Shaking it Off

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My dd plays 14U and typically plays OF, 2nd, or Catcher. No matter what position she is in, when she makes an error she will most likely follow it up with another one if the ball is hit to her or pitched to her again in the same inning. She has an extremely hard time shaking it off and therefore is prone to another error.

I know she gets upset with herself because she truly does care and genuinely wants to play well for her team. I'm proud of her dedication and emotional connections, but I want her to know that not only in softball, but in other aspects of life (as if other aspects exist ) she needs to be able to accept mistakes and move on.

On a side note, her teammates and coaches are fabulous and in no way criticize her or single her out...they do quite the opposite and cheer telling her to "shake it off" and "good try", then between innings may have a chit chat, but nothing in a negative way. In fact, aside from herself, I'm probably the most critical of her...something I need to work on.

My question to everyone is what strategies have you found that work to get your dd to shake off a bad play, strike out, or error?

 

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I think what your asking is something we all need to learn to do in some area of our lives. Let me tell you what someone told me years ago & when I can do, it really helps. As with anything...it takes practice.

When something hits you and there is not time to process it properly (an error, an offensive remark from someone, mistake at work, etc.), take the offense & in your mind place it in a box & close the lid. Tell yourself that you are allowed to bring it back out after the game (or whatever) and look at it, but until then it must stay in the box.

I know it sounds a little silly (I least I thought so when I first heard it), but it really does help clear your head. It also teaches us to control emotions and not let them rule our actions.

 

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Here is what I have learned, and I think that it works... my DD is basically the same way, however, she will sometimes make an error that I just sit back say to myself... WHAT WAS SHE THINKING... then follow it up with a play that makes me say... Coach Candrea... you need to see this... But when I talk to young ladies or my DD I try to preach this....

Softball is a game failure... Think about it...where else can you do something correctly on average 3 out of 10 times throughout your career, and be considered one of the greatest hitters? I mean in my job, if I did it correctly 30 out of 100 times, I would be FIRED, but softball/baseball, it?s a ticket to the Hall of Fame.

Mistakes happen; they always have and always will. They happen in HS, College, NPF, etc...The real ability of the player in my eyes is not the fact she played a perfect game, but in fact how she dealt with the mistakes of the game, played through them, and got better by learning from them.

JMHO

 

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Been playing the game forever, I'm harder on myself then anybody. It's taken years for me to learn that the best players have a short memory. But I'm still not completely there yet haha. When I make an error, the only thing that runs through my mind is "I look like an idiot and i let my team down" but then I have my team behind me picking me up and that makes a huge impact. I also try to look at it as yeah i just made an error in the field but it's my turn to bat soon and I'm going to make up for it. A lot of it is, as a parent, keeping your mouth shut unless you're cheering your daughter and her team on. Another part of it is learning how to have thick skin and to bounce back as a player. And unless that comes naturally, I think that's something that comes with age and maturing in the game.

 

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lenore has a good process. I'd add take a deep breath as part of it to relax physically as well as mentally--works for my DD

 

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If anyone on here knows how to get into a teenage girls head to help them figure things out.......PATENT IT, and you will be richer than Bill Gates.

 

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Understanding why they made an error and putting it into mental, equipment, ability or lack of repetition may help also.

I have seen several girls at clinics not being able to catch a ball from 50 feet away! I ask to look at the glove and get their parent and ask who has explained how the glove works? I point out the thumb lock is stuffed inside the glove and is not even being used. The parents look as dumb founded as the girl. No wonder she could not catch it. We adjusted it and all of sudden she is catching the ball. Sometimes it is that simple.

Dr. Ken Raviza a Sports PhD, did a seminar at the NFCA in Vegas and had the group do an exercise. You extend your hand/arm to your partner and at the count of three you pinched with your thumb and index finger the fore arm of the other person at the same time.

Then he explained you can not go back one second in time and change anything! You have to deal with the pain and get over it as we can not stop the game and practice. If you struck out with bases loaded, deal with it as it is gone and now you have to get your glove and play on. Learn how to control your failures and successes.

Being able to deal with it takes practice also. You do not get a DO OVER in a game situation.

This is why we recommend reading the book, The Talent Code. They, we and you will make mistakes on and off the field and as long as no one gets hurt or no property is damaged we learn from our mistakes.

I look at the player and parent and ask who taught you how to walk? I look at the parent and say do you really take credit for that? I said all you did was move the coffee table out of the way so she would not hurt herself when she fell! She taught herself!

You the player must take responsibility for what you do and as the Big Girl says at the end of the day you must take the responsibility for what you did or did not do well and work on it on your own time.

One of the girls made the statement, " My hips will just not rotate!" I asked does the tail wag the dog or does the dog wag the tale? I make the statement that the dog makes a conscious thought that if it is happy the tails up and moving and if it is sad the tail is between the legs.

Do you control how your hips move by processing the information in the brain or does the hips control the brain?

Sometimes it is that simple and all the yelling or screaming will not change it. It is good that her team mates are willing to help and sometimes it takes an outside influence working with the team to give direction and help mold the team.

Just an opinion.

Howard

 

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DD and I watched several MLB blooper specials. We laughed and talked about how there was probably no mistake she could make that pros haven't made. May be a silly method, but I think it helped.

 

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He missed 9000 shots, missed 26 game winning shots, lost 300 games - Michael Jordan, NBA 6 time World Champion ?I failed over and over, that is why I succeed?

