How should you tell a kid they've been cut?

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My daughter tried out for the freshman volleyball team at her high school. She made it through the first cuts yesterday but didn't make the team when final cuts were done today. My issue isn't the fact that she got cut. It's the manner it which they were notified. The girls all receive letters in sealed envelopes as they left the gym. Some said "Congratulations.......", others said "We're sorry to inform you.....". The coach never talked to any of the girls.

I've coached rec, travel, and high school sports for fifteen years. I've never been part of a program that cut athletes in this mannner. We always talk with each kid, letting them know what they did well and what they need to work on. To me, the letter is a cowardly and impersonal way to handle a difficult situation in a young person's life. Or...am I overreacting? For the record, my daughter is not really too upset about being cut. She's already looking forward to fall softball. The issue is with the manner of notification.

Just wondering what others think.

 

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Two things.

First I agree with your assessment. It shows that the coach is not interested in teaching the sport.

Second. I can't beleive that a school would cut from the freshman team. The whole idea of a freshman team is to develop players and keep them in the progrfam so that there will be more talent to move up next year.

 

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what ever happen to the days, like when we were in school, when they posted a list up on the wall that had the names of the kids and which team they made. If your name was not on the list then you did not make it.

It was not a cut list but a who made what team list.

 

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You are going to have allot of that these next few weeks, even in the softball tryouts, Some have so many girls they can't possibly tell each one why, others will post it on their sites, others will call the homes to tell the girls. The last one, if done, the coaches should tell the girls and not Mom or Dad, so coaches as you embark on your method, keep it all in mind....

 

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my dd is in 7th grade and thats how they are doing it. With the sealed envelope and don't open until your with your parents. What kinda **** is that. Can someone explain to me why you can't play up in middle school. But you can in high school. I'm not talking about an opinion. I'm talking OHSAA rule book answer.

 

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They just post the teams at our HS. No discussion.

Gosh, we cut at the 6th grade level. If you lose out in MS, it is awfully difficult to get back on.

 

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Not the way I would handle it or want my DD to be cut. It could be a case of a teacher just looking for some extra pay & they are going to do it in the least confrontational way. I would think that a coach who is really invested in the program & kids would tell them what they need to work on to make it next time. Also, it could be the way the school handles cuts in all sports. Afterall, there are some pretty crappy ADs out there.

 

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In middle school, my DD's and all the players received a sealed envelope. In it was an invitation to practice the next night or a letter from the coach explaining why they did not make the team this time and what they needed to work on and an offer to help in any way they could to prepare for the next year. That first envelope for my oldest DD was a gut wrencher, I picked her up from what could be her final practice/tryout and we sat in the driveway once we made it home until she had the nerve to open it. She made it and every year thereafter along with my younger DD, but regardless, I think I like that method. If you are cut, you have someone there to hug you, if you make the cut you can jump up and down and celebrate without worrying about the girl before you or after you that doesn't make it....

 

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If you have large numbers out and have to make cuts this speeds up the process, and my personal opinion saves some immediate hurt feelings of rejection in front of your peers. Lets say you talk to all the girls that are getting cut to explain to them why. If there are ten of them you need to talk to, thats pretty tough to have to sit there and wait your turn, knowing what is going to be said to you when you get in there. To some it may make a difference to hear what your areas of weakness are so you can improve, but I would bet it would be less than 1 in 10.

I have been a coach that had to make cuts on my HS team, and I did do it one on one in my office, and it's hard. I left feeling worse than the girls in some cases. But I never had to cut more than 4 or 5, anymore and I would likely have went another route like the letter. Waiting to go in has to be worse than waiting on your turn in front of a firing squad.

 

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Our worst one was our oldest DD wa stold she didn't make 7th grade because she was too small...... That was the only reason and how does a kid work on that? She busted her butt even more and made it every year after that and that coach that told her that, became one of her favorite teachers, mentor that she uses for a reference 4 years removed from school.....So there is life after cuts...

