What Makes A Nightmare Sports Parent -- And What Makes A Great One

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I wish I'd been a better softball parent.

 

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After posting the amazement of 75% I took a look at my oldest daughter's first 10U team roster of 12girls. (Shes 13 now). I can mark off 6 girls that I know still play. The other six girls do not play softball anymore that I'm aware of but I know a few dance and play so***r. So maybe the 75% is not that amazing. Guess I never thought about it till I read that article.

 

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We have not been great softball parents either, but after dealing with us it should be easier for her to deal with her college coaches. DD gave up one sport at 13 and kept playing 2 others so does that put her in the 75% category? It's hard to believe that only 1 out of 4 kids are in an organized sport after the age of 13.

 

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I think it is a good article but like many I think that 75% figure is a little deceiving. Many kids by age 13 start figuring out what sport or sports they are good at and drop the ones they are not. Plus that is also the age kids start joining other activities like band.

 

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47.9% of all statistics are made up!

That's funny!

 

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The biggest part I will take from the article is that I will try and let my daughter initiate the ride home conversation. I have too many times started the conversation albeit good or bad and she tends to want to turn her focus elsewhere. As a parent and coach, I am still learning about my daughter and myself. I couldn't stop talking about it as a kid and adult. Could be that I'm a male!!

 

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I'm not buying this car ride home stuff.

Whenever you do anything as a family, go to the movies, go to a Baseball game, parent teacher conference etc., you talk about what you did on the way home. I'm not a fan of nitpicking my kids performance on the way home, I might have been that way when my oldest was little 10/12u player. But then I blinked my eyes and she was driving herself to her games. So I dont critique my middles DD performance on the way home, but we do talk about the game or games.

I really think this is for the kids that play a sport because their friends are playing it, the kids that really arent into it and use it as a social tool.

If I were to just use travel ball players as an example, lets take an avg 14u player. That girl is probably dragging her dad or mom to the local high school game, taking hitting or pitching lessons or maybe both, playing on a local high school feeder team and playing travel. She's also watching every fastpitch game on ESPN, probably has either read or is reading books about Jenny Finch or Cat osterman or Natashia whatley etc. These kids are into it, they arent some fragile little tulip, they like softball, they like talking softball, they like playing softball and on the car ride home they like to talk the game with mom, Dad, grandpa or grandma.

What they dont like is their parents or grandparents yelling and screaming at them about an error or strikeout, or 0-2 pitch on the car ride home, like the kid made some kind of personal attack on mom or dad lol. I am fairly certain 99.9% of coaches and parents here on OFC are well aware of that and didnt need a study to tell them that lol.

 

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I'm not buying this car ride home stuff.

Whenever you do anything as a family, go to the movies, go to a Baseball game, parent teacher conference etc., you talk about what you did on the way home. I'm not a fan of nitpicking my kids performance on the way home, I might have been that way when my oldest was little 10/12u player. But then I blinked my eyes and she was driving herself to her games. So I dont critique my middles DD performance on the way home, but we do talk about the game or games.

I really think this is for the kids that play a sport because their friends are playing it, the kids that really arent into it and use it as a social tool.

If I were to just use travel ball players as an example, lets take an avg 14u player. That girl is probably dragging her dad or mom to the local high school game, taking hitting or pitching lessons or maybe both, playing on a local high school feeder team and playing travel. She's also watching every fastpitch game on ESPN, probably has either read or is reading books about Jenny Finch or Cat osterman or Natashia whatley etc. These kids are into it, they arent some fragile little tulip, they like softball, they like talking softball, they like playing softball and on the car ride home they like to talk the game with mom, Dad, grandpa or grandma.

What they dont like is their parents or grandparents yelling and screaming at them about an error or strikeout, or 0-2 pitch on the car ride home, like the kid made some kind of personal attack on mom or dad lol. I am fairly certain 99.9% of coaches and parents here on OFC are well aware of that and didnt need a study to tell them that lol.

Right on Uber.

 

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How much has your child improved because if how the parents has tried to help? Take whatever that is, be it a tremendous amount or nothing, and ask if it is worth it.

