Pressure

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I sit here everyday and read every single post on-line (I don't have much of a life). I am as competitive and anyone I know, but sometimes it worries me, are we putting too much pressure on young kids to perform or meet all these expectations. My DD love the game, but I afaid of all the pressure and compairing that goes on. Any thoughts to ease my mind? (I don't share most of the posts with her)

 

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Flashes, I would also be wondering the same thing and I in fact believe that it is very possible and probable. I can only speak from personal experience and is not a reflection on anyone else.

My own daughter turned down a D2 college because she felt it would be too much pressure, she also decided not to play softball in high school her senior year for basically the same reason.

She has played year-round for the last 4 years and it has gotten to be more of what is expected from her, more than it was fun. She does plan to play this summer and also play in college at the D3 level, where no scholarship is received and no reqirements to excel or even to to play the sport are required.

I also know of one great coach and organization where the coaches' daughter decided to not play the summer, and just play High School. She was a great player, the organization is well known, as well as the outstanding coach.

So it is my opinion that even though us parents and coaches may not realize it, the pressure, the burn out and expectations are ours and not really our daughters at times.

I did realize it was true for my own daughter and told her it was totally her decision to play or not to play, and I would support her either way. After all it is just a game and a game is played to be fun and exciting, when it is no longer fulfilling those goals, then it may be time to get out of it or at least take a break.

These are just my thoughts and experiences on the subject, and I am sure others may be different.

 

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I never post, just read for information that might actually benefit DD in the sport of softball. I just assume everyone knows the people who constantly post are in this for themselves and not their DD. YES it puts too much pressure on a girl who will never get a scholarship, we know a majority of these DD read this site in hopes of seeing there name. I personally think it is an awful shame. Not trying to start anything, honestly! Just stating what we see on here everyday.

 

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We do have a great coach and a great pitching coach, I just sometimes feel that these kids are compaired to each other too much. Like if she's not throwing 60mph she has no chance. I fear I'm putting too much pressure on myself. She loves to play and she's on a very talented team. Just want her to stay in the game.

 

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The pressures that we put on our daughters in no way compare to the pressures they would be facing if we didn't keep them busy. ?

 

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The pressures that we put on our daughters in no way compare to the pressures they would be facing if we didn't keep them busy. ?

with this I agree 100%. These girls on the team are her best friends too. But at 12, where does the fun end? I believe we have to keep it fun.

 

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A chance to use a little amateur psychology, how can I resist? LOL. My only credentials. I have 4 DD?s all have played softball at various levels. In addition I have 2 sons. 2 kids out of college (self supporting YEAH) 2 kids in college with academic success and 2 in high school doing well. Perfect? Never, but so far so good. That makes all of this one fool?s opinion. Can we overdo the competitiveness? Absolutely. That doesn?t make competitiveness bad. We all have things that motivate us to strive to achieve, some internal, some external (does the prospect of $4.00 gas make any of us want to earn more money). There are times we need to push our children and there are times to pull back. If we NEVER push our children to try, or to stick with something we probably got it wrong. If we CONSTANTLY push we get it wrong also. If we teach our children that their ability to hit a softball (or any other skill) is only part of who they are and only a single aspect we come pretty close to doing our job. If we get them to understand that the time, effort and discipline it takes to master the skills of playing a sport are much more important then the skill itself we are way ahead as parents. Learning to be a contributing part of a team, whether it be the star pitcher or the courtesy runner, and the workings of team dynamics is more important than having a 2.6 home to first. Those have always been some of the lessons to take from sports, because those are the things that apply when they get a job and themselves become parents.

 

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Good point knights....

Lifes everyday pressures, espeacially for teenagers, is greater than what most of you are putting on your daughters. That is not to say that we can't take a step back and relax a little bit. but I don't think the parents here or elsewhere should beat themselves up over pushing their dd to succeed. there are alot of life's lessons in this great game...and those families involved in it spend much much more time together than the average family!!

coach K

 

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One of the girls on my DD volleyball team has cancer, Thats pressure! One of my buddies who owns a gas station may lose his company, Thats pressure! Playing softball and learning how to compete, Thats just life. If burnout is the hardest thing our girls have to deal with than they will have a great life. I personally know of some kids that played on a low level select baseball and basketball teams all thru their younger years and were very good. But three of them no longer play sports. Why? Who knows. My point is kids have always lost interest in things as they grow up, its not just brought on by parents pushing their kids to win or earn a scholorship by playing at the highest level or by playing 100 games in a season..But one thing is for sure, if my DD plays until she is a junior in high school and then quits, hopefully she will remember how to compete for a job the same way she competed on the field.

