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@SheriffBart:
Precisely.
Precisely.
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I think parents can weed-out many of the jack-*** coaches by just finding out how many players are returning and try to talk with other player parents who have played for the coach and just ask a lot of questions in general. I'm sure there have been posts on what to ask a team/coach before you consider committing. You should be interviewing them as much as they are interviewing your dd.
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Our business receives fax advertisements for different seminars. Funny that this one would come today. I just thought it might fit in here on this thread.
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Aha! You're right of course.
The reason I pulled "ma'am" out of the air is because I was unconsciously thinking of a particular problem parent I had when I coached a few years ago.
Totally unconscious, I assure you. And I would agree that men are 10x the problem that women are when sports are involved.
(Or at least 5x.)
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That's just silly talk now..
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I don't discount my experiences and the people i have met, but as a fellow Christian parent i wonder what the toll of spending countless sundays away from church and serving (which he does) in the community to trade it with 4-days of softball every week, lots of money spent and the obsession to winning will do to him. I know what it does/did for me. I would not take my experiences back, but if my other kids go through it in the future, I'm doing it much differently
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Great ad, Bill!
By my calculations, roughly 20% of the adults at the 10u level at any given tournament have personality disorders that hamper their view of reality. In other words, they lose perspective of the purpose of the sporting event in front of their eyes. By 16u, that percentage has dropped to around 10%.
These coaches AND parents forget that, first and foremost, this is a CHILD'S game - not an arena gladiator's battle. The worst part is, these adults do not understand the negative influence they are having on the kids around them. Kids aren't stupid - they are usually embarrassed, afraid, and certainly don't want to be around these people. They KNOW it's wrong, and certainly not FUN! This game goes WAY beyond winning and losing for the kids; it is a social 'playground" for them, and it's just flat-out wrong for misguided adults to rob them of an enjoyable experience. This is a prime reason some kids drop out of softball - they don't like seeing it bring the "bad adult" out. They still like softball, but they sure don't want to be around those adults - so they subconsciously give up both.
So... what can be done? First, you can't control the actions of other people, coaches or spectators. BUT - you can control your association with them. Second, use a "nasty situation" as a learning experience for your daughter. Talk IMPARTIALLY (just facts - not judgement) about a nasty situation at a game she witnessed. How would she have handled it? You can get a ton of insight from the players about these things, and isn't that what matters most? By doing this, you teach your daughter proper and civilized methods of dealing with unreasonable people.
In the end, you cannot control these people's actions. But you can control your daughter's perception of what is REALLY taking place.
By my calculations, roughly 20% of the adults at the 10u level at any given tournament have personality disorders that hamper their view of reality. In other words, they lose perspective of the purpose of the sporting event in front of their eyes. By 16u, that percentage has dropped to around 10%.
These coaches AND parents forget that, first and foremost, this is a CHILD'S game - not an arena gladiator's battle. The worst part is, these adults do not understand the negative influence they are having on the kids around them. Kids aren't stupid - they are usually embarrassed, afraid, and certainly don't want to be around these people. They KNOW it's wrong, and certainly not FUN! This game goes WAY beyond winning and losing for the kids; it is a social 'playground" for them, and it's just flat-out wrong for misguided adults to rob them of an enjoyable experience. This is a prime reason some kids drop out of softball - they don't like seeing it bring the "bad adult" out. They still like softball, but they sure don't want to be around those adults - so they subconsciously give up both.
So... what can be done? First, you can't control the actions of other people, coaches or spectators. BUT - you can control your association with them. Second, use a "nasty situation" as a learning experience for your daughter. Talk IMPARTIALLY (just facts - not judgement) about a nasty situation at a game she witnessed. How would she have handled it? You can get a ton of insight from the players about these things, and isn't that what matters most? By doing this, you teach your daughter proper and civilized methods of dealing with unreasonable people.
In the end, you cannot control these people's actions. But you can control your daughter's perception of what is REALLY taking place.
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IMO, this is a flat-out brilliant post. Practical approach to the problem that avoids escalating the dramatics, which is always a danger.
Thanks, Sam!
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Not only do I thank my dd's coach after every game (win or lose) and every practice, I only had to encourage her to do it for a few weeks and she does it herself now.
Children will model the behavior of adults they see. They will learn class and dignity with the right role models, as well as to be disrespectful and to freak out if they don't get their way. It's parenting 101.
That's why no matter how "great" a team might be in the polls or on the field, I will pass if I even get a clue the coach is a maniac. I'll take a respectful coach who will help teach my kid to play this GAME to the best of her abilities, all while modeling the kind of person I want her to grow up to be. Even if it means playing for a "B" team with a less than stellar record.
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@happytobeme:
You are the model of a parent for values-based softball. I offer you my total admiration and my hope that you find an "A" level organization for your daughter that meets your high standards.
You are the model of a parent for values-based softball. I offer you my total admiration and my hope that you find an "A" level organization for your daughter that meets your high standards.
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Someone wise once told me that when the parents of 10u and 12u are sometimes out of control... and by the time their DD gets 14u.. then usually the DD can get them to quiet down.. by saying " Mom, Dad, you are embarassing me".