 

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My dd wasn't welcomed back after a season of ball. We still do not know why. Instead of the coach discussing any issues; he just ignored the entire family the last week of season and the last tournament. Was very negative, dishonest and hurtful to our daughter. That is not the kind of character we want our dd associated with but to all parents.....Be Careful

 

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There's probably no good way to deliver the bad news that will make anyone happy. After all, it's bad news. I remember getting cut from middle school basketball. The coach had everyone in the locker room and read a list of the kids who made it. I hated not being on the list but at the same time I don't think I would have cared for a one on one with the coach. I tried out again the next year and got cut again. Oh well, in high school I went for wrestling instead.

I took my youngest to a tryout last year for a well known org and the guy running the show told everyone upfront, "if you made the team, we'll call you. If you didn't we won't." I was cool with that. We did get a call but ultimately decided another program was a better fit that year.

I would just suggest for those concerned about not making a team to have multiple contingency plans. With all the teams out there one is bound to be right for you.

 

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I would say this coach has a prior experince with cutting a player for the reason of just not being that good. The conversation did not go well with the parent. The parent thought their child was alot better than they actualy are and the coach was honest and told them that. I have seen this situation first hand before. Very tough to tell someone that their child is not as good as they think they are. If done to their face some get offended and confrintational. When this happens then no one wins.

However there are some coaches that are just plain dumb @$$es.

 

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You think HS sports try-outs are bad, wait until the College Application process. Colleges just send you a letter saying accepted or not accepted.

Pretty blunt and to the point.

 

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My DD had it both ways and said it doesn't really mater to her. Last year for 8th grade BB they passed out the envelopes. She didn't make that team. This year for 9th grade s occer they had every kid go into the office for a one on one. She made JV Gold but while this was going on I was waiting outside waiting in the heat. I would have preferred the envelopes to get them out quicker.

My guess is like her most kids don't care how personal the news is delivered. Parents are too sensitive.

 

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My daughter tried out for the freshman volleyball team at her high school. She made it through the first cuts yesterday but didn't make the team when final cuts were done today. My issue isn't the fact that she got cut. It's the manner it which they were notified. The girls all receive letters in sealed envelopes as they left the gym. Some said "Congratulations.......", others said "We're sorry to inform you.....". The coach never talked to any of the girls.

I've coached rec, travel, and high school sports for fifteen years. I've never been part of a program that cut athletes in this mannner. We always talk with each kid, letting them know what they did well and what they need to work on. To me, the letter is a cowardly and impersonal way to handle a difficult situation in a young person's life. Or...am I overreacting? For the record, my daughter is not really too upset about being cut. She's already looking forward to fall softball. The issue is with the manner of notification.

Just wondering what others think.

I would do it as you suggest but not everyone does it that way and numbers have a lot to do with it. My son played for a high profile basketball school - players were told to look in the locker room in the morning and the players who made the teams names were posted. That was the extent of the notification - your name was on the list if you made the team. Given that they had 60+ people trying out for the fresh/jv/ and varsity it would take a long time to talk to everyone who didn't make it. Most of the guys that didn't make it had it figured out before the list was posted. Most times the kids recognize their skill level better than their parents

 

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Atleast she got a letter onthebucket. At our former High school the Softball coach put up a list of names either your name was on the list or it wasnt. No explanation period

 

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Thanks for the responses everyone. After reading through them its obvious that there never will be a "good" way to tell a player they've been cut. Its just another of life's lessons that our kids have to go through. And the parent's too!!

 

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Concerning volleyball, our MS posted the names of the girls that made the team on a piece of paper taped to the glass door of the gym entrance. The posting was made about 4 hours after the final tryout so you had to drive back to the school to find out your fate, because practice was the next morning. Our HS coaches had a one-on-one talk with each girl individually right after the final day of tryouts. Each girl, whether they made it or not, received a numeric score complete with comments.

Len

 

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We know a young lady that this year after traveling with a team one season got notified by an e-mail that they would not be picking her back up....I personally think that was pretty shady! How hard is it to pick up the phone?