Decline a spot when recruited???

So, your DD has played baseball starting at 8, moved to rec fastpitch at 10, played travel and school fastpitch for 6 years, over 350 league, tournament and school games since 7th grade and gets recruited by a college to play fastpitch, sweet! I know it's only a D3 school and no money has been offered. I know that fastpitch doesn't pay much after college. But the DD is willing to walk away from the offer to go elsewhere and not play! My point to her is that she has the rest of her life to get on with her life and start working like the rest of us old f**ts. This is also a D3 school who has won or at least been in the D3 world series for the last 13 or 14 years, it's a great program at a good school.

So, how hard should I push OR what can I say to convince her she should at least make the attempt? Any great ideas?
Thanks in advance for any help!

Oh Boy!!! My nightmare has become your reality. My DD's are only 12 & 10 and both play travel ball and this exact thought has crossed my mind before. I can't put down in words on this forum what I was thinking when I wiped it from my mind and told myself I have 5-6 more years before I have to worry about it. Good Luck!!!

give in to the dark side Luke.... let go. (she's all grown up now) - I remember that day when my daughter stopped playing - but now I have grand daughters and soon there'll be little beckham offspring in Classics uniforms again. In the mean time maybe you should go fishing or golfing or coach a team of youngsters that need a guy/girl with some time on their hands and loads of expereince. - and be thankful

I attended a parents mtg. with Cliff ( Cincy Storm) a couple of years ago and he said something to the parents that has stuck with me. " If you would not consider the college taking softball out of the equation, then do NOT consider it because of it." He made a very valid point. There is more to a college than the field. People, Atmosphere, Location, Do they offer the courses of interest?

Give her the advice you can and look at the positive from both sides. Sounds like she will get an education either way, so from that point I don't see a downside. But if it was my dd, I'd like to see her play. Good Luck and God Bless!!

Went through the exact same thing. Visited the campus, great coach, georgeous campus but too far from home and too small for her liking. They are the ones who are going to live it, so they need to be happy or you will just be spending money on a lose, lose situation. They will find their own niche in what they want to do and ours just chose a community college program while working in the field she is studying. Just got her "Disney Ducktorate" as part of her College program after 6 months down in Orlando, so it all works out in the end......

Good Luck, but don't pressure her too much, be there to support what she decides...

all good advice, I'd lean away from pushing her. Let her decide . MD

What would your reasons for "pushing the issue" be? Tell her those reasons. Let her know that once she makes a decision she has to stick with it either way. If she passes she may not get another opportunity again and may regret it someday. But if she choses to play she is on her own to make it work with studying and training...I say do not push it. If my daughter would decide not to play it wouldn't matter just as long as she went on to get a good education somewhere suited for her field of study. It would be nice to see her play college ball, it would disheartening to see her pass it up but as we all say on here it is all about the girls and what is best for them.

Brandallee3 said:

........ It would be nice to see her play college ball, it would disheartening to see her pass it up but as we all say on here it is all about the girls and what is best for them.

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You are making the assumption that every 18 year old knows what is best for them. Now at 18, I know I knew more than anybody, but I am the exception, and I passed my genius along because my 12 and 13 year old already knows more than me. Let us know how it eventually turns out.

I'm a Pusher........I'd push hard on this one. ?At 17 or 18, she has no idea the opportunity she has and I believe we, as parents who learned it all the hard way, have to "push" when necessary, and help our kids take advantage of opportunities like these. ?Ultimately, she will make the final decision, but if you truly believe this is in her best interest, then do all you can to make her understand why. ?What's important is that we push out of genuine love and concern, not just so our kids will fulfill our dreams for them. ?There's a good time to push and a bad time to push....I definitely believe this is an incident that requires some "pushing". ?If after all your pushing she still makes the decision to do something else, you can atleast sleep at night knowing you tried your best. ?It'll all work out. ?Good luck.