 

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I think communication is huge. I am a driving force in my dd's future. I do ask my dd what she wants for the future and I will help her. When she is feeling that pressure, I tell her to go and have fun. Softball is a year round thing for her, she has to be a kid. She doesn't play any other sports. This was her choice. She felt that softball was her best sport and she wanted to concentrate on that. She is a very good athelet and would excel in the other sports she played, but she realized that she wasn't going to play at the next level (college) playing basketball or volleyball.

On the fun side, I tell her that she earns rewards for her performance. Example, When she is playing in a game, if she makes an error or gets no hits, she receives bread and water for dinner. The better she does, she moves up to PBJ, then a turkey sandwich, then Arby's. I have to be honest, she has never received bread and water.LOL ;D ;D We as parents we need to keep it fun and at the same time keep them focused.

 

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There are many different types of young ladies playing this game. They range from the shy and timid to the loud and rambunctious. Some cannot handle pressure well and some thrive on pressure. Some play just to have fun and some seek the most competitive environment possible. Some puts their glove away after the season and some never take their glove off.

The point I am trying to make is that the ?too much pressure? label cannot be applied to any group as a whole. Pressure is not necessarily a bad thing. Pressure can motivate some to achieve higher levels whether it is academics or athletics. Handling pressure is a very important skill that needs to be developed to help them in their future journeys.

Face it ? everyone here faces pressure in life. Most learned to deal with the pressure through the lessons learned while growing up. You learn from your parents, teachers, clergy, extended family, peers, coaches, etc. Some learned their lesson well and some never learned to handle pressure. You can easily tell the difference.

 

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I would be curious to see some posts from the DDs and get their opinions. It would be nice if they could give a age range (no specifics) so we could see the difference from the younger vs. older opinions if THEY think there is too much pressure.

 

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The point I am trying to make is that the ?too much pressure? label cannot be applied to any group as a whole. ?Pressure is not necessarily a bad thing. ?Pressure can motivate some to achieve higher levels whether it is academics or athletics. ?Handling pressure is a very important skill that needs to be developed to help them in their future journeys.

Again, great point, that I really agree with, how do I know when it's too much. My DD doesn't like to disappoint. It took me 2years to break her from looking at me after every pitch. She is very critical too. When not pitching, she play second base. She worked at it and earned the position, I was very proud of her for understanding you have to work at what you want. Last tounament her coach had her play left field. Lots of balls getting hit there. She came up with what appeared to be an attitude, really it was disappointment. She felt like she had failed. I told her every position is important and we needed a good glove out there. Of course coming from mom, it wasn't understood. What can I do to make her understand it's a team. She want to suceed so much, it effects her to a personal level.

 

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"One of the girls on my DD volleyball team has cancer, Thats pressure! One of my buddies who owns a gas station may lose his company, Thats pressure! Playing softball and learning how to compete, Thats just life. If burnout is the hardest thing our girls have to deal with than they will have a great life."

That is one of the best perspectives I've heard! And HOW TRUE it is!

Pressure, like beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder. Different strokes for different folks, and all that. Some kids absolutely thrive in a "pressure" situation. My DD told me she loves getting out of a 7th inning, bases loaded, full count situation. She just doesn't understand (or tolerate) a crying pitcher.

One thing playing sports has taught her is to develop thick skin, or you probably won't make it very far. Same goes for life in general. My DD is on scholarship playing DI softball, and is loving every minute. Tough? You bet! She tells me about those tough situations every so often. But it's those tough situations that make us grow and mature - not the cakewalk, "mom & dad will fix it" situations.

A little tough love mixed in with bear hugs goes a long way. It's a balancing act. I always like the expression "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger".

 

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Before we started getting seriously involved in softball and basketball, we provided our DD with an out. She can stop playing basketball or softball any time she wants to, (as long as the season is completed), but we have made it clear to her that she will do something in place of them. She will be actively contributing to something. Hopefully, it is something she loves as much as softball and basketball. The choice is hers.

