Our Season

default · May 27, 2009

As a parent I understand your frustration, but has your daughter or you as parents approached the coach about concerns? That's the first thing that should be done. Coaches are the first people to get slammed if something doesn't go right for a player/parent. It's easy to use them as scapegoats, as a coach myself (not softball), no one realizes how much time they spend away from their own families to coach a sport. As for the asst. coach, they are usually the good guys in anyones staff. The head coach has to keep structure within their team. Whether parents want to believe it or not, players are treated equal, it's the childs responsibility to play up to their potential, not the coach. From what I am reading, this seems to be all about awards. 10 years from now, no one remembers awards, they remember the player and what she did for her team. Quitting should never be an option, that's the easy way out.. to put blame on someone else. Next year your DD should put her heart and soul into proving that she is a team player and wants to be a team leader and role model for younger players. I don't necessarily believe in individual awards, but awards aren't given on stats alone, there are alot of factors involved in chosing receipients for these awards, attitude, team leadership, etc.
I'm assuming your daughter is not a senior since she is contiplating on not playing next year, but if your daughter happens to be a freshman this year, she should be happy that she got playing time. Most schools, freshman sit the bench their first year, they don't get much playing time. If she is a sophomore/junior just have her step it up a notch and remain positive.
Your DD needs to stay positive and not hold grudges on anyone. Remember, some college scouts talk with the hs coaches. Attitudes go along way with college coaches. If they have an excellent player, but they are uncoachable, they pass them by.

Remember, any problems, talk with the coach first before throwing accusations. Coaches deserve respect as do all players

default · May 27, 2009

The problem is some coaches think that parents are idiots and will always blow smoke up your a-- when you ask them a question. I'm all for going to the coach first but the coach has to be man enough to tell you the truth and do what he says.

In our case it has nothing to do with awards and everything to do with the coach refusing to play the best 9 on the field. He continually put the best players on the bench and played girls who should not have even set foot on varsity, just so his own daughter could look like the best player on the team.

default · May 27, 2009

luvthegame said:
sad-
we have seen a lot too. not much you can do about it.

Gotta love these threads. This post is the only one on here making any sense. Also, mamax3 makes some great points.

We have dealt with some of these situations in my house so I understand how frustrating it is. But come on...

Switching schools over softball?
Switching schools over perceived slights?

Are these kids going to switch jobs every time they don't get the "atta boy" from the boss they think they deserve? The only validation anyone needs comes from within. If you know in your heart that you did everything you possibly could to be the best you can be and help your team win, why does it matter what anyone else thinks. If things aren't going your way, look WITHIN to see what else you can do to change the situation. It is very easy to complain about what others are doing, much harder to take personal responsibility for what happens to you. Even if you have done everything you could, sometimes it doesn't work out your way for any number of reasons. That's life.

default · May 27, 2009

dtrj--have you read 'the winners manual'?

default · May 28, 2009

dtrj said:
Gotta love these threads. This post is the only one on here making any sense. Also, mamax3 makes some great points.

We have dealt with some of these situations in my house so I understand how frustrating it is. But come on...

Switching schools over softball?
Switching schools over perceived slights?

Are these kids going to switch jobs every time they don't get the "atta boy" from the boss they think they deserve? The only validation anyone needs comes from within. If you know in your heart that you did everything you possibly could to be the best you can be and help your team win, why does it matter what anyone else thinks. If things aren't going your way, look WITHIN to see what else you can do to change the situation. It is very easy to complain about what others are doing, much harder to take personal responsibility for what happens to you. Even if you have done everything you could, sometimes it doesn't work out your way for any number of reasons. That's life.

Spoken like someone who never had to watch their kid get screwed!!

Believe me I'm all for play your best 9. If my kid were given the chance and screwed up, so be it. He never even got a chance to prove he could or couldn't! They pulled up JV kids without even giving him a chance!! There isn't much you can do about it, that is for sure. But I can try and keep that from happening to my dd.

BTW the schools are equal academically and most of her travel team goes to school there. We are building a softball program!! :yahoo:

default · May 28, 2009

sad627 said:
Spoken like someone who never had to watch their kid get screwed!!

Ah but I have and I didn't like it any better than you do.

But I would never take the attitude that my kid was cheated out of something that they had a right to. All these things being discussed are subjective opinions. Of course, the coach should be playing the best 9, but his idea of the best 9 or what is best for the program and anybody else's idea of what is best are going to be different. Just because he may legitimately be wrong doesn't mean that it was done with malice. And I would never, never, never switch schools over sports. Ask around, there are plenty of schools with travel ball players sitting for whatever reason. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I would rather have my kids learn the lessons of dealing with adversity, that sometimes you have to accept the circumstances that you are in and do the very best that YOU can to make it better for everyone instead of running to the next team or town in hopes of finding utopia there. JMO

TheDudeAbides - I don't have any idea what you are referring to so I will have to say no. But just so you know, my kids have been on the winning team FAR more than the losing team. My house is not cumbaye (sp?) and everybody gets to play equally. My kids are taught to compete and do whatever they can to win. They are also taught that if things don't go their way to take personal responsibility for it and work harder so the teacher, coach or whoever will have no choice but to give you the opportunity or award.

