I hope my post here as a college coach (D2 head coach) will be of some help to girls during the recruiting process, and especially when they get to college. I suspect a majority of college coaches will agree with my general theme here, but we all might differ on some details. If there are any other college coaches reading this who don't want to post in their name and who wish to add something or differ from my opinion, message me and I will post it anonymously for you.
When you agree to accept money for a softball scholarship - or for that matter agree to be on any college team, even without a scholarship - you are entering the adult world. Up until now your softball world has been all about you. We read it here on OFC all the time... "it's all about the girls." In college, it's not just about you. It's also about me. It's about the assistant coaches. It's even about the Athletic Director. This is our full-time job, our livelihood. As coaches, our job is to make the Athletic Director happy, as that is who is employing us and paying us. Your job is to make the coaches happy, not the other way around. If you arrive with a sense of entitlement, things are not likely to go well for you. You do not get to play just because you are you.
You have probably always been a stud on your high school team and possibly your travel team. You are now on a team full of studs, all competing for playing time. If you are not mentally ready to compete for playing time, you will wilt under the pressure. If you make excuses such as, "I haven't been given a fair chance and there is too much pressure to get a hit or make every play or else I won't play," you are headed down the road to oblivion. When you get an opportunity to show what you can do, you need to be prepared. The last thing most of us want to hear is that "this isn't fair." We do not have rosters of 12 and we don't rotate lineups like travel teams might do. We do not start over with a new tournament next week, so every game matters and is permanent. If your team isn't winning, your head coach and the assistants are going to be stressed and are probably going to have a hard time hiding it, no matter how much they might try. Their jobs are constantly on the line. Like anybody else in the adult world, their lives are turned upside down if they get fired. While providing a good overall college experience is a big factor for coaches in keeping their jobs, winning is still at the top of the list, no matter what else you might hear. This is less true at D3, but pressure to win is still a part of the equation for those coaches.
When you go on unofficial and official visits, keep in mind it's a two-way street. If all that is on your mind is finding out what the school and softball program can do for you, you are missing a critical piece of the puzzle. While we are trying to sell you on our school and program, we are also trying to determine what you can do for us. This is a job interview. Are you prepared? Have you done your homework on our school and softball program? Are you engaged in our discussion? Do your parents let you speak? Are your parents going to be a pain in my rear end, particularly if you end up sitting bench? Are you going to be coachable, especially when you disagree with the coaches? Are you going to be coachable, ESPECIALLY when you disagree with the coaches? (repeated on purpose). A "No" on that last question makes you easily expendable. Will you be a good fit for our staff's coaching style? Do you make eye contact or are you off in outer space when me and my assistant are talking to you? Are you respectful toward your parents?
Having said all of this, I contend that college athletics are the most fun for a competitor, despite all the pressure. In fact, it is because of the pressure. The games matter. Wins and losses are felt. If you aren't affected at least temporarily by a win or a loss in college, you probably haven't invested enough in your sport. Perspective is one thing, but indifference is quite another.
Finally, here is a summary of what at least I expect. First, you will act like an adult and not a high school kid and will represent our school and team with class. Second, you will give 100% in practice and be coachable and supportive of teammates. Third, you will get the best grades you possibly can. And finally, you will be willing to compete and not bring that dreaded sense of entitlement. In return, I will be dedicated and the best coach I can be.
Even the upperclassmen need to bring it because other players, including the new ones, are out for their playing time. Worst thing for a player in college, HS or TB is to think their role on the team is secure because of last year's performance. They also better not think being #2 on the depth chart the prior year means they'll become #1 after that player graduates.