What Makes A Nightmare Sports Parent -- And What Makes A Great One

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Here is a great read for everyone

http://www.thepostgame.com/blog/more-family-fun/201202/what-makes-nightmare-sports-parent

 

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Had to comment on the title of the thread:

Depends which dd you ask

Article good read.

 

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Nice article!

 

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Nice story.

 

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I think this is something every coach should make a copy of and ask kids and oarents read it.

 

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I know I love to help out whatever team our dd is on, but it's only after asking dd, (she's 15 now) what she considers appropriate because this is her activity. I too, love to watch her play when its on the diamond, or listening during band.

 

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The article makes some good points, but I have to disagree with all this emphasis on what the child wants.

I think back on my playing days, my parents never once did anything during a game to embarass me. Never yelled anything but encouragement to me and my teammates, never hollered at an umpire or coach, but we did have some long rides home. I looked at those talks as "parenting". No different than if I brought home a bad report card, I caught hell for that too. Sometimes as parents we have to tell our kids things they don't want to hear and I don't see the difference if it's on the way home or the next day. They still won't want to hear it.

Yes some parents are idiots, but the things I think are appropriate to criticize are:
- did they give 100%?
- were they paying attention?
- were they hustling?
- did they listen to the coaches and follow instructions?

I was raised that if it was worth doing, it was worth doing right, and that included sports. My parents were tough, but it never affected my love of the game. Just my two cents.

 

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the article makes some good points, but i have to disagree with all this emphasis on what the child wants.

I think back on my playing days, my parents never once did anything during a game to embarass me. Never yelled anything but encouragement to me and my teammates, never hollered at an umpire or coach, but we did have some long rides home. I looked at those talks as "parenting". No different than if i brought home a bad report card, i caught hell for that too. Sometimes as parents we have to tell our kids things they don't want to hear and i don't see the difference if it's on the way home or the next day. They still won't want to hear it.

Yes some parents are idiots, but the things i think are appropriate to criticize are:
- did they give 100%?
- were they paying attention?
- were they hustling?
- did they listen to the coaches and follow instructions?

I was raised that if it was worth doing, it was worth doing right, and that included sports. My parents were tough, but it never affected my love of the game. Just my two cents.

"like button"..

 

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The article makes some good points, but I have to disagree with all this emphasis on what the child wants.

I think back on my playing days, my parents never once did anything during a game to embarass me. Never yelled anything but encouragement to me and my teammates, never hollered at an umpire or coach, but we did have some long rides home. I looked at those talks as "parenting". No different than if I brought home a bad report card, I caught hell for that too. Sometimes as parents we have to tell our kids things they don't want to hear and I don't see the difference if it's on the way home or the next day. They still won't want to hear it.

Yes some parents are idiots, but the things I think are appropriate to criticize are:
- did they give 100%?
- were they paying attention?
- were they hustling?
- did they listen to the coaches and follow instructions?

I was raised that if it was worth doing, it was worth doing right, and that included sports. My parents were tough, but it never affected my love of the game. Just my two cents.

I couldnt agree more, but is the ride home the best time?????

My DD is quite aggressive and driven. If she has a bad game, or whatever the case she needs time to decompress as well. I try to give her the time to stew and think before I offer my opinion. Usualy she is telling herself everything I planned on saying and mabey more. This is when you have to take the chance to be constructive. We try to give her the platform first and let her tell us what she thinks,

IT IS ABOUT HER. This is a choice she has made and we are just the support system. We cant do the work, or be the driving force. If she needs to be pushed mabey she needs to stick with playing for just the fun of it. Im the one being told its time to go. Im the one that is just along for the ride. She is the one doing the work to get better. Lessons, practice, games, pitchers lessons(catching for girls that arent even on her team).

IMO we provide the means but they have to do everything else. So get your keys and pack you both a lunch and chair, sit back and enjoy the ride.

 

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I suppose it depends on the situation and you have to know your own kid. Some of those rides home are also pretty awesome. One of the best I remember I was 11 and it was the game I hit my first OTF home run. I was in the back seat on the way home and my dad handed me a Miller Lite. At the time I thought it tasted horrible but I was grinning while I drank it. I do still remember my dad telling me "if you had pulled that ball it would have cleared the fence by 50'". There was always room for improvement with my old man.

 

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75% of kids quit organized sports by the age of 13.

'If it is worth doing, it is worth doing'. Your definition of 'right' and her definition is very, very different. Hers will be the one that decides if she is going to continue-not yours. Her happiness will decide what she will pursue. Pay attention to what makes her happy and encourage more of it.

Perhaps if we all gave less criticism and more ice cream (beer?) these kids might still be playing.
Relax and enjoy the ride.

 

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"Nearly 75 percent of kids who play organized sports quit by age 13"

I was sort of amazed to read this statement in the article. 75%..Really? I wonder how true this is?

I'm sure, most that visit this site probably have a player still playing but how many of you have seen players call it quits early on that were very good players?

 

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75% of kids quit organized sports by the age of 13.

'If it is worth doing, it is worth doing'. Your definition of 'right' and her definition is very, very different. Hers will be the one that decides if she is going to continue-not yours. Her happiness will decide what she will pursue. Pay attention to what makes her happy and encourage more of it.

Perhaps if we all gave less criticism and more ice cream (beer?) these kids might still be playing.
Relax and enjoy the ride.

I'm a big ice cream coach lol, it's amazing the power of taking the team out for ice cream has. The girls running around with each other, the parents sitting around Bsing. It's hard to be stressed or mad while eating rocky road.

 

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That statistic caught my eye as well. But when I think back to my daughter's first travel team, which was community based, there were a few really talented kids that did not go on to play HS ball or more refined travel ball. I don't think it approached 75%, however.

I'm wondering whether that 75% figure was based upon leaving any particular sport and not all organized sports. Lots of players who begin as multi-sport participants end up dropping some but not all of those sports.

 

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I think a large part of that statistic goes to the fact that many rec programs have no offering beyond 12u. At that point a kid would be expected to make a school team and if they don't make the cut, they are pretty much done.

I also think this issue goes to what the player's stated goals are. If they want to play high level travel ball and expect mom and dad to shell out for it that makes it a different ballgame so to speak.

 

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What percent of kids who play a musical instrument are done by age 13? I'd guess it's about the same as quit athletics. By the time you hit 13 or 14, things start to get competitive in school ball, and therefore the field of players narrows.

And like cgs said, if a kid is playing three sports and drops to one, does that mean there is a 67% dropoff rate, according to the statistics?

 

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47.9% of all statistics are made up!

 

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The 75% does not surprise me. Our community softball program can start out with 100 girls (slight exaggeration) playing ball at age 6, but by the time they reach 15, we barely able to field a team. They're off playing sokker or chasing boys. ;&

 

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Stats didn't surprise me at all ... looked up online and quickly found 2 articles ... one says 70% and the other 73% ...

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=648939

http://www.collegecharlie.com/ysports.html

 

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The part of the article I agree with entirely is the part about parents not undermining the coaches or the rest of the team. Even if a parent is right and the coach is incompetent, the bigger lesson that children can learn from respecting authority and their elders is more important than whether the coach is right or wrong about hitting style, what position they play a kid, etc.

Let's say a parent is right that the coach doesn't know what he is doing and is constantly telling his daughter as much. The daughter might understand more about softball this way, but at the expense of her respect for authority and her elders. In the long haul, this is bad, assuming the coach isn't some total nutjob who doesn't deserve respect. If that's the case, then the parent should just pull the kid off the team.