Mental Toughness

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DD's new coach told me that in order to make my DD "mentally tough" he was going to break her down. Make her sit out, have her play different position, use her only in relief for pitching, move her from infield to outfield, dropped to last in batting order, all so she would "want" to play more. All this has done is make my DD hate the game.

At practice, she gets no reps at infield any more and was told "You're not ready to play 3B." Daughter was #1 pitcher on team last year, played 3B when not pitching, and led her team in batting average and OB%.

How can it be so different with 2 different coaches, and is the new coach's technique of "tearing them down to build them back up" a sound way to coach girls?

 

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He sounds like a nut to me. If you tear them down like that, you might as well forfiet before the game starts. They have to feel good about themselves to play well and that isn't going to make any girl feel good about herself. Sounds like he only wants her for an outfielder and he's making rediculous excuses instead of just being honest with your dd and you. I'd get out of there now before it's too deep in the season.

 

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At least he doesn't do like I do. I make R. Lee Ermey proud. There's nothing like a drill instructor mentality to beat them down to rebuild them. JUST KIDDING!

 

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BULLY... I'd break him down if he tried that with my kids. If he would of just said they weren't good enough for his team, I would respect him more.

 

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DD's new coach told me that in order to make my DD "mentally tough" he was going to break her down. Make her sit out, have her play different position, use her only in relief for pitching, move her from infield to outfield, dropped to last in batting order, all so she would "want" to play more. All this has done is make my DD hate the game.

At practice, she gets no reps at infield any more and was told "You're not ready to play 3B." Daughter was #1 pitcher on team last year, played 3B when not pitching, and led her team in batting average and OB%.

How can it be so different with 2 different coaches, and is the new coach's technique of "tearing them down to build them back up" a sound way to coach girls?

That dude's a krazy nutjob. PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

 

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how can it be so different with 2 different coaches, and is the new coach's technique of "tearing them down to build them back up" a sound way to coach girls?

​no

 

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DD's new coach told me that in order to make my DD "mentally tough" he was going to break her down. Make her sit out, have her play different position, use her only in relief for pitching, move her from infield to outfield, dropped to last in batting order, all so she would "want" to play more. All this has done is make my DD hate the game.

At practice, she gets no reps at infield any more and was told "You're not ready to play 3B." Daughter was #1 pitcher on team last year, played 3B when not pitching, and led her team in batting average and OB%.

How can it be so different with 2 different coaches, and is the new coach's technique of "tearing them down to build them back up" a sound way to coach girls?

He needs to read up on coaching young women. This ain't boys sports. Boys need to play good to feel good. Girls need to feel good to play good.

Herb

 

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Sounds like this dude's a wannabe football coach with some serious issues. Don't waste your DD's time with this guy and his stupid ideas. Her playing career is too short to have a Dr. Jekyll experimenting in girl's psychology. Find a coach who supports her and appreciates her efforts. Then, chalk one up for a learning experience. Break 'em down and build 'em up - what a joke for girl's softball!!

 

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Good article

Good Youth Sports Coaches Understand Gender Differences but Avoid Reinforcing Gender Stereotypes | MomsTeam

 

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I assume this is a different team???

I think he fed you a line. He told you that he wants to make your dd mentally tough, but in reality he is playing (or not playing) and batting her where he believes she needs to be. As far as him telling your dd that she's not ready to play 3B, maybe he's being totally honest with her because that is what he truly believes. I'm not saying he went about it the correct way nor am I saying he is right, it just sounds all weird to me so that's why I'm going with the "He fed you a line" angle.

Len

 

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I assume this is a different team???

Yes. She was on mixed 98 and 99 time last year and had to move up. Not enough to field a new team at previous organization.

I think he fed you a line. He told you that he wants to make your dd mentally tough, but in reality he is playing (or not playing) and batting her where he believes she needs to be. As far as him telling your dd that she's not ready to play 3B, maybe he's being totally honest with her because that is what he truly believes. I'm not saying he went about it the correct way nor am I saying he is right, it just sounds all weird to me so that's why I'm going with the "He fed you a line" angle.