At 18 DD might not know where life will take her (i.e. what she wants to do when she "grows up&quot .. but she likely knows if she wants to concentrate on playing ball or other things in life. She has played ball long enough to know what it has to offer her. Sounds like she is over it. Maybe she is just tired of it and wants to move on. Perhaps you should move on too. If she was giving up the chance at free tuition .. that would be a monetary decision and there would be more to consider. If she is just giving up playing because she has other interests, then it is her decision. I commend her for setting her priorities on what she feels is important to her. Sports build character. Looks like a job well done.

At 17 or 18, she has no idea the opportunity she has

What, in the scenario presented in the original post, is the "opportunity"? To continue to voluntarily play softball at a college she doesn't want to go to? I think, by the end of high school, the typical athlete who has been playing for some ten years knows if she wants to play in school or not. Softball does not have to end at college - she can still play in the summers, or play intramural.

I think this situation warrants a good look at all aspects, but no exertion of pressure (which is what "pushing" means to me), or else it's forcing what the parent wants onto the child, who's the one who's going to be there for nine months and living a softball life.

And maybe some of those in similar situations can answer ... is it completely unreasonable to think that, in this situation - D3 school, no money being offered, a very good athlete - she couldn't change her mind after her freshman year and tryout for the team as a sophomore, if she finds she's made a gross mistake?

I agree with "another mom" no pushing, my DD has played since she was 10y/o and she knows by now if she wants to play in school or not......she has decides to play, Yeah, but if she has decided that she wanted to spend her time on her studies instead and other college activities it would have been okay....plus, there is a thing called "walking on....." and you know it is a woman's perogative to change her mind.....
also how many kids do we know that go to college to play ball and don't even make it to spring.......or much less to the sophomore year.....that is why the scholarships are 1 year @ a time........I think we as parents have to remember that DD is the one getting up @ 6am to work out, and still doing home work @ 10pm after practices and missing school during the season and having to make it up....personally I find the idea almost overwhelming.....I feel @ 18 they do know what may be a good fit for themselves....you raised them to be strong women right.....I know we did.

Like a few others, I've been through this. My DD played ball her freshman year at a small D-3 school, or rather, was on the team her freshman year. Because the roster had 18 players on it she didn't see the field. Still, she went to all of the out of season and in season workouts, attended all practices before class (6 a.m.) and after class (4 or 5 p.m.), and went on the Florida spring trip. Her GPA that year was 2.7.

That summer, after playing 18 & Over summer ball, she told us she wasn't going to play when she got back to school. She said she couldn't handle all of the requirements the softball coach placed on her and thought it hurt her grades. Like all of you, I spent hundreds of hours, and hundreds of dollars, at least, helping her grow into the player she was. I was crushed that she no longer wanted to play. You know what? When she graduated on time three years later her GPA had risen to 3.8 and we were more proud on graduation day than we would've been had she played softball, had a low GPA, and graduated in five years instead of four.

The player/child has to be comfortable or it won't work for them. I don't believe you can mandate it, especially when there isn't any athletic money involved at the D-3 level.

grs-Son went through a decision to play football in College or not to play. Had all kinds of D-2 & 3 offers but no D-1. He was set on playing D-1, but when he got only "Preferred Walk-on" offers, he decided just to play anymore. He also had a girlfriend that if he went to play ball "They wouldn't get to see each other that much".........................My advice to him was you are young once and to even get an opportunity to PLAY a game at the college level is a bonus in the game of life.............You give up that opportunity, you'll never get it back.......I told him it was his decision..........He chose not to play.

Two years later he was asked to be a chaperone for a local recruit whose brother played for Ohio State and the recruits parents watched the game from the stands. After the game Coach Dantonio asked him what High School he played for, and he told him that he was in college at Bowling Green........Coach asked him if he played (He's 6'3" 240#) and he said he wish he did..................He told me that, and he said it was a big mistake for not continuing to play.................And 6 years later, he still regrets his decision.

If there is something I have learned from that is that sometimes they DO need a nudge........Even at the age of 17-18. DD is receiving numerous letters and interest, so when she narrows the list down (she is a junior), I may have to give her a nudge........AND have her older brother tell her about his regrets.............

If you have a serious major in college, it must be very difficult to keep the grades and the sport at high levels. D3 would not be worth any potential sacrifice in GPA. (Not even sure about D1 or D2) Do you really enjoy your college experience if you push yourself until you drop every night or stress about the grades vs. what coach expects?

