Let's clean up this game

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All right, look. My dd has played several seasons of tourney ball, and during each of those seasons we have witnessed idiotic stunts by immature, unstable coaches who can?t control themselves. It distresses me to see it, since it gives young girls the absolute wrong idea of what athletic competition is all about.

But this year takes the cake. So far we have seen:

1) A coach whose program was hosting the tournament screaming at the top of his lungs at an ump, ?You?ve been terrible for twenty years,? repeatedly, at least twenty times. People could hear this through the whole complex ? we heard it a field and a half away. It sounded like the guy was totally melting down, tearing-his-hair-out insane. His yelling couldn?t have been louder or more out of control if he'd just gotten news that his family had been wiped out in a car crash. I thought, all this drama over a girls? softball game? What kind of a stunted, creepy life must this individual have, if his ego can be totally shattered by the disappointing outcome of a child?s game?

2) A coach facing away from his opponents? dugout, bending down and reaching back and patting his far-too-ample patoot in the universal invitation to ?kiss my keister?. Again, what do we want our daughters to learn from playing this game? And who are the children here, really?

3) A coach shouting insults at an opposing team about their national heritage. (Sigh.) Whose country is reflected badly upon in this situation?

4) A coach screaming a stream of obscenities at the umpire in front of both teams and both sets of parents. (Another sigh, deeper this time.)

And I could add several more examples just as bad, but you get the idea.

Now, I don?t want to get into the merits of each coach?s claims. Because, ultimately, they don?t matter. Even if the ump is wrong about a call at first, that doesn?t give you license to make a total idiot of yourself. Or give a horrible example to 25 young girls on how to act when faced with adversity.

And I'm not proposing that softball coaches never get passionate or yell.

I'm not even saying that umps are not horrible -- unfortunately, some of them are.

But there are lines that should simply not be be crossed -- and they have to do with comporting oneself as a decent human being.

So I am hereby making a proposal:

Let?s stand up for our daughters and purge this sport of a-holes. Today.

Let?s go to our program directors/boards and inform them of coaches who are an embarrassment to their organizations.

Let?s tell parents of younger players which coaches can?t control themselves, and which are decent human beings. (And I?ve come to realize that there is no correlation between being an a-hole and being a good coach. Some winning coaches are a-holes, and some are wonderful human beings.)

And, finally. I propose that each program review any instance in which one of their coaches gets tossed from a game. Appropriate suspensions could follow where merited. This would at least let coaches know that they're accountable for their behavior.

Anyway, I?m not suggesting we go out and collect our daughters from second base when a coach melts down ? (although I?m about this close?).

I just think that too many a-hole coaches could actually kill this sport in time.

I'm interested in finding out if others agree, or if I'm just turning into a crotchety old f*rt.

;&

Or both.

 

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I'm with ya, saltyman.

 

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sigh

If only it was that easy.

We suspended a coach for a few games and then told him he could not come back. So they are headed to another org. Had a new team in about 4 days...........not a great coach nor was he coaching a great team. A developmental team.

Same type of stuff.

I tried to explain to him that his behavior is modeling poor reaction to adverse situautions. He is telling the girls that you handle bad stuff by losing your mind and insulting people. He even got into a shouting match with a parent during a game. And he told me "now how is that my fault........" I said it is TOTALLY your fault because you have set precedence all season with your behavior saying that is how we handle disagreements......we yell and scream.

He never got it. And now he will take his show on the road.

 

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I won't argue with those complaints about those coaches, but the coaches out there (almost all volunteers) might want to start a thread about unreasonable parents and uncoachable girls.

 

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the only way to take the douche out of the bag, per se, is to somehow avoid the very first priority of travel softball which is....

winning!
good teams go to good tourneys, they recruit good players and they recruit good pitching, and many coaches are coming because of the reputation of the coaches or the organization. Many, and since i'm the statman you'd think I'd have a true percentage, of the coaches are dirtbags. The only reason they don't show their true colors like some in the first thread is because they are too busy WINNING.
I have a friend at church whose daughter is in our sunday school class. He's been looking into getting his daughter involved and I'm trying hard to steer him away because of some of the people he's going to meet.
No before i have people on my case, i speak of experience. i've been that dirt bag and i've been around them at times. it's not pretty. nice guys don't win, they run rule. Until that stops, we're all going to be privy to some bad behavior.

 

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I won't argue with those complaints about those coaches, but the coaches out there (almost all volunteers) might want to start a thread about unreasonable parents and uncoachable girls.

