college recruitment....the don'ts for parents

[Shane]

I have an 11 year old daughter (2024) and I am wondering if parents, coaches, and/or former players would share their list of things not to do from a parent perspective when it comes to your daughter's pursuit of playing college softball. In simpler terms, my daughter will have one shot at this and as her dad, I don't want to screw this up for her.

 

[wow]

You will get the preverbal responses like don't over react at showcases, let her carry her own bag, college coaches recruit the total player, don't talk to college coaches when at he showcases.... All of which are true and I will let others add to the laundry list. There are plenty of those who will chime in.

The best advice is not to take things personal. The recruitment process is long and there will be ups and downs. If you are a part of a great organization, attending camps (BTW start these EARLY just to get comfortable), writing coaches, and being in the best tournaments things will happen. Just try and get feedback, as much as you can! As a parent you have to take everything in stride and digest stuff slowly. Don't over react, its so easy to do.

Keep your hand and feet inside the roller coaster and enjoy the ride!

 

[cobb_of_fury]

We have been working on this for years but the real process has finally started in earnest. My DD has started getting emails from coaches that she hasn't sought out. That are saying "I saw you Here or there we liked what you did and we would like you to send us your schedule and information". That's what really made this real for her. Up till then, she was communicating to coaches she knew that she sought out and went to their camps but when she realized other people were watching her (Even though she had been told that since she was 9) it made it all very real.

The hardest part of the process is that the during the most crucial time you are dealing with the most irrational creatures in the world. TEEN AGERS
My DD is smart well adjusted and has a good head on her shoulders but she's a 15 year old freshman and graduation is not only terrifying to her it's also a life time away. So getting her to decide some thing as simple as what KIND of college she is interested in can be daunting.
She was lucky enough to get on to an 18U team this year where many of the girls have committed to colleges. So she is able to talk to them and they have helped her to understands the realities of College.

We know in reality that she is probably looking at D2 - D3 because education will be paramount and she does not want sports to be all encompassing in college. So we've gotten that far.

Here's the things I'd do now knowing you still have several years -

- Go to camps when you can, I'd start with local schools even if she's not interested in those schools now just to get comfortable.
- Have her make sure she talks to the players about why they chose this school, what it's like to be a student athlete, how hard is to do both class and sport.
- Have her talk to the coach - even if it's just pleasantries "Great camp coach - Thanks for having me" Teach her to look adults in the eyes when she talks to them.

- Visit different campuses and see what she prefers - Travel Ball affords you plenty of opportunity to be in area's you would not normally get to.

- Start a list of schools she likes and why - Follow them on there web site, Get ROKU and watch there games on TV

- In 8th grade start sending email to the coaches of the schools she's interested in; Introducing herself, telling them what travel team she plays on, her School team, and her schedule - you will be surprised how many coaches will respond.
on that note Don't get to frustrated if they don't - The D1 and D2 coaches are bound by NCAA rules regarding contact - So look for camp invites, general enrolment information and such as nods that they know your there.

The things I'd suggest for You and her Mom -
- Make sure SHE carries her own bag but support her in every other way. Go and find yourselves a nice spot out in the outfield cheer loud for everybody and make the coaches have to ask which child on that team is yours.

This is my DD freshman year so she will start actually calling coaches and more direct contact this year - we'll see how it goes from there.

 

[tjsmize3]

I wanted to say make sure your daughter carries her own bag but wow and cobb beat me to that! Here are two videos that are helpful. The first I think is a great place to start and along the lines of what you asked in this thread. The second is a recruiting webinar which has much of the information you will need to know during your recruiting years. Be aware that at about 14 min it turns into an infomercial for a product I do not necessarily endorse lol. Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=255zXGiKG-M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWAdWENi49s

 

[wvanalmsick]

College coaches are everywhere when they go to a summer showcase. They are in the bathroom, the parking lot, the concession line, and anywhere around the diamond. I have driven many college coaches around the ballpark and we have seen some eye-popping behavior from parents and players. As a parent, just root for all the players on the field. Don't become the horse's a** that rants and raves about perceived bad calls or coaching decisions. College coaches do not want a horse's a** parent sitting in their stands during college season so they will undoubtedly pass on your DD.

Let your DD speak for herself. There will be a time that the college coach wants to talk you and they will approach you.

There are different recruiting rules for the different NCAA divisions and the NAIA. Familiarize with these rules. You can download the rules from the NCAA and NAIA websites. Some coaches you can talk to you off of their campus, others you cannot until after your DD's Junior year of HS.

Just remember that they are recruiting your DD, not you. Relax and enjoy your DD growing up.

 

[absolute59]

Knowing Cobb's daughter a little bit I can tell you that she in fact, "smart, well adjusted and has a good head on her shoulders"...not to mention a pretty good softball player who is always working hard to get better.

I am sure she will end up at a college that she want to attend and that definitely will want a player and young woman like her.

 

[cobb_of_fury]

Knowing Cobb's daughter a little bit I can tell you that she in fact, "smart, well adjusted and has a good head on her shoulders"...not to mention a pretty good softball player who is always working hard to get better.

