Crying=conscious or subconscious coach's goal?

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A discussion starter....

After being around school ball and many travel ball games and coaches in my last 8 years or so, this topic is one that I find interesting (sarcasm). I will preface the following and say that yes girls have certainly cried under my watch and for reasons related to my ignorance. BUT, improvement with my own skills as a leader of young ladies was needed and acheived.

My point... I've seen, been called about, and even had to fix ugly situations due to emotions getting the best of some at times. In my experience, I've seen more girls crying in high school ball than any where. To the point I can't help think (at times) it's a goal for some coaches to be coachholes and not be happy till one or more are distraught with tears. In will also state that travel coaches are known to have this knack and as with any other coach can also take sport in creating tears. Please note that I'm not trying to make this all about HS coaches. Just seems the teeter todders a lil bit more in one direction. Is it due to the pressure, talent related, the fact that they are paid, or what...? What do you see and what are your views?

 

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At least in my travels, it seems the cry invokers/bullies are usually the lesser experienced coaches who want to make up for a lack of general coaching knowledge by using the "football coach" mentality, which might work with boys, but is not the acceptable way to get thru to or instruct a group of girls. Theres these kind in both travel and school, but im with you in the fact it seems theres more in the school ball.

Whats the old saying, you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar?

 

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It really accomplishes nothing to get the girls crying. It makes them lose focus and takes them out of the game, which is usually the opposite of what is intended. When the girls don't respect the coach, there is no chance of them improving and that is what the goal should be. Very counter-productive. There is no room in this sport for bully coaches and I hate to play against them...takes the fun out of the game.

 

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I have to say...my daughter lives in a world where unicorns fart rainbows....helps her on the mound, she plays loose and can best her opponent because of her nochalant attitude. But in the spring, she faced a nemisis girl as a batter with bases loaded, two outs. She had a positive at bat seeing 7 pitches. But lost the battle. Sometimes, it is just the way it goes. She took the field crying, which the opposing coach called her out. It was the intensity of the situation that got her. And she refocused it to make the plays at her position. It's not the mistake that defines you...it's how you handle it afterward.

Girls cry...sometimes. and its ok...


If you think for a second that as a coach you have to make them cry, you are not paying attention. They do that on their own.

 

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At an NFCA convention a speaker pointed out that girls are audio visual learners and do not like to be compared to males. She cited many things that her coach did to her when she played in the WNBA. She went on to say please do not raise your hands when I ask the next question.

How many of you have been married more than once? For those of you who have partners, why can't you keep a partner?

You could have heard a pin drop in a room with about 1,100 people in it.

Then she went on to say if you can not have a relationship with one person what are the chances of coaching 10 or 15 more girls?

There was a happy hour after the meeting and people started pointing out who had been married more than once and who could not keep partners. Really seemed to go hand in hand to their coaching style in my opinion.

Think about the coaches that yell and scream at players in a game after an error has been made. Wonder if their personal life is much different with their wife, husband or partner?

 

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Lester,

Love love love the term "coachhole" I am stealing that!

:lmao:

 

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I stole it from a news show about bossholes.... Wish I was that darn clever!

 

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So what advice should we be sharing with the girls and their parents on the subject when it comes to making coaches cry? How about the sleepless nights they put us thru when they feel they have an open door to shoot at us without mercy? lol. Yes, I've been known to shed a tear now and then and I'm very secure with my masculinity. My tears are normally of joy when the kids execute a play, win a high profile game, or graduate to something better ahead. Bittersweet is actually a word I have found. It describes my mood most of the time, especially when a kid has left for greener pastures after many years of working on their pitching craft while I've watched from every angle I can imagine, looking for something that will make them that much better. While I have many memories that can trigger a tear, the worst feeling I ever faced was with a dry eye. At least in that respect I can associate crying as a coach a good thing while players crying is probably bad. lol. Although I do invoke the "Need to know" rule in that many times a coach simply doesn't want to know why they are crying. Just learn to look past it and if cornered in the dugout, make a swift exit to an area where you can run at the drop of a hat!

 

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I certainly do not have all the answers however a parent called me who had a son that played baseball and now his 12 year old daughter is playing softball. He could not believe all the drama that is in softball.

I said when our son played many parents would just drop the boy off for practice and leave. When the girls come to a practice or a clinic, Mom and Dad, the Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and neighbors show up!

I have talked with umpires who would rather do baseball games verses softball because of the parents and friends who dog them during and after the game.

As to the grass is greener....I feel that it is the parents. If a friends daughter is doing better then it is time to abandon the ship.

Try to stay positive and think about how many you have helped or trained for another coach. It makes me smile when I get an invitation to a wedding, or ask to come to senior day for college or they send me pictures of their kids. Last year I had my first kid from one of my former students and that was really special.

Look closely at the parents and this is usually what you can expect from the kids in my opinion.