Must say that I agree with the thread starting, but I also understand it being worse coming from a coach. The coaches are looked at. In my experience, the girls will only act how their coaches allow it.

Having loud parents is very annoying, but yet again-what does the coach do after the parent yells?

While coaches are volunteers, they know they are volunteering so I don't comprehend that excuse. "I can yell and scream because I am volunteering." No I don't think so.

Sorry went off to left field somewhere. In a perfect world coaches would speak respectably, parents would clap and yell (for the good), and the players would play hard and keep it positive. Gosh that would be great and on most teams that is the case. JMHO

 

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I won't argue with those complaints about those coaches, but the coaches out there (almost all volunteers) might want to start a thread about unreasonable parents and uncoachable girls.

No kidding. And I'm curious as to where the original post was copied and pasted from...

 

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No one is going to defend coaches constantly yelling and screaming at people, but nobody watches more travel ball than me, and that is the small minority of coaches. A good 99% of these coaches are volunteers and most pay their own expenses. Many of them have no kids involved and are doing it for the love of the game and to help kids.

Given all of the above, I give these volunteers the benefit of every doubt.

 

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I'm curious as to where the original post was copied and pasted from...

Whaaaaaaa? Shaking my head here.

Which is, incidentally, where my post was copied from.

I guess I should take that as a compliment?

 

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the only way to take the douche out of the bag, per se, is to somehow avoid the very first priority of travel softball which is....

winning!

Yeah, but I don't think dirtbags win any more than decent human beings. In fact, I think dirtbags tend to sabotage their teams. I've seen many teams blow up after the coach throws a tantrum.

good teams go to good tourneys, they recruit good players and they recruit good pitching, and many coaches are coming because of the reputation of the coaches or the organization. Many, and since i'm the statman you'd think I'd have a true percentage, of the coaches are dirtbags. The only reason they don't show their true colors like some in the first thread is because they are too busy WINNING.

You see very few of the truly great coaches -- the Mike Candreas, the Clint Meyers, the Tim Waltons -- who totally lose control and curse at umps or berate their players or make obscene gestures to their opponents. Again, I'm not talking about passionate coaches or demonstrative coaches. I'm talking about a-hole coaches.

I have a friend at church whose daughter is in our sunday school class. He's been looking into getting his daughter involved and I'm trying hard to steer him away because of some of the people he's going to meet.
No before i have people on my case, i speak of experience. i've been that dirt bag and i've been around them at times. it's not pretty. nice guys don't win, they run rule. Until that stops, we're all going to be privy to some bad behavior.

You're a good friend to that dad. But I actually hope he does get involved in softball. My dream is that decent people can take back the sport.

Being an a-hole does NOT make you a better coach. In fact, I believe the contrary is actually the case. People who can't control themselves certainly can't control a team.

BTW, thanks for the intelligent reply, statman! And everyone else, too!

 

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I tried to explain to him that his behavior is modeling poor reaction to adverse situations. He is telling the girls that you handle bad stuff by losing your mind and insulting people. He even got into a shouting match with a parent during a game. And he told me "now how is that my fault........" I said it is TOTALLY your fault because you have set precedence all season with your behavior saying that is how we handle disagreements......we yell and scream.

He never got it. And now he will take his show on the road.

That's an awesome thing you did, spartans. Hopefully at the very least you made the guy think. And if he doesn't learn from his mistakes, he at least has a story that will follow him around.

You're right, it's not easy, and it may not come quickly. But if parents don't expect decent behavior from our coaches, the game will be much poorer for it.

 

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Wow- I have been around t.b. a long time, and the bad behavior of parents, by far, out weighs coaches misbehaving. Coaching is a competitive market. Word of bad coaches travels fast, and people do not want their kids playing for them, so they tend to weed themselves out.

Some parents just like to blame the inabilities of their daughter, or the team, on bad coaching.

Almost every coach in travel ball is a volunteer...they are very unappreciated, and under-thanked. They put a lot of time in scheduling tournaments, mentoring kids, dealing with parents that whine, practice plans, dragging equipment to and from, the list goes on and on.

When was the last time you thanked your kids' coach? Or maybe bought them a walking taco??

On the flip side- there also a lot of amazing parents out there too.

 

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I have a friend at church whose daughter is in our sunday school class. He's been looking into getting his daughter involved and I'm trying hard to steer him away because of some of the people he's going to meet. .

That is sad I think. We have made fabulous friendships and had great experiences with our girls' travel teams. It would be a shame to let a very small percentage of jerks ruin it for any one.

As far as parents go, maybe one in ten are bad news. When the coach creates a culture of class most teams never get to notice that ten percenter.

