College Teams and Drinking

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We have been in the college recruiting stage with my daughter who is about ready to announce the school she plans on attending/signing. I guess I am used to the no tolerance policy of high school, because I was shocked at what I learned at the college level during visits and talking with players/recruits. I also spoke with two of the best softball players I have ever met, and they said pretty much the same things we have been hearing.

It seems that there are two different stances on drinking with college coaches. There are several coaches that allow absolutely no drinking--I believe Muskingham and Malone are two such coaches. There are other coaches that tell their girls that they know they will drink; just don't get caught drinking in a team uniform. One coach goes as far as never scheduling a practice in the morning because he knows they will be hung over.

I know of a college freshman who was upset because the very first night she was there she was asked to drink with the team. I know of an 18U summer team who had four players with a hangover the day they were eliminated. One of these players was highly recruited by a college and decided recently not to attend there because "you go to college to have fun and drink", but that coach does not allow drinking.

College coaches have told us that they will punish their players if they are caught drinking, but they are the same ones holding late practices to avoid hangovers. My daughter based her decision on the first part of the statement above--not knowing the second part until recently. She made a verbal commitment to that school.

At first I was going to try to encourage her to choose one of the other schools interested in her. However, after talking to many people, I have come to the conclusion that drinking is something she is going to have to accept as a norm.

I would love to read comments from others--especially those who may have already had college softball experience. I am not trying to be judgemental--just trying to figure out what to think about the whole thing.

 

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Regardless of your personal beliefs, you are very likely to find some use/abuse of alcohol on all college teams, even those that impose tough penalties. Some of the young women on most college teams would be of legal drinking age. How each team actually handles this situation is going to be different. Even in programs with tough enforcement, don't expect the coaches to monitor the team with the exception of when they are on the road together. Even on summer teams not all parents support no drinking until they are 21. I am not condoning this viewpoint, but some parents (not just parents of athletes) feel they would rather have their DD drinking "supervised" then in secret. Is it affecting their performance as athletes? Of Course! Therefore they are letting teammates down.

 

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luvthegame, I take it that this is your first college aged child?

Unfourtunately this is not all that uncommon. A few years ago when my daughter was on a recruiting trip to a well known Ohio school she stayed over nite with a few of the players and some other recruites. It appeared to her that the main purpose of that overnite was for the current players to see if the recruites could hang or not if you know what I mean.

I will say that the coach definately sounded tough on the issue and I have little doubt that she would have dropped the hammer if something happened, but it was easy to see how the players felt about the rules by thier actions.

 

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Rich, I can't tell if you mean the recruits were invited to "party" on that hosted weekend, or if it was talk about what they would do if they were accepted into the program. I know of high school students invited to drink (and use other illegal substances) on non-athletic hosting weekends with students. Do you feel reporting and voicing displeasure to the higher ups is appropriate?

These students are chosen to represent the school and team. If they are encouraging high school students to drink, I would think the school/coach would want to know. Isn't there a liability here for the school, if the drinking is enouraged on the guest weekend?

 

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I don't think it would be wise to choose a college based exclusively on whether the students drink. ?Our experience of living in college towns for the past 30 years suggests you'd have only a handful to choose from. ?

That many students, including underage ones, drink at a particular school doesn't mean that your kid will do the same. ?I've got one who goes to a school well-known for its academics but also for drug and alcohol use. ?We've never been very concerned with those issues (smoking cigarettes was my biggest fear) but for some reason he's decided not to partake. ?He says he has more fun watching people make fools of themselves than he would participating. ?Unfortunately, he also spends a fair amount of time ministering to the sick ?:-/

As for outing team members who drink or ask recruits to drink, I wouldn't go there, mainly because it becomes a "she said, he said" situation and you might end up spending more time and emotional energy than it is worth. ?Make sure your daughter understands that offers of alcohol might be made and that she should go for a long walk or do something else for a couple of hours if she is feeling pressured to participate. ?

 

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I've got news for you if you think that its not happening in high school.
Why would college be any different. These kids post their pictures and tell their
friends on line (myspace) all about it. Parents should be checking into their kids lives and finding this stuff out. I check on my girls daily to see what not only they are doing on line but their friends and it would shock you.

 

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I doubt that anyone with a child over ten is unaware that there is drinking in middle school, let alone high school. Still, it makes me uneasy when the sanctioned representatives of a college who are hosting high school kids for the weekend are allowed to invite them to go partying. This is not restricted to athletic hosts, of course. It happens, but I think I would say something, and it would affect how I felt about the school.

 

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Luvthegame,
I am sorry for your dd and the decision she is forced to make with the world the way it is. I know of 2 dads whose dd went to school on fastpitch scholarships. Neither of them are playing today. Both are still in college. And neither would say why.

You as a parent however will have to trust that you have raised a level headed adult, who will not be swayed by her piers. Let her pick the college that will benefit her best academically, because that is what really matters to her future.