Or when things get tough, I could just switch schools. I guess that would be easier.

default · May 28, 2009

dtrj said:
Ah but I have and I didn't like it any better than you do.

But I would never take the attitude that my kid was cheated out of something that they had a right to. All these things being discussed are subjective opinions. Of course, the coach should be playing the best 9, but his idea of the best 9 or what is best for the program and anybody else's idea of what is best are going to be different. Just because he may legitimately be wrong doesn't mean that it was done with malice. And I would never, never, never switch schools over sports. Ask around, there are plenty of schools with travel ball players sitting for whatever reason. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I would rather have my kids learn the lessons of dealing with adversity, that sometimes you have to accept the circumstances that you are in and do the very best that YOU can to make it better for everyone instead of running to the next team or town in hopes of finding utopia there. JMO

TheDudeAbides - I don't have any idea what you are referring to so I will have to say no. But just so you know, my kids have been on the winning team FAR more than the losing team. My house is not cumbaye (sp?) and everybody gets to play equally. My kids are taught to compete and do whatever they can to win. They are also taught that if things don't go their way to take personal responsibility for it and work harder so the teacher, coach or whoever will have no choice but to give you the opportunity or award.
Or when things get tough, I could just switch schools. I guess that would be easier.

I would have loved for my kid to get the CHANCE to compete. He NEVER did.! I don't want everyting handed to my children. I have taught them to work hard for the positions they want. My son did work hard for it. Played all last year at second base, was the best hitter on the team. Guess what he got for all his hard work. Splinters!! He never got the opportunity to compete against anyone this year. The team wasn't at all successful. I appreciate your opinion. I understand where you are coming from. I don't disagree, I just don't feel that my son got the opportunity to compete for any position! I just want to know why.

As far as my dd is concerned, I don't really believe that she would come up against those same issues. I do have bad feelings for this school districts politics. However, there are other circumstances involved with my dd's situation. My son will graduate from the school he is currently attending. He will again go out for the school baseball team next year, and I'm sure the same thing will happen again. He has a very thick skin. It is ME who is angry. He just patiently waited for summer ball and is now playing the way it should be. :yahoo:

default · May 28, 2009

18over said:
You know, when I got my head coach position I was advised to not give individual awards. I did not take that advice and gave them my first year. At the banquet, in front of everyone, a grandparent ripped me because her granddaughter did not receive an award. She did not have the numbers, nor was she deserving of any other. She just loves her granddaughter and placed her on a pedestal. After that, I thought real hard about taking that advice and not giving individual awards. But I can't do it. Although softball is a team game, individuals should be recognized for their accomplishments, should they be reached statistically, or should their effort be above everyone else's. Granted that is subjective, but if the entire coaching staff is included, and agrees on the selection, the proper player should win that award. Above all, although every player wants to get the big trophy, they know more than anyone who should win it and who should not.

I've expressed this many times to my parents, high school and travel; enjoy the short period of time that you have in this game. It goes by way too fast. The awards are nice, but what is remembered are the relationships you make, and the memories of winning, losing, hanging out before, after, and in-between games, and maybe a big play here or there. 20 years from now, those things will be more important than a trophy or plaque stored away in some box in the attic.

I think a good move for coaches is to give a few awards based on stats and then put the rest of the awards up to a team vote. This is not a perfect solution, but it provides the team with imput and does not make the coach look biased.

default · May 28, 2009

sad627 said:
I appreciate your opinion. I understand where you are coming from. I don't disagree,

Thank you and I feel the same. (Except for the switching school part and that's only because there are politics everywhere)

I can assure you that there has been quite a bit of venting in my house over stuff like this. Not always when it has happended to my children either. I probably get more worked up when I see it happen to somebody else. Having been thru many high school seasons and being able to compare that with select sports, I can honestly say that there are many, many people involved with high school sports that want to do right by the kids and give the kids their very best. However, more than a few are ill-suited to actually accomplish this and that is where it gets sticky. Intentions are pure and good, but the ability to execute those good intentions just isn't there. And for the few who give the kids anything less than their very best effort, they should be embarassed to cash their paycheck and deserve all the criticism they get.

default · May 28, 2009

dtrj, I sent you a pm. Stuff I didn't need to put out there....

default · May 28, 2009

There are good programs and there are bad programs. There are coaches with an agenda and there are coaches without an agenda. I have seen both sides and have personally lived both sides, and school sports get more frustrating as time goes on. Now the schools either threaten or have (or will) shut down their sports programs, or they charge an exorbitant amount of money to "Pay to Play". I have a daughter that refuses to play softball for her high school because of the coach (No, she never got cut or tried out for that matter and would have easily made the team). I have another daughter that played for a club team during middle school ball that is pondering not playing next year because she felt the head coach was only concerned about playing the girls from his summer team (including his dd) rather than playing other players who she felt were much better (my dd was a starter and she might have sat out maybe 3 innings for the entire season). So, in a nutshell, my kids nor myself are disenchanted because they personally ?got robbed?. Rather, it?s because of what we have seen concerning other kids, and it?s not pretty.

