This is a ticklish subject. I'm not sure how else to describe it. I believe coaches want to do the right thing by making players give an "all out" effort. The problems seem to surface when players are not treated the same for like violations. I'm not referring to a few of the scenarios already shared but the scenarios I would like to discuss may mirror a few.
Coaches, look inside and ask yourself; do I have the right stuff to be a mentor and a leader? Parents and players; can you accept responsibility for your part in being at fault and causing turmoil that puts volunteer coaches into an awkward position? One or both can be at fault. The topic refers to a player being a problem so let's stick to that train of thought.
Let's say your #1 pitcher misses a practice. Let's say it was unexcused, no prior notice, just blatantly didn't come for whatever the reason. As a coach, are you willing to sit her, perhaps not let her play at all on Saturday--------maybe sit the entire weekend? If the same thing happened to an outfielder with a shaky batting average how would you treat her in comparison? Some coaches would merely use the incident as an excuse to bench the outfielder in hopes of a better team result. It would allow other players more or all the playing time that weekend. Are you willing to leave that #1 pitcher on the bench and accept the outcome of the weekend using back-up pitchers? Come on coaches, do you have the fortitude to treat them the same? We all know what the answer should be. Is it time to practice what you believe, what you preach?
Let's say you have a team rule about excused missed practices. Let's say the rule states you have to give the coach prior notice or it is considered an unexcused absence. Let's say the player shows up on game day with her reason for have missed practice a few days earlier. If the player is the shaky outfielder do you treat her different compared to a #1 pitcher?
Let's say a player misses practice because they are reliant of their parents to bring them and the parents don't for whatever reason. Perhaps the player wanted to tell the coach but the parents instructed them they were not allowed to make contact. Yes, parents will and have done this. They don't want their child to mess up their lie. They plan to handle it. Most of the time it's ugly. I've had kids miss practice because the parents were at cocktail hour and didn't want to go home and pick their kids up and bring them. Do you punish the player?
I've mentioned a few scenarios as food for thought. The real question; how do you view it if you are a coach? How do you view it if you are a parent?
From a parent's standpoint, many of their arguments will turn back to a very important factor. They paid for their daughter to play, not to watch. Exactly what service are you providing when you take their money? This is where a solid mission statement is important and be included in an ironclad contract. If you don't provide and spell out in detail what is to be expected of the players and their families, you do not have a solid foundation to defend yourself if you are the coach. As a coach, you have to follow the guidelines to the letter or risk losing the respect of your team. I admit, my contracts were very detailed and many pointed out it appeared to be very 1-sided in my favor. I agreed. I also pointed out that I was doing this for nothing but to help the girls. I was not being paid. They did not have to sign or play for me but if they do, it would be on my terms.
As in any sports activity there's much more to this game than the actual game. It is an experience. Some times it is good. Some times it is bad. Each individual situation still needs structure that blankets a team effort. Perhaps the real questions here are; As a parent or player, can you accept it? As a coach, can uphold it?