What would you do

[default]

Question for you. Season is all but over and my dd had plans to go to Kings Island on Friday. She asked the coach last week if it was okay to skip practice and he said no problem. Then two days ago on Monday he informed the team they picked up a game for Friday. Dd went up to him telling him she had plans that he had already approved. He made her feel bad and said it was her decision but she didn't seem committed to softball, it was an extracuricular activity.

Now my dilema is this, even though he was an --- about it, I feel he was partially correct. She is part of the team, and if they have a game, she should be there. I wasn't worried about skipping practice, but not a game. It isn't a league game and the team is one of the best around, so while we may hold our own, we probably won't win. Also, she is the only person on the team who has played them before in travel ball. So they really need her experience. This is why I told her she needed to be there.

What do you think, should I change it back and let her go or stay my ground and make her do what i think is the right thing. BTW she is really mad at me right now.

 

[default]

All of your points are valid. Will this hurt her in the eyes of this coach for future seasons? Depending on the age and maturity level of your dd, I think this has to be her decision. She is the one who will have to live with it. Your job is to make sure she understands that every decision has consequences, what those may be, and then let her deal. All part of growing up.

 

[default]

IMHO, I'd have to say that she should stay. The coach gave her permission under the assumption that she would only be missing practice. Might have helped if he had thought ahead enough to say, "You can go, unless we have a makeup/pickup game", but too late now. Bottomline, she made a committment to the team and she should follow through, regardless of who they are playing or whether they will win or not. As far as her being mad at you, been there, done that... Isn't that our job at times?

On a side note: Is this just a trip to Kings Island with friends, or is it a school related thing? Not that it makes a whole lot of difference, just curious.

Dclady makes a good point as far as having her see the consequences of her actions.

 

[default]

She is a sophmore playing 2nd year varsity. So yes, this could affect her in the future. She starts 2nd everygame and is the leadoff batter.
This is senior skip day and her boyfriend and a bunch of them are all going. She will have no time with him this summer as travel ball takes up all her time and he goes off to college in July. So no, it isn't that important and except for going with the others, she could easily go Saturday. She has been perfectly honest with the coach as well. I know she will get over it, I was just curious to see what others thougt.

 

[default]

Boy that is a tough one. Should stay or Should I go. (that could be lyrics to a song)

The sports guy in me says she stays and plays. We start what we finish. Be there for your team. Honor your commitment to your team and coach.

The father says you make your decision but you must live with your decision. My guess is this is a school trip. If not why would she miss a whole day of school for a fun trip with friends. I am assuming friends because you mention she had plans to go. Father in me also says where is the commitment from the coach to his word. If he told her she could miss and then scheduled a game, well that is something the coach has to deal with. Going back on his word could send bad vibes to her just like her missing could send bad vibes to him. She talked to him early enough about missing then he schedules a game. I think the coach needs to honor his word to her. If it is as you say he made her feel bad (guilt trip) then shame on him.

What ever decision she makes whether the game or Kings Island, she will look back and a couple of years and say I am glad I made the trip or I wish I had stayed and played with my teammates

broncho

 

[default]

A sophmore skipping class? :-? ?What lesson are we trying to teach?

The last I looked, "Senior Skip Day" is not an excused absense from school. Does the team have a Saturday game? If so, then your DD is ineligible to play.

 

[default]

She needs to stay and play, in my opinion. ?Kings Island isn't going anywhere. ?She can do that trip another time. ?I always think its best for each player to consider the "Team" and how their absence will affect them as a whole. ?Especially at that this age. ?Committment is very important. ?She also may make herself look bad amongst her team members, like she's not equally committed. ?That can cause friction that can really create problems within the team. ?I dont' think Kings Island is worth it. ?We all, as parents, have to do what we think is best. ?Good luck to ya!

 

[default]

with the added info ( I was typing my first reply while the additional info was being added)
being a sophomore she needs to be there for her team.

 

[default]

A tough parenting situation, but agree that she should attend the game, and not show that she is not happy with it. She did everything right by asking for permission in advance, and then talking with the coach when she heard the game was scheduled. But sometimes plans change in life, and you have to make adjustments ... and if it was my daughter, as tough as it would be, I would expect her to play.

