Tryout Notification Etiquette

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I have responded to some of those "players looking for teams" threads only to see a date of August 19, 1984. (fictious date ) It would be nice to see, "Have found a team, thanx anyway"
JMHO

 

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I don`t know how anyone would WANT to hear from a coach who doesn`t want your daughter. I have coached a pretty good team for 6 years and have never promised to call everyone about how their try-out went.
If your daughter was in a beauty pagent and lost, would you really want to hear that she lost because her nose is too big, or her eyes are too close together?
I have always told everyone that tryed out for me that I would call my 1st choices and offer positions that Sunday evening by 6:00 and if you don`t hear from me by then, sorry but best of luck to you. I have also said that if anyone would like to know why they didn`t make it they would be welcome to CALL ME to find out why. In 6 years I`ve gotten 3 calls and I remember them all because all 3 ended up argueing with my observations of their daughter.
***DICLAIMER**
If a coach tells everyone at try-outs he/she WILL CALL EVERYONE with an evaluation of how they did, and then doesn`t do it, he/she deserves a rather tearse phone call reminding them of their broken promise to call. Especially when kids are being pressured to give other coahes answers immediatly.

Just one newly retired coaches opinion.

How are the girls that are new to travel supposed to improve without being told their weaknesses. My daughter is 11 and new to all of this and we have attended tryouts for 3 teams-two we never heard from and the last we don't know yet. I would really like to know what it is that she needs to improve on. Comparing it to a beauty pageant is a bad analogy. Sports are part natural talent part coaching part practice part want/heart. Softball can be learned and improved upon-with dedication and hard work. I am not saying that all girls are cut out for it but that most can improve their game to this level if given the chance. So if you don't find out what your dd is doing wrong then how are you supposed to improve. Isn't this sport still about the girls learning and improving? How do you improve without guidance? You can't. Parents aren't objectional-most coaches are. What do you say to your daughter when the call doesn't come in when you don't know what she did wrong. At least if I could look at her and say well when your were batting you did this....when you were fielding you did this....or you did just fine just that so and so were better for the position because....Are you serious that you wouldn't want that information. I know that my daughter needs to grow and improve she has never played at a very competitive level so I took her to try outs just to see where she stood with other girls her age. But it would be nice to be told what her weaknesses were. I do know that one coach is going to get us that information-another completely blew us off. Is it because the coaches really don't know...

 

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I have tried to word this 100 different times and decided against posting on this issue due to lack of proper tact in what I want to say. Here goes!
If it were as easy as telling the party "sorry, we will have to pass on you this year....these are things you may want to work on........." I am all for contacting the girls either way. The truth is.....its not always that easy. Most of the time constructive critisism is taken only as critisism. I worked in our local school system for a couple of years. In most cases, if you are not telling a parent that their child hangs the moon, you are an entity from the underworld out to destroy their child. I can see why coaches do not want to subject themselves to arguments. If you don't hear from me by 9am Monday, good luck with all of your endeavors.

 

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I understand that there are parents out there that ask but really don't want to know. Those parents who believe that their child can do no wrong is doing more harm than good for that child and really has no place in a competitive environment. No one is perfect and as a parent to make your child believe so is wrong. Ok-so it might not be easy to tell a parent the mistakes their child made but as a coach I believe that ?is part of your job-if asked. You don't have to even do it face-to-face. I emailed these coaches and I talked to a parent helper of the one team that said they would be getting back with me but my email was forwarded to the coach with the info I was looking for. So hopefully I hear back. The other team I even made it easy on them since they had so many girls try out. I asked for specifics-what they were looking for time wise for throw downs and what my daughters times were-stuff like that. No response. That is in my eyes very rude and I lost any respect for this organization. If you are not man enough to tell a mother what to do to better her child then I don't know how they are man enough to coach our girls. I am not the type of mom to make a scene or get upset-that actually turns my stomach. Even if the parent did-who cares-you already told the child that they are not on your team. That is all part of working with the public. I just want to know how to help my daughter get to this level of ball. I knew that she wasn't ready this year. I was convinced by others that taking her out to see where she stands with others her age would be a good experience then I would know what to work on for next year. Well we took her out-I know nothing more than I knew 3 weeks ago because to me only a couple girls stood out as exceptional and the rest had pros and cons. What I want to know is what set her apart from the other girls that she did not get the spot and they did. She did get a couple of nice practice drill days in but that is it. It is not fair to lump all parents into a category of bad-over-the-edge parents. I believe that if a parent asks for your advice you should give your input-not ignore it and it will go away-that's what the 1 and 2 y.o.'s in my daycare do and guess what it doesn't work. So if my daughter came to try out for you (complete hypothetical-as I have no idea who you are or where you are) and we didn't recieve a phone call by such and such a day. So I send you an email saying-hey could you let me know what you think my daughter needs to work on before she comes out next year-what would you do. 1. Answer honestly 2.2 yo syndrome-ignore it it will go away 3. Lie and say well maybe.....what does that do for that girl.....NOTHING. How are they supposed to get better if they are not told what to improve on. Or maybe it is like someone said in another post-the coaches only want girls that are already coached so that their work is minimal. I just don't see how hard it is to answer a parent who is looking out for the best interest of their daughter.

