What would you do? Rise Up, Fade away, Blame others

[okiedad1961]

This thread will speak to the character of people who respond .The question :What do you do when, Your dd gets cut from there top tier team,your coach joins a bigger org and you get left behind,you didn't get picked at tryouts for that top tier team.This can be taken differently by parents and players.Would like to see some feel good stories from the Rise up folks,hope there's many.

 

[coachtomv]

Well, sounds like a complicated back story.....However.....

Fade away - Hell no.

Blame others - Never a positive, even if true, it does not help your DD, take the high road.

Rise up - Take a long look at yourself, your DD, the situation, and control what you can control. Be honest with all aspects and try and find a better, more positive fit for the kid, since thats really all that matters.

Leave the past in the past, learn from it, and move on.

Good luck!

 

[okiedad1961]

Well, sounds like a complicated back story.....However.....

Fade away - Hell no.

Blame others - Never a positive, even if true, it does not help your DD, take the high road.

Rise up - Take a long look at yourself, your DD, the situation, and control what you can control. Be honest with all aspects and try and find a better, more positive fit for the kid, since thats really all that matters.

Leave the past in the past, learn from it, and move on.

Good luck!

No back story from us ,the results speak for themselves.I know this happends out there,was hoping someone had the courage to speak on it .Since your a coach probably not a good person for this question,since you could have been the person giving the bad news.

 

[bh2424gh]

I have one question at what point in time was the information known about moving to different team? If before tryouts and everyone was open and honest about their intentions for the next year and you didn't make the team that is the process. If after tryouts I have a problem with it but not one will care and it doesn't help me DD. The only thing to do is control your controllables and move forward. Worrying about the things you can't control is a recipe for long term frustration.

 

[dawgpound19]

It's really a choice by your DD and the type of characteristic that will define her. She can either cry about it and feel sorry for herself or blame other people for the situation or she can use it as motivation to work hard and become better and rise above it. It's really her choice, you can tell her what you want her to do but in the end it's up to her, as a parent you just have to support her and lead her in the right direction. Life isn't easy and sometimes you won't get chosen but if you continue to work hard and become the best that you can be then that's all that really matters.

 

[Blue Ice]

DD tried out for "top tier team" several times but each tryout she had her worst workout. After each tryout I told her there is no way you will receive a call and I was prophetic. We laughed about it each time and we determined her playing on that team wasn't meant to be. It all worked out in the end...

 

[wow]

What you find out, more times than others, is everything works out. Fastpitch has a lot of emotions attached with it, especially this time of year. I cant tell you the last season I had where things ended up much different than what I would have expected. From injuries, to girls growing up and finding other interests, to coaches falling out. My point is sometimes you work really hard for something and it does not happen the way you wanted, but looking back some how, things worked out.. If you always focus on what you control and don't internalize everything things do fall together.

 

[Uber_jones]

I think it really depends on the parents experience in Fastpitch , travel sports and athletics in general. The more experienced people will take the "rise up, everything happens for a reason" approach. The same thing with coaches, you lose a few players the more experienced coaches know everybody is replaceable and things happen for a reason. I stopped getting worked up about teams and players 10 years ago, I've met some great people and some not so great people lol, the ones I enjoyed spending my summers with I'm still friends with, the ones I didn't I'm not lol. So in the end, it really doesn't matter what team your kid makes, just keep working hard, do what you love doing and it will work out.

 

[Balldiddly]

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I think most hard feelings (blame and fade away) come from the things being handled wrong. When DD has attended a tryout and had a bad day, we also laughed like Blue Ice in that there definitely wouldn't be a call coming. No big surprise and handled easily. She moved on and did better. On the other hand, when coaching staffs make promises of any type- next year, next week, a phone call, and email, etc.- and don't follow through, I think it's hard on the girls from what I've seen and heard. We teach them to be respectful and have good character, but not doing what you say you will doesn't reinforce that. I think most of these kids handle straight forward communication without much of an issue- especially from someone they respect. It's the bull they have trouble with.

 

[Mike_Stamos]

My thought on tryouts and situations like this is that it usually always works out for the best for everyone in the long run. Disappointment happens and how you and your daughter respond to it is to rise up, stay positive and kick some ___. There are many good organizations and coaches in fastpitch softball so your daughter will find a great place to play. Also, having a little chip on her shoulder may give her the motivation to get even better. I have a good friend of mine whose daughter this happened to and she ended up beating the previous organization ( That did not offer her) several times and currently plays for a DI school. Learning from disappointment and failure I think is one of the best parts of softball.