I am sure she will end up at a college that she want to attend and that definitely will want a player and young woman like her.

Thank you sir - it's good to hear - there are days when I think I've deluded my self in to believing it.

I look forward to next year when we'll get a better look at your DD in School Ball.

 

[OHsoftball]

this may be slightly off topic but just something I have wondered. How does being one of the younger kids in your class affect recruiting? Especially when a lot of athletes a year older are in the same grade and many the same age are in a grade below? Does this give the younger kid a disadvantage?

 

[wow]

this may be slightly off topic but just something I have wondered. How does being one of the younger kids in your class affect recruiting? Especially when a lot of athletes a year older are in the same grade and many the same age are in a grade below? Does this give the younger kid a disadvantage?

This is a GREAT question. Especially true when multiple grad years on same team. What I have found is the only thing that matters is the grad year they finish HS. Does not matter if they are younger or older, rather what year they finish. Seems like the first or second question college coaches ask. There are rules about eligibility with both HS and college and all are contingent about what you do in your time. Age becomes mitigating factor, while talent and grad year become the dominating component. You don't compete with a age group, rather your grad class year. So if your a 02 B-day on a 02 team but in 10th grade you compete with 01 Kids (2019 grad). These may be 15-16 yrs olds ( if held back). Conversely if your a 16yr old 10th grader on a 00 team and 19 grad year you are mostly competing against 01 Bdays. Point is age is kinda meaningless.

 

[Shane]

Thank you for all the responses, you all have provided valuable information....I especially love the comment about keeping our hands and feet inside the rollercoaster and enjoy the ride!!

 

[tjsmize3]

this may be slightly off topic but just something I have wondered. How does being one of the younger kids in your class affect recruiting? Especially when a lot of athletes a year older are in the same grade and many the same age are in a grade below? Does this give the younger kid a disadvantage?

Wow is correct, that is a really good question and one that comes up every year. Unfortunately you are at more of a disadvantage the younger you are in a particular graduating year. Clearly college programs are going to recruit you based on your grad year since that determines when you enter their program. All things considered it is usually better to have an 03 BD/2020 GY play 02 travel ball instead of 03 as that will be the age group they are competing against (unless you hold them back in school... some people do). Most of the time by senior year the physical differences have come out in the wash, but here are a few scenarios where the disadvantages are at its greatest:
1. D1 power 5 conf aspirations -- with most of these programs taking kids in their 8th - 10th grade years the age difference in terms of competitive advantage is much bigger at those ages.
2. Pitchers -- usually recruited at an earlier age as compared to non-pitchers.
3. D1 power 5 pitcher aspirations -- really tough!!!
That's not to say it can't be overcome. Obviously if a particular athlete's physical development is on the earlier side they can be just fine, but as a general rule the younger age group/earlier grad year athlete is at a significant disadvantage.

 

[CARDS]

Dos:
Make sure she does enjoy the game including practices, workouts etc.
Make sure she is surrounded and supported by good coaching
Make sure she experiences a variety of sport or non sport activities.
Make sure to review her 7/8th grade career assessments http://education.ky.gov/CTE/Documents/Career Choices Curriculum 8th Grade.pdf http://education.ohio.gov/Miscellaneous/Search-Results?q=8th grade career assessments
Make sure to match schools with career potential / interest including campus visits.
Be honest with yourself on athletic level and understand that this generally changes either way as the ladies grow.
Plan for college either way. Do not put all her eggs in one basket hoping for an athletic scholarship alone. Life happens.. ladies loose interest, injuries creep in etc.
Do review all correspondence with college coaches
Do review the various levels of play and the rules of recruiting for them.

Don'ts:
Do not make the ride home miserable from any event
Do not stress out over a poor showing
Do not make the recruiting process about you
Do not compare the talent of ladies or teammates to your DD or others.
Do not over inflate profile information/stats times etc. This includes recruiting services and videos
Do not forget about Academics and ACT/SAT
Do not ignore the early signs of burn out

 

[Fairman]

Something that I did not realize with DD#1 was that since softball was a spiring sport, that her senior season was almost useless to the recruiting schedule unlike the fall and winter sports. By the time she wins 18 games and a state championship (In May) in her senior year the applications and acceptances have been made (In January). This means that your DD has to be a full year ahead of her friends and relatives in school/life decisions. It is tough to get this through their heads, that they must take the tests a year earlier, visit schools a earlier, decide what they may want to be when they grow up a year earlier than any of their basketball/volleyball playing friends.

If your DD has an early birthday she will be competing against girls that are in the same class but a full year more mature. You don't have much choice in this but you might want to guide you early birthdays to a less competitive school. It is amazing what a difference a year makes even at the college level. Even making a D1 squad but riding the pine for a couple of years just don't sound like much fun.

 

[cobb_of_fury]

Something that I did not realize with DD#1 was that since softball was a spiring sport, that her senior season was almost useless to the recruiting schedule unlike the fall and winter sports. By the time she wins 18 games and a state championship (In May) in her senior year the applications and acceptances have been made (In January). This means that your DD has to be a full year ahead of her friends and relatives in school/life decisions. It is tough to get this through their heads, that they must take the tests a year earlier, visit schools a earlier, decide what they may want to be when they grow up a year earlier than any of their basketball/volleyball playing friends.

