Advice Needed

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Ok - somewhat "new" to Travel I have a few questions that I would like some advice from Veteran Travel Parents before I go and make a mistake. While daughter is not new to travel she is new to current team. Daughter tried out for several teams and was offered spots, made her decision based on input from us (but of course) on which team would be the best all around team for her to grow/learn/etc. Made the decision knowing that she may not get as much time on the field as another team that offerred her a spot. All is good. Coaching staff is great, parents are wonderful etc. Problem - At the beginning coach passed out "guidelines" for the players/parents. Coaching philosophy was that players earn field time by performance/practice, etc. Now season is here and there are several players that play other sports and have missed numerous practices as well as some indoor tourney's. Last tourney, one of those players started and played every inning while others sat? Weekend practices - girls are missing? We do NOT want to be the parents who complain -- but it appears to us (again new this year) that the rules are different depending on who you are. We will not speak with any other parent on the team regarding this subject, because that is just how problems start. Do we address the coach and potentially risk our daughter being penalized (NOT saying that will happen, but we know it can?) or do we sit back and watch and wait? Daughter LOVES this team and is working very hard, gave up another sport in order to NOT miss practice. Not tooting own kid's horn but she is holding her own and is proving she belongs on the field by her hitting/fielding stats so far, but maybe not seeing much action yet..........We are worried this is a sign of the summer to come.....do we say something or do we sit back and keep our mouths shut??????????????

 

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During off season it is difficult to hold players to the rules set forth in the guidelines because of other commitments such as school sports. Maybe these guidelines are only followed during the summer season.

However, your child could approach the coach (I am assuming she is old enough since she made the decision of which team she is on) and ask if there is anything more she can do to earn more playing time. This would show the coach that she is willing to make the effort and not put him on the defense for her not playing as much.

 

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Mom2theteam,

This is not uncommon in my opinion. We have experience the same thing just about every season. Rules are set and almost always brocken. I personally don't let my dd miss practices or ever tournaments. She has missed her best friends b- day party 2 years in a row. I would talk to the coach. I think in most cases they would rather you go to them with concerns then to have you dwell on the issues. Unfortionately your number 1's on the field are in most cases almost always given a little more understanding when it comes to these issues. I have come to expect it and except it.

 

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my first question to you would be- does the coach have a dd on the team? Are the parents of the girls who miss and still play friends with the coach or are always in the coaches back pocket.

I would talking to the coach and express your feelings. Any good coach will listen and give you an explanation. May not be what you want to hear but hopefully he/she is honest with you. Yes, unfortunately, you do risk your dd playing time. To bad there are coaches out there that think they know it all and struggle to listen and hear a parent who has a concern.
We as parents put a lot of faith into coaches we may meet for 1/2 hour tops at tryouts. Hopefully that coach takes time to get to know his parents. If he does then approaching him is easy. If the coach is a handsoff to parents could be a rough meeting.

what ever you decide I wish you the best of luck.

just remember if you keep putting it off this will fester inside of you and your dd throughout the season, which does not make for a fun summer

 

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Well you have seen the writing on the wall, and what you see now is what your going to get this summer as well. Sounds from your post that she may have been down on the list to start, and unless she made huge strides over the winter that is where she'll probably remain.

I use to think that the rules were the same for everyone on the team, being a HS and travel coach, I tried to live by that. Just recently I was talking to a highly respected coach of close to thirty years about the rules being the same. He told me that every kid is different and that every situation is different and that nearly every athlete he has had has their own set of rules by which he handles things. So unfortunately life is not about fairness and neither is the game. The best will play, no matter what.

So when the coach says "playing time will be earned" it means nothing more than the best nine will be on the field come game time. If you have not earned one of those nine spots then you better be prepared when your number is called.

My advice to you, as well as many other parents new or old to travel is to get on a team where your DD will play, bottom line, not where she may get seen or possibly get better from so called, "better coaching." Right now I would just **** it up and keep it to yourself and keep encouraging your DD to work harder. Your resentment and animosity will just make it harder on your DD and make her summer miserable. More than likely she doesn't see it as badly as you do, and will never say anything unless you bring it up constantly. Good Luck!!

