Coach's daughter

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Any chance of getting all the girls signed up for hitting classes somewhere this winter? (and then ongoing)...

 

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Any chance of getting all the girls signed up for hitting classes somewhere this winter? (and then ongoing)...

Are you actually thinking about improving together? As a team? What is wrong with you?

Sue99, I am just kidding of course. More people need to think like this. After all it's a team sport, right?

 

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I believe that you have to do what is right for your daughter and your family. After all, that's what we are in this for... our daughters. I wish you the best of luck in finding the perfect fit.

So no one thinks I am arguing, I want to make sure it is clear that the angle I am about to offer is just my two cents although based on personal experience. First of all, everyone thinks their daughter is the best or one of the best on the team. And if you are one of those rare parents that do not, than you are the other parent that thinks "my kid just never get's the opportunity to prove herself". Either way, the coach is no different. If his kid is not the best, he now has the power to give her more reps. But honestly, coaches go through so much verbal and emotional abuse about bad decisions or playing time, that they go one of two ways: Sit their kid more than anyone else so they don't have to hear the complaints about other kids playing time, or decide that their kid has had way too much stress this season, and the LAST person who deserves to sit is the coaches kid.

Now I am not saying it is this way with every team or family. But I can say that from past experience that my husband has been yelled at, threatened, and emotional drained by complaining parents. And my daughter has felt the stress and pressure every step of the way to the point of many, many tears, and wanting to quit the game altogether. The last person that deserves to sit the bench more than everyone else is the coaches kid in this situation. This was the advice from our director. I believe he was right.

But if the coaches kid is horrible, daddy needs to come to grips.

 

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Here's something my Father use to do when he coached.

We would schedule "other" games with the local village teams surrounding us.. and in those games.. he would play the kids that didn't normally start. Starters set the bench. I never played in one of the "other" game as a Coach's son.

In league, we went with our best nine.

Maybe something like that would give the person who is having a hard time.. get better.

I know one of the players I was talking about that played in the "others" game... well he hit a home run for me ( I was the pitcher ) in 1975 at Urbana University in the Regional Semi-Finals against Yellow Springs and we won 8-7.

Thanks, Mike Harper. Won't never forget it.

 

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I'll bet this situation is difficult for the coach as well. I'm sure he knows where his daughter ranks and would like for her to be better.

 

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I'll bet this situation is difficult for the coach as well. I'm sure he knows where his daughter ranks and would like for her to be better.

Very true.

 

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It's call work at it.

I guarentee I knew where I would be sitting if I wasn't in the top 9 players.

Pickin splinters out of my

As a coach's son... I had to work double hard.

 

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It's call work at it.

I guarentee I knew where I would be sitting if I wasn't in the top 9 players.

Pickin splinters out of my

As a coach's son... I had to work double hard.

I agree with that!!! When I played for my dad, I had to be twice as good as everyone else or I was riding the pine!! It definately taught me to never lose focus.

 

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Daboss rest assured that the contingency of my daughter playing for you is extremely remote. You have no knowledge of the facts and yet you go into automatic "coach defense mode" and assume the worst. We joined the team without trying out based on the coach's desire to have the "best of the best" on his team and to someday "compete for a national championship," and because we moved to an area where tryouts were virtually unheard of. There is no "OFC" here and there are no tryouts, or virtually no tryouts. You try moving 1,000 miles away from Ohio to a state that doesn't even have sanctioned high school softball, no discussion board, very few options, no tryouts, in October no less when the few travel teams that are here already had full rosters. And you go on and on about how we selected the club with full knowledge of what we were getting into. We didn't. We made our choice based on the information that was presented to us at the time and without seeing any of the girls. It was hard enough in this area just to FIND a travel team with an open roster spot. I "don't know more than the coach." I'm not a coach. I couldn't coach. And if you had read my post, you'd see that I love the guy. But of the 10 girls on the team, three of them do not belong in travel ball. Period. Any objective person can see this. I have seen the games, and errors and batting averages and throwing motions don't lie. 40% of their at bats are strikeouts, and again that's just a fact. My wife and I are wrestling with a decsion about what to do for next year. And of course my daughter will have the final say. And this isn't the case of a coach batting his daughter third and playing shortstop when she doesn't deserve it. She bats 10th and plays right field. All we really would like to see is to perhaps add a couple of more players making a roster of 12, and then have the girls compete for positions and playing time. Is that such a bad thing?? Does that make me such a bad guy? But of course we cannot even suggest such a thing because it's not our team and as I mentioned earlier how would you even approach the subject? "Hi coach, just curious, since your daughter is batting .145 and isn't playing a very good RF, is there any chance you'll bring someone new on board for next year?" Anyway, Daboss, I do appreciate your point of view although I strongly disagree with your tone and some of your assumptions. We are not a "win at all cost" family but we do see enormous upside for our DD and we think that, in general, there shouldn't be such a vast difference in skill level on a team. And the fact that the weakest player is the head coach's daughter makes this situation very unusual. I've actually never seen it before in travel ball (granted I've only been around travel ball for 2 years). I am very thankful for the coach and I am very supportive of this team. Does that mean we're bound to this team forever in your eyes? But you do make good points and believe me I know that winning isn't everything. Probably should have just kept this one to myself, but was hoping that someone on this board had a similar experience in the past and could offer advice. Administrator if there is a way to delete a thread, please do so.