There is a lot of very good information out there on mental toughness. It is usually the little things that get into everyone's head that drives them crazy. Made an error, struck out, made a bad pitch or threw to the wrong base.
As much as the girls want to be perfect in all that they do on the field, it is next to impossible. They are not perfect and will make mistakes. I think if they understand going in that it is okay to make mistakes it may take some of the pressure off themselves that they create. If making a bad throw is the only thing they have to worry about right now in life, they are better off than a lot of people.

Here is an article that is pretty good in explaining how to work on your mental toughness:

http://www.softballperformance.com/mental-training/changing-self-talk-from-negative-to-positive.html

 

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I totally failed in telling my older daughter to "shake it off." I had seen this type of behavior in her last fall; she stepped up this spring/summer and played really well, and I thought we might be past it. But she took up golf this fall. Played WELL early, without the benefit of a lot of practice or experience. And as soon as she learned that it wasn't going to be easy every round, she hit the "personal stress" wall.

And I called a sports psychologist in Cincy. Barbara Walker. We've been twice, and the short version is that she's teaching my daughter how to put herself, physically, in the peak performance zone, primarily through breathing. She has some interesting things to say about how individual muscle fibers react badly under extreme stress/anger. Daughter told me that when she hit the right breathing zone (hooked up to monitors so they can SEE it) she felt so good she giggled.

Going to see her once more this fall as wrap up, and perhaps again in the spring as a warm up for softball.

Not cheap. I will have probably $500 in three visits. But I decided that what we were doing on our own was not working, she's good enough to play college softball (and perhaps even golf) somewhere, and look at all the dough I blow on hitting lessons, bats and the like. So I decided I needed to step up and get proper instruction.

I've also heard from others that the techniques mirror what you get from the "inner game" books.

 

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I totally failed in telling my older daughter to "shake it off." I had seen this type of behavior in her last fall; she stepped up this spring/summer and played really well, and I thought we might be past it. But she took up golf this fall. Played WELL early, without the benefit of a lot of practice or experience. And as soon as she learned that it wasn't going to be easy every round, she hit the "personal stress" wall.

And I called a sports psychologist in Cincy. Barbara Walker. We've been twice, and the short version is that she's teaching my daughter how to put herself, physically, in the peak performance zone, primarily through breathing. She has some interesting things to say about how individual muscle fibers react badly under extreme stress/anger. Daughter told me that when she hit the right breathing zone (hooked up to monitors so they can SEE it) she felt so good she giggled.

Going to see her once more this fall as wrap up, and perhaps again in the spring as a warm up for softball.

Not cheap. I will have probably $500 in three visits. But I decided that what we were doing on our own was not working, she's good enough to play college softball (and perhaps even golf) somewhere, and look at all the dough I blow on hitting lessons, bats and the like. So I decided I needed to step up and get proper instruction.

I've also heard from others that the techniques mirror what you get from the "inner game" books.

I have had three kids with her and all were successes and in my opinion you are in good hands.

How much would you pay to have her happy and healthy, mentally and physically?

Howard

 

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something i like to use and seems to help is this.... Called -THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAY. First explain how the game is made up of many and sometimes hundreds of plays. Every pitch is a new play and many things can and will happen on each play. Now, ask the "student" or "player" what they think the most important play of the game is....... let them think about it for a few minutes and see what their answer is. After they answer dont say anything but explain how when things happen, you can not do anything about them or change the last play because it is simply over! if you swing and miss... can't change it. Throw a ball hi and outside and walk the batter, can't change it. Miss an easy fly ball.... can't change it.

Now, whats the most important play? THE VERY NEXT ONE. :yahoo:

Stay focused, your team needs you for the most important play! (every play)

good luck!

Coach Dan

 

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Gotta make her believe she's only 6" away from believing she is as good as she knows she is... The 6" is the distance between her two ears......

Belief in ones self is 90% of the battle and if she sees her feet are in her view, she's not looking forward!! What's done is done and you can't turn back time...

 

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I have had three kids with her and all were successes and in my opinion you are in good hands.

How much would you pay to have her happy and healthy, mentally and physically?

Howard

Thanks Howard. I did some homework beforehand, and have been feeling pretty good about the whole situation. But I appreciate your confirmation.

And of course you are right: I would pay whatever it takes....

Perry

 

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Been playing the game forever, I'm harder on myself then anybody. It's taken years for me to learn that the best players have a short memory. But I'm still not completely there yet haha. When I make an error, the only thing that runs through my mind is "I look like an idiot and i let my team down" but then I have my team behind me picking me up and that makes a huge impact. I also try to look at it as yeah i just made an error in the field but it's my turn to bat soon and I'm going to make up for it. A lot of it is, as a parent, keeping your mouth shut unless you're cheering your daughter and her team on. Another part of it is learning how to have thick skin and to bounce back as a player. And unless that comes naturally, I think that's something that comes with age and maturing in the game.

Yes...I LOVE IT...an actual player giving advise; I remember when someone had a post about trophies and shirts for tourny's and all the response were from parents and coaches talking about what the players should get, how about asking the players what they want. I hope some (probably most) parents read her post a couple times especially the part "A lot of it is, as a parent, keeping your mouth shut unless you're cheering your daughter and her team on". Keep the post coming players, because your on the field and in the game...not us. In the mean time parents and coaches are gonna try to figure whats going on in your head.