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From Responsible Sports:
It?s been a tough season, full of ups and downs.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Your son won a starting spot on the team this fall, has practiced hard, played with 100% effort in every game, and the team has learned from their mistakes to bounce back from losses.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]And the hard work paid off: the team has a strong record and the big rivalry game this year will determine who goes to the State Championships.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]The only problem? The big game is Thanksgiving Weekend. The weekend you, your spouse and your kids pile into the car and visit the grandparents.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]The only time every year that the extended family can get together.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]A very special weekend ? one you don?t want to miss and know Mom might not easily forgive if you and your kids miss it.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]What to do?[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]It?s a Responsible Sport Parents dilemma ? and one we can really sympathize with.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]We turned to the experts at Positive Coaching Alliance to give us some practical advice for what to do when where family obligations and youth sports demands seem to collide?
Holidays are sometimes the most difficult times to balance family obligations versus youth sports commitments.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]But those challenges exist throughout the season, especially if you are a parent with multiple children, each with their own set of activities and interests.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]It becomes even harder if you work weekends or you are a single parent trying to juggle it all.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]We know it?s not easy ? the team here at Responsible Sports struggle with these very issues.
We turned to the experts at Positive Coaching Alliance to help us outline some practical advice and tips for what you can do when you feel like your family obligations and your youth sports commitments are at odds.
[h=3]Discuss With Your Child[/h]Depending upon the age of your child, the decision to participate in a youth sports event where there is a family conflict can be a terrific teachable moment that allows kids to participate in some decision-making.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Sit down with your athlete and lay out the pros and cons for each side?and do your best to outline them as fairly as possible, avoiding the temptation to over-dramatize situations. PCA Founder Jim Thompson advises in his writing on ?Empowering Conversations with Your Child? to let your child articulate his or her own priorities: [SIZE=+0] [/SIZE](?Dad, I?ve worked really hard this season and I really want to play in the game? or ?Dad, I so rarely get to see grandma that I don?t want to miss that, but I also really don?t want to let my teammates down?.)[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]
[h=3]Talk To The Coach In The Pre-Season[/h]Often, coaches and league administrators select from a variety of tournaments available.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]If the coaching staff knows ahead of time that you and other parents have vacation plans for the winter break, they may be able to avoid these periods for away tournaments. There are no guarantees, of course, but if the coaches don?t know your plans then they certainly can?t avoid scheduling conflicts..[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Thompson suggests one way to avoid conflicts is for coaches [SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]to survey all of the parents with available tournament dates and go with the dates that work for the majority of the team.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]
[h=3]Work Toward Compromise[/h]Easier said than done, but sage men and women have often said, ?Where there is a will, there is a way.?[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Maybe the family gathering could be delayed a few hours to let you do both?[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Maybe your wife and daughter can head to the grandparents for the start of the celebration while you and your son arrive after the game?[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Maybe the coach will allow your daughter to play the game but miss the post-game celebration due to your family commitment.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Oftentimes sharing your dilemma with family and the coaching staff can bring together more minds to think of a creative solution.
[h=3]Turn Youth Sports Into Family Reunions[/h]Consider inviting the entire family to the game over the holidays.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Make it a very festive affair.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Tailgate before the game with the whole family and get them ready for the game with cheering towels, pom-poms or horns in team colors (available at your local party store.)[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Your son or daughter will be thrilled to have a big cheering section.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]And including the extended family in the event gives aunts and uncles and grandparents a solid topic to connect with your son or daughter.
[h=3]Ask A Fellow Parent To Help[/h]The decision for your daughter to play in the tournament shouldn?t necessarily impact the entire rest of the family.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Maybe just your daughter heads to the tournament, thanks to the helpful carpool of a fellow sport parent.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]You?d be willing to do the same for a fellow parent (especially if you have the peace of mind to know that you have auto coverages that cover you when you have other kids in the car). So go ahead and ask for help from fellow parents to help your daughter make it to the game while also meeting your family obligations.
[h=3]Ultimately ?. Decide What Is Most Important[/h]It?s yet another opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson: sadly we just can?t do it all.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]There are times when we have to choose.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]And teaching your child how to decide in moments like these is one of those life lesson opportunities you?d hoped they would get from youth sports. "Family has always been important to us and unfortunately we?re going to have to miss the game.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]I know you are disappointed ? I am too.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]I wish we could do both and together we?ve tried to see if there was a way we could.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]But we simply can?t.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]And I hope you understand why we?ve decided that family is more important than this game.?[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Or ?As a family, we talk about the idea that when you make a commitment, that is your word.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]And that your word is golden.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]You made a commitment to this team and unfortunately now that commitment conflicts with the family gathering.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]We think you should honor that commitment and play, but I hope you?ll understand why your Dad and your brothers won?t be in the stands but will instead be with Grandpa and the relatives.?
