How to bring back the fire?

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It appears my daughter has lost all interest in the sport. How can I help her stoke the fire again and regain the passion she had?

 

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Run the boyfriend off........

 

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Reddog -- every kid is different . No one knows your kid like you do . Trust your heart , pray , and do what you can.

 

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Girls have their own way of analyzing the situation and deciding where to shelf the softball experience in their list of priorities. They grow up. They change. They refuse to remain our lil girls forever. The list can be as long as your arm on why she could continue but means nothing if it makes no sense to her. Ultimately the final decision should be hers. Kids can sometimes see the writing on the wall before their parents can. Perhaps she already has determined that her future in the sport would be spent riding the bench and she'd rather try something different before it's too late. I've seen parents back their own child into a painted corner because they have been insistent she play a particular position that her skill level may be adequate at best. Now that she's approaching her school softball years and she sees she won't have an opportunity at that slot she may need to understand a different position can be just as rewarding. Or, she might simply be afraid of failure. Letting kids experience losing and learning how to handle failure and maintain their dignity is lost by the travel experience with so much emphasis put on winning.

Talk with her and see if she'll share the root of the problem. If the magic is gone you won't get it back. If it's the boy, remind her he's probably not quitting anything he does for her so why should she sacrifice everything. You still need to respect her final decision. We all make decisions in life that are wrong. Regret is another life lesson but at least you tried.

 

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Having 3 daughters, I can say that girls are very hard on themselves and critical of the adults who coach them. Their reasons for quitting are often emotional so a parent's role is to support, educate, and assist in analyzing the situation so that she can make an informed decision rather than an emotional one. Then you need to step back and accept her choice; very hard to do and expect some grieving on your part before you are able to move on and find something else that you can do together.
We have always encouraged one physical activity per season in addition to school clubs and Scouting. Too many opportunities for poor decision making when kids are left to "hang out" with friends and boyfriends when they aren't in school.

 

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Too many opportunities for poor decision making when kids are left to "hang out" with friends and boyfriends when they aren't in school.

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.

 

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Reddog I feel for you ...
I have 4 daughters. All played softball, but only 2 left playing now. Sometimes though, the best things really do come from what first seemed like a negative.
Check that ... OFTEN times the best things come from what originally seemed like a negative. Hope that's the story for you and your daughter no matter what direction she chooses.

 

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Kids don't seem to realize that the friends they drop everything for now, will likely be mere acquaintances in 7-10 years. There are far too many former athletes who regret quitting than those who regret sticking it out.

 

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Kids can sometimes see the writing on the wall before their parents can.

Nicely done, sir.

We've all seen cases where the parent "wants it" more than the player.

 

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Thanks for all the great advice.. Hope everyone has a great season

 

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Having 3 daughters, I can say that girls are very hard on themselves and critical of the adults who coach them. Their reasons for quitting are often emotional so a parent's role is to support, educate, and assist in analyzing the situation so that she can make an informed decision rather than an emotional one. Then you need to step back and accept her choice; very hard to do and expect some grieving on your part before you are able to move on and find something else that you can do together.
We have always encouraged one physical activity per season in addition to school clubs and Scouting. Too many opportunities for poor decision making when kids are left to "hang out" with friends and boyfriends when they aren't in school.

Absolutely spot on!!! Thanks for sharing.

 

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Some great posts here ... especially from daboss and travelinmom ... couldn't say it better, so I won't try to!

 

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A wrestling official named Fred Feeney wrote this, it sort of applies:

I offer the following as a personal view. No names, no schools, just a viewpoint.

This weekend I concluded a heavy weekend of officiating. Driving 3 hours home tonight from a Big Ten Dual, the thought occurred to me about some of the wrestlers I saw this weekend, and how at times I wanted to stop the match and say "how can you wrestle without heart?" The next question is how it is possible for a Coach to be able to coach a kid who doesn't have heart, let alone how to teach him how to have fire in that heart. A fire that burns so intense and so bright that the mere thought of not winning is disgusting, foul and utterly repulsive.

I saw kids quit this weekend. They quit because they had no fire in their heart, and the funny thing is that afterwards I heard and have heard people calling for this or that Coach's head. His head? My my! Let's look at this. A Coach should be able to give his kids the right tools needed to get the job done. So to make an analogy, fire with wrestling... To build a fire, there has to be a spark. To make a spark, there has to be a match, or something to ignite that fire. A Coach by drilling, teaching, etc gives each kid the materials to make this spark happen. To make a real fire you need an ignition source. A Coach gives each kid the materials to make that ignition source, but in the end, that kid must physically strike that match in his own heart and make the spark happen. No coach can ignite it for him.

Once that spark is lit a fire develops. It is the Coaches job to continue to fuel that fire, but it is the athlete's job to turn up that fire and turn a mere spark into a fire, and a fire into a blazing inferno. Does a Coach have the ability to douse a spark in a kid? Sure he does. But a kid must learn from the very start that he is wrestling for his own satisfaction, not someone else's. It is only then I believe that the driving force behind a kid's internal thermostat lies within himself.

Wrestling is a great sport. One in which any wrestler, at any time, has the ability to over come all odds, and even with the scarcity of time, can accomplish miracles, both small and large. When push comes to shove, when miracles do occur on a mat, it will always be from a kid who has that fire of desire burning deep in his soul. Without the fire there is only mediocrity, and that I believe is a shame.

 

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A wrestling official named Fred Feeney wrote this, it sort of applies:

I offer the following as a personal view. No names, no schools, just a viewpoint.

This weekend I concluded a heavy weekend of officiating. Driving 3 hours home tonight from a Big Ten Dual, the thought occurred to me about some of the wrestlers I saw this weekend, and how at times I wanted to stop the match and say "how can you wrestle without heart?" The next question is how it is possible for a Coach to be able to coach a kid who doesn't have heart, let alone how to teach him how to have fire in that heart. A fire that burns so intense and so bright that the mere thought of not winning is disgusting, foul and utterly repulsive.

I saw kids quit this weekend. They quit because they had no fire in their heart, and the funny thing is that afterwards I heard and have heard people calling for this or that Coach's head. His head? My my! Let's look at this. A Coach should be able to give his kids the right tools needed to get the job done. So to make an analogy, fire with wrestling... To build a fire, there has to be a spark. To make a spark, there has to be a match, or something to ignite that fire. A Coach by drilling, teaching, etc gives each kid the materials to make this spark happen. To make a real fire you need an ignition source. A Coach gives each kid the materials to make that ignition source, but in the end, that kid must physically strike that match in his own heart and make the spark happen. No coach can ignite it for him.

Once that spark is lit a fire develops. It is the Coaches job to continue to fuel that fire, but it is the athlete's job to turn up that fire and turn a mere spark into a fire, and a fire into a blazing inferno. Does a Coach have the ability to douse a spark in a kid? Sure he does. But a kid must learn from the very start that he is wrestling for his own satisfaction, not someone else's. It is only then I believe that the driving force behind a kid's internal thermostat lies within himself.

Wrestling is a great sport. One in which any wrestler, at any time, has the ability to over come all odds, and even with the scarcity of time, can accomplish miracles, both small and large. When push comes to shove, when miracles do occur on a mat, it will always be from a kid who has that fire of desire burning deep in his soul. Without the fire there is only mediocrity, and that I believe is a shame.

AMEN...applies to everything in life.