Top 10 Life Lessons You Don't Want Your Athlete to Learn!

[John Michael Kelly]

After finishing 11 tournaments in 12 weeks during June and July in various venues around the country one sad truth I saw that continues to plague the great sport of softball is bad behavior by both parents and coaches.

This bad behavior is damaging to your athlete, her team, and the organization. It cheapens the game in front of parents, other teams and college coaches.

So, here are 10 lessons you absolutely do not want your athlete to learn while on the softball field:

1. Not playing when a college coach is there to watch. I saw this in Colorado and I couldn't believe it. The coach knew the athlete had a coach coming to scout her and he still did not play her in a meaningless pool game. Unforgivable! (The lesson: "My coach doesn't care about me.")

2. Putting a single athlete above the team. You know, "It's all about my kid...scr** the team." Pointing out your athletes statistics compared to her teammates.This kind of selfishly is becoming more and more prevalent. (The lesson: "I matter more than my teammates, and my stats define me.")

3. Ripping your players. I saw this every weekend...coaching yelling and belittling their players. Really? You expect female athletes to respect and play hard for you when you embarrass them and rip into their confidence? These teams were usually eliminated early in the tournament. I wonder why? (The lesson: "My ego as a coach is more important than how you feel or how you play.")

4. Bad mouthing coaches in front of everyone. I realize national tournaments mean more $$ spent, but rein in the emotional outbursts and act like an adult. If you don't like the coach or his/her strategy then change teams at the end of the season. Just don't poison the well DURING a tournament. Also understand their are game and tournament strategies you don't understand that involve how a roster is utilized. (The lesson: "I never need to respect my coaches because my parents think they're idiots.")

5. Talking to college coaches. College coaches do not want to (and, in many cases, are forbidden by NCAA rules) talk to parents about their kids. Give them room and let your coaches and official team representative speak with them. Pimping your kid really only hurts her chances. College coaches know you embellish the truth, so back off. (The lesson: "My parents embarrass me in front of the coaches.")

6. Quitting on your team. I saw it a few times whereby a player wasn't getting playing time at Nationals and the parent pulled their kid, packed up and went home. Or, after approaching the coach about it the coach cut the kid. Yikes...can't we all just get along! (The lesson: "I don't have to honor my commitments because it's all about me.")

7. Being habitually late to games. There always seems to be one or two kids on a team that ALWAYS show up late to pre-game warm ups. Why? Plan it out, use Google maps or your cell GPS. Set the alarm earlier. Whatever it takes. Don't make your coaches have two sets of rules for the team. (The lesson: "It doesn't matter if I'm late.")

8. Talking to your athlete DURING the game. This is a major "no no" in my book. Give her plenty of water or Gatorade BEFORE the game. Do not approach the dugout to talk about the game. I even saw a mom walk right into the dugout during the game to give her kid nachos. Seriously? Let the coaches coach, and the players play. You can do your mom or dad thing AFTER the game is over. (The lesson: "I don't have to follow team rules, nor do I have to grow up!")

9. Hopping teams. I see (back to the "me first" myopic mentality) too many players changing teams each season without a legitimate reason. In truth the green isn't always greener. With the explosion of travel/club softball comes elevated competition to recruit players. Many coaches will tell you exactly what you want to hear so beware. Not to mention hopping teams yanks your athlete from friends and a comfort zone she may have been thriving in. The one caveat to this is a truly bad situation, in which leaving is the logical option (The lesson: "My princess deserves better because she is the best player on the team." translation to the athlete: "My parents don't trust me to succeed on this team. They just keep pushing me. I don't want to change teams again. I like it here.")

10. Yelling at umpires. Man, at national tournaments this was at epidemic levels this summer! Please honor the game and respect all those who make it happen: coaches, umpires, the opponent and every player on your athlete's team. (The lesson: "I don't need to respect the umpires, and I can always blame them for my failures.")

Thanks for reading!

With any questions you may have about your athlete or team and their mental game please email me at:
SportsConfidenceCoach@gmail.com

 

[coachjwb]

Great post, John ... and more coaches and especially parents are guilty of some of these than they realize ... see #4, 8, and 10.

 

[All-4-thegirls]

so, I gave the original post a "thumbs up" and it recorded it as a "thumbs down"???? Now I'm wondering how many times this has actually happened??? HELP!

 

[Utility21]

This needs to be handed out to all parents along with a memo; Read before every tournament!

 

[Umpiremom72]

Thinking of copying and passing this out. Very good advice!

 

[Irish196]

Very good list!
I feel badly for kids who have parents that do some of these things. No matter how much they work, their parents can screw all of it up by doing things on this list. I know parents just want the best for their kids, but they have to understand that most of it is out of their control. I always tell our daughter that she is the only one who can improve her situation. Things won't always be fair so I tell her not to waste her time or energy focusing on the bad or the unfair (umpires, 3rd party decisions, other players, people who have connections/get favors, other coaches, etc.) and focus it on what she needs to do to improve her situation and get what she wants. Pre-teens don't always understand that message, but the more it is driven into her, the more she gets it.