 

[default]

My "sophomore" dd recently asked me if she had permission to miss school on "senior skip day" recently. It was I could do to "restrain" myself. She is lucky I was half asleep dozing on the couch.

I would still have difficulty with "senior skip day" if she were a senior, and she had better have a pretty steller 3.5 years of prior achievement under her belt. Just my opinion on that, but I agree with the others that priorities should be tied to principled responsibilities to self and others ("team&quot - this is a teaching moment.

 

[default]

Let me add, she isn't skipping, she is taking an independent study day which she earned for perfect attendence and 4.0 so it doesn't count against her as a missed day.

 

[default]

Let me add, she isn't skipping, she is taking an independent study day which she earned for perfect attendence and 4.0 so it doesn't count against her as a missed day.

Impressive! ... plus a 2nd year varsity starter, and leadoff hitter? ?

Would still vote to be at the game, but that sounds like a GREAT kid, either way, and your "dilemma" is much more appreciated now. Can my dd come live with you for a year? ?

Good luck with this!

 

[default]

I have two words that describes my feelings on this issue:

1. Committment - she made the committment to play. Committments should always be honored.

2. Responsibility - She has a responsibility to her team, teammates and her coaches. She will be letting everyone down if she does not play.

You are trying to rationalize when you say that you are playing a team that you probably will lose to. Well, if she doesn't play - she will lose more than just the game - she will lose the respect of her teammates and her coaches.

 

[default]

Well I'm going to look at this from a life perspective. I know we as parents what to believe that softball is on our kids minds 100% of the time but in reality it is just a part of their childhood. I have a tough time with this kind of stuff too, school dances, birthday parties, ...ahem...cheerleading. In the end, as hard as it is, I don't want softball to become a thing of resentment. These are kids who want to do kid things. I hear all of the things about commitment, team unity, etc., but just because she likes to do things other than softball does not mean she is not commited to softball. She is just young and wants to enjoy life a little. High school is the best times of their lives let them live a little.

I would let her decide BUT also tell her that with every decision there are consequences. She must be prepared for the consequences what ever she decides and live with them. This is also part of growing up.

Also, as far as a senior skip day. Big deal. It's part of the HS experience. I think we force kids to conform to adult standards to soon anyway. I doubt there is nobody out there that has never called in sick to work or read the OFC on work hours.

 

[default]

As a coach I say she needs to play.
As a father I say she should honor her commitment to the team.
As a a bystander I have seen many talented ball players just walk away because of some much time committed to softball they miss out on all the fun their friends are having.

It is a tough desicion

:-/

 

[default]

I think it should be her decision to make. Let her know how strongly you feel but tell her its her decision. She can't be mad at you then. She made a commitment to her friends to join them that day. She should decide which is more important to her. If she did skip the game it might not hurt her much, coaches tend to be more forgiving of the better players.

If it was my DD I would encourage her to play the game.

 

[default]

Unfortunately, with all of the rain-outs we've had this year, many of us have probably found ourselves in similar situations. I know I have. The girls were supposed to have tonight off and my DD had made other plans. Coach came along the other day and said that he had scheduled a make-up game for tonight. The other plans were tossed and DD will be at her game tonight. The committment to the team should come before skipping school with friends. If it's SENIOR skip day and your DD is a SOPHOMORE - shouldn't she be in school anyway?

 

[default]

The post regarding her taking and independent study day came in while I was typing the previous post so that negates the last part of my post.
However, while I agree that kids need to be kids and if you make them make softball their life, they will give it up - they also need to be strongly encouraged to honor their committments regardless if it's a game they think they will lose (or easily win without her).

 

[default]

I may get bashed for this one, but I'd let her go to KI

Her coach already approved her to miss on Friday and she made the committment to her friends. This day was her "reward" for being a good kid. It is important. Personally, I think it was wrong for her coach to give her a guilt trip.

A commitment is a commitment, and she has two here. She was excused from one of them and made the other. In my eyes, she should honor her commitment and be rewarded for being such a great kid!

 

[default]

You could pray for rain ;D But then King's Island wouldn't be much fun either!