I think we made a mistake

Discussion in 'Softball Parent Discussions' started by Fastpitch07, Aug 31, 2016.

  1. Fastpitch07

    Fastpitch07 New Member

    So DD tried out for a handful of 10u teams. She received offers from all of them which put her/us in a position to pick the best fit. One of the teams with a good reputation had some very solid girls trying out with DD and she was excited to play on a team with them. So we asked the coach what their expectations were, if the other girls signed..we wanted a competitive team.Of course we heard they are looking to be competitive, all of those girls had offers and verbally agreed to play.

    Fast forward to the first practice. None of those girls showed, of the ones who did are first year players half of which were really struggling with the basics. She's the only pitcher! She is upset. Moms upset. I'm not sure what to do.

    I kind of feel like we made a commitment to play for this team and we should follow through. The coach never lied or anything. In fact they are very positive and nice. My problem is DD is a very good player and wants to be on a competitive team. This team is not it. She played up on a poor team last year and received a good dose of humility, she really wants girls that want it as bad as her. At the same time the coach has told us they are really relying on DD to carry the load so I feel like if she leaves they are up the proverbial creek paddleless.

    I'm at a loss. What would you do? Does she cut and run for another team? She turned down a good team with good girls but the coach is still contacting me wanting DD and would take her today.
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2016
  2. A year at 10u isn't going to make or break her softball career. But if you joined a team based on certain conditions and those conditions are no longer a part of the team, I see no problem with being upfront with the coach and leaving for another team.

    Only chance you take is somewhere down the road having burned this bridge.

    At the end of the day do what's right for your kid...I wish I had been a little more selfish at that age. :)


    At 10U every player needs work. The fact that your daughter is going to get a ton of playing time should be music to your ears. With that said, you can't have a team with one pitcher. You need to have more than one and I am confident your coach is still recruiting players. At 10U, great players are typically playing other sports during our tryout period. As long as your team is NOT full and your coach is still recruiting I would not stress out. However, if your team has 11-12 players and scheduled to play a fall schedule, I would have a sit down with the coaching staff.

    BTW, Cincy Slammers is still looking for 10U players. We are being extremely selective and we want to build a team that will be able to stay together in years to come. Contact us if you are interested.
  4. yossarian

    yossarian Member

    I think CSSlammers give good advice on this. I'm not going to comment about whether you should stay or go, because that has some big long-term considerations. But I will say this – a pitcher is the one person on the field who can completely control her own experience, despite how the rest of the team is performing. I know that might draw some argument from people. If you decide to stay and she's the #1, think about how much mound time and experience she'll get. Who cares if the team has a winning season if she's getting good instruction overall, lots of reps and is setting herself up to walk into tryouts the following year and crush it. At 10U, it's about player development. The confidence she gains might be so much more valuable than any hardware the team gets along the way.

    Maybe this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise? Good luck with your decision.
  5. ificanbelikeu

    ificanbelikeu Member

    Nice subtle poach.....
  6. Louuuuu

    Louuuuu Member

    Absolutely !

    Player development should be the goal. A winning team is a fringe benefit at this age. There will be plenty of time to worry about being competitive later.
  7. Fastpitch07

    Fastpitch07 New Member

    I appreciate all of your insight. We played on a team last year plagued by dropped 3rd strikes and poor fielding and it hurt her confidence on the mound. My only real concern is that she continues to develop as an all round player and continues to love the game. I may have just answered my own question there... When I seen her passion and development begin to erode I may need to intervene. Untill then I think as a player and me as a parent will embrace the extra mound time and responsibility, stay positive , learn from all of this and enjoy softball while we have it.

    I'm kind of new to all of this so thanks for your responses and taking it easy on me.
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2016
  8. Pacerdad57

    Pacerdad57 Member

    The dropped third strikes and multiple errors behind your DD can end up being a blessing in disguise at that age, can actually help her tremendously with composure and attitude in the circle for later in her career. Adversity can help make you much stronger. DD was involved in a similar situation at a much later age (16u) and it ended up benefiting her to have to adjust composure and accept what she could do without regard to what's going on behind her. No, it can be tough, it was on her, but it can be a benefit, again it was for her, she's now moved up and to a much more competitive situation. She grew a lot that season.
    And who's to say this team won't grow together and turn into a good squad that is competitive and they all end up having a blast?
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2016
  9. Louuuuu

    Louuuuu Member

    Then here's more advice:

    During games, take your chair to the outfield fence to distance yourself from the parents who criticize everything, talk up their kid, and act like every game is the final game at Nationals.
  10. trcyknny7

    trcyknny7 New Member

    It might get better with time, too. For most of these girls, it sounds like they are new to kid pitch. Your daughter will probably be more confident after a year on a less competitive team. But like others said, if the coaching is good and the girls are really committed to putting the time in outside of practice, they may be a lot better by spring. The beginning of the season is always tough. It has been for us at least. The girls are timid and nervous because they don't feel comfortable with each other and after they work through that and get used to each other, things start clicking and the girls true talent starts to show. Good luck, whatever you decide.
  11. cobb_of_fury

