Serious Question

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I am bone headed! ?I would NOT go down for something I did NOT do! ?Is there any proof the victim came clean? ?Or is that just word of mouth? ?There is proof she WAS found guilty, listed on the SORN website. ?
I have heard of alledged victims lying. ?I guess I just don't get it. ?
I agree, parents are way too trusting with coaches, teachers, ministers, yada, yada, yads. ?Carrying a title does not mean they should always be trusted. ?Pedifiles do not wear banners that state, "I like children!" ?They do however put themselves in positions to have access to children. ?

BTW Catcher,
? ? I don't have to get the facts. ?I don't take chances with my child. ?If it is alledged, I keep my child away! ?I don't gamble with the safety of my child. ?If my dd were on this talked about team, I would pull her, I wouldn't care what the facts are. ? What if the boy were forced into saying he lied? ?Is it really worth finding out? ?There are too many good coaches and good teams out there to even bother digging for the "truth". ?JMHO

 

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It's true, the justice system sometimes makes mistakes. However, it is also true that the system works as it should 99.9% of the time.

This is not an issue of childhood shoplifting. Certainly I understand cicumstances may not always be what the seem but it's up to the people directly involved to prove that point and let the parents decide.

If in fact, the "victim" recanted 6 months later, why in the world would you not get your record expunged? Crimes of violence cannot be expunged but if the victum recanted it would seem reasonable a judge could have something put in their record. We had 97 teams play out of our park last year and we have required a background check for two years. Over the course of two years, we have seen far more than we ever expected. Until someone can find a better way, all you can do is assume the system worked and act accordingly.

We all know 18 year old kids can and do date 17 year old kids and should something of a sexual nature occur and charges are filed, the 18 year takes the heat even when it is consensual. You may be a little more understanding of that type of mistake but this is a perfect example of where the offense may seem to be harmless or even a misunderstanding However, it should be up to the people involved to tell the parents, explain the circumstances and let them decide. But, they do have to be told because it is up to them to decide and they should be given the opportunity to make that decision rather than allowing people to make it for them.

This is a perfect example of why you have to be careful with children. A false statement alone will make your life miserable.

If there is a child still waiting to be picked up from practice, be certain another adult waits with you.

I have a policy of never sending an e-mail to a player or responding to a player's e-mail without copying the parent.

Never be in a position of being left alone with a player for any lenght of time.

Be very careful when traveling and staying in hotel rooms. and so forth.

Be cautious to the point of excess and perhaps you can avoid any false accusations or even convictions.

 

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Not sure if this will help but,
This sort of thing happened right here. He was a coach, had a son on the team.
Two of HIS own children testified that their father did something to them, at the command of the mother. 8 years later the one child comes forward in guilt and admits the Mother made them LIE, in court, to a judge AND jury! The guy sits in prison because of a lying manipulative jealous, Mother.
>
It happens!
We all knew this guy. He was a great coach & a great father. He and his wife were going through a nasty seperation.

What if all she (this coaches wife) did was get drunk at a party and get up on a table and strip in front of an underage boy/ group of boys, that egged her on and she was 18 or 19 at the time.
Yes, it is considered a sexual offence/crime. Yes she may have been convicted for stripping.
Get ALL the details ANd facts first.

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If in fact, the "victim" recanted 6 months later, why in the world would you not get your record expunged?

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I cant agree more!!

 

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I am a very protective parent much like what sad627 mentioned. I just don't see what the burn her at the stake mentality is doing any good for anyone. If once the facts are received and then you feel your child is not safe then I respect anyones decision to not have their child involved. But see I am the type of parent who doesn't leave my child with people I don't know coach or not, background check or no background check. My point in this whole discussion is that before anyone goes and makes an issue out of something get the FACTS!! I like beck63's post that is how I see things. You just don't go around talking about people without the facts and even then you should only discuss it with the proper authority in the association that you are involved with. Rumors are never good. Even if you start off with facts by the time it gets to the 3rd mouth it has already changed and turned into something ugly. It even did that in this post! She went from being a sexually oriented offender to a pedafile in a matter of posts. I not am standing up for this women if she did something to someones child. Please do not get me wrong-but none of us know the facts of this case. None of us know this woman-none of us know this victim-so how can any of us judge her! Yes I understand that she pled guilty but to what-do any of us really know? No so please do not judge people without knowing the facts-that is God's job to judge. Yes if my child were around I would want to know that facts-yes I would be hesitant around her-but I also am that way with anyone that I do not know. I will not take chances with my child-or anyone else's child. But facts need to be known before you scrutunize this family.

 

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I'm not out to ruin anyones life..I do not have all the facts..and Im not judging anyone..If this was my dd's team I would want to know ASAP!! I guess in some situations it might be easier to accept a plea bargain..but you never know how that decision may come back to haunt you..However...I would NEVER admitt to something I did not do..If I did not do it.. I would be shouting it from the rooftops..What kind of example would I be setting admitting guilt if I was innocent? I tell my children if your innocent stand your ground..and dont be so quick to judge without knowing all the facts but use the info as a big red warning sign.. I also agree with whitehall wrath..If its alledged thats a RED flag and I keep my children away..I could never live with myself if I ignored warning signs and something horrible happened to one of my blessings from God..Could you??..bobb2125 God Bless you and your family THANK YOU for sharing your story most of us think (that would never happen to us) keep telling your story..... Just one parents opinion..

