HELP!! Anybody else been here.....

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I am very frustrated at this point and would like some advice from others. DD was an average travel player when she got picked for her team. She was recommended for travel partially because of her heart and drive for the game. Now she seems to have lost it. ?Her coaches and I) believe that she has great potential. She just doesn't seem to give a hoot right now-that's how I see it. Not sure why.....not sure how to fix it. I think part of it is that we only have 9 girls so at this point no matter her performance she gets to play because they have to play her. I have spent a lot of my time and money to give her this opportunity and now would just LOVE to yank her off the team but that would leave them with not enough girls to field a team. I don't believe the coaches are as frustrated as me but they have to be starting to get there. She is just showing no desire to get better. She was making horrible throws at practice earlier this week and I saw no attempt to fix it. She has also been in a hitting slump since we got outdoors-she's not hit a thing-many times going down looking. We have talked about it and she has no confidence that she can do it. She was hitting fine(not great not terrible) in the fall and winter. Nothing seems to work. She seems to be only putting half of her heart into it. Could it just be a slump? Do I keep putting money into lessons to give her a little bump? Or should I quit wasting my money-I feel like I just took 1000.00 and flushed it down the toilet. I just need to know what others have done or what you would do if it were your daughter. :-[ :'( > Not sure which to feel.

 

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what age group....
I guess I would first Ask DD, "Do you want to play ball this summer?" If Answer is no then pack it in and figure life lesson learned. If answer is yes or I think so, then hit the cages, and encourage her to do the things needed to improve.....remind her that she is in the driver seat somewhat as they only have 9 players so she will get to play no matter what.....it is her choice how well she does.....
As far as feeling bad for the team only having 9 players well I am sorry that is the coaches responsibility not hers to field a team....there are still players out there to be picked up and maybe stay or leave the team needs to be purueing a couple more players....

And the really hard question for all of us, are we paying all this money and spending all this time for DD or for ourselves.....Our family has done travel/tournament ball for 7 years and yes it is a family sport, but if @ anytime DD would say "I don't want to do this it would be over and done.." Yes , I can surely appreciate the money spent already....trust me if you have only invested a $1000 dollars a year you are doing well,LOL....Good luck with your decision, $1000 isn't worth a miserable summer....

 

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12U first year player.....Yes she wants to play. She was crying when I told her that I was thinking of packing it up and cutting my losses.

 

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The fact that you have only 9 girls on the team might be factor. We have 12 girls and had a couple of girls that struggled early on. When they were not getting the playing time they wanted they had a decision to make, work hard, get better or watch more. I do have to say that they have worked hard and improved. They also start to notice when they are not performing to there potential. I had one of the girls tell me, about ready to cry, "I've worked so hard this week and I'm sucking at practice today." I didn't think she was sucking but they start to hold themselve to a higher standard. It's hard on the kids AND the parents but when they are gauranteed playing time there is not much to prove. Right now we are still a Jekyll and Hyde team, but #12 is pushing #11 who is pushing #10 who is pushing #9 who wants to play. Sounds like your daughter needs pushed not pulled. Just my 2 cent worth. :-?

 

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Wave 10U has it right. She needs to have someone else pushing her for playing time. Hopefully the Coach is looking to add a few players. When my daughter started travel ball in 10U, she spent most the games on the bench, only getting in for an inning or 2. I always told her, when you get your chance to play, you have to make the best of it. Make the plays in the field and perform at the plate. Your playing time will come. Unfortunately, your daughter is getting her playing time regardless of her performance. I would probably tell her to work at getting better, because she may be seeing a lot less playing time if the team gets a new player or two. Maybe your daughter will feel a little pressure knowing that a new player could arrive at any time. Sounds like she wants to play, just needs motivation. I feel threatening to quit is not the right motivation, although I can see where you're coming from.

 

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I agree 200% that the roster size is a large part of our problem. Yes our coaches are actively looking for more girls but 12U seems to be short handed this year. But I have mentioned that if someone else comes that she will have to prove herself. Problem is that she is not motivated by what may happen only once it has happened. She is just not a real aggresssive type kid. She is like this in a lot of things but softball has always been what she was driven to work hard at. That is part of why we did this hoping that it would give her more motivation to try hard in everything. But at this current point it is having a reverse affect...ugh. So what type of motivation would work if not telling her that I will pull her out.That is my dilemma-I need ideas of what to do.

 

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Also something to consider is her hormones. Working with girls and especially my own DD, I'm amazed just how rapidly their mood can swing. With girls, self esteem plays a huge role in their confidence and in their ability to suceed. My DD sometimes appears to absolutely care less, but I know that she has no greater desire to be but the best player possible; it is how she deals and reflects with setbacks. I do not always like her way, but it's part of growing up and learning. As a parent, stay patient, positive and continue to encourage her to be the best she can ben and let the coaches do the coaching. Best of luck to you and your DD.

 

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since when do we deal with hormonal girls? oh, yeah, this is GIRLS softball!!!
;D :-?

 

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Lots of things to consider. The hardest part as a parent is being impartial and realistic. Some questions to ask yourself:

Am I doing this for myself or my DD?
Is your DD the competitor, or are you trying to channel your competitiveness through her? (deep!)
Is something else, possibly unrelated to softball, bothering her?
Do you constantly have to push her to practice?
Does she complain about having to play too often?
Is there a boyfriend in the picture? (biggie)
Does she have another hobby - or does she just want to "hang out"?
Are other non-athletic "friends" influencing her? (not necessarily bad)

I don't think the fact that there are only 9 on the roster has a lot to do with it - it wouldn't have in our case. If she's really into softball, she'll be a competitor regardless of that. It's a fact that you sometimes have to push a little to get a kid that age to practice. But you have to know what the limits are. Set rules like - you always have to run on and off the field (between the white lines). My DD is now pitching in college, and to this day, she still hustles onto and off the field.

