Values and Volatilities

As we, parents/non-coaches, entrust you with our girls development , I am curious to know the priorities and values you, the coaches, who have invested your time most often also being fathers and mothers, hold as important measures to the success of your players and teams.

I know this may be difficult to answer, but necessary and appreciated. Is this worth my daughters time? Can this help her in life somewhere in her future? Or, is the potential for too much pride going to hurt her?

I welcome any comments from coaches on this regardless of ages. Also, please help me by trying to state the "level" of your own team, such as 18U A, 12U B, etc...

Prideless

Upcoming season will be 13U. I as an assistant coach try to instill in the girls that they have fun at all times, that is why they play the game number one. Number 2 that good sportsmanship is always part of the game, whether it be your teammates or the team you are playing against. That if you have a problem/issue with something that is happening on the field, come talk to the coach after the game and ask the questions you have so you can better understand what the coach is thinking. And that alot of what they do go through with their team on the field will also transfer over into their adult/college years/lives. Learning how to either get along with someone you really dont get along with on a personal level (that is going to happen), but on the field they are your teammate and you will get along for the betterment of the team. That this is also a game of confidence, that if you believe you can do it.....you will be able to do it. Maybe your going to make mistakes but you keep playing and try harder the next time. I am on my 3rd DD playing and I believe they have all at some point become very well rounded young women because of their past coaches, youngest with any and all future coaches and the support of their family.

Prideless ... a fair and great series of question for the coaches of one's children. I have coached both boys and girls at all age levels over the years, and this year will be coaching a 16-U team ... I guess we will find out over time if it's and A or B level team. While an argument can be made that a coach's answer might be dependent on the age and level, I would argue that it really shouldn't.

Being a youth coach is an awesome responsibility, and not one to be taken lightly. Being the parent of 4 grown children, I think the qualities of a good coach should mirror those of a good parent. It's not about wins and losses in coaching, no different than should it be only about degrees attained or the future incomes of our children. It's very much about developing these kids to be the best they can be, in all that they do. It's about teaching them, and helping them find what they do well, and about setting a good example. It's about being patient with them no matter how many times they err. It's about always emphasizing sportsmanship and respect and class first and foremost.

If at the end of the season, a coach can see the improvement in a girl's play, that is great for a coach. But if at the end of a season, that girl has learned some lessons and/or something about how to treat other people that will help her later in life, then I would argue that that is what makes a coach great.

Priceless,
u will get a million differ answers to ur question: Heres a coach/fathers view: my daughter has played for the same organization since she was 9 and will be turning 18 soon. She has been approached many times from other travel teams coaches n parents to come play with them but always chose to return again to the same organization which she is the only original young lady to do so, teammates have left, new ones have joined, others have returned over the past 10 seasons, we have made lifelong friends, played with some awsome athletes, won many championships, had some great world series runs and finished runners-up twice, just this past weekend in Myrtle Beach at the WFC World Series 18U division. That being said, her room full of trophies, medals, plaques, and awards, which are nice but the best reward for a father and coach is for her peers and parents to say what a great person she is, a delight be around, how she leads by example, her drive and competitive spirit, glad to have met her and been around such a positive enfluence for their daughters . . .thats what next level softball can be. . .the teaching of hard work thru instruction, the leadership gained as they return to their high school team with the eagerness to help improve their teammates, who in some cases have never played the game . . .the personal growth while meeting new people, new places to visit ie. . Myrtle Beach, Pidgeon Forge TN, Pittsburg PA, Orlando FL, Midland MI for the USA open Olympic tryouts, just some great experiences, memories u and her will never forget . . .u ask is it worth her time, i can only speak for us, WOULD NOT CHANGE ANY OF IT FOR THE WORLD, we have grown together, shared many special moments, laughed together, cried together and i have just enjoyed watching her grow up to be a great young woman. . .hope this has helped, stay positive, be positive and positive things will happen . . .good luck . . .

voicefromthestands said:

Priceless,
u will get a million differ answers to ur question: Heres a coach/fathers view: my daughter has played for the same organization since she was 9 and will be turning 18 soon. She has been approached many times from other travel teams coaches n parents to come play with them but always chose to return again to the same organization which she is the only original young lady to do so, teammates have left, new ones have joined, others have returned over the past 10 seasons, we have made lifelong friends, played with some awsome athletes, won many championships, had some great world series runs and finished runners-up twice, just this past weekend in Myrtle Beach at the WFC World Series 18U division. That being said, her room full of trophies, medels, plaques, and awards are nice but the best reward for a father and coach is for her peers and parents to say what a great person she is, a delight be around, how she leads by example, her drive and competitive spirit, glad to have met her and been around a positive enfluence for their daughters . . .thats what next level softball can be. . .the teaching of hard work thru instruction, the leadership gained as they return to their high school team with the eagerness to help improve their teammates, who in some cases have never played the game . . .the personal growth while meeting new people, new places to visit ie. . Myrtle Beach, Pidgeon Forge TN, Pittsburg PA, Orlando FL, Midland MI for the USA open Olympic tryouts, just some great experiences, memories u and her will never forget . . .u ask is it worth her time, i can only speak for us, WOULD NOT CHANGE ANY OF IT FOR THE WORLD, we have grown together, shared many special moments, laughed together, cried together and just enjoyed watching her grow up to be a great young woman. . .hope this has helped, stay positive, be positive and positive things will happen . . .good luck . . .

