What is your measurement/gauge?

[default]

Parents here are a few thoughts to ponder:

* Maybe the other team is simply better on that day and time.

"No, we have the talent, it's just a matter of when we're going to start playing."

* Your daughter going 0-4 and then blaming the coach, how is this his fault?

"She is not getting the coaching she needs. And he is messing up her swing (which may be true in many cases, actually)."

* If we get the #1 seed on Saturday, we have to be the best team right? Answer no, no one has ever won a championship on Saturday, the real test begins on Sundays when the games matter.

....Another answer is that many of the top teams aren't playing all out to win in pool play and they might not care where they wind up in the bracket because they know they will be good enough to advance.

* My daughter should pitch every game. Just my opinion, but no, why not let someone else a chance in pool play games. If your daughter is the best, she'll be out there on Sunday when it matters.

"My daughter is clearly the best pitcher, especially if she had a defense behind her."


* That kid has never played that position, why are they out there? Maybe its their turn to learn that position, or maybe the coach is trying to develop her and make his team deeper at each positions.

"Coach is setting her up to fail!!!" BTW, I just told one of our players the other day that, besides pitcher and catcher, if you are even remotely a ballplayer, then I should be able to put you at any infield or outfield position, allowing for a bit of time (15 minutes maybe) to learn cutoffs and relays at certain positions.

* My daughter isn't a 3rd baseman, she's never played there. Well guess what how is she ever going to learn to play there? If she always plays second, and she moves up and their is a better second baseman ahead of her, does that mean she'll sit the bench or guess what, she may have to learn a different position.

"My daughter is the best second baseman on the team!" Even if that's true, our best overall defense might not include your daughter at third base. Further, see my answer above about being a ballplayer.

* If we lose one game in pool play, everyone will be down, and not able to recover. Its just my opinion, but in losing you find out what you need to improve upon, and if you win all the time, you may never improve upon your game. We have lost plenty of games in pool play in the past, with hopes of Sunday getting a rematch with them, which in my opinion motivates a group even more.

"Now the girls have lost all their confidence." This thought that a single loss is going to ruin a team is absurd and leads to overreaction, which is far more dangerous. Often a team in our game will lose a game to an inferior team. It's ok. It usually means nothing. Statistically, it's going to happen, just as the Yankees often lose to the Orioles.

 

[default]

nice post

 

[default]

Excellent post Sid.

Unfortunately, the ones who need to seriously ponder your thoughts are the ones who think you're a pansy and belong in Rec Ball. Player development is essential. Winning is the end result - for 18U & beyond.

 

[default]

I have answers to the questions you posed. After having coached the girls of hundreds, or even thousands, of parents, I'd estimate about half would answer like I did in quotes below if they were honest.

Parents here are a few thoughts to ponder:

* Maybe the other team is simply better on that day and time.

"No, we have the talent, it's just a matter of when we're going to start playing."

* Your daughter going 0-4 and then blaming the coach, how is this his fault?

"She is not getting the coaching she needs. And he is messing up her swing (which may be true in many cases, actually)."

* If we get the #1 seed on Saturday, we have to be the best team right? Answer no, no one has ever won a championship on Saturday, the real test begins on Sundays when the games matter.

....Another answer is that many of the top teams aren't playing all out to win in pool play and they might not care where they wind up in the bracket because they know they will be good enough to advance.

* My daughter should pitch every game. Just my opinion, but no, why not let someone else a chance in pool play games. If your daughter is the best, she'll be out there on Sunday when it matters.

"My daughter is clearly the best pitcher, especially if she had a defense behind her."


* That kid has never played that position, why are they out there? Maybe its their turn to learn that position, or maybe the coach is trying to develop her and make his team deeper at each positions.

"Coach is setting her up to fail!!!" BTW, I just told one of our players the other day that, besides pitcher and catcher, if you are even remotely a ballplayer, then I should be able to put you at any infield or outfield position, allowing for a bit of time (15 minutes maybe) to learn cutoffs and relays at certain positions.