How many kids get cut as freshman but would have possibly made the team if mom or dad would have pushed the kid "some amount". Would it have been worth it?

On the baseball side I seen MANY MANY kids who had "hands off" parents and then suddenly they look at the list of names who made the team and they are not on it. Most of those kids are devastated. Would it have been worth it to have been less hands off?

The answer to all that is "it depends". It depends on the parent, the kid, the situation, etc. If I think my daughter needs to be told something I'll tell it to her and I'll do it when I feel the time is best. If that is in the car then that is when it will happen. No yelling or screaming or being a bully, but in whatever method is needed for her to understand. If in the car isn't the best time then another time, whenever that is.

 

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IMO the car ride home is a perfect time to discuss the weekend of softball-things she did well and areas of the game where she might need to adjust/learn from. Sometimes things get a little heated-we have similar personalities.

Once I get home we are dad and daughter again and were done discussing the weekend of softball. The next day she gets back to working on her game, because she wants to and I don't have to say a word.

 

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Agree with some. For me, I am curious to see how often my DD brings up the day or weekend games that just took place. I had never paid much attention to who was starting the coversation but I'm fairly certain it was me. It's not that she doesn't start them but most of the time she is decompressing from that day or weekend. Oh trust me, I will still be talking about the games on the way home but I will be more aware to see how often she will initiate them because I definitely know there are times she don't want to hear my voice! I guess it was a good point for myself to take from the article. We are an encouraging family all the way down to the grandparents which is one of our teams biggest supporters.

 

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Ok I'm sitting here at my middle DD's BBall game, they are winning big she's having her best game of the year. She plays on a team full of travel bball players she is not, she plays for the social aspect. Let's see if she just wants decompress after a good game. I will report back after the game. It's the 3rd qtr.

 

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Ok she talked about the game from the minute the coach dismissed them until we got to 5 guys...19 mins. So when she plays well and the team wins big she doesn't need to decompress right after the game haha

 

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I found a positive aspect of the article that I can use. I will incorporate it and see where it goes. Yes, my DD has had many of those days after bball and sball where you can't get her to be quite about her and her teammates play. It's the other days that I will take the moment to reflect before speaking on that ride home, the days you know she doesn't or is not ready to talk about it. Three decades of studies can't be all wrong but also can definitely be disputed. Every child, parent, coach is different. Use or take from anything what you can and prosper.

 

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I always allowed my kids to take the lead. My son is older and he always wanted to critque his performance right after the game. Even by cell when he drove himself. My daughter is very different. She is the most critical of her game so she needs some time to decompress before we talk about a game---that is unless she has been absolutely phenominal. Then it is ok to talk right away..lol!

 

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I agree with Uber. I very rarely drive home with just my dd, I usually have atleast 3 or 4 of the girls with me. They talk about the games from the time they get in the car until the time we pull in for food, then they talk about it while they are eating as well. They are softball players...they love the game, they love to play the game and they love to talk ball.

 

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I did a study and found only kids who had a bad game or their team had a tough loss had to decompress right after the game....Those that played great or whose team won a big game love to get mom or dads opinion on their performance.

Luckily for us we only have to talk to our spouse, boss, kids teachers, co-workers, loan officers etc., about the good stuff we did! Next time my wife wants to talk about something I screwed up...I am going to tell her I need some time to decompress!

 

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Next time my wife wants to talk about something I screwed up...I am going to tell her I need some time to decompress!

Yep. like 2 weeks....:lmao:

 

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DD and I had many, many car rides home after games or tournaments. I made it a point to not be the one to open up the discussion about the events of the game or tournament. If she brought it up, then that was my signal that she was ready and willing to talk about it.

Now, if coaches are doing their job, then the girls received a complete debriefing on things they need to work on or correct either during the game or immediately after the game. The best time to correct any mis-cue is immediately after it happens.

If the coach has already de-briefed her, then there is no need for the parent to bring it up again. But, if the girl brings it up, then that is a signal that she wants to vent or get more input.

We had some great rides home and we kept peace in the family.