 

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First of all, sometimes you have to agree to disagree. Second of all, if you ask a question, yes it should be answered. ?Nobody said different. ?If you point blank ask what your dd needs to work on for future try-outs, I would have no problem answering you. ?That is not what this is about. ?This is about if a coach should or should not contact every child if they did or did not make a team. ?I say no. And that is STRICTLY my opinion. ?I did not say the coach should shut off his phone, disconnect his email and live in a cave to avoid a answering a few questions from a parents whos child did not make their team. ?Does that make someone a bad coach that should not work with the public if they don't call every child that does not make a team? ?Not in my opinion. ?It would say something about their charactor if they choose to avoid a parent asking for help. ?JMHO

 

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in our tryout's, nobody is allowed to ask how one's girl did after the tryouts. we have to evaluate every girl that comes out. we can not do that right after the tryouts. to us, every girl is just a number, until we contact each one of them. once we contact them, that is when the emotional side occurs. whether it is excitment or sorrow. i think at the early ages, letting the parents and the girls know what they need to work on is ok, but at the older levels, the girls know what they lack and do not have to be told. they can see what is going on. if the parents of these older girls do not see it, then i see future problems on the teams that these girls play on. i have been on both sides of this. waiting really is nerve racking, and then not making it is worse. the only thing i did was recall what my dd lacked in, and worked more on improving that. at each one of these tryouts, each teams gives you a drill to work on with your dd. as a parent, if you can not work with your dd to get her better then how are we as coaches suppose to make your dd better at home.
i think coaches should contact girls after tryouts. but remember, the one's that make the team have to be heard from first. if we do not hear from these girls, how can we call the rest of them. some have other commitments, vacations, so we do not hear from them in a couple of days. that puts everything back that long.
the time to ask, what does my dd need to work on, is when the phone call occurs. not with an attitude, but with general concern to help their child out.

 

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jdmx2jim- But see the problem is not all teams notify players who do not make the team. And some people believe that it shouldn't be done. Your setup sounds like a good one but if coaches don't notify the players not selected then girls are left hanging with the question of what do I need to improve on. I believe that the girls showed up worked hard and did their best at least the coaches could give them the common courtesy of an email or phone call either way or at least post a list of players who made it. It is not like they have 200 people to contact. I am not saying that this needs to be done immediately because I understand that it takes a little time to get a commitment from all girls selected. I would not expect a coach to tell me on the day of tryouts what he thought. That would be wrong on my part to put that coach on the spot in front of possibly all the other parents. We have been to a couple tryouts where you weren't even given a date-just a general time frame. So where do I go from there-my daughter is only 11 and we want to work with her to improve her for next year. I agree that at a certain age they should know what they did wrong without being told if they have been playing for years. But even those girls deserve closure of some sort...email, list, call....I already know some of her weaknesses-that is why we were going to wait another year but thought this would be a good learning experience. But when she went out and the majority of the girls showed the same level of performance as her that doesn't get me anywhere-most went out and made the same errors as her. I did see some girls that did stand out-but not many-so obviously I do not know what is being looked for and would like to know. Especially since most coaches do not contact you if you do not make the team. I believe that is just playing chicken-afraid of confrontation with the parents and email would be a simple way to do it and I think that all coaches owe it to the girls who took the time to come out and try out. Heck even most companys who interview hundreds of people take the time to notify an applicant who was not offered the job-it simply is showing the girls respect and gives them closure. These younger girls have to start somewhere and unless they are given guidance/advice or they are exceptionally gifted with natural ability or they have a parent/friend who coaches how do they get to the next level without input.......I am just really miffed at some of the comments by others on here. ?>This is nothing like a beauty pageant-it is a sport which can be learned and played well by someone with enough heart and direction. Beauty is strictly inherited...but even that can be changed by the right dr..... ;D

 

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Our organization calls all of the families that attend our tryouts whether they made a team or not. ?

I try to put myself in their shoes. ?It takes courage to put yourself out there for all to see and evaluate your skills. ?The least we can do is let them know if they've made a team or not.

Prior to making the "uncomfortable calls" I gather a list of of contact info for many of our area's travel ball organizations. ?If the parent / player is interested in other travel teams I will give them the contact info for the teams they have interest in.