Good luck to your dd and your family.

 

[okiedad1961]

Lot of great replies ,thanks to all who have responded,as I stated earlier this thread is not about Me or my daughter,Yes we have had our things to overcome,but its not any of the things mentioned in the question,seemed like an appropriate time to get some thoughts on these subjects w tryouts done and coaching changes that were made.I've taken the challenge from Ricky and the boys,to make this site a better place to go for info.keep it coming and thanks again.

 

[LeftField16]

DD a few years ago was one of the two of youngest girls on the team. The team was moving up to 14u and we were told that they wanted her to move up with them. After the team picnic we received a phone call that the coach decided that it would be best that she stay down and that the other younger girl would too. Here to find out the other girl was told no such thing and was moving up with them. Tryouts were very emotional for her, teamless and upset of being let go. She ended up at the time not getting picked up by the 12u team at that time. We ended up leaving her 1st travel organization and were picked up by another team. October rolls around the new team she was on was a disaster to say the least .(Another long story)
We decided she needed to leave and called the coaches and left on good terms. The other 12u team from our previous organization needed 1 more player and ended picking her up. That season they were the 12U Eastern National Champions. We ended up still being good friends with her 1st coach and in hindsight seen what he did was for the best of our DD. Also I should mention that every time we've faced eachother on the field, we've won. I apologize for this being drawn out but tell your DD, there is always opportunities for her. You may not see them now but they'll present themselves eventually.

 

[Fairman]

It is the end that counts....Look at these set backs as an opportunity.

My dd was moving up in age from a local team to the regional teams. Took her to be evaluated by a good friend of mine and he offered her a spot on his team. Later the head of the organization decided to roll two teams into one and reassign the players and coaches in November. We fled looking for a new home 24 girls on a team and my buddy was going to be third fiddle just didn't make sense.

Landed on a team with a real strong history of college placement. As the season unfolded they only threw 2 of their 5 pitchers even when the two were hurt. (all 5 went onto pitch in college) Stuck it out for the season but still regret not jumping sooner in reaction to this bait and switch.

Researched new teams and moved to another established organization that had two teams in the age group , one that we didn't want to play for and one that we did. December that year was the time they decided to combine the two teams. Now we are victimized by daddy ball and mean girls but we stuck with it and it it was painful, got our butts kicked. went to Pennsbury where my dd pitched to two batters while daddy's girl (that had already signed) pitched an entire game.

Jumped organizations once again and landed with a great group of kids, families and coaches. Stayed put for two seasons, (aged out) played some great ball and had a blast...can hardly remember the two seasons from h--l. All of the kids on that last team went on to play softball in college and had two enjoyable summers to boot.

My dd is fortunate enough to play in college and was most recently selected to the All-Confernece All-Star team as a Sophomore. She only has two more seasons left to play but her time on those two disaster seasons was put to good use and she was ready when the opportunity arose on her last travel team....and now college.

My point of this long and rambling post is that each kid's path will be different and being cut opens other avenues to explore. Perhaps she'll rise to occasion and start hitting like crazy, perhaps she'll get out of the shadow of her friend and take over the ss position her new team, perhaps she'll finally get some great coaching........ you get the point. Keep her head up. Let her know you love her and help her find the right fit. It may take a few tries but the right team is out there. You get to go find it now without any regrets of leaving a team that left you.

Good Luck

 

[bell27]

This exact scenario actually happened to my daughter. She is 10U. She took it like a champ and isn't upset with her former coach. I am not either. She ended up being recruited by one elite team and was offered a position on the spot for another. I let her choose and she made a good choice and is very happy. Things happen for a reason. She is playing fall ball for a 14u team for a coach of another elite organization. His exact words to me yesterday were she will be a monster for all she is learning playing with this older team. All is well that ends well.

 

[softballmomrlz22]

Awesome thread ....
On my youngest DD...she had the whole disappoint happen with the first organization she was with. Coach for 12U (who was her first coach at 10U) didn't pick her, she did the crying and being angry.

Went to another organization that her oldest sister had played for,and she was picked for their team, stayed there for 3 years. Had some things come up during the 3rd year, was honest with the coach that she would be trying out for other teams and not sure what would happen.

