Are all teams and coaches like this?

Discussion in 'Softball Parent Discussions' started by grandpa, Aug 9, 2015.

  1. grandpa

    grandpa New Member

    Yes, I know this is my first post. I have been a long time reader of this forum. Recent events involving my granddaughter have caused me to ask the question in the thread title. Grand DD is an 01. She had played for the same team the last two years. By reading this forum, we found out this team was "rebranding". No one from her team, (coaches or organization leaders), have ever contacted her or her parents to tell them she is without a team. This is true of most players who were on this team. One coach did tell them he thought there were going to be changes, but he was not sure what they were. He was going to let everyone know as soon as he found out. Everyone is still waiting on that phone call.
    Grand DD figured out she needed to find another team. She went for a private tryout this week. She evidently brought the thunder at her tryout and was offered a spot after the tryout. The coach told her and her father to take their time making a decision. If he knew by the end of the weekend, the spot would still be there. They replied last night that they were going to accept the offer. This morning, they get an email from the coach, stating the offer was no longer good and he did not have a spot for her. The timing of the email was such that it was too late to attend any tryouts for today. So now she is once again without a team.
    My question are this. Do all coaches and organizations treat young girls like this? Do they not realize that teenage years is where girls begin to lose self confidence? Is this how they treat everyone in life? How do you fold a team and never tell the players? Is everyone supposed to read this forum to find out if your team still exists? How do you make an offer, say it is good through the weekend, and then send an email changing your mind? Do you not have the gahunas to make a phone call? Or is it easier to do by email, that way you do not have to face the wrath of an upset parent?
  2. Irish196

    Irish196 Active Member

    All coaches are not like that although a similar thing happened to my daughter last year. She had an offer, told them she would let them know in 2 days after another tryout was done, they agreed to hold the spot but then gave it away that evening. On the other hand, the other teams that offered her spots and held them for a few days kept their word. So, while there are bad eggs, there are good ones too. Honestly, better you know before you take a spot than after that the coach's word doesn't mean much. It all worked out fine for us in the end as I am sure it will for your grand daughter. Great tryouts aren't a fluke.

    This is a very stressful time for everyone. A lot of things that aren't fair go on. Just try to be on the right side of things and try not to get overly upset with the bad things. If you get an offer, be honest about whether you are trying out more and when you will make a decision. Then keep your word. Don't string teams out for a long time because someone else's daughter is waiting for that spot if you don't want it. More than likely at one time or another you will get burned. Don't let that ruin things, keep your nose to the grindstone and it will all work out.
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2015
  3. ech92

    ech92 Member

    You should always honor your offers ! If this coach cant keep his word already before you even have your first practice then this might have been a blessing in disguise ! I wish it was ok to name these organizations or atleast give very good hints as to who it is so others can avoid these teams ! If we don't name them then they continue to get away with it !
  4. Captain_Thunder

    Captain_Thunder Super Moderator Staff Member

    This is a 2-way street! Everyone is always looking for that perfect spot & may pass up the right opportunity. Is it fair to a coach & the other girls who have already committed to a team, to hold a spot, HOPING that girl choses them? Then find out she goes elsewhere, when there is a girl of similar talent ready & anxious to play with that group.

    It is definitely a 2 way street & a stressful time for all. But a coach has to think of what is best for his team & ALL the other girls who have committed to his team!

    I am willing to bet there are a lot fewer coaches who fill teams & have to rescind offers than there are parents who want to see if their DD can get 10 offers & leave a bunch of teams in limbo.......While waiting to find out that Coaches first choice decides to go elsewhere - Coach now lost out on his 2nd, 3rd , & 4th choice.......

    Again, EVERYONE needs to be respectful this time of year!
  5. tjsmize3

    tjsmize3 Active Member

    Good point Mason Thunder... most of us try to do this respectfully and ethically! Without knowing many of the specifics it sounds like maybe this situation wasn't handled the best, but then again it's easy to forget the other side. If a coach sits around and waits to fill his/her needs until Sunday night you are probably settling for the 2nd and 3rd choices in many cases. Once that happens then a few committed parents start looking elsewhere... and then maybe a few more! A coach's first responsibility is to his existing players/families and to put the best team on the field possible. A good piece of advice to any player is to realize just that going into to tryouts. When you tell the coach "let me think about this for a minute and get back to you," most will read that as "you are not my first choice so let me see if a better offer comes along before I commit to you." When you go to a tryout, know EXACTLY what it is that you want. Expect to get an offer from your #1 choice and when you do take it!... otherwise you enter a blinking game with the coach that may or may not come out in your favor.
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2015
  6. ech92

    ech92 Member

    Mason Thunder you are right its a 2 way street but don't make an offer with a time frame that you don't stick to . I personally am a man of my word , but thats just me . You are right though it is very hard on a coach if the player wants more than a reasonable time to decide . If the coach didn't want to wait an entire week , then don't give them that long !
  7. tjsmize3

    tjsmize3 Active Member

    Ech totally agree with you too. I would be very cautious with a coach who told me to "take my time" and that there was no pressure since the spot would still be available at the end of the weekend... why would that be? High probability that either the coach doesn't have any interest at all or he is more than willing to pull a fast one at the end if he gets multiple commits for the same position!
  8. Jw04coach