 

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I wonder whether a college softball or baseball team exists where all of the players don't drink? Maybe at a Christian school or two?

Now the tack the coach takes is a different matter. Even though only the most naive coach would believe that college girls won't drink, it doesn't mean the coach can't ban it and enforce whatever rules he/she has in place.

I haven't given it any thought until right now, but I imagine if I were a college coach I wouldn't ban it during the offseason for girls who were 21.

If I had a daughter choosing a college, the drinking situation wouldn't be a factor unless it were completely out of hand.

 

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Fortunately, my daughter has not had any bad experiences on college visits. She went on an overnight visit to a Northern Ohio D1 school last month, and the entire team took her out to eat after practice on a Friday night, and then went to the apartment of 3 of the seniors and just hung out and watched TV and played some game (I think Pictionary?). The coach gave her a copy of the team rules, which included the consequences of underage drinking, and the players indicated that the rules are enforced.
I had dinner with the coaching staff and asked questions about this subject, and they indicated that during softball season, they rarely have trouble with drinking, partying or behavior problems. Between their studies and softball, I don't think these girls have too much free time on their hands and party time is limited. If your daughter has her priorities in the right place (high school or college), it won't matter much what everyone else is doing.

 

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I've got news for you if you think that its not happening in high school.
Why would college be any different. These kids post their pictures and tell their
friends on line (myspace) all about it. Parents should be checking into their kids lives and finding this stuff out. I check on my girls daily to see what not only they are doing on line but their friends and it would shock you. ?

Exactly. ?I'm a high school teacher, and some parents really need to wake up and see what their children are doing.

I am very familiar with one of the programs mentioned in the original post where the coach has a zero tolerance for drinking alcohol. ?And I can tell you from firsthand experience that drinking has been and is still a serious problem with some members of the program. A coach cannot police everyone!!

 

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Like Bill, I also know of a college with a zero tolerance and I know for a fact that plenty of drinking occurs.

Wait, my high school and I have a zero tolerance policy. And drinking most certainly occurs.

 

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Here's a good question to ask yourself? Did you drink alcohol in high school? Did you drink alcohol in college? Do you think today's kids are any different?

Drinking, drugs, sex, violence--it all continues to increase among high school and college aged kids.........if you don't believe it, you are kidding yourself.......

 

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JoeA1010--You are right about the drinking thing in high school. A lot of my daughters' classmates in high school seem to drink. What is frustrating is when a teammate at a school with 0 tolerance continues to drink even though she would probably be one of the best players on her team and takes away from the potential of her team.

Bill--I can say that drinking in high school and college wasn't a problem for me. However, before I left for college, if I wanted to spend time with my alcoholic father, I had to go bar hopping and drink with him. After seeing my father and father in law, who are both alcoholics, I knew that I never wanted to turn out like they did.

After a lot of discussion, my daughter and I realize that because she is already exposed to friends who drink and has not had problems saying no, we don't think she will have a problem saying no in college either. She knows which players she can socialize with without being in a drinking scene, and she is also going into the situation aware and won't be caught off guard.

I am so thankful for all of the replies on this subject. It really helped us get a better grip on what my daughter can expect and how she should be prepared when she goes to college.

 

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The relationship you have with your daughter is an excellent way to combat the alcohol issue. It's unfortunate that more parents don't take this same approach with their parental responsibilities.

 

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I would be less concerned about drinking and more concerned about gay teammates!! My daughter loves to play softball but is definitely a girly girl and likes boys. I am more concerned about all the homosexuality in womens athletics.

 

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rosalia, if your dd is not into girls why do you think this will change in college?? I think your fears are a little unfounded

 

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there is alot of teenage drinking going on out there.. but it sounds like your doing a great job raising your daughter and she has a good role model and will make good choices.

 

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I would be less concerned about drinking and more concerned about gay teammates!! My daughter loves to play softball but is definitely a girly girl and likes boys. I am more concerned about all the homosexuality in womens athletics. ?

This has been a concern, whether silent or not, for MANY years - - especially surrounding the world of fastpitch.

My dd has had lesbian teammates. ?One in particular decided to share with several girls during a team overnight her preference. ?Not only did it bring the girls to a new level of understanding, but NOTHING changed among any of them. They continued their season - included EVERYONE - had a VERY successful season and most importantly MAINTAINED FRIENDSHIPS.

My DD and I have talked about homosexuality. ?It's a lifestyle and choice - just like any other choice. ?It's not contagious and it's not something prevented by a vaccination it's also a very vital part of the "grown up world" whether sports related, college related or workplace related. During my DDs college search, she has talked openly with a couple of coaches concerning this very issue - and has been told quite frankly that this isn't something they monitor anymore than
heterosexual situations - but it's not something that's promoted either.

Tolerance to choice is life skill all of us can use - - this could be a place to start the conversation.

 

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My kid:

Kudos on an excellent post.