 

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If your new to travel ball, or have a DD that is 13U or younger, you may feel that you are pressuring them, and start to doubt if it's worth it, and what effects it may cause, I know I did. ?

Early on, you are mostly responsible for you DD's commitment, actions and responsibilities, so their is the pressure. ?But as they get older, it gets easier, and they (DD's) start to understand their responsibilities and it makes it easier for them to get to practice and workout on their own. ?And you the parents will stop feeling so much pressure of and having to push your DD's. ?If by 14U, you are still feeling the pressure, you may want to reconsider if it's your dream, or theirs.

 

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?What can I do to make her understand it's a team. ?She want to suceed so much, it effects her to a personal level.

I have 2 young ladies who normally play ss and 2nd and moved them to CF and LF. ?Why - because they were fantastic at those positions. ?They were fast and caught balls that many wrote off as a base hit. I am talking about catches on a dead run and OF assists? Wow. ? Many coaches came up to me after a game and said that was the best OF combo they have ever seen.

I know that they thought it was a demotion but I talked with them about why they were in their new position. ?I explained to they why their skills were needed there. ?I asked them a couple of questions that seemed to turn on the lightbulb over their head.

On your past team, how many times did you cringe when you saw a ball hit to the outfield?

How many times did your team lose because the OF dropped the ball or misplayed a ball?

How many times in the past did you cover 2nd expecting a throw from the OF to get runner and the OF threw the ball to the wrong base?

How many times did a catchable fly ball drop to the ground because the OF was slow?

and the last question...

Is it possible for a team win without an OF?

I tell them truthfully, one of the most exciting plays you will see in a game is an OF racing to the ball and make an over the shoulder catch on a dead run. That is a play that brings the bleacher to their feet for a standing ovation. ?Many people remember great plays in a game but the catch Willie Mays made over his shoulder is one that is held as one of the greatest plays in the history of baseball. ?Last, but not least, I asked they is they were the manager of the Cleveland Indians, would you start Grady Sizemore at 2nd or CF?

They now love their new position. They also know that they are very valuable to the team because they excel at 2 different positions that helps the team in event of injuries, etc.

 

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I would be curious to see some posts from the DDs and get their opinions. It would be nice if they could give a age range (no specifics) so we could see the difference from the younger vs. older opinions if THEY think there is too much pressure.

I'll Ms ManitouKatie read this and reply tonight. MD

 

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I can't hlp but to think that some of the pressure a DD faces is self-inflicted...

StatDD:"I have a project due in ...., but i want to stay over at a friends house and myspace until dinner" ?

StatmanRay: Well, should have thought about that last week during your snow day off of school. ?What did you do instead?--myspace

StatDD: "OMG, I can't even text my BFF!" ?

StatmanRay: We'd have an unlimited plan if you wouldn't have broken last year's phone with a month left to go on our plan and we had to renew. ?Tough!

StatDD: OMG, Mrs. DourLip gave me an incomplete on this assignemnt
StatmanRay: ?Next time turn it in on time!

need i go on? ?none of it has to do with softball...although i'm not saying that everything was peachy in the summer...she gets frustrated when she doesn't hit sometimes, or doesn't play well, but she has a saying.."Softball is my happy place." ?they have fun on the diamond, believe it or not...

her biggest pressure now, is that the May dance is on the same day as her 8th grade tournament. Why would they do that? Eye-roll and all!

 

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I can't hlp but to think that some of the pressure a DD faces is self-inflicted...

StatDD:"I have a project due in ...., but i want to stay over at a friends house and myspace until dinner" ?

StatmanRay: Well, should have thought about that last week during your snow day off of school. ?What did you do instead?--myspace

StatDD: "OMG, I can't even text my BFF!" ?

StatmanRay: We'd have an unlimited plan if you wouldn't have broken last year's phone with a month left to go on our plan and we had to renew. ?Tough!

StatDD: OMG, Mrs. DourLip gave me an incomplete on this assignemnt
StatmanRay: ?Next time turn it in on time!

[highlight]need i go on? [/highlight]?none of it has to do with softball...although i'm not saying that everything was peachy in the summer...she gets frustrated when she doesn't hit sometimes, or doesn't play well, but she has a saying.."Softball is my happy place." ?they have fun on the diamond, believe it or not...

No you dont, I think that is the type of conversation most of us have had ?;D