Parent and Coach conflicts

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Don't see how shagging balls at a practice gives the right to complain about management, organization, conflict of interest, and proper mechanics. Whether someone helps out or not shouldn't give or take away the right to comment. How many coaches want 12 or more parents helping at practice? How many want any? ha. If a coach wants someone to help they should grow some and ask not use it as a tool to say you have no right to say anything about what we do with your kid. JMHO

 

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Folks I have decided no kid is worth putting up with PITA parents! Through the years I have cut kids that I adore just because I am *done* with mom and/or dad. It has made for uncomfortable situations at times and sleepless night, but in the long run it was the right decision and I have been fortunate enough to salvage some (but not all) friendships. With that being said, I will work any and all past players to help them find a team (or organization) that is a better fit.

I am old enough (and self aware enough) to realize that I am not everyone's "cup of tea" and I try not to make "visceral enemies" out of folks just because we disagree. I think the best path to avoiding the headaches and heartaches is to set clear expectations up front and follow them to the very best of your abilities!!!

 

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Nice Louuuu.

 

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I once had a parent vehamently spewing on me about how I used his dd during a particular game. I told him that she smiled when I handed the trophy to her. I always play the game to win and not to please a parent. If that fact isn't clearly communicated and continually reinforced, conflicts arise. The coach that can carry a big roster and keep everyone happy, players and parents alike, gets a big thumbs up from me.

 

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I see this as a two sided issue. Both have merit and need to be understood! I have coached and and a parent so I have seen both.

There are a number of coaches, who feel they are not replaceable. The fact is this is not a paid position. Coaches are responsible to parents. If there are one or two who have a issue with a coach then the issues may or may not be warranted, but of the whole team has issues, should the coach be above accountability? I get no coach want to be held hostage by a PITA parent or kid, but coaches forget the humble start and some have a agenda.

Parents fall into two types., those who feel their dd is the focal point and those who understand the good of the order. communication and expectations are the most important piece. Accountability is also important but latitude is more important. if a coach makes a mistake take the "talk" off line too many parents to this in front of kids and its counter productive. Parents and coaches need to have open minds and not have such a ultimative attitude. When coaches get sick of a parent or kid then write them off, when parents get sick of a team or coach they write the coach off. Folks these teams do to much moving around and everyone is starting their own teams. Everyone needs to understand talent takes time to develop.

 

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In all honesty I have considered starting a website exclusive to coaches where they can rate a player with colors green for outgoing and very coachable, Yellow for coachable, and Red as May be coachable for somebody else. In addition to the players families and their rating would be Green for great family "coaches dream", Yellow and minor drama, Red for drama monsters, and Red with a pitchfork in it for parents cannot not be in park during practice or games let alone any team parties or functions, and even have to stay at a different hotel for out of town games. May need a special color for pitchers mothers, maybe Red with a tombstone on it. The ratings for players and then their families could give a coach an opportunity to not rate a player bad due to the family.

With that being said there could be a review website for parents to rate coaches as we can do with items we buy online, I bet that could tune some heads also. But then again I think about the legal aspect of it and who would be sued for saying Sally is a uncoachable player, and her parents are the childern of Satin and she never plays again it just wouldn't be worth it.

Then again I could read those reviews and laugh for weeks also, and Thank God for some of the teams we thought to be drama filled or coached below ones expectations.

 

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If your DD is a pitcher, ya just gotta get better at schmoozing. I did it all the time! Practice is key. You just buddy-up with the coaching staff at opportune moments - like picking up the check after team dinners. And nothing works better than slipping the head coach a crisp Jackson right before the championship game - works like magic! You say your DD's ERA is hovering around 10? No problem! With a little practice, you'll soon see those innings start to add up with your little darling out there in the circle! If you practice REAL hard, you'll get so good at it that no one will be the wiser!

Now get out there and get to work!!

 

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May need a special color for pitchers mothers, maybe Red with a tombstone on it.