 

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COACHNMOM- [highlight]ok Not to change subject-BUT OMG......

I went to the web site that Hilliarddad posted and found out some disturbing news.

It states I have a sexual predator living in my home I grew up in and my parents still reside in-LMAO
I will need to ask my parents if they have been getting looks and some weird mail.

Isnt that crazy?[/highlight]

I did that search too. It appeared to say the same thing as yours but if you zoom into the address closer it shows differently. I knew that we had one on a road close to here. I just always check to see if anymore have popped up that I haven't gotten a letter about.

 

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after reading some of these post I dont know what to think about the world anymore. For those of you who say its a red flag regardless the facts. Lets just say EXAMPLE : you are a coach and one of your players spreads the rumor that she is having a relation with you ( totaly false) , she is trying to impress friends at school . After telling so many people it gets back to authorities and now the coach is being arrested and prosecuted for this. Now remember , this is all a lie . but now someones husband , father and maybe a well respected man is fighting for his inocents. Believe it or not folks this does happen all the time . SO DONT JUMP AT ANYTHING OR LABEL ANYONE because we dont know what really happened. As far as a red flag on him . Did he warrant this ? NOPE !! But yet is so easy to sit here and say you wouldnt do something but when your family and everyone else is drug into and you are in that position yourself you really dont know what you would do . Dont get me wrong . The court system is there to protect us but i have seen a couple situations where it was there just to get a conviction no matter who was guilty . I just hope all you people really dont get in a situation to have to make that choice . Its my responsibilty to protect my child . And i do a great job at it . Some times i over due it. Just a thought . seems as though you guys are beating a dead horse now. Just my opinion . Try to respect it .

 

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Well, I have 8 registered offenders within a mile of my house. One was convicted of manslaughter about 20 years ago, and it involved a child. One was convicted of rape, and it involved a child. Half involved children. Out of eight, one was a 30-year-old woman who had sexual relations with a minor.

This is a respected neighborhood in a nice area and good schools. Anyway, I am not moving. However, it is a good reason to show my children why I am so careful with them. You never know.

Then there are those who continually physically abuse or sexually abuse adults/children, and they are never reported. We just need to be careful--not go overboard in our actions.

 

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yes, we need to be careful. and the main point of this post is parents on the team should be told what happened and they can make their own decision. ?IN response to YEAH's statement about covictions being given regardless of who's guilty I suggest you ask some prosecutors,judges and detectives on that. My dd's ordeal was 1 year from the time she told me tuntil the sentencing, we were told we were lucky it was so quick. She had an evasive exam at childrens hospital, had to testify before a grand jury, be questioned repeatedly by childrens services, detectives, prosection and defense attorneys. ?Had to be cross examined by a sleezy defense attorney during the trial, which was a full court room and a jury trial. Had to miss school for the trial and told her friends she was sick because she didn't want anyone to know why. ?Bobb2125 is not my regular login because many of you know us and know our regular login but my DD would not want anyone to know. ?The conviction was a hard fought battle to get and we often hoped the S.O.B. would take the plea so we wouldn't have to put her through it. ?The only reason she stuck it through to the end was to protect other girls from him.Anyone who can stay the course through the whole process and trial is not lying, it's a horrible experience. ?My point is that Rumors and Convictions are 2 different things.

 

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I would get the facts first. There are a lot of crimes that are listed as sex crimes that do not involve children or even necessarily have to make that person dangerous. I worked with a gentleman, nice family, whose son went our drinking one evening and decided he could not wait to get to a rest room and went by the side of the road. A policeman happened by arrested him and it was considered a sex crime.

Before you ruin someones life gtthe facts then ake a decision.

 

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The original question was "would you tell someone"? No brainer, let all the parents know and let them determine what to do!!

 

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It's true, the justice system sometimes makes mistakes. However, it is also true that the system works as it should 99.9% of the time. ?

As an attorney, I'd LOVE to know where you get your 99.9% statistic. Also as an attorney, I'm very aware of the pressure that a criminal defendant is under to plead: if you can get probation/sexual offender status and you are looking at a much higher sentence if the trier of fact believes the juvenile, most defense attorneys are going to recommend that you plead. And for those of you who profess that you would NEVER plead to something you didn't do, I hope that you have a lot of money, because a trial on something like this isn't going to be cheap.

As for "expungement", most sex offenses are not eligible for expungement. And the fact that the witness recanted really doesn't play into expungement. The person could attempt to get the criminal conviction overturned based upon the recantment, but that is extremely difficult and expensive to do.

So until you are sure that you know ALL of the facts or until you have walked in similar shoes, you might want to consider backing off.

If indeed the parents/members of the team were informed of the situation and asked the coach to continue coaching, then I think the answer to the original question is this: the only "someones" who need to be told have already been told.

 

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I guess nothing else needs to be said then . Its unfortunate that anything like this would happen but so many people really dont understand the court system. Dont speak until you have been there. And yes there is 2 sides to every story.