Do what your daughter wants to do. If she loves playing with these girls then leave it alone. She will let you know when she is ready to move on.

If you see something in her put her in private lessons working hitting and the position she loves to play. Your instructor has to be of the highest level in your area if you want to give her the best opportunities.

The scenario you set up probably happens more than anyone would like to admit. The higher the level of play the less you will find it.

You can't have thin skin when you post on here.

Good Luck!!

 

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Maybe you should refer back to the old saying theres NO I in team and in reference to the batting all girls, I don't think the other parents that paid the same amount of money as you did want to watch your SUPER STAR play.

 

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I think the situation is they have 7 good players and 3 not so good player with one of them being the coach's daughter.

And asking how do you bring this up to the Coach himself and the issue of maybe bring in others to fill the roles of the girls not so good as the other 7 players to make it a better team.

Legit question in my mind.

I don't think he is "boasting" about his daughter being better than anyone else or him thinking so.

Facts are facts.. he asked a legitimate question to how to go about it and maybe take it a step up for 2012 season FOR THE TEAM.. not for himself or his daughter.

@Klump.... I was one of the better players on the team.. so I was in the top 3 probally. But, I still had to work hard and being the pitcher.. I can remember throwing outside in February. I can remember going to the side of the brick school house next to me and drawing a box ( strike zone) and pitch to it for an hour a day since age 6 in the morning and then when Dad got home for work.. him and I would go down to the ballfield and pitch for an hour.

I had to drag ballfields, line them and get the water off the fields if we wanted to play that evening... from the age of 8 years old.

Being a coach's son / daughter is surely not fun . They expect more out of you and you give it to them.

 

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start your own team.... just having fun with this...

Seriously, many valid points. My DD had to sit 70% of the time to offset daddy ball. Communication to my team, my DD, and parents helped this issue and as many have said if happy... Mastercard can't help you. KNOW your goals, your DD's goals, and then put a plan together. Remember, it's "season to season" to honor your agreement. Keep drama to a minimum as a parent and act upon your "goals" when the time is right.

Now that my DD decided travel was too much, she is now playing with her buddies on a local rec team. She loves the game again. It's all about her. I happen to love coaching so I'm sticking with the Static 98's till it becomes to much time away from my family or I'm not able to provide the tools to our team any longer. After all, if I can't teach and coach them to become better... I just become a regular coach and the players that signed up to play for me are expecting to meet their own personal goals. Who am I to ignore/block players needs and goals for this game. I'm OK with all of that and my family is too. Hopefully your coach has grown all year and can see this fact. Hard to see sometimes, you know, "forest for the trees"... falls right in line with if "common sense was so common why don't more people have it"... they doooo, they just ignore the common sense thingies due to personal reasons whatever they may be.

 

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In this situation the writer and his daughter needs to ask themselves the following:
1. What is their #1 goal for the summer - playing a lot or winning hardware?
2. Are the girls on the team she is now (including herself) improving or staying the same?
3. Does she enjoy the girls on the current team?
4. Are the coaches fair and do they treat the girls with respect?
5. Is the current team playing good competition?

If playing time is your primary goal, the girls are all improving, she enjoys the players and coaches and they are playing a competitive schedule I wouldn't be concerned with the skill level of a couple of other players. If the answers are no, or if you are more concerned with winning over player development, find a new team.

The cautionary note is that no matter how good you think your daughter is there is always someone better. Be careful that you don't upgrade your daughter out of playing time by moving to a power team only concerned with winning where she ends up being one of the weaker players and does not develop.

