David,
It's hard sitting in those classes. One, because you know our situation and it was very atypical of what probably happens 90% of the time at foster care. Our issues were not the same as other people. I can relate to my softball bretheren because we have been to the same tourneys, the same one-hour warm-ups, the same drive out of town--in foster care and adoption, it's a world many people don't have (including me) have the stomach for.
Statwife and I would be in tears everyday if we let it get to us. Teaching in our area of town, we come across bluntly what I wouldn't dream of going through as a child. Here I am, getting after a kid about not getting his Friday Folder signed, I'm asking for a phone number, he ends up telling me mom is in jail. Talk about an eye opener. I guess this is one of the reasons I've been vocal as of late (and finally had to "shut it down"). Some people just dont get it.
And I guess this is why I get emotional over my own DD. Now she's a teenager. I didn't get the ballet classes or the walking hand in hand with daddy to the park, I didn't get to see her awaken in the morning wearing a pink dress and to climb in bed with wife and I. I feel cheated sometimes. Now she's getting older, she's independent, stubborn more than me, she meets friends everywhere and remembers their names (I can barely remember the names of parents on my team). I actually get jealous when she's not around, when I see other DD's and their dads relationships after games or anywhere in public. I know that i'm just being selfish as usual, and in the end, she's much better off with her--and I'm much better off with her in my life.
We officially told FCCS we wouldn't be taking any kids in the future. It's an easy decision, but it's also a complicated one. It's easy for people to throw in the towel. I dont have the personal strength (nor the unselfishness) to do it again.
I'd love to see the pictures someday. Count on it!
Ray