Parent who has rose colored glasses

[dad4sports]

Last season I couldn't enjoy myself watching my daughter play ball because one of the other players dad complained in my ear all season about his daughter not getting enough playing time, his daughter is top three on the team, blah blah blah. I'm not one to talk about other kids but she was not at the same level as the rest of the team skill wise, not even close. If feel that as parents we need to pick our daughter up when they don't perform great but when the timing is appropriate, also let them know where they need to improve and offer to do extra practice at home to help them.

All this guy could do is gripe about the coach (who spent a ton of time with this girl to try to help her) I couldn't wait for the season to be over because I knew she would not be asked back. I've actually seen her roll her eyes when the coach was trying to help her swing (which was a golf swing) then after he was done working with her go to her dad and roll her eyes. Seriously! You're not helping your daughter the least bit by allowing this or by thinking she is better than what she is and feeding that to her. Being on a different team each year is a sure sign that you're the problem.

I keep my mouth shut and move to the outfield where if I can try to enjoy the game, but this guy always seems to find me. Not sure if other parents have experienced this, but my daughter has been with the same team since 10u and this is the first time having to deal with this.

 

[DonnySoftball9]

This should be fun!!!

 

[Scooter7]

Just about every team has one or more of those.

Which sometimes evolves into new teams/organizations the following year.

 

[okiedad1961]

The key is to minimize these types on your team,I'm as guilty as anyone for complaining about player performance (mostley my dd) since she's the only one I can help.These parents usually don't do anything extra to help there dd, then complain if she's not playing.It will not go away,its society driven imop.

 

[Buckeye_bomber00]

The my daughter is a Superstar at 12U, she can't catch a pop-up on the IF, can't make a throw to 1st base from 2nd, she has a .011 batting average for the tournament season syndrome, but she is one of the best players on the team and needs more playing time.

 

[Wubbamom]

I keep score. Than I can stay in the dugout and avoid tosed kinds of parents. LOL (Thanks Julie)

 

[okiedad1961]

The my daughter is a Superstar at 12U, she can't catch a pop-up on the IF, can't make a throw to 1st base from 2nd, she has a .011 batting average for the tournament season syndrome, but she is one of the best players on the team and needs more playing time.

Wow ,heard she commited to a team,they only have 8 players looks like she's gonna play.lol

 

[okiedad1961]

I keep score. Than I can stay in the dugout and avoid tosed kinds of parents. LOL (Thanks Julie)

Never hear alot of players(coach's kid) complaing about playing time.

 

[mike_dyer]

I actually may know who you're talking about. Haven't seen him in a long time but it sounds about right.

Try this, when these types of people come up and start talking to you take it in and be polite, but as soon as they make that turn simply say "I hate to cut you off but Maddy looks thirsty, I'm going to get her a water, I'll be back" and then just stay away. There are a few people who probably think my kid is diabetic or something, but I have successfully avoided hearing this stuff for a real long time.

 

[coachjwb]

Excellent advice, Mike ... don't feed them!

Unfortunately, I believe that at least 1/2 of the softball parents out there do wear rose colored glasses, some are just more rosey than others. This probably won't be popular to say but after having had 3 sons and then a daughter, I believe that girls' parents are generally speaking worse than boys' in this regard. My theory is that parents tend to be more over-protective of their daughters. There are certainly many exceptions out there, but after coaching well over 50 boys teams and 50 girls teams over the years, I feel like I have a lot of statistical data (at least stored in my head!).

 

[freddieball]

Oh boy I will need to get a new pair of glasses

 

[CoachNate]

Excellent advice, Mike ... don't feed them!

Unfortunately, I believe that at least 1/2 of the softball parents out there do wear rose colored glasses, some are just more rosey than others. This probably won't be popular to say but after having had 3 sons and then a daughter, I believe that girls' parents are generally speaking worse than boys' in this regard. My theory is that parents tend to be more over-protective of their daughters. There are certainly many exceptions out there, but after coaching well over 50 boys teams and 50 girls teams over the years, I feel like I have a lot of statistical data (at least stored in my head!).

With 4 daughters and 2 sons, I could not agree more with this. I have coached select travel ball for about 4 years now, rec for a few years before that. It seems with the girls it will drag on and on through the whole course of a season with these parents. They just keep mouthing and mouthing to anyone who will listen. In the mean time their daughter does not do anything outside of regular team practices to get any better, and the parents do not demand it. With the boys, generally speaking, if the kid is not good enough or is having to accept a lesser role on the team, they will blow up once and then it is over, or they move to another team. Once again "less protective" is the key.

Bottom line we all know it don't come easy and too many parents of daughters sort of don't do a good job establishing this. My oldest daughter is now being recruited by some middle sized schools for softball. She has always had a little natural talent at the plate, but other than that it has taken many hours of hard work, running, repetitive practice and paid instructors to get her defensive skills to a level that she could achieve. Coaches of the teams she has played for have done little, and how can they? They are busy trying to MANAGE THE TEAM! Not develop your daughter's skill level.

 

[Buckeye_bomber00]

With 4 daughters and 2 sons, I could not agree more with this. I have coached select travel ball for about 4 years now, rec for a few years before that. It seems with the girls it will drag on and on through the whole course of a season with these parents. They just keep mouthing and mouthing to anyone who will listen. In the mean time their daughter does not do anything outside of regular team practices to get any better, and the parents do not demand it. With the boys, generally speaking, if the kid is not good enough or is having to accept a lesser role on the team, they will blow up once and then it is over, or they move to another team. Once again "less protective" is the key.