A lot of good responses and I hope it has helped you in this situation. I will only tell you about my own dd and not really give advice in your situtation, only ours.

My dd turned down a D2 school with scholarship money, since she did not think she would be happy there at the school or with the coach. Was I disappointed ? Yes a little at the beginning. Am I now, no not at all.

We have visited several colleges and talked with all the coaches, (D2 & D3)talked with so many on the phone it is hard to count and she still has not decided where she wants to go. She now has gotten her choice down to 3 colleges and all are D3 of her own choice. (Has been accepted at 6 including the 3)

For me and our situation, I feel that it is her choice where she wants to go and what she wants to do. I also feel that it is at least 4 years of her life and her future that is at stake, so I want her to be happy and not make a choice based on what I want her to do. Honestly, it would not hurt me if she does not play softball at all if that is her choice. In fact, going on to college is her choice and once again, it would not hurt me if she decided to go to work now instead. In fact it may hurt me more to see her go to college, especially since all 3 are out of state.

The bottom line, is in our case, I trust my daughter to choose what she thinks is the best for her future and not what I want or think is best for her. My ego and proud Dad part of it, has nothing to do with what makes her happy and that is the most important part, I feel.

Just our situation - yours may be different.

Sincerely,


PS. My dd is 18 years old, her friend did choose the D2 college and my dd still turned down the offer. I will state that if your dd has that much experience and wants to play at the D2 or D3 level, I am certain many colleges would love to have her. If she is a senior in HS, it is getting late, but if you wish to know more about what we have done to get the attention of colleges, send me a private PM. The information I will share has worked for us and many other girls I know.

Most importantly my turst in God that He will help her make the right choice and open the right doors for her is the best reason I have for not being upset or dissappointed in the least.

(some very good advise has been given.
I'm sure no one really has the answer but many have been able to share their view.
ok here's mine. I have 3 kids. 1 son who played heavy travel baseball for some of the
top teams in cincinnati. Went to college threw his arm out his freshman year. had surgery
chose not to play anymore. He is a well rounded happy young man that i could not be more
proud of.
i have 2 dd's. 1 played soc cer and basketball. (we started our kids at soc cer at age 4 or 5 is it a no wonder they all gave it up they are burned out on it) she has continued to play basketball into high school. she is probably in the top 20 of her sophomore class. She is all about her grades she does home work for 3-5 hours a night. she has already told us she may not play in college. I just want her to be a happy teenager and grow into a happy adult.
other dd has played softball since 8 grade she is now a senior. she has a d1 scholarship to the top choice of her schools. we have told her several times not to play for just us. only play for the love of the game. I know there are times where she'd rather be doing something else but loves the game and wants to play. How do i know? because every spring break when all her friends are making plans to go out of town (cancun, florida, SC .. ect...) she can't go when asked because she chose to play high school softball. ?Face it during the summer when their friends are out swimming and taking vacations and just being teens, our girls give up alot being gone on the weekends at tournaments. Its easy to see why after high school they don't want to play anymore. They have missed alot of opportunities and memories that their friends made without them. I know at least on our end my dd has really enjoyed the last few years and the girls on her teams have been great. she loves them and the memories she's made with each of them help make the choice to play easier.
I wouldn't push too hard. Like you said... there isn't much softball after college and softball is something that should be fun. When the fun is gone then its time to move on. College should be for the education and if you can play and enjoy it while your getting that education great... but if not that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your dd. ?
? ? ?

I love the line a good friend shared with me 2 years ago, "I'm raising a daughter not a softball player". My daughter works as hard as she can at improving her game within the limits of time she has between school, lots of softball, and cheerleading. In a few years she will graduate from H.S. and I hope attend college to pursue an education that will provide her with a job to be a part of a productive society. If playing in college works out for her, great, if not, it won't be the end of the world. I just don't feel playing ball in college should be the goal. I think getting an education, preparing for life come first. Marry the college education your daughter hopes to receive with the opportunity to play ball for a few more years and it's all gravy.

really good discussion this is one for the HOF MD