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Love reading this kind of stuff on the OFC! thanks for sharing and being candid- love it!

coachjwb,
Those were the responses I was looking for and look forward to more. RESPONSIBILITY needs to be recognized. I was hopeful that coaches understood that when kids become a part of a team there are 10, 11, 12 or more families that are pieces to the experience. I was concerned that coaches might be in it for their own, or a select few. Or perhaps, do coaches become concerned about winning for their own pride? Certainly a trap I could see coming.

Mom,
I called you mom because it was easy, and certainly hope you dont mind my abbreviation.

I agree they played for fun and is the reason they expressed a desire to play at higher levels, talent considered. As a coach, is it difficult to maintain the "fun"? Many influences can change fun to drudge. Any ideas on maintaining the "fun"?

Voice,
Well said and very inspirational. Thank You!
Prideless

Priceless, I am a former Division I pitcher and had great coaching all the way through college. My coaches developed me as a player but understood I was an individual. They always made sure we were enjoying the game. I was able to take many qualities with me as an adult because of them: dedication, confidence, ability to focus and stay on task, determination, concentration, ability to work well within a group, take critisism positively from others. Not all players learn the same way. Because my coaches developed our skills during practice we were able to think for ourselves on the field. When mistakes were made we were not singled out by yelling or screaming. They would explain what went wrong while we were off the field. We all responded differently to each situation. I am a pitching coach as well as all aspects of the game. I coach the girls on an individual basis. I expect a hard work ethic and a lot of practice. I want the girls to take responsibility for their own actions. I feel most players put enough pressure on themselves to perform and to succede in their sport. Why would I want to add to the pressure. Softball is hard work, but should always be enjoyable. You will find the right fit for your daughter and you will feel the positive energy and your daughter will exel because of it.

prideless said:

Mom,
I called you mom because it was easy, and certainly hope you dont mind my abbreviation.

I agree they played for fun and is the reason they expressed a desire to play at higher levels, talent considered. As a coach, is it difficult to maintain the "fun"? Many influences can change fun to drudge. Any ideas on maintaining the "fun"?

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I think the fun aspect can always be maintained....but it will differ from coach to coach as to how the fun appears I guess you could say. During practices- it can be fun but the girls also know that they have to be working hard at the drills and plays that they will be using in their games. If they goof off during practice then (it usually tends to show in the game)..... that is something we try to teach, there is always a time and place for the fun. And believe me these girls can and do have fun!!

Respect. Work hard. Compete. Have fun.

Be better today than you were yesterday. Take ownership of your situation. Team over individual.

Most of our kids have went on to college to play baseball or softball from D1 to NAIA, the Frontier League and one with a minor league contract with the White Sox's and one at the NPF. What I have found funny is many of you think your kid should be playing D1 ball. We have had kids who were capable of playing D1 and choose to go D3 because of the educational needs. She started and played all 4 years with a 4.0 average and had her choice of attending Indiana, Ohio State or Michigan for her Masters degree and is attending Michigan as she had choices.

Many of your kids do not have choices because of poor grades, athletic ability and work ethic and they do not want to leave home very far! Yes that is correct they do not want to be too far away from home and that limits them to schools and sports.

Another area of concern is time management and all of our kids have said this is the number one area of improvement. They said they did not realize they would be spending 20 to 30 hours a week doing softball or baseball and that when they were on road trips they still had to do home work, laundry and find time to eat!

Many can not even do their own laundry or help with chores around the house. Some of you parents do not demand it and let them get away with being lazy and do not teach them life skills and expect the coaches to do it for you. I will let one of the dads respond if he chooses to however I got on her for not practicing on her own and ask her if she had a job. No was her response. What do you do all day? I baby sit my brother. Do you know how to do laundry? No. Does he take a nap? Yes. I ask the dad if she could hit off a tee in the house if she were hitting socks? Yes. Then I told her you could do the matrix drill and when your dad gets up you could go outside and hit off the tee. I really got on her about not doing anything on her own to improve her softball skills and she agreed she had time.

