it her laid back personality? Could she be more aggressive? Is it daddy ball? (Not much you can do about this one.) Just be prepared for an honest answer and it may sting a little.

I have always taught my kids that they need to earn their position. What a great opportunity to teach your dd work ethic. Hard work pays off. Encourage her to work harder and practice, practice, practice to earn her spot.

I have found it better to ask the coach what YOU and your dd can work on at home. Look for some insight from his/her wisdom. Ask “where do you think Sally fits into the team?” Perhaps ask for a one on one coaching session. Not only would it help your dd’s skills, but also create the bond between player and coach.

It may come to the point where you have done everything you can, and there still just isn’t any respect for your dd. Then, it may be the time to look for a better fit.

That’s my two cents.
 
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All great advice and I can't tell you how appreciative I am. She is just turning 12 and we have discussed earning her spot and working hard to keep her spot. I've included her pitching coach in on this and will also talk with coach to ask what he would like to see he work on. He is a great coach and even if I don't hear what I want to hear, it'll be best for my daughter in the long run. Thanks again!
 
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I am a "first-year" parent. My DD played her first year with a select team and I was given the impression as a back up pitcher. She didn't get a lot of mound time even though we had many opportunitites to put her in when her team had the other team run ruled. Recently he had her warmed up twice and never put her in even though we had the game basically won. Is this common for "first year players"? My daughter feels like the coach has forgotten she was even on the team. She pitched pretty well when she did get on the mound. I don't want to complain, whine or question his coaching. I don't want to be a problem parent. I am looking for his opinion of where my daughter stands. Is this OK to ask? I really like her coach and she has blended well with this team.

My youngest daughter went through this in her 1st year. She was a 9 year old playing on a good team and didn't see playing time all summer. Beginning of the year I personally asked the coach that from my observation she was not ready for this team and we might be better off playing next year but he convinced me DD would get some playing time. Apparently he wanted the money and looking back he picked "B" nationals and tooted his own horn of how successful he was.
Next year with same organization and coach who liked her she was became a successful player. Looking back I should of went with my own intuition and have her work on her game because it was heartbreaking watching a 9 year old suffer.

having said that, we always enjoyed playing those better players and beating them when she played with ICE teams. This may have been the motivation for her continued hard work to prove that coach wrong. Wishing your DD much success and nothing wrong with questioning a coach and following your intuition. Always stuck with the team for the season but we have declined going to nationals when we felt mistreated.
 
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View attachment 1197 This picture was taken and breaks my heart everytime I see this. Little girl sitting on a bench and wanting to play. Now she is looking forward to playing n college. Ha...
 
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I am going to show this to my dd (as soon as she gets home from hitting practice of course). It breaks my heart every time I see this side of my kid. Hoping this makes her feel better. Thanks Blue-Ice!
 
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I am a "first-year" parent. My DD played her first year with a select team and I was given the impression as a back up pitcher. She didn't get a lot of mound time even though we had many opportunitites to put her in when her team had the other team run ruled. Recently he had her warmed up twice and never put her in even though we had the game basically won. Is this common for "first year players"? My daughter feels like the coach has forgotten she was even on the team. She pitched pretty well when she did get on the mound. I don't want to complain, whine or question his coaching. I don't want to be a problem parent. I am looking for his opinion of where my daughter stands. Is this OK to ask? I really like her coach and she has blended well with this team.

Agree with above comments about being patient with the coaches decisions and have your DD start the dialogue. Is it possible that your DD makes the defense better when she is playing a different position, or maybe the coach is keeping the starting pitchers in to let them work on new pitches, etc. I also don't see any harm if you want some additional clarification on pitching and/or playing time and possibly what are her weaknesses from their perspective. If that doesn't work out then tryouts are right around the corner.
 
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I have been in your shoes all season. It's hard and frustrating. Mine is a just turned 12u...first year. Only been pitching 16 months total. I never expected her to be the starter...but was told she would pitch in an inner city league (not so much weekend tournaments). Did well....never gave up lead....worked out of a few walked girls with cool head and played well defensively. But only played 9 innings of a possible 60. Then was told the plan was to focus on the other girls who would be moving up a division (oh FYI two are coaches kids so probably a degree of "daddy Ball" there as well). Like I said didn't expect her to start esp with the others having 3 plus years experience...just did not realize there would be so much bench time. OH the growing pains of a first year softball family!!! Anyway go talk with coach and see what you can do to help your DD. I did and received some clarity along with a bit of BS (hard to hear your kid is most improved when she is on the bench)BUT do what I do and tell your daughter keep nose to the grindstone and chin up. Work hard and good things will happen....don't work hard and nothing will ever happen. Good luck and have a good summer.
 
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You are in a pickle.

She needs innings in order to see if her practice work is transferring to game ready. The ONLY way to find this out is to have opportunities to pitch. That is why we invented pool play. I am okay with her not pitching the first game on Sunday. I am not okay her not pitching on Fridays and Saturdays on a consistent basis.