[h=3]Coaches: Don?t Punish[/h]Sometimes youth sport coaches punish players who miss tournaments and games over the holidays, relegating starters to permanent bench players.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Responsible Coaches know that such action can deflate kids who have been working hard all season and whose participation in the tournament was out of their hands.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]?Have an open and honest dialog with your player,? Thompson advises. ?Remind them of team rules that apply whenever a player misses a game, regardless of what the reason is.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]But then move on ? and allow the player to compete fairly and openly for the position as they did in the beginning of the season.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]And don?t make athletes feel bad for missing the tournament ? they likely feel worse than you do as the coach.?[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]
It?s been a tough season, full of ups and downs.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Your son won a starting spot on the team this fall, has practiced hard, played with 100% effort in every game, and the team has learned from their mistakes to bounce back from losses.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]And the hard work paid off: the team has a strong record and the big rivalry game this year will determine who goes to the State Championships.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]The only problem? The big game is Thanksgiving Weekend. The weekend you, your spouse and your kids pile into the car and visit the grandparents.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]The only time every year that the extended family can get together.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]A very special weekend ? one you don?t want to miss and know Mom might not easily forgive if you and your kids miss it.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]What to do?[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]It?s a Responsible Sport Parents dilemma ? and one we can really sympathize with.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]We turned to the experts at Positive Coaching Alliance to give us some practical advice for what to do when where family obligations and youth sports demands seem to collide?
Holidays are sometimes the most difficult times to balance family obligations versus youth sports commitments.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]But those challenges exist throughout the season, especially if you are a parent with multiple children, each with their own set of activities and interests.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]It becomes even harder if you work weekends or you are a single parent trying to juggle it all.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]We know it?s not easy ? the team here at Responsible Sports struggle with these very issues.
We turned to the experts at Positive Coaching Alliance to help us outline some practical advice and tips for what you can do when you feel like your family obligations and your youth sports commitments are at odds.
[h=3]Discuss With Your Child[/h]Depending upon the age of your child, the decision to participate in a youth sports event where there is a family conflict can be a terrific teachable moment that allows kids to participate in some decision-making.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Sit down with your athlete and lay out the pros and cons for each side?and do your best to outline them as fairly as possible, avoiding the temptation to over-dramatize situations. PCA Founder Jim Thompson advises in his writing on ?Empowering Conversations with Your Child? to let your child articulate his or her own priorities: [SIZE=+0] [/SIZE](?Dad, I?ve worked really hard this season and I really want to play in the game? or ?Dad, I so rarely get to see grandma that I don?t want to miss that, but I also really don?t want to let my teammates down?.)[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]
[h=3]Talk To The Coach In The Pre-Season[/h]Often, coaches and league administrators select from a variety of tournaments available.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]If the coaching staff knows ahead of time that you and other parents have vacation plans for the winter break, they may be able to avoid these periods for away tournaments. There are no guarantees, of course, but if the coaches don?t know your plans then they certainly can?t avoid scheduling conflicts..[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Thompson suggests one way to avoid conflicts is for coaches [SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]to survey all of the parents with available tournament dates and go with the dates that work for the majority of the team.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]
[h=3]Work Toward Compromise[/h]Easier said than done, but sage men and women have often said, ?Where there is a will, there is a way.?[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Maybe the family gathering could be delayed a few hours to let you do both?[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Maybe your wife and daughter can head to the grandparents for the start of the celebration while you and your son arrive after the game?[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Maybe the coach will allow your daughter to play the game but miss the post-game celebration due to your family commitment.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Oftentimes sharing your dilemma with family and the coaching staff can bring together more minds to think of a creative solution.
[h=3]Turn Youth Sports Into Family Reunions[/h]Consider inviting the entire family to the game over the holidays.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Make it a very festive affair.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Tailgate before the game with the whole family and get them ready for the game with cheering towels, pom-poms or horns in team colors (available at your local party store.)[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Your son or daughter will be thrilled to have a big cheering section.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]And including the extended family in the event gives aunts and uncles and grandparents a solid topic to connect with your son or daughter.
[h=3]Ask A Fellow Parent To Help[/h]The decision for your daughter to play in the tournament shouldn?t necessarily impact the entire rest of the family.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Maybe just your daughter heads to the tournament, thanks to the helpful carpool of a fellow sport parent.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]You?d be willing to do the same for a fellow parent (especially if you have the peace of mind to know that you have auto coverages that cover you when you have other kids in the car). So go ahead and ask for help from fellow parents to help your daughter make it to the game while also meeting your family obligations.
[h=3]Ultimately ?. Decide What Is Most Important[/h]It?s yet another opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson: sadly we just can?t do it all.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]There are times when we have to choose.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]And teaching your child how to decide in moments like these is one of those life lesson opportunities you?d hoped they would get from youth sports. "Family has always been important to us and unfortunately we?re going to have to miss the game.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]I know you are disappointed ? I am too.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]I wish we could do both and together we?ve tried to see if there was a way we could.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]But we simply can?t.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]And I hope you understand why we?ve decided that family is more important than this game.?[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Or ?As a family, we talk about the idea that when you make a commitment, that is your word.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]And that your word is golden.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]You made a commitment to this team and unfortunately now that commitment conflicts with the family gathering.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]We think you should honor that commitment and play, but I hope you?ll understand why your Dad and your brothers won?t be in the stands but will instead be with Grandpa and the relatives.?
[h=3]Coaches: Don?t Punish[/h]Sometimes youth sport coaches punish players who miss tournaments and games over the holidays, relegating starters to permanent bench players.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]Responsible Coaches know that such action can deflate kids who have been working hard all season and whose participation in the tournament was out of their hands.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]?Have an open and honest dialog with your player,? Thompson advises. ?Remind them of team rules that apply whenever a player misses a game, regardless of what the reason is.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]But then move on ? and allow the player to compete fairly and openly for the position as they did in the beginning of the season.[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]And don?t make athletes feel bad for missing the tournament ? they likely feel worse than you do as the coach.?[SIZE=+0] [/SIZE]