    cobb_of_fury Member

    I will say this - The Two years my daughter spent on Horribly bad 10U teams ended up as a blessing, As a pitcher she learned her job is to do her job and not concern herself with others mistakes and a dropped third strike was just an opportunity to pitch more. It taught her to encourage her team mates and try to pick them up when they make a mistake, it taught her that sometime YOU have to work harder if the others on the team aren't.
    Most of all It taught her that mistakes happen and nobody dies -
    She was doing a college showcase on Sunday, pitching and the girls behind her were missing ground balls throwing balls away but she just kept on pitching, she had a senior come up - Big power hitter, DD worked her to 3/2 the girl fouled a couple off then DD left one just a little to fat on the outside corner and this girl hit it well over the 10' fence in centerfield, DD turned around to see where the thing entered the stratosphere turned back around smiled at the girl who hit it and proceeded to finish the inning.
    What the college coaches commented on was not that she had given up a towering homerun but that she had kept her poise and just did her job.
    I asked her about it later, she was unhappy about the homerun but said "I was trying to catch the edge but I should have put it farther outside, But I really wanted to strike her out... Man she hit that ball! Don't think it will ever come down"
    Then I asked if she was upset about it, she said "No not really That stuff happens, she's a very good hitter and I made a mistake - You have to just smile at them for doing their job and just keep playing - It's not the last pitch it's the next pitch" (she must have heard that last bit a thousand time in the past 6 years - it was nice to hear that it stuck).
  12. bigdaddyo1972

    bigdaddyo1972 Member

    That's tough situation.We've been through the exact same situation and there were times that my daughter was stressed out and or crying after games.
    On one hand you don't want to teach your daughter that's it's ok to jump ship when things get difficult and on the other hand you want your daughter especially at her age to have fun and enjoy her time on the field. At an early age our daughter learned that if she is making a decision she will see it though. I believe that as parents we need to hold our children accountable for their actions and decisions. With that said and I'm going to contradict myself here a little bit ...... If the team make up is not what you were expecting then I would give it some time and see how things shake out and if she's not having fun and she's not progressing her skills as a player I would suggest looking for another team.
    IF your daughter is the stud of the team that can be problematic.
    1) It's more difficult but not impossible for a child to progress their skill level in a team environment where she's the stud of the team, it's obvious that her skill level is much high than the rest of the team.
    2) If she is the one carrying the team that puts a lot of stress on her to preform which usually mean less fun for her.
    3) By being on a team where your daughter is on the same skill level as majority of the team or there are girls that have a higher skill level in my opinion would be ideal because it could make her a better player because she will see that next level.
    I would let her have some impute into what she wants. Maybe she wants to stay with this team. Maybe after a season or two that team could be a real threat. Good luck.
  13. Irish196

    Irish196 Active Member

    I think you have a lot of good advice here already. I don't think anyone can tell you what to do- it is so fact specific. But 10u is so young. There are so many years to win and if you both put all of your emphasis on winning, I think that sends the wrong message and is short sighted. Very few (if any) winning teams stay together year after year after year. So instead of chasing a winning team, I'd concern myself with the level of instruction, the amount of time she will get to play, making sure she isn't over-pitched, the quality of the coaches/players/families on the team and how the team schedule fits in with your family schedule.
    Our daughter has *plenty* of experience playing on losing teams. With the exception of the last few years in travel, pretty much every other team (Rec, CYO, high school, etc.) has been a team that has lost a lot. I think overall it has been a good experience for her. She realizes that winning isn't everything, it lets the girls focus on improvement over expectations of chasing a championship, she also sees very clearly how crazy some kids and parents can get about winning (and how that isn't worth it). I never felt that she "played down" or didn't give 100% because the teams were not good. In fact, I think on those losing teams she really stepped it up and has gone beyond her comfort zone (by playing positions she never plays or taking chances she wouldn't normally take) because she knows she is really needed.
    Some of those losing teams ended up being her favorite teams and the girls being her favorite teammates.
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2016
  14. Irish196

    Irish196 Active Member

    Probably some of the best advice in the thread! I take my chair and go sit by myself during games. I usually take pictures of the whole team so I use that as my excuse. But generally I just can't stand hearing those types of parents/comments.
  15. FastBat

    FastBat Well-Known Member

    If this team:
    Already has a full team, maybe 9-10 players, but still looking for a pitcher,
    Is into player development, which includes practicing regularly over the winter, even if they take mid-October through January off,
    I would probably just stay there. This kind of stuff happens. At 10u, it's about getting reps, not trophies!
  16. Fastpitch07

    Fastpitch07 New Member

    I just wanted to say thank you to all of you. I wanted the advice of folks that have been there and done that and you all didn't disappoint.
  17. Louuuuu

    Louuuuu Member

    You've only been around for 2 months. Over time, we'll disappoint a lot! ;)
  18. Pacerdad57

    Pacerdad57 Member

    Sometimes even multiple times in one post!
  19. cobb_of_fury

    cobb_of_fury Member

    PLEASE REMEMBER - any advice given here is for entertainment purposes only and is not meant to solve or correct any actual problems. - Please consult a REAL expert for any issues you may have.
    the OFC is not responsible for the statements or opinions of any of it's contributors - Please use with caution.
  20. tjsmize3

    tjsmize3 Active Member

    Now wait just a minute... I was told at 12u it is about player development and NOT chasing trophies, 14-16u is for exposure and NOT chasing trophies, 18u is to prepare to play at the next level and NOT chase trophies. If you can't trophy chase at 10u then when can you? :confused:

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