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Member
We feel very deceived by our daughter's ex-college coach and guilt for sending her into a horrible situation. Don't do your girls a dis-service by being afraid to ask hard uncomfortable questions. Ask if there is a code of conduct or ethics for the coaching staff and get a copy. If there are ANY signs of immaturity or unprofessionalism, take heed. If there has been mass exodus, records that historically deteriorate over the season or very small rosters by the end of the year, huge red flag, no matter what explanation you get. Girls don't work that hard for years to give up on it in such numbers ... no matter how logical the excuse. Girls want to play for good coaches who encourage a healthy competitive culture. When they go on official visits they should ask girls if they like playing for the coach. They should hear excited enthusiastic inspired answers. If you are too afraid to ask these type of questions because you don't want to offend and risk not getting an offer, you could be throwing her to the wolves. Good coaches would not be offended. We had believed coaches to be people who inspire by their passion for the game and promote integrity, honor and team. Not all of them ... and even at the upper levels. She's gotten thru the "hard" part and had much success this fall. But what we can not condone anymore is the abusive, bullying coach. Daily personal, degrading remarks can only be heard so long before you start to believe them and begin to question. Literally dictating whereabouts and actions on a moment by moment basis daily. Policing who you can talk to or socialize with. Intentionally being hurtful, insulting intelligence and family, badgering and belittling until the wee hours of the morning when 5 am alarms are going off in 2-3 hours is not acceptable treatment of my daughter under any circumstances. Not to mention the walks across campus to the dorm, alone, in the middle of the night. The scary part of this is the above is a classical description of an abusive relationship. The sad part? She endured this abuse for weeks for the love of the game ... only. All her scholarship money had come from academics, so she had nothing to lose ... except the thrill of taking the field. She is grieving that mightily. My hard nosed, hard working daughter who never has quit anything in her life has quit softball, not school, with our blessings. Already she is regaining her confidence and her old self. Today she told me its the best decision she's made in her whole life. She felt she was a good person and raised right. She didn't want to spend 4 years with those people because she didn't want them to change her in a bad way. She is sorry for disappointing all the people that have helped her and supported her. I'm sorry for allowing her to go to that situation and will deal with that for the rest of my life. Don't let this happen to you. If it seems to be too good to be true ... it probably is.