* My daughter isn't a 3rd baseman, she's never played there. Well guess what how is she ever going to learn to play there? If she always plays second, and she moves up and their is a better second baseman ahead of her, does that mean she'll sit the bench or guess what, she may have to learn a different position.

"My daughter is the best second baseman on the team!" Even if that's true, our best overall defense might not include your daughter at third base. Further, see my answer above about being a ballplayer.

* If we lose one game in pool play, everyone will be down, and not able to recover. Its just my opinion, but in losing you find out what you need to improve upon, and if you win all the time, you may never improve upon your game. We have lost plenty of games in pool play in the past, with hopes of Sunday getting a rematch with them, which in my opinion motivates a group even more.

"Now the girls have lost all their confidence." This thought that a single loss is going to ruin a team is absurd and leads to overreaction, which is far more dangerous. Often a team in our game will lose a game to an inferior team. It's ok. It usually means nothing. Statistically, it's going to happen, just as the Yankees often lose to the Orioles.

.......

 

[default]

Perfect post. Can this be displayed on a parents wall at every tournament??? It might just help a few parents out.

 

[default]

Good post Sid. Here are the main criteria I use:

1. Safety: There is an inherent risk of being injured playing sports. Beyond that, it shouldn't endanger their physical, mental and/or emotional welfare.

2. Positive experience: Being a valued member of the team and having a sense of accomplishment are very important to keep them playing year after year.

3. Development: Did the players and team improve over the season? How was their development versus the competition?

Parents of younger players need to remember it's a marathon, not a sprint. There are tons of stud players at 10-12u that disappear before high school due to avoidable injuries, burnout and/or lack of development.

 

[default]

Great post.......I agree with you Sid. Some parents dont realize that if their DD improves at just one thing per game they are growing as a player. Our coach has our girls do a homework assignment of what their Individual Goals per game, tournament and the year are, plus their Team Goals per game, tournament and the year are. You get some interesting responses. Maybe we should also make parents do this.....and then compare their answers to their DD's answers.
My DD just wants to play.....she could care less what position she plays (other than she wont pitch, and would rather not play 1st base). Just put them on the field and let them learn.

 

[default]

Awesome post and a good read!!

 

[default]

Our coach has coached a long time and our team is his third time through. He coaches an 18u team and our 14u team. Next year we will be his only team. Almost all of his 18u team are committed DI with a couple of exceptions. Here is the point. He measures success by the college interest in his players. He understands what coaches are looking for and although he coaches and we play to win every game. He will never put the game ahead of his players. For example he has taken a pitcher out of a game during a no hitter because a coach wanted to see the girl she was interested in pitch. His win loss record is very good but trophy are not what he is after. He has coached a very successful team and we all hope that his experience and knowledge will help each of our girls as we move on. He puts us in positions to fail in order to develop stronger and better players. This fall we played mostly at 18u not because of arrogance or to show off but to challenge and prepare each girl for the road ahead. We will be able to truly measure success at the end of the road and not be sidetracked by winning at all costs along the journey.

 

[default]

My measurement is my kid.

My DD started playing two sports, volleyball and softball. And she's good at both. She started travel volleyball young (2nd grade) and played at the national level with the best club in town. Her last year she struggled. Not in her play or serving but in desire for the game. She was getting burned out from all the pushing at that level. After 14U Nationals, she retired from volleyball. That shocked a lot of people and to this day we get asked why didn't she play in high school. Simply put, she was burned out. And when I was asked by her what I thought of her not playing anymore, I told her that playing is for her and her sports career. If she felt it was time, then so be it. She felt guilty because of all the money in fees, lessons, and hotels we spent over the years and I told her that it didn't go to waste. It built her into an athlete, taught her life lessons, how to win and how to loose, sportsmanship, teamwork, etc. It gave her purpose and confidence. And we got father-daughter time.

