Some advice for new softball parents

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I can't help but cringe at some of the common themes in the posts here now that travel ball is in full swing, with most of these posts from apparently newer softball parents. Just a few pieces of advice ...

1) Quit the incessant complaining about umpires ... umps make mistakes, and some perhaps may be getting too old to do it anymore, but if you've never tried it, go try umpiring a game yourself sometime ... and then do it 5 games in 90 degree heat with a bunch of people yelling at you, about half of whom don't even understand the rules and the other half so biased to their own team that they can't see anything fairly.

2) Quit the incessant complaining about the poor sportsmanship of other teams that beat you. That other team is made up of parents and kids pretty much like your own team, and this is not a good vs. evil thing.

3) Quit the incessant complaining about your own coaches and how they are political and don't understand how good your daughter is. Yes, sometimes coaches are biased, but most coaches do want to win and they are usually not nearly as biased as you are about your own daughter. Realize that your daughter has strengths and weaknesses, and do what you can to help her improve on those weaknesses that are keeping her from playing more than she does.

4) Understand that the softball community is a relatively small one. Word gets around quickly between coaches about which parents are a pain in the butt, and don't be surprised when your daughter doesn't get on the team you want for her next year because you were high maintenance this year.

5) More than anything, realize that this experience is usually a ton of fun for your daughter. Don't poison her by telling her how she is getting mistreated, or how her coaches or teammates or umpires or opponents are evil. Let her enjoy the experience and enjoy the ride with her because, before you know it, she will be grown up and it will all be gone. If you decide together after the season that you don't like the team she is on or it doesn't fit what she wants, then by all means try out for other ones. Keep an eye on other teams during the season and see what their coaches, parents and players are like so you've done that homework. But don't spoil the current season for your sake or your kids ... because you're never going to get it back, and you're not being a very good parent if you rob your daughter of the fun that she could and should be having.
 
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I can not say this enough.

Do not cut down the coach in front of your daughter....ever. All you are doing is giving her power she should never have. And you are also making it almost impossible for her to learn from that coach. And if you think the coach is so bad that she can not learn anything from him/her then pull your daughter off that team immediately. It is that simple.

You are bot helping your daughter in any way by complaining about the coach in front of her. You should be asking her questions and advising her on how to see or hear the message. And if she is not clear she needs to approach the coach and ask what the message is.
 
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Well Dag - if people do this what will become of the Softball Boards? :(
 
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Sit in the outfield to watch the games. Don't get "****ed in" to other parents gripe sessions. It can be seen as (true or not) that you are either THE PROBLEM or at least part of it. When you are around other parents that are complaining just walk away. Trust me I have seen this happen before. Just sit out in the outfield and enjoy the fact that your daughter is able to play the game she loves.
 
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This past weekend was my daughters first out of town tournament. (and mine for that matter) We had bad ump calls, players making mistakes left and right, bad calls by our coaches, parents getting frustrated, players getting frustrated. We also had great umps, players making great plays left and right, great calls by our coaches, parents excited because our girls were excited. My daughter was exhausted, tired, nursing a bit of knee injury and the whole way home couldn't wait to get back there again!
 
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Set up your chair, grab your bottle of water, your snack, and your sunblock and just cheer for the team. Leave the drama elsewhere.

If you have a problem with the coach or how they do things, talk to them. Most coaches truly have the team's best interest at heart and are more than approachable and reasonable. One thing you don't want to do is "go over their has" and complain to someone higher up before you have tried to resolve it with the coach. Guess what happens? No sooner have you finished talking to them, they are talking to the coach. 9 times out of 10, they have a pretty decent relationship, so now you are the whiner and troublemaker. Word gets around.

No noisemakers! Noisemakers are bad. Very bad.

When the team, a player, your DD messes something up, and believe me it will happen, have something positive to say if you must say something. It took me a while to learn this one. I know it is frustrating. All the time and money to help her improve her game, and she gets 5-holed or strikes out or pitches a stinker. Just know that they already know they messed up and what they did wrong.

DO NOT coddle your child. Let her own her game. Don't help her or let her make excuses about a poor performance. Make her own it, then help her overcome it. If they are never allowed to fail, they will never learn to succeed. If they are given everything, how will they learn to persevere? This sport gives so many great teachable moments.
 
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Haha ... that's a good point, brownsfan and cobb ... things would be boring in here if everyone was mature! Lol ... by the way, I did have someone PM me that there's a lot of "old" softball parents who might benefit from this advice as well!
 
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I can not say this enough.

Do not cut down the coach in front of your daughter....ever. All you are doing is giving her power she should never have. And you are also making it almost impossible for her to learn from that coach. And if you think the coach is so bad that she can not learn anything from him/her then pull your daughter off that team immediately. It is that simple.

You are bot helping your daughter in any way by complaining about the coach in front of her. You should be asking her questions and advising her on how to see or hear the message. And if she is not clear she needs to approach the coach and ask what the message is.
Man.....I cannot agree with this strong enough. Well said.
 
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DO NOT coddle your child. Let her own her game. Don't help her or let her make excuses about a poor performance. Make her own it, then help her overcome it. If they are never allowed to fail, they will never learn to succeed. If they are given everything, how will they learn to persevere? This sport gives so many great teachable moments.

As a college coach, while all of the advice in these posts is good, the paragraph above is the one I would like to see practiced more often.
 
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This is by far in first place for thread of the year. Well done coachjwb
 
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As a college coach, while all of the advice in these posts is good, the paragraph above is the one I would like to see practiced more often.

Agree. I was once told by my high school coach (many moons ago) that "softball is a game of failure". It's what you do with the failure that makes the player. You need to fail and learn from the mistakes to be great. The more we fail, the better we become. Own it. Make the correction. And move on. I have told my dd's this for years.
 
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When my kids got their first sporting experience at St Pius I.B.L. the following mantra was driven into our heads - it has stuck with me. It was reinforced by 3 GREAT Stingray coaches that showed my daughter the way through this softball experience. By the time I got to the second 14u season it clicked. My hope is that parent understand it earlier than I did.

Players play, coaches coach and parents sit in the stands eating hot dogs - and enjoy watching their daughters excel. It goes by very fast.
 
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As a parent and a coach of a 10u team, would it be inappropriate to print this thread off and hand out to my parents? We have had our fair share of drama and I don't want anyone to think this is for 1 single person. Just a great thread.
 
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Very good advice, but I still have a great time sitting behind the plate and cheering my kids and their team on. I can relive all the great moments with all the video I have from great spot (behind the plate);&
 
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Of course there is no problem with sitting behind the backstop and cheering on one's DD's team ... the only problem is that some parents can't do that without either "coaching" over the top of the true coaches, and/or being openly critical of umps/coaches/opponents. And others prefer to get away to just avoid any drama and enjoy watching their daughter play the game.
 
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As a parent and a coach of a 10u team, would it be inappropriate to print this thread off and hand out to my parents? We have had our fair share of drama and I don't want anyone to think this is for 1 single person. Just a great thread.
You need to preface it with why you're passing it out otherwise people that aren't a problem will take offense.

Most of the thread is heavy on what not to do (i.e. Don't). It may be more productive to rework the info into how you'd like them to act.
 
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