Bottom line we all know it don't come easy and too many parents of daughters sort of don't do a good job establishing this. My oldest daughter is now being recruited by some middle sized schools for softball. She has always had a little natural talent at the plate, but other than that it has taken many hours of hard work, running, repetitive practice and paid instructors to get her defensive skills to a level that she could achieve. Coaches of the teams she has played for have done little, and how can they? They are busy trying to MANAGE THE TEAM! Not develop your daughter's skill level.

Travel softball is a commitment, and not a guarantee. Very few travel coaches, who want to compete at a high level, will take on a "project" player. They want to see the diamonds in front of them, and not polish them. I think part of coaching is taking on one of those challenges every Summer. We have one on our 16U team this year. She is a raw talent with power. You cannot teach natural power, some will argue that you can, but I disagree. I am looking forward to see what 200 ft ballparks will be able to hold this young lady when we refine here swing. But, to CoachNate's point, we don't have time to do all of the work! Some of it has to happen outside the team environment!

 

[Blue Ice]

On the other hand...DD played for a terrible coach who played his kid and her friends. One tournament he sat my DD for the whole tournament and when I asked why? He replied she wasn't one of top nine. We quit on the spot..my call, my rose colored glasses. DD didn't play for 2 years..instead continued AAU basketball and premier Soc cer. Looks like my glasses were clearer then the coaches.

Only difference between myself and OP's parent is I didn't complain in someone's ear hole.

 

[mike_dyer]

Only difference between myself and OP's parent is I didn't complain in someone's ear hole.

The squeeky wheel tends to get the grease.

That's the cool thing about sports though. A lot of things in life are subjective. You can start a conversation about a lot of things by saying "In my opinion..." In sports you have scores, records, numbers, figures, stats, results, etc so there really isn't much opinion involved when it's all said and done.

Years back in my neck of the woods there was a guy coaching a high school football team that his son played on. His son was the starting quarterback on the team for a few years. After his son graduated a guy who was a year younger than him stepped in and played QB. He wasn't too bad, but the other coaches, every single one of them, to this day will look you in the eye and tell you the coach's kid was much better.

Both of them ended up with jobs in football after high school. The coach's kid was the head coach for the North Baltimore Tigers for at least one season. He did an excellent job there, he probably won about 2 games, I'd say he won at least 3 games if he coached there for 2 years. The other guy ended up in the NFL, won 3 or 4 superbowls, no big deal.

 

[Blue Ice]

The squeeky wheel tends to get the grease.

That's the cool thing about sports though. A lot of things in life are subjective. You can start a conversation about a lot of things by saying "In my opinion..." In sports you have scores, records, numbers, figures, stats, results, etc so there really isn't much opinion involved when it's all said and done. .

Scenario...my kis is batting .100 your kid is batting .300. Stats will say your kid is much better. My kid has been hitting line drives but right at someone. Your kid struck out 7/10 times and three times she got on bloopers.

 

[mike_dyer]

Scenario...my kis is batting .100 your kid is batting .300. Stats will say your kid is much better. My kid has been hitting line drives but right at someone. Your kid struck out 7/10 times and three times she got on bloopers.

That's kind of like saying "we only lost because of errors." You still lost, and my kid still got on base.

There isn't a lot you can do except tell your kid to keep hitting the ball hard.

 

[Hilliarddad3]

Travel softball is a commitment, and not a guarantee. Very few travel coaches, who want to compete at a high level, will take on a "project" player. They want to see the diamonds in front of them, and not polish them. I think part of coaching is taking on one of those challenges every Summer. We have one on our 16U team this year. She is a raw talent with power. You cannot teach natural power, some will argue that you can, but I disagree. I am looking forward to see what 200 ft ballparks will be able to hold this young lady when we refine here swing. But, to CoachNate's point, we don't have time to do all of the work! Some of it has to happen outside the team environment!

Yeah but give me that one project player! That one that wants to make that switch from righty to slapper.......that's the fun stuff.... Any coach can win with all diamonds, but coach to coach and teach too!

 

[FastBat]

I don't like to hear the "problem" parent stuff. Are you there for the kids or for the parents to have social hour? In life, do you love everyone you meet?

I try to remember it's for the kids and if the kids are having fun, I can eat crow; I'm old, I'll manage. One thing I remind myself about "problem" parents is, there is a little girl who has to live with that "problem" parent, that can't be too much fun. If softball is the joy in that players life, I'll deal with their parent.

Another thing, what a person says, may not really be what's bothering them sometimes, ie coach or their kid. People have lives outside softball and maybe other "life" problems are getting them, ie- family/financial problems.

For me, it's simple, these kids only get a short while to be kids. I'll be an adult and make sure the kids are the ones having fun and are taken care of. If other parents are that bad, I don't know what to tell you, but I wouldn't let it bother me. Who cares, just focus on yourself and what you can change, that's what my dad would always tell me when I complained about someone else! And you know, maybe the old guy actually knew what he was talking about!

 

[mike_dyer]

For me, it's simple, these kids only get a short while to be kids. I'll be an adult and make sure the kids are the ones having fun and are taken care of. If other parents are that bad, I don't know what to tell you, but I wouldn't let it bother me. Who cares, just focus on yourself and what you can change, that's what my dad would always tell me when I complained about someone else! And you know, maybe the old guy actually knew what he was talking about!

I've coached a kid who has a parent like the one this thread is about, it could actually be the same one. It all sounds very similar, and I don't think your tactics would work so well with a guy like him. You can't understand what this is unless you have experienced it, it's a different animal.