Had other offers, just chose poorly. Only 5 of 12 girls from last year returned to this team. We weren't told that until after we said we'd play. Should have been a giant red flag there, but sometimes I am slow to admit I made a wrong choice.

 

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Softballer112, your daughter's happiness should be priority #1. Too many kids leave the game after playing for asshole coaches or because of asshole parents.

 

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I agree with mckenna7. It is about finding a good situation for your dd.

Len

 

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If he is doing this to your dd what is he doing to the other kids? This is October; how do you this will play out in June?

We stayed with a of couple different teams a couple of summer seasons that were a complete waste of time and delayed the development of my dd pitcher due to my bull headed insistence on seeing it through once we agreed to play for them. BIggest mistake that I have made was to insist that she play for these two coaches that did not help her develop and actually held her back. Found the right team and had two great years before she went off to college still in love with the game.

Don't walk but run to the nearest exit. Find a team that will help your dd get better not beat her down until she is forced to play ******.

 

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fairman - could not agree more. DD is #1 priority. Did the same thing last season (sticking it out to the end) - DD regressed in her abilities - no development - awful situation - cliques on the team - terrible coach with absolutely no accountability. Do not wait until the year is over to move. You have to be in it for the girls - first and foremost....

 

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If he is doing this now...it will be worse in the summer. Kids will be at each other, parents too. The team will never jell and will not win on Sundays. He'll ride a few pitchers until they beak and then toss them aside; all the while using the excuse 'building mental toughness'. There are enough things in the game that will do that without having an idiot for a coach.

Pitchers need to pitch, batters need to hit and fielders need to field. Keeping book is not what you want your dd to be doing while watching other kids play. If this is an elite team; the coach is saying that your dd isn't good enough to be on it...find another team that matches your dd's skill level and goals. At 12, don't ever let her be the 13th player on a 10 man rotation.

Find another team. Do it now before this team self destructs about July Fourth. You just don't need this much drama in your life.

 

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You hit the nail on the head!

If he is doing this now...it will be worse in the summer. Kids will be at each other, parents too. The team will never jell and will not win on Sundays. He'll ride a few pitchers until they beak and then toss them aside; all the while using the excuse 'building mental toughness'. There are enough things in the game that will do that without having an idiot for a coach.

Pitchers need to pitch, batters need to hit and fielders need to field. Keeping book is not what you want your dd to be doing while watching other kids play. If this is an elite team; the coach is saying that your dd isn't good enough to be on it...find another team that matches your dd's skill level and goals. At 12, don't ever let her be the 13th player on a 10 man rotation.

Find another team. Do it now before this team self destructs about July Fourth. You just don't need this much drama in your life.

 

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DD's new coach told me that in order to make my DD "mentally tough" he was going to break her down. Make her sit out, have her play different position, use her only in relief for pitching, move her from infield to outfield, dropped to last in batting order, all so she would "want" to play more. All this has done is make my DD hate the game.

At practice, she gets no reps at infield any more and was told "You're not ready to play 3B." Daughter was #1 pitcher on team last year, played 3B when not pitching, and led her team in batting average and OB%.

How can it be so different with 2 different coaches, and is the new coach's technique of "tearing them down to build them back up" a sound way to coach girls?

What he is doing may work with professional athletes...but even then I'm not sure about that.

to make a kid 'mentally tough' you challenge them. you put them in tough tournaments and challenge them to think fast in practice...you drill them in practice...you leave them in a game with the bases loaded after she's already given up a lot of runs so she learns how to work through it on her own...you don't 'demote' them and talk to them like they are ****...bad coach, IMHO.

 

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As a coach, I am a firm believer of the look good, feel good, play good aspect. If he is beating her down mentally, then this coach has no clue. 75% of this game starts upstairs and if you're told you cant, then you wont. Like the old saying goes, you get further with sugar than salt. Now if your DD playing LF is best for the team, then you and your DD should accept this. We play with 9 for a reason. Every position is as important as the next. But at the same time, if this is the case, he owes it to you and your DD to be honest. If not, then I would explore other options. But playing the OF is no discredit to any player, nor should it be to any parent.

 

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This is why I'm a helicopter parent. Whirl! Whirl! Whirl!