forcing kid to play

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Member

• Aug 19, 2009

• #21

I say give your DD the choice. If she is unhappy then its going to be a long summer and you wont hear anything but complaints. Sure things could change, but I think you have to trust her. Only she really knows if she wants to play in hs, clooege, etc. sure you can try to get her to think about other teams or push her to play for the better team or watever but if she isnt happy then why do it at all?

 

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• Aug 19, 2009

• #22

Let the DD make the choice. Heck alot of parents don't make all the right decisions. She will be happier which means mom and dad will be happier.

 

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Member

• Aug 19, 2009

• #23

What about a kid play...Period. say Girl drama creeps into the scene , making the young lady "Not Like it " anymore .... The Caveat is The Kid is gifted... Do you let her walk. Or "gut it up" and play on ?

 

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Member

• Aug 19, 2009

• #24

i think making decisions is like hitting a softball the more you do it the better you get.mom and dad can encourage or point out pro s and cons but ultimatly it should be kids choice.in this case i know i have seen a scout at games already for your 13u team so exposure is not a key ingredient i say what the kid wants then if she does not like it she cant blame mom and dad.

 

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• Aug 20, 2009

• #25

Let the kid choose? ... okay, let's say she wants to travel 3 hours to play for a team that is not very good, and because they wear AWESOME "pink pony" uniforms, and also her old best friend that moved last year plays for that team now ....

Extreme example? ... yes! Point is, that parental input is important, and even necessary to over-rule decisions that are obviously poor or emotional decisions. The "feel good" & "confidence/esteem" part of letting dd decide is VERY important, and ultimately her "buy-in" is vital, agreed.

Another of life's important lessons though, is that the one that funds the operation, ultimately must "approve" also, and believe it is good value in return for the funds ... this is true whether in her future career, or while she is on college scholaship, or while she is playing 10u for the "Pink Ponies" (or the "Kitten Killers"). It should be an educational process of decision making, guided by the adult, with the real decision making gradually shifting to the kid over time. I would not force a kid to play for a team that she can't stand though, even at youngest ages, throw out the high & low if needed, decide among the mutually acceptable.

Just keepin' it real, and spreading sunshine .... ;& .... overall though, it is important to feel good about what you are doing, and own that choice as much as possible. It has been enjoyable watching my own gradually wrestle control away from me ... makes me proud, and confident in her future decision making.

 

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Member

• Aug 20, 2009

• #26

It has to be DD?s choice, WITH parental guidance. My DD played on the same 10U team for 2 years. She loved the friends she made there and did not want to leave. I however, was not fond of, shall we say (just to be nice here), the coach?s "extreme enthusiasm" and ?communication skills?. But, DD was comfortable on this team. In order to make her realize that she could play on another team, I picked up a couple of tournaments with a different team after her season was over. It was a great confidence booster for her and made her realize she will make more friends and will always have the old friends. Now, at the end of the season, I make a list of possible team choices that I approve of. We list the pro?s and con?s of each. We go to try outs, talk about it, and ultimately, it is her choice because she is the one that will be spending most of her summer with these girls and coaches. And, if she doesn?t like it, then I can say ?S**k it up, it was your choice?;&

 

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• Aug 20, 2009

• #27

Good plan Ziggy!

 

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• Aug 20, 2009

• #28

The choice is hers and we as parents have to believe we have gave her enough information to make a good choice, alot of times she says something i was thinking and that means she does listen ....sometimes lol. Its a tough world out there and its always nice to have people that love you in your corner,thats our job as parents.

 

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• Aug 20, 2009

• #29

I asked my dd this question on forcing dd to play with another team. She's 14 and her reply was "Well if she's really good, then she needs to play with a higher level of competition to get even better. Plus it will give her a chance to make new friends like I did." So I asked "Well what if the level of competition is the same?" She shrugged her shoulders. I think that after discussion with the dd, giving her all the pros and cons, leave it to the dd.

 

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• Aug 20, 2009

• #30

Kids tend to gravitate to what they know and like, many times not giving other opportunities a chance. One part of travel ball that I enjoy as a parent is my daughter getting to meet other girls, parents, etc. I believe it will help her adapt to changes in her life (such as college, regardless of softball) and better understand what it takes to be succesful. If as a parent I felt the right decision was to go with the new team I would give a very strong nudge in that direction. You know your daughter best as well as the situation she is in. If you believe her maturity level will allow her to adjust to a new team and it is better for her development then I think the decision is clear.

Obviously, we all want our kids to have a great time. As a previous poster pointed out though, travel ball is not necessarily for that...to me that is a bonus. It would be ideal if we could rely on the daughter to make the right decision, but that is not always realistic. In my view, our responsibility as a parent dictates that we exercise some control over these decisions. If in the short term that leads to a little bit of discontent, so be it.

 

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Member

• Aug 21, 2009

• #31

Let your DD make the choice but make sure she is giving it up for the right reasons. I believe some just lose interest and others may want to concentrate on other things.

 

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Member

• Aug 21, 2009

• #32

ziggywoman said:

I however, was not fond of, shall we say (just to be nice here), the coach?s "extreme enthusiasm" and ?communication skills?.

Click to expand...

:lmao: sent you a PM---i think we played you guys...we know all about the "enthusiasm" :lmao:

 

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Member

• Aug 21, 2009

• #33

Let them make the choice with some guidance from mom and dad just like everything else we would support them with. Have candid conversations with them of what their end result is to be. What do they want out of it? If they are talented and want to walk away, who are we to stop them if that's what they truly want. The desire needs to start within. If they are satisfied at the level they are at, are not going to play at the next level, have some real friends and enjoyment while doing it, so be it.

As for girl Drama, they are going to have it everywhere they turn on the fields, in school and in life. It's how they learn to deal with it is what matters and we need to help educate them on that as well. Garbage in, garbage stays in...

It's up to us to help them to learn how to keep the garbage out of the 6" between their ears...

 

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Member

• Aug 21, 2009

• #34

I am probably in the minority here, but if you think you were smarter at 12 than you are now, then let the kid decide. My dad made me do some things back in the "70's I hated, but in the long run, I look back now and realize he really WAS pretty smart. I think as a society we are way too worried about making kids happy NOW, and not looking out for the long-term best interest. If your kid doesn't get along well with everybody, then is she ever going to be able to work if she has the expectation of only working where she likes all of her co-worker's? I guarantee there were people I have worked or served with whom I did not like, but I would sacrifice my life to save theirs, and vice-versa. Teach the kids life isn't always fair, you aren't always going to like everybody, everybody is not always going to like them, and real animals in the woods see you as a meal, and they will be better in the long-run.

 

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Member

• Aug 21, 2009

• #35

softballrulz33 said:

I agree completely with letting my DD make the decision on which team to play for as long as she will learn and grow. They have to like their teammates and coaches or it will be a miserable season.

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:yahoo: You hit the nail right on the HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!