I would suggest to any pitcher's family that at 10u and 12u to focus on picking a team where you can get a LOT of pitching time - possibly a lower level team with only one other pitcher. A hard-working pitcher needs game reps to get experience, and perfect what they have worked so hard for in practice and lessons. Certainly winning is important, but winning only comes after the skills are honed. That circle time will help tremendously when you are young.
Then, at 14u shift your focus more towards teams that are attending showcases - if you have worked hard, by that time you should not short-sell yourself and doubt your ability. If you have college ambitions, you MUST be pitching to the best batters in your age group. Face it - a DI caliber pitcher at 14u is going to strike out most varsity high school kids her freshman year. That is NOT a big accomplishment. However, facing the top 14u hitters at top showcase tournaments and getting your team to the championship game on Sunday - now THAT'S an accomplishment!
There is something to be said for a pitcher learning to deal with the disappointment of losing. This will eventually get under the skin of A TRUE COMPETITOR, and start building a hunger for a more competitive team environment. This is why the best pitchers eventually migrate to the best teams. Actually, this phenomenon happens with ANY player - from shortstop to center field. So if your daughter is a true gamer, she won't be crying after losses - she'll be MAD! If your daughter is crying when things get rough, she should seriously consider NOT being a pitcher. The circle is not the place for timid kids who easily get their feelings hurt. The pitcher is carrying the whole team, so she better have a poker face and thick skin.
Regardless of what some may think, a competitive team starts with pitching. If you don't have it in the circle, it's going to be a long season. College coaches know this, and that's why pitchers are the first to be recruited. To get on the recruiting trail takes a TON of practice and a TON of innings in games. When just starting out, those games don't have to be all that competitive - preferable if they are not. But as skill increases, so should the "testing". You won't know how good you are if all you face are weak batters! But start small, and build on your skills. When you DO get to the recruiting age, you want to show DI college coaches that you are very capable of handling the best hitters - the ones you will be facing in college.