I know a lot of parent who never would have let there kid "retire". They would have forced their kid to play and practice. I swear a lot of them try to justify their life through their kids and it's really sad. I even remember one guy screaming how his kid better get a scholarship out of this and his kid was 10U. Really? I was dumbfounded and just thought how off base this idiot was.

My DD still plays softball and that is now her only sport. I wasn't truly sure if her decision was a good one but it was her decision. She plays with an understanding and vigor that I see few kids play with. She's very smart on the field and has really good instincts and game sense to go along with a strong arm and bat. And I still tell her she does this for her and her team, not me. I do what I can, I support her, get her lessons, transport, do book for the team and stats but I don't coach. I don't cross that line but I offer lots of encouragement to everyone on the team.

She'll be starting her sophomore season with pitchers and catchers next Monday. And she's on a great summer team with an awesome coach. Win, loose or draw, she's made friend that will last a lifetime with this team and I already know this is going to be a great summer. And she will excel because she wants to.

If I use her as the measurement, retiring from volleyball was a very good decision because some amazing good things have happened for her in softball. (She knew better than I.) She will play at the next level and we're already checking out some schools looking for the right "fit" for her, academics, campus, and of course the softball team.

It's got to be for the kids or why else do it?

 

[default]

Awesome post Sid!!!! I wish all parents would read this.

 

[default]

Though I do get excited at times I just love whatching my kids play. I dont kid myself about there talent. There main job right now is to get good grades. The rest will take care of itself. My oldest DD is a very accumlpished BIG Ten swimmer. Now she has a very good job making way more than I do and she is just getting started.

 

[default]

SidneyCrosby87;

What a great post! I am overwhelmed with the logic and thought you put into the thread and want to thank you for sharing with everyone. Having said this, I believe JoeA brought out some points of interest on the subject that certain parents will use to argue their case. It's sad but true; especially when someone like you is frustrated to a point they felt the need to write this.

We have always had people around that will fight taking responsibilities for their actions. Unfortunately, they have a large following of middle-aged people that find it easier to blame others instead of poking themselves in the chest. When this trait surfaces in their children, it makes it almost impossible to coach the kids AND deal with the parents. Coaches become out numbered and some become desperate, forcing us to become defensive and compromising our ability to make rational decisions.

It's difficult to see thru the smoke but as leaders we need to stay focused. Keep your faith that you are making a difference. There's more than the game at stake with many of these players. We're teaching people skills and life lessons that hopefully will make a difference in the new generation of too soon to be parents.

Teach the game to the best of your ability, but remember you can't save them all. Realities will even the score with the families that point fingers at others. It's only a matter of time.

Great post!!!

 

[default]

Great post Sidney, but let's not blame all this on the parents. There are plenty of 10u coaches out there, that act like every game is an audition for a Big Ten/Pac 10 coaching job. Still waiting for someone to get on and say,"winning is everything, thats why we keep score."

 

[default]

Great post Sidney, but let's not blame all this on the parents. There are plenty of 10u coaches out there, that act like every game is an audition for a Big Ten/Pac 10 coaching job. Still waiting for someone to get on and say,"winning is everything, thats why we keep score."

Ha Ha. I know a (former) 10u coach who posted on her Facebook page last year that travel ball is "about winning at all costs".

 

[default]

Great post. As a JV coach for many years I had to deal with many of these same things constantly. Sometimes I switched pitchers when the game was close to see if my other pitcher could handle the pressure. Once, I played every girl out of her "normal" position just to let them see things from a different spot on the field and to see how they fared. Once I tried a first and third play that wasn't a strong suit of ours just because we had worked on it in practice for two straight days and I wanted to see it in action. Several times I called for a bunt when it wasn't warrented just to give the girl a chance to prove she could do it in a game.

I could go on but you get the drift. Parents don't always know what you're doing and why. Sometimes giving them a head's up helps, sometimes not.

 

[default]

I wish I could send an hour speaking ot this topic. Lets just say everything above is spot on IMO.