If the parent / player asks "why" ?I will give them feedback on the areas(s) which we feel need some work. ?Not always easy to do but if the emotions are kept in check they will get the feedback.

 

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if a team says they will let you know by a certain date by phone, email, or letter that is fine. if they don't respond then theres a good chance you didn't make the team and move on. have any of you experience this...my dd (and us parents too) have went to tryouts and after the tryout said "i didn't like the vibe there" whether it was the coaches, players, or parents that were there and it was decided dd would not play for the team if asked. another comment my dd has played for 6 yrs now and i will have to say the last 2 yrs i have seen and heard things that just are plain ugly, sometimes i wonder is it really for the girls.

 

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3dm,re-read your post and tell me you believe what you wrote after the summer season you went through,things were said and done after the season that goes against everything you said you wanted your organization to become.And no,I was not a parent who had a "cow" as you put it,just a parent who wanted to see her daughter get better as a player and young adult.

 

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brandallee3, we look for many things including talent. heart and desire is always in the mix because all these girls would not be here if they did not have that.

when it comes to fielding, we look for technique, arm strength, range, 2 handed catches, and just general knowledge of an infield or outfield position.

on base running, we demonstrate what we look for and tell them on their run from home to home, to push themselves, hit each corner of the bags, and do not stutter step to each bag. times are very important. speed is uncoachable. if you have speed, you are ahead of everybody else. why, because we can teach a girl to bunt. with her speed and bunting, this would be hard to defend.

on hitting, we look for how comfortable she is to the speed of the pitches, bat speed, form, power, bunting, and consistency of contact. the last one is key to a girl who would like to play on a travel team. bunting is also important.

we try to put together a group of girls who have talent and have some personalities that would be able to get along with one another. if us as parents are going to shell out our hard earned money for our girls, we do not want them to play for a team that always plays the minimum amount of games in each tournament.

 

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Here's an idea - have each kid that comes to tryouts provide either an e-mail address OR a self-addressed stamped envelope. That way, at no cost to the organization, you could notify everyone with very little effort. Then the coaches don't have to make that dreaded phone call if the kid didn't make the team.

 

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In our case, I ended up calling about 14 girls. Only two asked how they performed. The vast majority took it as a major affront that they weren't in the top 12 picked. Most coaches, myself included, are more than happy to offer guidance to any young person who asks. Very few actually ask.

 

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Bucketmouth,

I stand by my post. ?ALL girls went through a fair tryout, no promises were made with regards to returning players. ?The coach chose the players that she felt would best fill-out her roster. ?Your DD as well as a few others were called back for a second tryout as consideration because they played last year.

No, you were not one that had a cow, and that is appreciated. ?Tryouts are intended to find the best players to fill a team. ?That is why we do everything by numbers (stats). ?Some girls didn't show as well as they should have or could have. ?I understand it may not seem fair from your standpoint, but the girls that showed the best were offered positions.

I think it is important, for the integrity of the organization, to allow my coaches to chose who they feel will best work on their roster. ?I will not pressure them to take anyone. ?I made one stipulation prior to tryouts, "take who you want, but play who you take".

I'm sorry if you or your DD feel slighted by the process, but it was a process and nothing personal.

Doug

 

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Geesh! This really turned into a complicated mess!

I'm NOT a coach, just a parent. Here's how I see the process working in an efficient, yet fair, manner.

1. Girl/parents select team to tryout for

2. Girl goes to tryout, works her tail off knowing she did the best she could do.

3. Coaches and staff evaluate and compare players

4. BEFORE girls & parents leave tryout, coaches tell them that if they made the team, they will receive a phone call from the coach no later than, say, 8:00 the next evening.

What's so difficult or unfair about this process? If you as a parent DO NOT receive that phone call, there is NOTHING stopping YOU from picking up the phone and calling the coach! If you get a voicemail or busy signal, leave a message asking the coach to call you back, or try again shortly. If you have made this effort, and the coach doesn't call you back, THEN feel free to tell anyone and everyone (seriously!) how you were treated. This coach will soon lose all respect, and eventually his team.

Be PROACTIVE in helping your kid. You owe it to them to find out for yourself what they need to do to improve. Find out, then set some goals to help them get better. Don't sit around crying because a certain coach/team didn't go ga-ga over your daughter. Who has your kid's best interest at heart anyway? Certainly not a coach you may have met only once, and you should not expect them too either.