I called her dad a couple days later as this was her first visit and he said she had done laundry the next day and had run around the block to increase her leg strength and was working off the tee. He commented he had told her the same thing however coming from someone else she listened and it was making a difference.

Many of the girls can not put air into their tires or check the oil or even add it and only one I know of can actually change a tire. She remembered me telling her how I had taught my wife to do it. She said breaking the lug nuts loose was hard so I cut her a piece of pipe to give her more leverage if it ever happened again. Her dad by the way instructed her over the phone how to get the spare tire out and where the instructions were located! However she actually changed the tire her self!

You expect us as coaches and instructors to do a lot and yet fail to teach them how to take care of them self.....remember we are a team and it takes all of us to do the job and we are not your baby sitter. I have had parents sit while giving instructions to their daughter and just talk on the cell phone and pay no attention to what was taking place.

I know I am in trouble when I see dad carrying their bag for them and the bag has wheels :lmao:

I hope you plan on attending college with them and have AAA on speed dial or that they are attending college close to home.

I will add into another post on what athletes have to say about coaches.

I'?s Not What They Do, It's How They Do It:
Athlete Experiences of Great Coaching
Andrea J. Becker
Department of Kinesiology, California State University, Fullerton,
P.O. Box 6870, Fullerton, CA 92834-6870, USA
E-mail: anbecker@fullerton.edu

Teach
One of the most basic actions that these great coaches engaged in was teaching. Athletes discussed how their coaches taught sport skills that were cognitive (strategies, tactics, and systems of play), physical (fitness, performance techniques, and fundamental game skills), and mental (focus, imagery, anticipation, and mindset). However, these athletes also expressed how "great coaches actually teach you about life" (p16) [44]. The category of life skills included values, attitudes, and beliefs. Some of the skills that these athletes learned were how to deal with pressure, handle adversity, and work with others. They also learned respect, patience, and self-reliance. Their coaches didn't just teach these skills, they modeled them: "We learned to have a good attitude because coach had a good attitude" (p2). In addition to modeling behaviors, these great coaches adopted a multi-dimensional approach to teaching their athletes. Athletes discussed how their coaches used a combination of verbal, visual, and physical methods: "Some people get it from reading it, some people get it from the visual, and some people get it from actually doing it, but those are the three ways [that these coaches] presented it" (p1). Verbal methods included basic instruction, feedback, and questioning. The coach encouraged athletes to be active rather than passive learners. "He would question you and make you think about what you were doing and why it was wrong and what you needed to do next time" (p11); "Then he would tell you what he saw" (p1). Some of the visual methods that these coaches implemented to teach skills were physical demonstrations, chalk talks, scouting reports, and video clips: "I'm a visual learner so she didn't just talk to me. She kind of got in there and showed me, held my hand, and we video-International Journal of Sports Science & Coaching Volume 4 " Number 1 " 2009 107 taped" (p13); "A lot of coaches teach you how to study film, how to study a different player, how to study your opponent" (p16). As a result, these athletes also developed the ability to identify their own strengths and weaknesses. Some athletes got to the point where they could coach themselves. Physical teaching methods included manual manipulation and repetition. Manual manipulation represented instances in which the "coach physically moved [players] to certain places" (p17). However, most of these athletes focused on how their coaches emphasized repetition: "It was just making you do it over and over and over again until you got it right" (p5). Repetition did not mean going through the motions. It meant performing with precision: "I think we ran 80 something perfect plays one day after practice. If you do it perfect in practice, it carries over to the game" (p1). It appears that great coaching involves utilizing a combination of teaching methods, which maximize athlete learning. The athletes also spoke about the quality of their coaches? teaching methods. Specifically, they emphasized how their coaches paid "great attention to the little details" (p13). These coaches had the ability to "pull out the finer things when teaching a player" (p14), and instructions were specific. They did not tell their players to "just get it done" (p1). Instead, they explained exactly how to get it done [2, 3, 8]. The athletes also mentioned how their coaches simplified the process. One athlete explained how his coach "always found a way to break things down to the most simplistic sense" (p15). Another athlete said that his coach sometimes had players practice their skills in slow motion. In general, training sessions were designed so that there was a progression from simple to complex: "You would start out small and go big and he would build on his teachings. When we moved from simple to complex, the purpose of the drill was not lost. The same theme ran through each progression? (p12). These athlete's comments suggest that great coaches pace their instruction according to each athlete's learning curve.


Note: This is just a part of the study and not the complete article!


I would add this final thought from the net.....


"All people start out as kinesthetic learners. Babies explore the world through touching and tasting their world. Children typically become more visual and auditory learners as they grow older and throughout their school years ? learning by what we see and hear in addition to what we are physically able to touch."