But I would like to point out a few things or concepts my wife and I believe.

#1 - kids never get burned out on fun

#2 - If you make it all about winning and losing then you will burn them out. It took me a long time to understand why my old football coach used to put up goals for the games. And he never put winning as one of them. The fact is that you can not control if you win or lose. You can only control how you play the game and how you prepare.

#3 - Kids often do not care that much if they win or lose. I know our 12U will lose interest in winning of there is no trophy..........they like playing. They would just keep playing all day. The score is only important to them if there is something to win like a trophy or if they are playing a team with a girl that left our team. For some reason they get all worked up over that.........

 

[default]

OnThe Bucket, I applaud your efforts! Too many times players/parents get stuck in a "narrow-mindedness mode". 3rd and 4th batters swing for the fence, speedy runners always bunt, the big girl catches, etc...

I like it when coaches play the What If game, and experiment a little. The results can be surprising.

 

[default]

If my kid is having fun, learning how to be a good teammate, learning how to pull herself up when down, and staying in shape then I'm happy.

As far as watching myself and my fellow adults in the stands..... I've seen many parents interfering in things they shouldn't - arguing calls is probably the one thing that makes me cringe the most. Second to that is complaining about the coaching. (Like you've said above.) Just stop it, really. That's between your kid and the coach, she needs to learn to stand up for herself when necessary. Competition and teamwork can teach a kid so much.

I've tried to model myself on some of the great parents I've seen, and mostly what they do is shut up during the game, smile and cheer at appropriate moments! For sure I had my growing pains between 10U and 12U, and I look back and wish I'd known then what I know now. My advice is that, as a parent, you have to trust that the coach knows what he/she is doing. Respect and trust will make you a happier parent and your daughter a happier kid!

 

[default]

My advice is that, as a parent, you have to trust that the coach knows what he/she is doing. Respect and trust will make you a happier parent and your daughter a happier kid!

You know I've heard this a lot lately from coaches when talking to parents but there is a flip-side to this as well. For a good coach, yes, definitely without question. For a not-so-good coach, maybe. For a bad coach, no.

I'm a parent and I've been doing the softball-parent-thing for a decade now and my DD's have played for some wonderful coaches and some awful coaches. I've learned the hard way that you can't just give a coach free range to do whatever. As a parent, you have a responsibility to your kid to listen, watch, and evaluate the coach (which takes some experience and time). I always give the coach the benefit-of-the-doubt. And as players have different skill levels, the same is true for coaches.

In this age with specialty positions, specialty coaches, lessons, etc. Somewhere in there you have to help your as she's developing who and what to listen to. My DD is a catcher and has had a specialty coach helping her develop those skills preparing her for the next level of play for a couple of years now. That coach is awesome and has helped my DD tremendously bloom into a heck of a catcher. Specialty position, specialty coach.

Things are going great. She has colleges interested, more scouting her, she's really starting to come into her own, she's having a blast and loves catching, and wham. We get a coach who wants to change everything with no real good reason of why. Literally, the reason was "I'm the coach". And to top it off the first comment made tells my DD and me this coach doesn't really know what the catching position truly entails (You pick up a few things taking your kid to lessons).

Trust the coach? Really? NO, I don't think so. We gave the a host of reasonable and logical reasons why that wasn't a good idea and never receive a logical reason back. As a parent, I'm not letting an ignorant coach step in the way and damage the success my DD has had. I would be irresponsible to let that happen to my child.

We have had no other coach have any issues with my DD. Usually it's the opposite because she's so into the game she's like having a mini-coach on the field. She's been taught by the catching coach not just to catch but lead and manage the team.

I will say most of my DD's experiences with coaches including other sports have been great. And I do respect those guys because I have two DD's, I can't imagine managing 12 to 14 at one time. And I don't coach my kid, she has enough of those, but I do watch and observe. And as a parent of a player, I do have the responsibility to my kid to do that because young kid growing up hasn't learned to do all of that yet.

Just saying...