 

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i'd have to go the way of Knights on this one...most likely, the best 9 have made their headway long before practices even started, adding the fact that they play multiple sports only adds to my assumption (and it isn't always the best) that they are athletic and deserve a spot simply because if they weren't, they'd wouldnt have the skills to bother with other sports.

I'm assuming 12's or 14's perhaps?

anyhow, going to coach makes a difference, and i also think it matetrs if player were picked up late rather than early, or if she joined an established team which would make it even harder to break into the starting 9...normally an older girl would get some preference from playing a year before, therefore having already earned the trust from the coach..

then again, u cant hold a gifted player back because they were playing basketball all winter, and they shouldnt lose their spot...lots of good stuff on this thread, as it comes around every so often

tough on both sides

 

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you ain't gonna find too many of the top athletes just playing softball, if their good athletes their lpaying other sports too at their school

 

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If you have a conversation with the coach make sure it focuses on your child and not others as luv stated. Guaranteed if you have a conversation that consists of you stating well this happnes with this kid and this happens with this one it will not be a conversation that helps your dd see more play time. The only way that will happen is if the focus is on her and what she can do to help the team and herself.

 

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I don't think it is unreasonable to meet with the coach and ask how the "rules" that they set down around earned playing time are going to be interpreted and enforced.

Sometimes coaches say these things to show that practices are important. Then they simply fall back on what they know (or think they know) about the quality of the players. I think coaches need to be accountable for what they say, in the same way that coaches expect girls to be accountable for what they do.

If girls don't earn points for practice, and lose points for missing practice, then don't say that. Stand up at tryouts and proudly announce "I will start whoever I want, no matter what they do or don't do!" Then parents (and girls) can factor that into their decision making.

 

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Thanks for the advice -- I have to make one last note however, it does appear to the somewhat naked(newbie) eye that are "favorites" being played. It is somewhat disappointing because daughter has as much ability as many others, but think this might be the year of "proving that ability"....I don't want to switch teams next year, but I don't want my daughter "underutilized" either.....I truly believe the saying if your kid is the best on the team, then it probably isn't a challenging enough team.....or something like that......more to follow.....

 

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Well you have seen the writing on the wall, and what you see now is what your going to get this summer as well. Sounds from your post that she may have been down on the list to start, and unless she made huge strides over the winter that is where she'll probably remain.

I use to think that the rules were the same for everyone on the team, being a HS and travel coach, I tried to live by that. Just recently I was talking to a highly respected coach of close to thirty years about the rules being the same. He told me that every kid is different and that every situation is different and that nearly every athlete he has had has their own set of rules by which he handles things. So unfortunately life is not about fairness and neither is the game. The best will play, no matter what.

So when the coach says "playing time will be earned" it means nothing more than the best nine will be on the field come game time. If you have not earned one of those nine spots then you better be prepared when your number is called.

My advice to you, as well as many other parents new or old to travel is to get on a team where your DD will play, bottom line, not where she may get seen or possibly get better from so called, "better coaching." Right now I would just **** it up and keep it to yourself and keep encouraging your DD to work harder. Your resentment and animosity will just make it harder on your DD and make her summer miserable. More than likely she doesn't see it as badly as you do, and will never say anything unless you bring it up constantly. Good Luck!!

I think Lady_Knights said it perfectly, especially the last paragraph.

 

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I forget which college coach said it, but here is the story.
Big college Bball coach whose son is on the team also.
Reserve player comes to him and says he wants more playing time and states that he is as good as the coaches son. I think the coach handled it very well by stating that, if you want more playing time then you better be Better than my son.
So choose your words carefully.

 

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Good advice by everyone. I think its best to try to have your daughter aproach the coach in a respectful fashion. If nothing else at least she might get a few tips on what to work on.

 

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Got to say I agree with LADY_KNIGHTS on this issue. You already know her playing time is going to be sparse going in. The coaches' opinion will not likely change during the season other than PT during the weekends when the multitalented stars are off playing an AAU BB tournament and won't be available. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and run while there are still decent teams looking for players before season start.

 

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"Last tourney, one of those players started and played every inning while others sat?"
Was this girl a good player? Was she as good or better than your daughter? Sometimes we parents overestimate our childrens abilities. If you want play more sometimes dropping to lower level is an option. It just depends wether you want her to be a big fish in small pond or small fish in a big pond. I can tell you challenging the coach on how he enforces rules he made up is not going to help anything.

