Coaches - Shy DD

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Hello coaches out there,
My DD (12u moving to 14u) is very shy. She has a hard time with speaking up and talking to her coach about anything. She thinks the world of him and loves her team but I don't think that her needs developmentally are getting met because she is so shy (and maybe not as confident as others). When should this end and how can I get her to see that it is OK to speak up and talk to him?

She has a December bday so is a grade younger than the others on her team and maybe not as emotionally mature yet but it is coming. The coach is a great guy and appreciates his team DD included I would just like some pointers on what to do to make her more comfortable talking to him.

Do you do anything with your girls or recommend a way I can put her mind at ease so she can speak up?

Thanks!

 

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These younger girls tend to be much more comfortable with texts, while some coaches aren't so comfortable with that. Maybe a middle ground is an email? We've been pretty surprised at what a player will share on email that she won't share while the team is around.

Of course it depends on whether she has a question about the goals of the team (which would be good for an email) or a question about specific plays during a game and specific player techniques. In the case of the latter, is there a coach on the bench that could answer questions that arise during the offensive part of the game? With respect to the defensive part of the game, is the head coach talking to players on the bench or is he or she available after the post-game meeting?

Sometimes the coaching staff just has to realize that it has a very shy player and the coaches have to initiate direct communication with the player. But as that player grows older she has to be willing to try to confront her shyness and overcome it.

If the problem is really bad, I'd just tell her flat out that if she doesn't ask the coach for instructions on what the coach would do to improve her game, she is going to be left behind. And I would ask the head coach for a one hour session 1 on 1 session (or "coaching staff" on 1 session) with your DD.

We've had really shy players and it has been more than worth our time to try to fight through that barrier. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

 

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If she is a good athlete, works hard (hustle) in practice and games, and cheers her team from the bench - why would a coach be disappointed?

Overcoming shyness, just like a sport, takes work and practice to overcome. It is something that has to be learned - just like riding a bike and eating with a fork. She won't overcome it overnight, but as she practices REALLY talking to strangers, she will gradually feel more comfortable. As a parent, you should role-play with her in "practice" situations. You be the coach, and get her to talk about things - open ended questions. This is a lot like learning to pitch. She IS going to fail occasionally - hit batters, wild pitches (over the backstop!!) etc.

By working with her yourself, you can ease her into conversations. Have her talk to store clerks, waitresses in restaurants, etc. The more she does it, the easier it gets! Then, by the time college coaches start calling her, she can give them the scoop about her skills!

 

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Having been a very shy girl and now an assertive adult/girl scout leader I offer these suggestions:
1. Discuss with DD that texts or emails are great for quick and brief sharing of info but not for lengthy discussion/explanations/instructions. Verbal communication is truly a dying art.
2. Role play the conversation with her while you are in the car, sitting side-by-side in the car mimics being in the dugout. The practice will help build confidence and familiarity.
3. You ask coach for a private word (away from other girls) and act as mediator for DD and coach, you break the ice and then step back and let DD speak. Perhaps even letting coach know in advance (privately of course) what your plan is so that there are no surprises and coach can perhaps be the one to prompt DD's end of the conversation.

Don't despair, some kids just take longer than others; some adults don't never have the skills that these girls get from playing softball. Good luck!

 

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Thanks, those are good ideas!
She is a hard worker, hustles in practice and believe it or not she pitches. She is just shy around her coaches. When she has a question about a play she asks me or her dad - we want her to ask the coach so she knows what he thinks! She is like Noooooo! IT is actually kind of funny but I feel she is getting old enough to take that next step and talk to them, they like her and want the best for her and the team.

 

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I had an interesting talk with my DD, mostly about how females view team relationships vs males. Every head coach she had before college was male, then her college coach was female. She said that it's completely different how (and what) you talk about with male vs female - not necessarily the content, but just the approach. She loved all her coaches, both male and female, and learned a lot about the game from their different perspectives. I don't think she prefers one over the other - actually her FIRST coach (male) was an "in your face" type of coach who was responsible for her coming out of her shell and being a confident pitcher! She was shy in middle school, but as she progressed, she grew out of it - and believe me! She's NOT shy now!

 

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tape a picture of him on the fridge, or a mirror and have her practice starting a conversation with him/her. get a joke book with simple little sillies in it, to start conversation