What do you say?

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What do you say to a girl who has rehabbed from two over use injuries in 3 years, faithfully followed a tough rehab regimen both times, is one of just a handful of girls in the program who plays TB, has taken lessons in pitching and hitting for 4 years, gave up a TB team to play on a winterball team for her school, does not crack the varsity because there are two upperclassmen pitchers ahead of her, then misses 4 of the first five games of the school season due to colon infection. She comes back to play in succeeding 4 games and is hitting .750, pitched the last 2 games, has allowed no earned runs, and in fact the only game this week she pitched a no-hitter, allowing one batter over the limit. She has always been called coachable, a hard worker and always supports the other members of her team.
Now, with all this as background, what do you tell her when a school coach tells her she has to come to a practice, forcing her to miss her high school's state band competition, because "she needs to show her committment to the team?" She hasn't missed any other practices, aside from the time she missed when she was out sick and missed school as well. I am flabbergasted.

 

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Let me say this, sounds like your DD has a great work ethic. As should all young ladies that take this game seriously. I have 2 daughters. One plays the game and works her tail off. The other and older sister is a band student. For those who are unaware, band students work their tail off. My oldest gave up the game for her love of music. I have always taught my girls to do what you love and love what you do. IMO it should be out of your hands, her JV coach's hands, and her band instructor's hands. This should be her choice and as grown adults, everyone should accept it. Being a travel ball coach, I would still persuade her to go to her OMEA competetion. I know those kids are depending on her just as her JV team. Games always trumps practice in my book. A state OMEA is like the finals on a late sunday afternoon. Easy choice in my eyes.

 

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My oldest dd does not nearly have the same ethic, but also finally full go from her injury to her knees last year and her concussion from the winter. This is the time of year she hates as she has rehearsal for orchestra a couple of times in the evening while the softball season is going on. But, both the coach and the conductor work it out and thanks to God, she hasn't missed or been late to either. Either we run rule a team or it's the weather (like last night).

 

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Isn't the band thing something that's required for a class? Academic functions should always take precedence over a sport in high school.

(and this is coming from someone who still makes fun of band geeks...)

 

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Band is a graded class in every school I know so that would have to trump softball. Your DD's commitment and work ethic appear to be stellar so shame on the coach for not seeing that. However, she should have a private conversation with the coach and AD about the situation. Gotta get good at standing up for herself now because the big world of "life" is quickly approaching. Head up, do what's needed for the grade, then be proud to serve whatever consequence the coach has in mind.

 

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What - a HS Coach puts these type of demands/ultimatums on players......? No way.

 

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Similar situations have happened to us, both with softball and with other situations involving my son and daughter. I find it ridiculous that the adults in the school cannot get together and solve these issues instead of placing the kid and the family in a difficult situation. The Varsity coach(not the JV coach), the band director, and the AD should sit down and solve the problem for the kid. If the coach and the band director cannot work out a solution the AD should make a call since that is what he is paid for. I am generally not a school basher having served on a board of education and been a teacher for 8 years ( loved it but had to give it up for family reasons). BTW I think she should go to the band concert. It is just as important as softball to the those kids and she should not let them down for a JV practice.

 

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I feel your pain but in the opposite direction. Three softball players, including my dd, was kicked off the indoor band because they missed two band practices to play in varsity games. Two things that really stunk about this is one of them is a senior that has been in the band since middle school and the other thing was that other band members have missed more that two practices due to sickness but are still a member of the the band. I hope it works out for your daughter better than it did for our three softball players. Good Luck!

 

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flarays, I know this is the first time I have ever heard of a HS coach exhibiting this type of behavior. ;& Many times you just have to look at the politics of the program, whose DD is the coach protecting, which parent or parents have the coach's ear, etc. The rules of the program can be used or ignored to promote or demote players on the team, just depends when and how the coach wants to apply them. We had a girl that with a similar story as the original poster, she went to private training, hitting lessons, agility training instead of showing up for some dumbed down routines the HS coach had and she was always picked at by the coach for it. She lead the team in all categories but skipped her senior year due to the nit picking. I like to think most coaches are fair and independent minded, just a few bummers out there.

 

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I disagree; she made a commitment to 2 teams/groups. When there is a conflict she is going to have to make a choice. That decision is going to have some kind of consequence. She has to deal and accept those consequences because that is the decision she made when she decided to do both. To say to the coach/director of the event she decided to miss, that they should just deal with it, is not only unfair but arrogant.