 

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Jdmx2jim,
I love that you listed what you look for. My dd is a good pitcher on her way to better. She is 11 years old and has gone to several tryouts. She is privately coached in pitching and batting, she can place her bunts, she slaps, drags, and hits. She can do all of the above from the left also. This is our first experience with all of this. At EVERY tryout she did well in the above 2 areas, she is proficient in fielding but would definately need coached, and she is not a very fast runner and I strongly disagree that that is not coachable. My son had a physical therapist that started working with him to show him how to run faster.

With all of this said, my head is not in the clouds, I know she needs coaching BUT she has the ability and personality. So why is she being passed over! I don't get it!!

My personal feeling is that the coaches on these teams want already coached players. They want to spend very little time coaching.

 

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It appears that this thread may have run its course and is becoming something else...

 

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Bear..things are not always as they seem...let them vent..it is harmless and relieves alot of the frustration

 

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Let the parent know that they will receive an email by a certain date. If they don't have an email account, then call them. I don't know too many people nowadays that don't have an email account, so it wouldn't be that many phone calls.

Tryouts aren't always fair and impartial. Sometimes it depends on how the tryout was organized. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be. A friend of mine had a daughter whose team disbanded, so her dd attended tryouts for 3 weeks to find a team that was the best fit. She made 5 out of 6 teams she tried out, but didn't make a team that had just average talent at the tryout because her dd wasn't having her best day. She did well at the tryouts where girls rotated around to all positions in the infield, then had the girls field balls on the run from various positions in the outfield. Her daughter made an occasional mistake, but still shone brightly because she was given more than 5 chances to show her fielding and throwing ability.

The problem with players trying out for a certain positon at the 10U and 12U level is that it may not be an accurate assessment of athletic ability. Say you have a young girl that is the best player on her rec team and plays shortstop. Her parents decide that rec ball is getting old and that she should try out for a travel team. They tell her at tryouts to go out to a postion. So she heads out for shortstop because that is the only position she has ever played. Well, there are 2 other girls trying out for shortshop that just have that extra something, so she doesn't make the team. The problem is, she would have been a great 2nd baseman with just a little bit of coaching at this new position.

Sometimes you can't judge a girl's talent by a two hour tryout because sometimes there may be circumstances that affect her performance. Maybe the girl had the flu; maybe she already attended a four hour tryout; maybe she always does poorly at the tryouts for the teams that she really really wants to play for because of nerves. It's just like job interviews: some people do well at interviews (very good B.S.er's) and turn out to be terrible employees, whereas others do poorly at interviews because of nerves, but often get recommendations from former employees because they are good at their job, but don't do well at interviewing.

Yes, this thread is off course also. It's just hard for a parents to hear that their daughter didn't make a team, but the wait is what is most agonizing, so coaches should at least have the courtesy to send an email. The only time my friend had to wait on an answer was for the team that her dd didn't make. All the other teams offered their daughter a position at the end of the tryout. For the parents and girls that didn't make a certain team, you gotta tell yourself it wasn't meant to be and sometimes the reasons don't show themselves until later. Not making one team may lead you to a team that you hadn't considered, but turned out to be the team you've been looking for all along.

 

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Here is a suggestion to coaches to settle some of the problems of judging talent and notifying parents. I've conducted and coached at many clinics and camps in the past. I used a method of talent evaluation that I could do easily and give to each parent or kid that tried out that came to the camp/tryouts. I used card stock (the old days) but now it can be converted to a computer set up. I had a list of basic skills listed and a check area for the level I believed the kid was judged to be at by me or my coaches. Everything was a positive, but it showed a level for parents to see and it did not hurt the kids' psyche. No one gets offended when you leave off the words: lousy, talentless, horrible...etc.... (Actually, I stole this whole idea from a UCLA camp that I worked at years and years ago)

example: Excellent Good Fair

Throwing: X
Fielding:
Grounders: X
Fly balls: X
Baserunning:
Take-offs X
Timings: H-H 12 sec. H-1B 2.9
Catchers:
Throws to 2B 2.5 sec
Pitchers:
Speed: 60
Pitches: drop = exc. rise = needs work curve = good
attitude: very coachable, hustles on every play, etc.
parents: pain in the ...... or very nice

etc. etc. etc. depends on how detailed you want to be. Leave room for comments.
This would of course, be in a better more detailed format. But hopefully you get the idea. There are no D's or F's here. When you are finished evaluating kids, you can look back on the cards and say...I will only take the kids with all the "Excellents". For a coach, this is a great reminder, for parents a report card, and for the kids...a soft rejection. At the bottom of the card would be a place for notes. The coach could even put down: Thank you for trying out...etc...

Hopefully this would help everyone. Have the card stock for tryouts, use a copy for e mails. Wouldn't take much time. It helps to jog the memory of coaches if they had a large turnout for their tryouts. You could have each coach evaluating and marking cards themselves. Compare all the cards later when selecting your team.

Chris M.