"Children enter kindergarten as kinesthetic and tactual learners, moving and touching everything as they learn. By second or third grade, some students have become visual learners. During the late elementary years some students, primarily females, become auditory learners. Yet, many adults, especially males, maintain kinesthetic and tactual strengths throughout their lives."


So as a coach what method do you use? As a parent what method do you use?

In essence great coaches teach, not only about the game, but about life.

Thanks for the reference materials as it increases the ability for me to evaluate expectations, and help my daughter(s) seek opportunity.

As a parent, we teach for life and we learn as they grow how to teach each of our children. As a coach, I expect that some years of service and experience lead to maturing as a teacher.

Those that have lost the ability to teaching (or never had it) and instead use their position for purely for their own gain, I can qualify as poor coaches?

Are we not proud when our kids exhibit respect, good work ethic, honesty, sportsmanship?

However, the word PRIDE has two meanings: 1. Proper Respect for oneself, or satisfaction/respect for someone's achievements and character.
2. Unduly high opinion of oneself, exaggerated self-esteem and conceit.

I have witnessed both by coaches in the past. As a parent perhaps recognizing the bad definition too late once or twice. I accept the responsibility of missing the signals. I can take my now young adult(s) and say " I'm sorry I missed it". I am working on teaching discernment so that they recognize, evaluate and distance themselves quickly from this type of coaching.

I can only hope that the destructive PRIDE of this type of coaching ultimately teaches a value, that the volatility created is overcome, that trust is earned, that respect be given. In a team sport where 12 young girls and/or blossoming adults have come together or have been put together for a common purpose of playing a game, it is not easy to be a great or even good coach. But it is your responsibility to try. How many teams walk off the field at the end of a season in accord, win or lose?

These have all been great points. Hitter, as usual, you are a tremendous resource.

Prideless ? your final comment , (How many teams walk off the field at the end of a season in accord, win or lose?), made me think about what was to be our final tournament this year. The girls played well and finished second. They battled hard and played 5 games on Sunday. During the award presentation, I began calling our players out one at a time, to give them their trophies. As the first player approached she began to tear up. The usual handshake and smile was replaced with her wrapping her arms around my neck and forcing out the words, as she tried not to cry, ?I don?t want it to end yet?. As each player received their trophy, I received the same hug and similar comments.

They had a great year on the field, but what they wanted most was just more time together. They had finished 1st or 2nd in four of their tournaments this summer, but I was just as proud of how they had come together, as I was of their record.

Yes ? We have entered on last tournament and will play it this coming weekend.

Spaghetti9er,

A tear in my eye, spaghetti9er, for a long lasting memory never to be forgotten.

Congratulations, many of us desire those moments! Only a few can say they've had them.

Thank you.

prideless said:

Spaghetti9er,

A tear in my eye, spaghetti9er, for a long lasting memory never to be forgotten.

Congratulations, many of us desire those moments! Only a few can say they've had them.

Thank you.

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Prideless I have posted this poem before however I think it is what many of us as parents, coaches and teachers want and sometimes the kids do not want it as bad as we want it for them. They must find it them self and sometimes that is a difficult challenge, "You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth." You just want to get close to the target and sometimes I think we as parents pick up the target and try to guide it towards the arrows and loose sight of what we were trying to do!

When our former students get married or send us birth announcements, graduation invitations I see the little kid first and the young adult next and I get a big smile as some of our kids were never suppose to make it to the next level by some of the other parents.

On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Hitter said:

I know I am in trouble when I see dad carrying their bag for them and the bag has wheels :lmao:

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My team has a long standing rule - Players carry their own bags from the car to the field and from the field to the car. We taught them early on that their equipment was not only responsible for a degree of their success but their safety and they are to respect it as such. We line-up our bat bags, place all bats in the rack, line up our helmets in the batting order, and so on. 2 Years ago while at the USSSA WS in Orlando, the walk to the car was easily 20 minutes. I had dad's wanting me to break tradition in the 95 degree heat and let them carry their DD's bags - I did not have to answer - the girls told them no way and to just stick with their lawn chairs and coolers :yahoo:

They have developed a sense of pride about being a player and all the 'work' that goes into it.

At Sunday's tryouts in Columbus, I had all the girls trying out put their bags in a line and get on 1 knee behind them while we did the pre-tryout introductions. While I talked about what they were about to experience and how they can help themselves, the girls were glued to me and the coaches that spoke.

Afterwards, a dad came up and complimented me and organization for not being afraid to challenge the girls to act like players/professionals. He said he was amazed that not a single girl lost attention during the intro and they all realized from the start we were serious about our tryout - and even more importantly their parents did... good stuff!