Such is life. They are everywhere not just in softball. I did think it was poetic justice last year when one particularly nasty coach was asked not to return to an organization but still got picked up by another. Well her reputation preceded her and no one came to tryouts so this year she has no team. In some cases the market actually works.

 

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When was the last time you thanked your kids' coach?

@brineyman:

Gumby's got an excellent point there. If the coach is respectful of the game and of the players, she or he still isn't likely to receive many thanks. So maybe the fairest campaign would be to merge your "purge" effort (and sure, I've seen plenty of coaches who act inappropriately) with an effort to give appreciation to coaches who keep a level keel whether they are winning or losing.

Gumby also has an excellent point about coaches, whatever their behavior, getting blamed when a team loses. Sometimes the coaches make identifiable mistakes (and the "decent human being" coaches usually acknowledge their mistakes to the team), but I think most often the players just don't play to their abilities or the opposing team was just that much better. But in many cases (cases that I have seen over the years and not with this year's BH95 team), the coaches still get back-stabbed for the loss by players and their parents.

I often wonder whether the fact that a coach doesn't really ream his or her players after a bad loss or after inappropriate behavior by the player is even taken into consideration by the players and their families.

 

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I'm going to have to stand up for coaches. The vast majority of coaches I've ran into and competed against are good people. Sure there is the occasional crack pot but it usually is because he is getting beat by 10 and the umps are the most "convienent" whipping boys. Also, this may anti PC, but the coaches who have better teams and have been around longer, know how to lose. They understand that losing can be a teaching tool too and can accept defeat as a part of the game. It still sukks to lose but if losing felt good, it would be called winning.

 

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Wow- I have been around t.b. a long time, and the bad behavior of parents, by far, out weighs coaches misbehaving.

That's fairly easily dealt with. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I can't have you going off like that during games. You're going to have to control yourself better. If you can't, I'm going to have to sit your daughter. I really hope that doesn't happen."

Some parents just like to blame the inabilities of their daughter, or the team, on bad coaching.

Of course. But in this case I provided specific examples of idiotic behavior by coaches that I have witnessed this year.

Almost every coach in travel ball is a volunteer...they are very unappreciated, and under-thanked.

What I don't appreciate is the terrible example all of these insanely out of control tirades gives to young girls about what's appropriate behavior when we don't get what we want.

 

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While we're playing the "bad coach/bad parent" angle, I'm reminded of something that's been on my mind for a long time:

Where do people get the idea that there is any benefit of angrily voicing complaints to the umpires? I'm talking about the people who, from time of "infraction" 'til the end of the game, keep yelling "get in the game. you're missing a good game. c'mon blue - that's another run you've cost us/"etc... There are some teams out there who are simply embarrassing to watch because the adults (parents and/or coaches) loudly assault the umps throughout the entire game.

If the coach has intelligently and calmly questioned Blue about a call, that's all that can be done. Making insulting remarks for the duration of the day get's you no where - it may actually subliminally sway the ump in the other direction.

You can't "Un-Blow" a call. Just make sure the players keep their head in game and play to the best of their ability. Get over it!

 

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I would say that an "insanely out of control tirade" should be dealt with by a group of parents calling a meeting with the coach at the earliest possible time, and voicing the concerns. Of course, not at the particular tournament site, but somewhere convenient for all.

A lot of parents would prefer just to talk about the coach behind his back, but you can not resolve a problem like that.

 

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I actually think that the older the kids get the less of the idiotic coaches you get. As kids get older the coaches become more experienced and the idiots that whine and complain who don't know the rules are gone. I have been on both sides of the coin as an umpire and a coach and I think the younger the age group the more "idiot" coaches there are. And in most cases it is not knowing the rules of the game and then whining because someone gets hurt because you coached them improperly. As the kids get older the "bad" coaches leave by being run off or finally learning the rules to help them coach properly. Similarly, the younger age groups (at times) get the newer umpires who also struggle with the rules and interpretations and can get "talked into" rules. I hope that my thoughts are accurate for my daughter's sake.

 

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@brineyman:

"I'm sorry Ma'am"? I only have my own experience to draw upon, but there aren't many women parents who have engaged in inappropriate behavior over the 14 years that I've been involved (as either a parent or a coach) with the game. I, unfortunately, was "that parent" in one game when the home plate ump spent five minutes convincing the field ump that he should change his call on a first base play. DD still says I went all Bobby Knight on the play, but I really can't remember throwing a chair. In any event, I don't see adult women as producing the most misbehavior at softball games and I wonder why you chose that gender for your example.