 

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First figure out and be honest with yourself what exactly is bothering you regarding the current situation. You have made 2 comments that stuck out to me, the first was the kids missing practice and then getting a ton of playing time despite coaches rules. Then you made a comment regarding playing time and your DD's abilities in comparison to the other players getting more.

Talk with your coach or depending on her age have your DD talk to coach. Ask what do I have to work on to get more playing time etc. Its a respectful way of stating your displeasure with your current playing time. If its in regards to the rules not being enforced I would suggest that is an issue you should take up with the coach yourself. If its in regards to the rules he set forth leave out how you feel your DD is as good as the other kids getting more playing time.

Just figure out within yourself what is exactly bothering you regarding the situation. Either problem seems to warrant addressing it with the coach, but the scope of the problem will be the main factor in determining your course of action in approaching the coach. Communication is the key to having harmony on any type of team, little things can sour you on a coach or team when perhaps it could be worked out when your given coaches side of the story.

 

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We have talked to the coach in a non-confrontational way with regards to our daughter's performance/training only. We have received very positive and favorable comments continuously and have been told she deserves to be on the field and that she is doing everything she should be doing. We are not going to challenge the coach in any way shape or form. I think what is really bugging me is that it "appears" that there really are alot more politics involved than what we had anticipated. But, there is always next year and our daughter is hitting and fielding without error so far (fingers crossed) and we know that she is contributing 100 percent when she is on the field. Would we like to see her play more, sure, but is she working hard and enjoying the team, absolutely, so in the end I guess that is all that matters.

 

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We have talked to the coach in a non-confrontational way with regards to our daughter's performance/training only. We have received very positive and favorable comments continuously and have been told she deserves to be on the field and that she is doing everything she should be doing. We are not going to challenge the coach in any way shape or form. I think what is really bugging me is that it "appears" that there really are alot more politics involved than what we had anticipated. But, there is always next year and our daughter is hitting and fielding without error so far (fingers crossed) and we know that she is contributing 100 percent when she is on the field. Would we like to see her play more, sure, but is she working hard and enjoying the team, absolutely, so in the end I guess that is all that matters.

I guess we have answered our question in regards to what is actually eating Mom2theteam So, my suggestion is talking with coach about playing time. I would tend not to put to much stock in what others are telling me my DD's place on the team should be. All that really matters is what coach thinks, its sounds as if coach is approachable. So lets find out what coach is thinking! You have every right to ask about playing time IMO, there are only so many summers with our DD's (far to few). Keep it respectful, listen to coaches side of the issue and stick to point. Never bring any other kid into any discussion with a coach about playing time. I think that is common sense but many parents will go talk to a coach and say my DD should be playing more then that girl, and that puts coach on the defensive. Good Luck.

 

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We have talked to the coach in a non-confrontational way with regards to our daughter's performance/training only. We have received very positive and favorable comments continuously and have been told she deserves to be on the field and that she is doing everything she should be doing. We are not going to challenge the coach in any way shape or form. I think what is really bugging me is that it "appears" that there really are alot more politics involved than what we had anticipated. But, there is always next year and our daughter is hitting and fielding without error so far (fingers crossed) and we know that she is contributing 100 percent when she is on the field. Would we like to see her play more, sure, but is she working hard and enjoying the team, absolutely, so in the end I guess that is all that matters.

Mom2theteam,

Take it from someone that knows sometimes you end up saying "there is always next year" two, three years to long. Just don't forget that Travel is pay to play, not you pay for other peoples children to play. We changed teams after 3 years b/c we got tired of saying "theres always next year"
DD had to take a little step down in quality of team but she went from getting playing time scraps to being a starter. There's alway another team

 

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Mom2theteam,

Take it from someone that knows sometimes you end up saying "there is always next year" two, three years to long. Just don't forget that Travel is pay to play, not you pay for other peoples children to play. We changed teams after 3 years b/c we got tired of saying "theres always next year"
DD had to take a little step down in quality of team but she went from getting playing time scraps to being a starter. There's alway another team

Wise words