If your DD has an early birthday she will be competing against girls that are in the same class but a full year more mature. You don't have much choice in this but you might want to guide you early birthdays to a less competitive school. It is amazing what a difference a year makes even at the college level. Even making a D1 squad but riding the pine for a couple of years just don't sound like much fun.

My DD was the opposite, She blessed with an October Birthday, Growing up she was always forced to play with the older girls she never got to play with the girls from her own class. It was tough for her always being one of the youngest on a team
But Now it becomes a benefit as she is almost a full year older than her class peers.

 

[wpaguy]

My DD was the opposite, She blessed with an October Birthday, Growing up she was always forced to play with the older girls she never got to play with the girls from her own class. It was tough for her always being one of the youngest on a team
But Now it becomes a benefit as she is almost a full year older than her class peers.

Cobb, my DD is in the same boat. She has a November Birthday. What may have hurt her in 10u is helping her now in 14u.....Most of her friends in 7th grade are playing 12u ...She is in 7th grade and gets to play against 9th and 10th graders ...and sometimes older when playing up at 16u....

 

[Shane]

I watched them both, thanks Tom!

 

[leftyfastpitch]

Dd was fortunate to "verbal" to a D1 as a freshmen pitcher was invited to several camps and unofficial visits one that really stood out was to an acc school went to a camp and was scheduled to stay after camp for visit. When we arrived at camp 1/2 hour early dd high fives me goes to camp area gets pitching shoes on goes off side gets stretching done does few glove snaps and is ready to go 5 minutes before camp starts.had a very good camp after camp during visit coach told us everything she did when she walked through doors for camp, he knew she was coming him and staff were watching her here's the things he told her

First thing he noticed at no time she had her CELLPHONE.always left in car when at camps/showcases
was ready when came through doors ponytail,uniform put pitching shoes on indoors,wasn't eating during camp introductions
carrying her own bag
was stretching and warm ups before camp expects from his players also
She wasn't watching me during camp I sat in bleachers she done her own thing
when camp was done she thanked coaches,staff,players for their time during camp also 2 catchers that caught her during camp
probaly another 4 pages I could put these are just a few

 

[Louuuuu]

Don't ... choose a college based on the softball program/offer alone. Would your daughter be interested in that school if she wasn't a player?

 

[jd100]

this may be slightly off topic but just something I have wondered. How does being one of the younger kids in your class affect recruiting? Especially when a lot of athletes a year older are in the same grade and many the same age are in a grade below? Does this give the younger kid a disadvantage?

There is a book by Malcolm Gladwell called Outliers. It discusses how when you are born can be an advantage. The book uses hockey in Canada as an example, where club hockey starts at like 4 years old. Playing for the best teams is super competitive. And just like our softball age cut, they use 12/31 as their age determination date.
The theory goes like this: The best hockey club in Canada, who we will call Lasers Hockey Club, wants the best players to form a 4-year old super team. Since a 4-year old kid born in January is a lot more mature than a 4-year old born in December, Lasers Hockey takes a bunch of kids born in the first 3 months of the year.
So Child A born in January makes the team and Child B born in December (if he even makes a team) is relegated to playing for a lessor organization, we will call... Outlaws Hockey. Child A is playing for the the best coaches and plays against the best competition so he gets a year of advanced development. Child B does not.
So the following year at tryouts Child A now has 2 advantages; 1) he is still older, and 2) he has more experience. So the same thing happens and Child A makes the Lasers and Child B goes to the Outlaws again. So the cycle goes on and on. Eventually the age gap is negligible, but the experience factor is always there.
There is an unusually high percentage of older Canadian kids (16 - 18 yr olds) in Canada's club hockey system were born in the Jan, Feb, or March. And there is also high percent of Canadian born NHL players who were born in the first 3 months of the year. There are exceptions, Mario Lemieux for example. But the book theorizes that an advantage in that competitive of an environment may never be able to be overcome.

The book is pretty a pretty good read and the theory is interesting.

 

[tjsmize3]

There is a book by Malcolm Gladwell called Outliers. It discusses how when you are born can be an advantage. The book uses hockey in Canada as an example, where club hockey starts at like 4 years old. Playing for the best teams is super competitive. But the book theorizes that an advantage in that competitive of an environment may never be able to be overcome.
The book is pretty a pretty good read and the theory is interesting.

Not to get off track too much, but there is also an author called Daniel Goleman and he has proposed some theories about success that often contradict with Malcom Gladwell's theories. For instance in Gladwell's book David and Goliath, Gladwell argues that those who have higher SAT scores and better grades should rise to the top. Goleman has written a book called Social Intelligence and also a book called Emotional Intelligence that go against some of Gladwell's theories. It appears, contrary to what Gladwell says, that both EI and SI are most highly correlated to future success. Goleman argues a guy with a much lower SI (we don't need to give him a name as he usually is pretty easy to spot) will go on to alienate too many people to be successful by just being a plain a$$ in public forums. Interesting theory and also a great read!