At 12u, the world won't end if you take a summer off. Maybe a dose of reality without softball will show her what she had. Kids also think the grass is greener... If it is really important to her, she'll let you know in short order. Have her find her passion - it may not be softball!

 

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Sammy - excellent points.

We had this same delimma with my DD. ?Most of what you mentioned were factors. ?One thing I did every year was ask her point blank "Do YOU want to play?" if the answer was yes, then we told her that once she committs to the team then she's there for the duration of the season. ?There's no quitting mid season so she needs to be sure now. ?And if she's making the committment, then she has to give it her all.

This is travel ball, not rec ball. ?There's a huge difference between the two and sometimes that 1st year in travel ball can be a real eye opener.

Some ideas...

Tell her often, how proud you are of her for making the team. ?Let her know that going to her games and watching her play is one of the hi-lights of your summer.

Accentuate the positive and the fun parts of it, and try to keep the negative out of it.

Remind her of why she wanted to try out and play travel to begin with. ?This is for her. ?She choose to play here because she loves the sport. ?She should not let anything get in the way of her enjoyment IF THIS IS WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO. ?

My DD did take off a year from travel ball when she was 14. ?She was burned out and it wasn't fun for her anymore, more like a chore. ?We eventually found another program where she was able to find the enjoyment of the game again, and she's back in it for the second year with this group and loving it again. ?The point is, that she's playing for herself and because she enjoys it.

Does she have an issue with any of the coaching staff? ?Could there be a peronality conflict going on there? ?Not to say that they are "bad" coaches, but sometimes the best coach doesn't always mesh well with every girl.

Help to to find the fun in it! ?This isn't a job or ?the Olympics, or college recruitiment (yet), it's a game!!

 

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Your last sentence said it all nikjaz - it is a GAME - meant for FUN! When the fun goes away, so does the desire. Not to say it sometimes isn't hard work, because everything worthwhile is worth working for (or something like that).

 

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Sammy great points-but not .
1. Definitely not for me-would much rather be hanging out around the pool than softball fields.
2. Channelling my competitiveness-no not us either-I am not that type.
3.Something else always a possibility but that is one of those things the world will never know.
4. She likes to practice but just never to try to improve.
5.Never complains about playing too much she would play everyday.
6.Boyfriend possibly but won't admit it.
7. Hobby-basketball but softball is all she talks about.
8. 99% of friends are athletic and I don't think that is it.

It is more of a lack of motivation. Not a lack of wanting to play. No real desire to want to improve. She is content with where she stands and I still believe that is because she is getting to play whether she improves or stays where she is. And with no one to take her spot on the field if she is doing badly well she just is content with herself-good or bad because hey she can't be benched. I think that is her train of thought.

Basically the more I think about it I think it is just her personality and there is nothing I can really do about it. Because this is not the only area of her life that she is like this. Maybe next week after school is out and I can work with her more at home things will get better.

 

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Does she have a desire to play high school ball? Maybe that can be her motivation. All the time she spends playing ball before she gets to high school is precious time spent improving her skills and helping her to become the best she can be before she has to tryout with 20 other kids for 13 spots on a team.

 

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Maybe she just doesn't want to play anymore and is only playing to appease you. I don't know your DD, so I can't make the call, but would she maybe lie to you about not wanting to play? If not that, it IS probably the roster size. Maybe she just needs a little incentive thrown her way. Why try hard when you don't have to? That kind of thing. The will to improve has to come from within. Nuff said.

"You never know how a horse will pull until you hook him up to a heavy load."
------------------------Bear Bryant.

 

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nikjaz-Yes she wants to play HS ball but that is so far off she doesn't comprehend the importance of improving now. We come from a small school-not even enough girls for a jv team-this will be different when she gets there but that is not what she is looking at. She is never concerned about consequences until it is too late (in many aspects of her life). That is why I think it is mostly roster size but I can't figure out what to use as motivation. Unless we just let it go and wait until she is faced with some competition for playing time and see what she does then.

Catchit-she is not the type of kid to play just to please me. She knows that I this is very hard on me with my work schedule and financially so she would tell me if she didn't want to do it because she believes that I wouldn't have a problem not doing it. She loves the game and loves playing. She just doesn't care to improve. She is content with being mediocre-and slowly falling downhill. In fact I am positive she loves playing because she was told that there were verses about athletics in the bible by her sunday school teacher and tried to find them and incorporate softball into them (didn't work out how she wanted). Plus she loves to go to practice and games never complains always happy to go-just no desire to get better. I think you hit the nail on the head with "the will to improve has to come from within" I just would like to motivate her more. Because the aggressiveness to compete to be the best is not in her. Hopefully it will change when she is facing bench time because she is no longer promised full game play.

 

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Sometimes kids have to face adversity to get a wake up call. Maybe let her ride along until she either gets cut or benched. Keep up with the gentle encouragement and suggestions. If it's really that important to her she'll do what she needs to do once the time comes with more competition. If she doesn't step up, then it's probably not that important to her after all. The important point here is that it has to come from her. Have fun with it mom, and good luck.