Parents the Reason for Missing Opportunities

[daboss]

In a fresh article from USA Today, I am sharing a part of the article on the subject of the worst parents in youth sports. I have heard this mentioned many times over the years by high-ranking softball coaches. They do not want the drama in their team dynamic and will quickly pass over talent. They're already battling separation anxiety with new players leaving home and starting college life. They don't need an entire family of headaches.

Much more on the subject needs to be spoken, but for now here's a small excerpt from the article that ranked youth sports that have the worst parents:

When Adam Yahn scouted players for an elite junior hockey team, he wouldn’t wear his team's logo to games. That way, parents in the stands wouldn’t know he was the general manager of Ontario's Cobourg Cougars.

Yahn heard the ones yelling in coaches' and players' ears, and he always found out who they were. Their kids were the first ones he wrote off.

“I didn’t care how good you were,” Yahn told USA TODAY Sports. “How your parents were behaving, a lot of the time, dictated whether I wanted you on my team.

"I’d much rather a parent that lets their child be involved in their decisions and decide what they’re doing with their future, rather than a parent that’s trying to live vicariously through them.”

Parent misbehavior plays out all over youth sports. They arrive with camping chairs and a heightened sense of their own sports knowledge. They ride the referees, the coaches and often their own children. And they don’t discriminate when it comes to sport — riding the glass, crowd or court.

 

[yocoach]

The same is true for most college coaches. I've always told my teams to be aware that someone is always watching how they and their parents behave regardless whether they're on the field or not. Parents riding their players after the game, players yelling at their parents, parents with their red solo cups at games and in parking lots afterwards, parents coddling their players by carrying their equipment for them or being helicopter parents, parents riding their players, the coaches. umpires/referees or the team in general during a game, etc. etc. are huge red flags for them.

The last is also the reason many non-parent coaches such as myself and many umpires/referees have left the game entirely leaving a shortage of qualified personnel with few willing to replace them that don't have a dog in the hunt.

 

[Stedman00]

seen it numerous times over the years. everything from coach witnessing parent vs player argument on field, player vs mom at hotel, parent vs parent in drunken brawl, player tired of getting told to make the correct play and walking out of dugout.... watch enough softball games, you'll see almost everything.

 

[daboss]

The same is true for most college coaches. I've always told my teams to be aware that someone is always watching how they and their parents behave regardless whether they're on the field or not. Parents riding their players after the game, parents with their red solo cups at games and in parking lots afterwards, parents coddling their players by carrying their equipment for them, parents riding their players, the coaches. umpires/referees or the team in general during a game, etc. etc. are huge red flags for them.

The last is also the reason many non-parent coaches such as myself and many umpires/referees have left the game entirely leaving a shortage of qualified personnel with few willing to replace them that don't have a dog in the hunt.

Just heard another statement last night while watching TV, in 2022 they claimed 50,000 coaches and officials left youth sports due to the actions of families and spectators. I'm not sure how they knew this stat but that's a chilling reminder of what has already been said.

One quick point of interest to me; Have you ever noticed how boys/men have "Heroes" in sports and girls not so much? This winter more than ever, I find the girls less interested in "accomplished" players that I refer to while trying to explain something. I'm working with pitchers and will many times reference their form and mechanics or suggest they youtube some of the greats in the game and watch how they execute a pitch. Even when the reaction is they don't know who I'm talking about I'll challenge them to Google them over the course of a week, only to have the girls return the following week with no interest in the assignment. They simply don't care. I ask who's their favorite college team----they don't have one. If they do have one I asked who's their favorite player or who coach's there and they don't know. These are girls/families that say they are aspiring to play at a higher level, yet they are unaware of another pitcher within their own league.

Don't we need them to aspire or respect the accomplishments of others to motivate them to be better?

 

[Stedman00]

was just at a local college camp Saturday and the coach basically echoed all of this . They watch players at travel games all the time. During games, warm ups, between games, dug out, social media review. Note the ones yelling at parents, note the one throwing helmet in dugout, etc. College coach's job is to rep university and win games. Why would they purposely bring in players (and their parents) with a visible history of undesirable behavior? Right, they wont.

play level is immaterial. act the fool and they will chose another.

 

[yocoach]

Just heard another statement last night while watching TV, in 2022 they claimed 50,000 coaches and officials left youth sports due to the actions of families and spectators. I'm not sure how they knew this stat but that's a chilling reminder of what has already been said.

One quick point of interest to me; Have you ever noticed how boys/men have "Heroes" in sports and girls not so much? This winter more than ever, I find the girls less interested in "accomplished" players that I refer to while trying to explain something. I'm working with pitchers and will many times reference their form and mechanics or suggest they youtube some of the greats in the game and watch how they execute a pitch. Even when the reaction is they don't know who I'm talking about I'll challenge them to Google them over the course of a week, only to have the girls return the following week with no interest in the assignment. They simply don't care. I ask who's their favorite college team----they don't have one. If they do have one I asked who's their favorite player or who coach's there and they don't know. These are girls/families that say they are aspiring to play at a higher level, yet they are unaware of another pitcher within their own league.

Don't we need them to aspire or respect the accomplishments of others to motivate them to be better?

I would say it depends on the player, their family and the reason they're actually playing. In my estimation, many players are simply playing travel ball because they want to be able to compete for a spot on the varsity team in HS due to so many other players doing the same thing.

In my experience, most players that truly aspire playing at the next level, meaning college, have heroes playing the game currently or in the past. Most that don't, I've found through the years, don't really care whether they move on or not. Of course, this is a generalization on my part but the truth is, many players quit skilled positions by the time they're done playing 14U. Many more quit the game altogether by 16U to pursue other interests. It may be because they've found themselves lacking in skills to compete for a varsity position on the HS team, to pursue scholastics more enthusiastically, to pursue another sport they're better at, having more of a social life, a boy or a combination of part or all of the above. At 18U, even more leave the game. Whatever the reason, a vast majority of those don't care enough about the game or their future in it to even watch a game let alone develop a hero to worship.

I feel that too many girls are pushed by their parents to continue to play for a multitude of reasons. Some families use it as bonding time, some because their player is actually skilled and quite good, others because they're living vicariously through their player and yet some parents are doing it just to get their player out of the house and off social media. Again, whatever the reason, I think you'll find that those players not really interested in finding a hero or watching games aren't playing the game for themselves or are playing it for alternate reasons other than playing at the next level. JMHO.

 

[JaredReeves]

I agree with you, It totally depends on the players.