 

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Some people need to be more careful of what they say and when they say it. Schools need to have a policy and protocol in place to decide such things and band directors and coaches need to know what they are and follow the rules. I agree with above, this is equal to a big game, not a practice. This shouldn't be hard to decide.

And for you coaches out there, shove the ego **** in the dark part of your body and use your head once in a while. You've got a kid that's proven herself to be this dedicated and you open your dumb jock mouth to say she needs to prove herself by attending a practice instead of this mega event that is part of a school function???

Grandpa always said "It's not a sin to be stupid but it sure is unhandy."

 

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Not arrogant if the band requirement is a school class and a grade is associated with it.

I disagree; she made a commitment to 2 teams/groups. When there is a conflict she is going to have to make a choice. That decision is going to have some kind of consequence. She has to deal and accept those consequences because that is the decision she made when she decided to do both. To say to the coach/director of the event she decided to miss, that they should just deal with it, is not only unfair but arrogant.

 

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Band is a graded class....and will guarantee the competition is just like any concert they would hold for the school in which they will get points deducted for not showing up. Bottom line, it's a "practice" being missed...not a game. Things need to be put into perspective, especially on the High School Coach. I think its complete BS to put a kid in that position.

 

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If you read my post please show me where I said what she should do, I didn't, why that is her decision. What I did say there is a consequence for her decision and to think there won?t be is not only unfair but arrogant.

I been in her situation, I missed a practice to compete in a state competition and I got benched for two games. Was it the right decision? It was for me. Did I like being benched? No, did I understand why, yes. I remember discussing it with my dad, and he agreed with the punishment. Not to be a jerk but because he said I knew the rules. He told me I have to accept my punishments, not complain and move on.

And to daboss you can shove your ego **** in the dark part of your body.

 

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What do you say to a girl who has rehabbed from two over use injuries in 3 years, faithfully followed a tough rehab regimen both times, is one of just a handful of girls in the program who plays TB, has taken lessons in pitching and hitting for 4 years, gave up a TB team to play on a winterball team for her school, does not crack the varsity because there are two upperclassmen pitchers ahead of her, then misses 4 of the first five games of the school season due to colon infection. She comes back to play in succeeding 4 games and is hitting .750, pitched the last 2 games, has allowed no earned runs, and in fact the only game this week she pitched a no-hitter, allowing one batter over the limit. She has always been called coachable, a hard worker and always supports the other members of her team.
Now, with all this as background, what do you tell her when a school coach tells her she has to come to a practice, forcing her to miss her high school's state band competition, because "she needs to show her committment to the team?" She hasn't missed any other practices, aside from the time she missed when she was out sick and missed school as well. I am flabbergasted.

I think it is a crappy position that the softball coach is putting this girl in. Is she actually part of the band or just going to the competition, you weren't clear on that? If she is part of the band and it is a competition, than that takes precedence over a practice every day of the week. Did the coach know she was in the Band when he took her on the team?

 

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I applaud students who enrich their lives with both, athletics and the arts. Being involved in the arts is looked at in a lot of schools as "unpopular". It does however, diversify an athletes profile, and is equally important to the growth of our youth. With the information given by the OP, the decision is simple to me. Go to the band competition. The player is asking to be excused from 1 practice, and has already proven her resolve. How would the coach feel if she asked to miss a play off game to attend band practice? Unfortunately the kids are proving again they are more mature than many adults. IMO coaches, or others who don't understand the importance of our youth living diverse lives are ignorant and arrogant.

 

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Academics over sports... done. I'd call a meeting with the AD and then request a meeting with superintendent. Then, ask for it to be discussed at the board meeting and attend if you can. Put a "fix" in place permanently. This won't be the last issue and be a trailblazer. Our kids expect us to help through this and it's true that a tough lesson will help shape her future decisions. And yes, she did signup for conflicting scheduled events, but I'm guessing a child would assume protocol exists for this... even at signup time. Good luck!

 

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If she is playing in the band competition, she should just inform her coach she is going to miss practice and accept the repercussions from it. Don't escalate it beyond the JV coach unless they do something totally out of line.

This video covers the situation pretty well - Practice - YouTube. I love the final line - "How can I make my teammates better by practicing?"

 

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What my dad used to tell me: "Life's not fair. Get used to it."

 

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Or what my uncle used to say: "What difference will it make five years from now?"

I'm probably not helping, but perspective is everything.