:lmao:

 

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:lmao:

Hey! We pitcher's mothers are a unique breed...lol

 

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My dd has been playing ball for 7 years and we have yet to have a coach we could not manage to make a whole season with, not that we didnt have differences with them but we choose to spend a year with them the same as they chose to spend a year with us. At some point we all must have thought this was going to be a productive relationship. Like any relationship it take work and comprimise. If at the end of a season we felt those issues were unresolveable we looked elsewhere and if they didnt like us they did not have to pick us up the next season. We do not have a single coach that when we run into them will not stop to talk to us or our dd. But i do have a couple of parents that when we pass i pray there are no sharp objects near because i know they would love to place it between my shoulder blades. Parents need to realize that coaches just want to win ballgames. Coaches need to realize that every parent wants to win but with their dd bating 4th playing every inning and at the position they like the most. That is what makes this relationship so difficult because we all know that neither of those happen often so we just need to be patient, pick and choose our battles and try to focus on the positive.

 

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Not ALL parents want their dd handed a spot on a team and expect them in a certain spot in the line up! Some, maybe few I'll grant you, want their dd to EARN their spot on the team and hopefully be performing offensively to put them in the best postion in the line up to benefit their team! ;&

 

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I did not mention anything about being handed a spot and I should not have used the word every, but when it comes to conflicts if you ask any coach most are related to playingtime, position and batting order.

 

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If you want to feel better about the realtionship between a coach parents, watch an episode of Dance Moms. They make softball parents look like saints.

You are so right!!!!

 

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Coach - Parent conflict..........coach wins. The great thing about being a non-parent coach is that there is no conflict. There is no questioning playing time, no questioning preparation, game decisions. Non-parent coaches should have no reason to not play the best and play to win. If the parent is so upset that a conflict is eminant(sp), after the 48 hour rule, it is time for them to move on.

At the older ages teams should have a "No Drama" rule......

 

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In referance to non parent coach< you are so right but the problem is that there are so many that claim the non parent thing but the unexpected is that the non parent is being abused by so many and it is so many times a best friend,grandpa, and college coaches that never are there, etc. That being said there are so many being misled thinking that this will be the right one this time only to find out that this is just another gimic to draw the numbers in. Not to say this is true every where. Not meant to be negative towards coaches, but just like the laws in this country are usually made to protect those that need it, there are always those out there that can use something that is meant to be for the good and just use it to benefit for themselves.

 

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Mark ... agree with you that non-parent coaches should not have this kind of conflict, but still have seen it happen too many times. I still see some accusations of favoritism, as well as implications that the coaches don't know who the better players are (i.e., "my daughter should be playing over so and so, batting higher in the order, playing a different position, etc.").

Slider ... I am aware of "abuses" of teams claiming to have non-parent coaches, but all I can say is that I don't think that is the norm. We really are here putting in a ton of time and money trying to teach kids and win games, and it really hurts and makes a coach question if its worth it when we are the ones occasionally being abused.

 

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coachjwb - oh I know it is out there, but my real point is that instead of allowing issues to fester the parents just need to move the player to a different environment. I tell people this all the time - it really is just a game. If the parents stay away and let the kids develop it works itself out. Years ago I folded a team right before the coin flip that was playing for the NSA A State championship because the parents and coaches were making a scene. A year later I disbanded the second best 12u team in Florida after the season because of the same issues. 3 years ago a group of parents wanted input on who played because we had a bunch of players from the same school system - I left the team with a month left in the season. The bulk of that team left that group after the season and built the team we have now. Now I don't have to worry about it because people pretty much know the drill. If a coach allows sillyness to happen - it will!!!

 

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Great points for sure, Mark. My only issue is that disbanding or leaving the team leaves most of the girls and the other families hanging. The other option is to kick the ones off the team who are causing the drama ... though if it's more than a couple it's basically the same thing, huh?

 

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Sounds like you done the right thing Mark. Also sounds like the type of coach we have enjoyed playing for in the past. We have had great times along with the bad and have chose to leave teams because of both parents as well as coaches. Never participated in the parent conflict game, just simply move our chairs when we see it brewing. My hat goes off for all the great coaches that are in it for girls.

 

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My daughter was on a team that "released" a few players over the years. Sometimes it was the player, sometimes it was the parents. Coach met with the team beforehand and explained the situation. The girls agreed with the decision. It was never a pretty scene. But coaches have a lot of time and energy invested in a team, so it's best to nip it in the bud and let everybody move on.