    Jw04coach New Member

    I agree with Tom, sounds shady. I try to make an offer quickly and I ask that I know something within 24 hours. Even if that something is we need more time, it's back on me to extend another offer or move on at that point. Offering and retracting is just bad all around.
  9. honest1

    honest1 New Member

    Sorry to hear this...its shameful! NO!!! Not all coaches/orgs are like this! It all comes down to the quality of the people you decide to become involved with. Coaches that have ETHICS, MORALS and VALUES do right by the players that have done right by them...they CARE!!! Quite honestly...over the past 10-12 years I have been extremely disappointed to witness parents/players become a lot less loyal to the teams that have been so loyal to them. Just as many coaches have turned into vultures who try to plant seeds in a never ending effort to attempt to get a player that some other "real" coach has spent years developing only to discard a player that has dedicated years to them...its SAD! I hate when I read posts that are so impersonal to call fastpitch a "business" at this age and level...really? Its a SPORT that should teach tremendous and positively impactful lessons at this age. Coaches should be MENTORS who take a personal interest in the players that they choose to coach. Call me "old school" but I still believe that there are coaches and parents that still place a high value on ethics, morals, values and LOYALTY...I do! I do my best to bring these types of people into my fold and to avoid folks that don't value these traits. I must say that the list of coaches and parents that do has been shrinking in our sport :( I will say this...I truly believe that your granddaughter will be better off in the end...everything happens for a reason. Karma is a son of a of luck!
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2015
  10. Irish196

    Irish196 Active Member

    Tjsmize3, If it were always possible to schedule your tryouts in order of your preferred ranking of teams, then your thoughts are right on. But that's very rarely possible. If your #1 team is the third team you try out for, then you either have to accept a spot on a team that isn't your first choice or ask the coach for a limited time to do another tryout. The coaches are the ones that hold the keys, it isn't truly an even two way street. If the coach doesn't want to wait, they say "take it or leave it." If they really want the girl then they give her a reasonable time and stick to that.
    So if a coach goes into tryouts knowing his/her time frame, sticks to it and doesn't make any promises he/she knows he/she can't keep, these situations don't happen. It isn't the player's fault when a coach makes a promise he/she doesn't keep.
  11. grandpa

    grandpa New Member

    The aggravating part of this situation is the timing of the email. The coach who reneged did not email until about 1:00 this afternoon. Grand DD was not home, had no softball equipment with her, and was unable to get to any tryouts this afternoon. They made other plans for today because she had accepted this coach's offer. Now, other teams she had considered trying out for have full rosters and she is without a team. It appears as if maybe this coach did not want her to play at all because of the timing. Her father has tried several times to call this coach to see what made him change his mind. He must be eating ham for dinner, because he will not answer.
  12. joboo1drew

    joboo1drew Member

    Roster spots tend to open back up again shortly after the dust settles. Just bide your time and see if she can sub until a spot opens for her on a team she would like to play for. I would also recommend letting the coaches know for those teams that if something opens, to reach out to her. Good luck.
  13. freddieball

    freddieball Member

    Well good news grandpa is that I am sure you know already, but all things happen for a reason. It must not have been meant to be, and another, better opportunity will open for her. Tryout season is still in full affect so she should be able to get into some, but also in 2 weeks you will see many teams trying to fill their last spots.
  14. JoeA1010

    JoeA1010 Active Member

    I don't hear too many stories like what happened to grandpa's granddaughter. I hope those are isolated incidents.

    What I do know is that the travel ball world at the competitive level around here has become a free-for-all. Many coaches recruit other teams' players year-round and families think nothing of bailing on teams at the last minute when a seemingly better opportunity comes along. The coaches justify it by claiming they are giving girls a better opportunity, when in reality all they care about is improving their team. The families justify breaking commitments by saying something like, "you have to look out for yourself in this world because nobody else is doing to do it." Forgotten in the equation are the players of the team that just lost a player who had committed to their team. Never mind that this team turned down other girls because it received a commitment from the player who just defected. This is of no concern to coaches and families with little character. It is all about me, me, me (even though these families and coaches only see the surface benefits).

    Fortunately, I have heard many times from families who aren't thrilled with their current team, but still fulfill their commitment, which in travel ball is typically one year. Those families have kids who will learn ethics, integrity and sacrifice. These traits will enrich the lives of these kids and those who they later influence, far more than whatever playing for a better softball team for one year will ever do. Even if jumping teams leads to a better college scholarship, that tangible benefit pales in comparison to the inculcation of those character traits.
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2015
  15. coachjwb

    coachjwb Well-Known Member

    Great post, Joe!! I couldn't agree more with every point you made.
  16. My vote for post of the year.
  17. CoachTEA

    CoachTEA Active Member

    Grandpa - I don't know all of the details of this story, but I know years ago when I left the organization that I co-founded to join another organization all of my offers were honored. Granted this was a move I elected to make and it wasn't forced upon me. There needs to be open and honest communications between all parties; I have had players accept my offer only to leave when another offer comes.
  18. yossarian

    yossarian Member

    Well said, Joe. I couldn't agree more. It's hard to remember that "this too shall pass" when you're in the middle of a bad experience. But girls who learn to take the high road and fulfill their commitments in situations that are less than ideal are going to be rockstars in life, long after the gloves are put away.
  19. snoman76

    snoman76 Member

    I know it's a good post when I have to look up words to find their meaning.. lol

    Well said Joe
  20. wvanalmsick

    wvanalmsick Member

    A great post Joe.

    And Joe, you are still teaching me. I had to look-up "inculcation".:confused:

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