She picked a new organization for 14U...things started well and then some injuries to players and it was down hill from there...(players not liking positions kids having to play due to injuries).

So moved on again the next year..went back to previous coach of 3 years who had moved to a new organization. Things that year were decent...just minor issues and lack of practice.

So moved again for 2nd year of 16U, girls got along great played a competitive schedule and stayed in all their games even if they should have won more than they did. But it was another injury packed year that no one could have anticipated. Coach decided to stay down at 16U and DD had to move up...

So now for her 1st year of 18U she has come full circle...back with the original organization she started at. Playing on their College Exposure team this fall, and one of their 4 18U teams this summer.

She has worked hard since the first disappointment happened...she is also the one who picks where she is going to play not MOM. I'm not the player and it is not my choice, I supported her decisions on where to go for try-outs and her final team decisions each year. Now trying to help her make her last final decision on where to go to college !!

Remember the other part of this equation parents...THIS IS NOT ABOUT the parents..it is ABOUT OUR DD's !!! Always be supportive, listen to their rants and give feedback and encouragement. This game helps them become our next generations of adults who have learned alot on how to be good teammates, learned the meaning of sportsmanship, and been through alot of ups and downs that will prepare them for their futures !!!

Proud of all 3 of my DD's who have grown up and matured into Awesome young ladies with the help of this GAME we call SOFTBALL !!!

 

[bigdaddyo1972]

My DD tried out for 6 different 14u teams and wasn't picked by any of them. It's kind of a heart breaker when she says to you " Why doesn't any one want me?". Talking to all the coaches for these teams and every one of them had positive things to say about her but at the end of the day they either weren't looking for a pitcher or first base.
Last season was her first taste of travelball she was picked up by a team here in Cincinnati that was having a hard time filling their roster. We played a few tournaments with some really talented girls but the commitment from the coaches wasn't there and it showed on the field.
One of the girls that played on that team with my daughter her father is a softball coach and he offered her a spot on his fallball team and so far so good. He tries to keep games and practices light hearted but he doesn't let the girls get away with being lazy. This same coach will be starting up his own select team this coming spring and he offered my daughter a spot on his team which as you can probably imagine made her feel a lot better.
Now for a little twist in the plot. The one team that she really wanted that she tried out for I found out that the other team(s) that the coach was with had a few players leave the team because of inappropriate language. I heard this from another parent whose daughter made the team that my daughter wanted so bad. I told my daughter this and also told her I'm a firm believer in that thing happen for a reason and that maybe THIS (her new team) is were your supposed to be right now.

 

[mike_dyer]

I'm not real sure what we would do.

She would want to find another team and it wouldn't be that hard because teams are still looking for players. When she wanted to find a team before we went to the good ole reliable OFC poll and started calling coaches. I spoke with the coaches from the top 6 or 8 teams and her current coach is the only one who didn't ask me "So how did you hear about my team."

Oh, you know, the usual way. I saw your 12u team win the NCAA tournament and figured I'd call....

 

[Evil_Dad]

Kind of a funny story, dd made a team, went to the first practice and was told after that she wasn't the right girl that they thought she was, girl similar name is who they wanted. dd was very upset her name was on team website and everything already.
Funny part was the next year coach must have watched her playing and approached us in the hotel about coming out for the tryouts next month and was sure that she would be a great addition to the team. We had the great pleasure of telling the coach that she was the one that he cut the previous year, we got the biggest chuckle watching said coach walk away red faced. What a year a difference makes at the younger levels, and she was with a great organization that trained her well.

 

[Uber_jones]

Kind of a funny story, dd made a team, went to the first practice and was told after that she wasn't the right girl that they thought she was, girl similar name is who they wanted. dd was very upset her name was on team website and everything already.
Funny part was the next year coach must have watched her playing and approached us in the hotel about coming out for the tryouts next month and was sure that she would be a great addition to the team. We had the great pleasure of telling the coach that she was the one that he cut the previous year, we got the biggest chuckle watching said coach walk away red faced. What a year a difference makes at the younger levels, and she was with a great organization that trained her well.

Wtf, if you make that mistake as a coach you don't say a word and just deal with it. That is ridiculous and really I think y'all dodged a bullet, wouldn't want to play for a guy like that anyways.