 

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Thanks to all for the advice and suggestions and to the few who sent me thoughtful private messages. You've given us more than enough to think about. I could have done without the few gratuitous cheap shots, but hey, that's to be expected on any message board, right?

There will be plenty of time to make a decision. Think it's best for us to stop worrying about next year and focus on the two tournaments we have remaining this season.

The repeated theme of this thread seems to be for us to REALLY listen to what the DD wants. I can assure you that we will take that advice. Play well the rest of the summer and good luck to all.

 

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Being a coach's son / daughter is surely not fun . They expect more out of you and you give it to them.

Agreed. I was the coaches daughter. I think my dad felt more pressure for me to be better than the others. I was a reflection of his coaching abilities.

 

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Every single team my daughter has ever played on had a "coach's daughter". In some cases, there were several on the same team (because of the assistant's daughters as well).

EVERYONE has bad moments, everyone. "Some days you're the statue, some days you're the bird" as they say.

But...that coach needs to be willing to make the hard changes/decisions when needed and that includes when his daughter is having that bad moment. Some times you have to step on feet, even if it's your own kid.

 

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Assuming that this 12 year old team is about to become a 13 year old teams a lot can and should happen. You should check out other teams and coaches at the 14U level. If that means tryouts or conversations with those teams then so be it. There would be little harm in finding out what other options there are in your area.

If you get rid of the the coach's dd then you are looking for a new coach which doesn't seem to be in the cards. If the coach significantly reduces her playing time then she will be moving on before you get to the 16U level. If you are truly looking for a national contending team there is no way to carry 3 players as deadwood, find another team. Take a chance that your dd is good enough to make the better team. Perhaps when you do that your dd gets replaced on her current team. It is all a risk.

If your dd is happy and you can get happy then get set to take your lumps every 3rd inning will be short and the team will have make up for the fielding errors that are certain to show up. If you can't stand it, it is time to move on.



If you and your dd elects to stay put then you know know what you are in for.

 

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As a coach of this game for many years, I have always sat my DD more than other players so that I do not hear the "daddy ball" comments. My youngest had to experience this her first year while I was still finishing up my oldest daughters team. I swore I would never play "daddy ball"

I do however think that most of the parents on my teams have noticed that my daughter sits more than most and that when it is time for a sub, my daughter is the easiest for me to take out of the game. And like my other coaches, I am hardest on her and expect more from her than any other player.

This year I am trying to do better by her. I keep telling myself this is why I am coaching this team is for my daughter. Even several of my parents have tried to "coach" me about my daughters playing time. She is deserving of it and she is not the #1 player but certainly not the #9 or lower player.

Most coaches are Dads that want to give their daughters a better experience. No, I would not support a coach who insists his daughter is the #1 pitcher, SS, four hitter or what ever spot she may be in that is not the right fit, but I do support the coach giving his daughter the fist look at playing time. Now I just need to make sure I am taking my own advice here.

 

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That is a very sticky situation but nearly impossible to just be quiet and deal with it. It is brutal to watch game after game when it ruins your chances of competing. It isn't fair to the other girls who have to earn their positions on the field, especially when it is obvious to all watching the game that coaches dd did not EARN her position. I would tryout for other teams, even if it means traveling a little....daddy/mommy ball does NOT go away with age and it will eventually make you miserable. Tryout season is just around the corner, get out and see what is out there.

Klump.. you are getting a lot of Amen Sista's .. this is one. If the coaches DD is not one of the best players on the team it really make it hard on them both, even if he / she plays the DD in the right way according to her talent. Coaches DD's need to be one of the hardest workers on the team, have a good attitude and earn her position .. that is in the perfect world .. we all have things to work on, my dd and I work on her body language (she 'hates' to make an out and it shows) all the time - teams and kids are a work in progress .. there are 12 diff little people out there - they each have their quirks.. good teams work through this and get a little better every week...

the reality is that this situation will 'eat' at you and not get better and will start to get to your dd if it has not already.... season is nearing an end, grit it out - and look elsewhere next year... wish you the best in this case, use it as an opportunity to teach your dd patience and taking a long term approach to life rather than acting rash at this point.

 

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If the coaches DD is not one of the best players on the team it really make it hard on them both, even if he / she plays the DD in the right way according to her talent. Coaches DD's need to be one of the hardest workers on the team, have a good attitude and earn her position .. that is in the perfect world ..
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I agree with this 100% Most Coaches I know who have daughters that play on their team are "harder" on their kid for this very reason.... and usually, those kids are the one's that are hitting 3-4 nights a week in the off season.