You shouldn't be either and you should talk to the coach, expecting a 12 year old to have a meaningful discussion with an adult is somewhat of a reach. Now she may be learning great stuff about softball and life so maybe you should stay put. Maybe she secretly does't want to pitch and is only doing this for you..... Maybe the coach has insights on your dd that you don't. All this should be factored in to your short and long term plans.

My dd lost two seasons to promises made and not kept and it hurt her development, no question about it. Fortunately she worked and worked, we found a better team for her last two summers and she is now pitching in college. I regret those two summers watching other kids pitch and not jumping to a team that needed her with coaches that meant what they said.
 
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There's a big differences in telling somebody something to avoid confrontation, leading them on, or sending a message that she's not ready yet. I've never yet heard a parent say their daughter ****s at a position. lol. I mean no harm here but stick with me. You mentioned when your daughter pitched she did just fine.?!? That alone is in the eyes of mommy and may not reflect the same feelings of the coach. Perhaps she IS very good but following in the shadow of "spectacular" behind 1 or more girls on the roster. The thing is, the judge in this case is the coach and what he is seeing. Perhaps he's wrong and making a big mistake. Perhaps your daughter is simply not ready in his eyes.

Go ahead and talk with him yourself without your daughter knowing what you're up to. While I agree in most cases the player should be the one to approach the coach, in this case at 10u I believe it appropriate for Mom to do this so she gets a clear understanding of what's going on and can assess the situation to decide if trying out for next season is really in their best interest. I sense from the posts that MommyK is a good person and will handle this with tact. You know how kids are and even if the coach gave an 11yr old a solid reason for being reluctant to put her in the circle, the message may end up jumbled by the time she gets back to Mom. Go ahead and get it straight from the coach.

You know, the saying is "One man's junk is another man's treasure." Your daughter could very well be the golden girl on another roster. Food for thought. I hope things turn out well for both of you.
 
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And when rating your daughter performance on mound also remember who is she pitching against? All facts to consider if she having same number hits vs weaker opponent as number one is vs top opponent maybe something to consider.most coaches not throwing there number three in top games.but talk to coach you and him are only ones that know this scenario we are all speculating.i would think may be better for you to talk to coach in reasonable way if you get dd to do it maybe she starts feeling differently for coach. But also depends on each kid but I see kids every year once mom dad talk bad about coach kids attitude declines because two people they trust most are not liking decision. I was faced with it for my own daughter in high school my answer was work harder you gotta win him over every chance u get.halfway thru she did. Some parents gripe complain in front of kids and it reflects to a coach almost immediately in kids attitude
 
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every time i hear or see the word "select" i picture egos galore.
 
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Earlier in the year, my DD had questions for me on some car rides to and from. I told her flat out that I am no longer one of her coaches. If she wanted to know the answer, she needed to respectfully ask her coach herself with no one else around. (knowing she and her coach were open about things like this) Having coached a few years, I didn't want to be "That Parent" LOL! Next day, she asked him if she could talk with him, and she got the answer she was looking for. Now, this may be something not so normal at the 10U level, but just so happens to be the situation for us. IMHO I think it makes my DD a more responsible, and respectful player to have her take that on herself.
 
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Earlier in the year, my DD had questions for me on some car rides to and from. I told her flat out that I am no longer one of her coaches. If she wanted to know the answer, she needed to respectfully ask her coach herself with no one else around. (knowing she and her coach were open about things like this) Having coached a few years, I didn't want to be "That Parent" LOL! Next day, she asked him if she could talk with him, and she got the answer she was looking for. Now, this may be something not so normal at the 10U level, but just so happens to be the situation for us. IMHO I think it makes my DD a more responsible, and respectful player to have her take that on herself.

I wish this was always true -
Often times kids (at all age leveles) are afraid to ask these kind of question because (chose your number)
(1) I'm afraid of added scrutiny
(2) I'm afraid of embarrassment
(3) I don't want my "friend" mad for taking "her" field time away
(4) talking to authority figure is hard
(5) what if I say some thing stupid ?
(6) what if they say I don't deserve more time?
(7) what if I get more time and mess up?
(8) what if I get more time and I'm not good?
(9) Some time coach smells funny
(10) he knows i'm good enough he just dosn't like me...
(11) honestly I like it here in the shade on the bench – It’s ok
 
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A couple things I would say:

#1 - great advice abound on this topic, having DD talk to coach first is the best 1st step
#2 - stay calm, assuming 10-12U years this is no reason to panic

I know a player who as a 10th grader was told if she did not learn to do something beside pitch she would not make varsity next year because she was not a good enough pitcher......by the end of her Junior year she had a scholarship to a D2 school(full ride academic mostly). The point is that your DD is not falling behind at this point. If she loves it and keeps working she will get there.

Another girl we know has been cut by my wife 4 years straight as a pitcher. This girls never stopped working and has climbed up the ranks and may make an A level team next season as a first year 16. So I am not sure when you should be worried. I guess if your DD starts not wanting to practice or takes the rejection too hard time worry.

Best advice: keep working and it will all work itself out

And realize if she is the 3rd pitcher on a team that plays a true 80+ games she will get as many or more innings than being on a team with 2 pitchers that play 40ish. Best to be on a really good team and play more meaningful games that down on a team to get innings and not be challenged properly.
 
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