For those of you who are getting the shaft, do what both you and your child think you need to do. If you and your child think he or she would get more out of training rather than playing school ball, then train. If you and your child think it would be better to stick it out on the school team, than do that. The decision is yours.

Len

default · May 28, 2009

Lenski:

Our DD threw varsity her freshman year in HS, so we really couldn't complain about her treatment, but oh how hard it was for me to watch travel ball players getting stuck on a freshman team whose coach needed help form the travel ball players as to the fundamental rules of the game. It was really sad, especially when I saw them batting against pitchers who didn't even meet the modified fastpitch requirements.

default · May 28, 2009

alittledifferent said:
I think a good move for coaches is to give a few awards based on stats and then put the rest of the awards up to a team vote. This is not a perfect solution, but it provides the team with imput and does not make the coach look biased.

You see, this would be all fine with me, if our score keeper (the coaches son) KNEW how to keep a score book with correct stats. This story would have had a better ending.
I know every parent on a travel team thinks their kids the best at something and contributes to the team. But if you had watched some of my DDs HS games (She was a starting player every game) youd have definately been able to pick her out of the players. I never said a word, nor did my DH, NOR did my DD. The other parents watching! came up to us, told us how good she is, how impressed THEY were. So you cant tell me that Coach didnt recognize it. Im not bragging, im being perfectly honest. And these were not just simple awards that are meaningless. They look dang good on a childs college resume.
There might be one other girl on that whole HS team that even cares about going into college ball & neither of the two got one of them. It was a total blind side.

As far as talking to the coach about how we felt? Its been tried for years by many parents before us & we knew it would do no good.

default · May 30, 2009

Lenski,

There's always track.

That should be fun to watch.

default · May 30, 2009

JEMIII said:
Lenski,

There's always track.

That should be fun to watch.

Where am I wrong?

default · May 31, 2009

Originally Posted by JEMIII
Lenski,

There's always track.

That should be fun to watch.

Originally Posted by Lenski
Where am I wrong?
__________________
Here's my opinion. Don't know the older DD, but maybe her heart is not in it and knows the commitment level the coach would expect because he is building one of the top programs in the state. From what I hear, VB is her sport. I do know the younger DD and I also know the MS coach in question is moving on, so not sure why she would not play. My DD cannot wait to get to High School to play for her favorite coach again.

default · May 31, 2009

JEMIII said:
Originally Posted by JEMIII
Lenski,

There's always track.

That should be fun to watch.

Originally Posted by Lenski
Where am I wrong?
__________________
Here's my opinion. Don't know the older DD, but maybe her heart is not in it and knows the commitment level the coach would expect because he is building one of the top programs in the state. From what I hear, VB is her sport. I do know the younger DD and I also know the MS coach in question is moving on, so not sure why she would not play. My DD cannot wait to get to High School to play for her favorite coach again.

Older dd made her decision a few years ago concerning HS ball. Next time I see you I will tell you about it. As far as the younger dd, she absolutely loves to play ball. You've seen her; not the most athletically gifted kid but always gives it her all. The reason she is debating whether or not to try out next year is because I put it in her head that maybe the MS head coach will be moving on. I just told her that the MS head coach is moving on (we honestly did not know) and she grinned and asked if you were going to be the head coach.......I think she hopes you are. She likes and respects you John. I just want you to know that this was never about you....just the head coach.

Len

default · Jun 1, 2009

Lenski,
maybe your DD did not want to play for this coach because he demands commitment? Maybe she just was not good enough? Having a younger DD in the program you might want to think about the way you talk about the coach and the program?

default · Jun 1, 2009

JIMHAMRICK said:
And there are no politics in travel ball??

First rec ball is bashed, now hs ball...

I'm surprised that there is not a thread boycotting college ball and playing 21U and 23U travel ball where the world is all peaches and cream...

AGREED!

parents need to shut up and let the kids play...unless your the coach you have NO input! HS or travel!

default · Jun 1, 2009

reddog said:
Lenski,
maybe your DD did not want to play for this coach because he demands commitment? Maybe she just was not good enough? Having a younger DD in the program you might want to think about the way you talk about the coach and the program?

Did you read my first post? I personally said nothing about the HS program. It's my older dd that decided not to play and it was not due to commitment or ability. The decision and the reason for her decision was her own; I never said one derrogatory thing to her about the HS program. I have met the head coach a few times and he has always nice and personable to me.

The MS situation was a bit different. The head coach, who I just found out is moving on, did have an agenda. He is also a very, very, nice guy, but his commitment to the club team was self-fufilling. He made sure he took care of his own......

So, in a nutshell, your synopsis is incorrect and you should read the posts a tad closer.

Len

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