When kids decide they need a break?

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Wondering what your thoughts are with regards to girls who step away from the game because they say they want a break. Not having this issue with my DD, but I know that parents go through this and I'm wondering how this worked out for them and how the parent was able to cope and support the DD. Thanks!

How did you handle this with your player or DD?

 

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You don't have much choice when it comes down to it. When they're burned out and not having fun any more, they need to step away. I personally think the Fall is a good time to step away ... they need a break after school ball and travel ball, and then the winter season kind of eases them back into it.

 

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I'm more concerned for the kid that won't say they've had enough and continue to go thru the motions with little to no enjoyment. Some parents don't see the signs and get so wrapped up in the experience they forget it IS about the kids. I've witnessed so many facets of it. I've seen kids going thru the motions because it is their quality time with their parents, the one thing that brings them together. I've seen kids go along because they've been punished for their behavior and it's the only time they are allowed in the real world after their parents sentence them to have no other freedom. The reasons are endless.

The bottom line; I believe young girls should have scheduled time away from the game to get "hungry" again and I include pitchers in this. If they play with a ball or do something with the game on their own during this break, you can be assured they'll be even more enthusiastic when you get back into the swing of things.

 

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My DD has decided to take a break from travel this year and just play High School. Of course it's not something that I like, but it's her life, not mine, and I'm going to support her in whatever decision she makes. The only thing I told her was that if she had any goals of playing in college, taking her 1st year of 16u off was not going to help. She wants to be a doctor and said that is her main goal, not playing in college. I'm just glad she has set high goals for herself.

 

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November December has always been shut down time for mine. I dont even like having team practices during those 2 months. Just let her be her until she is ready to go again.

Tim

 

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Mine said she wanted a break from full time travel and after the HS season subbed in about 4 tournamnets during the summer. It seemed like a great compromise and she really enjoyed the experience.
It is their life and they need to be able to make their own decisions about playing softball. If parents are forcing their kids to play or to play for a certain team then they are taking the joy of the game away from the player and that is just wrong.

 

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DaBoss made a good point.

I remind my daughter, every six months or so, that if she wants to quit - go ahead and quit. That she shouldn't be doing this if she doesn't enjoy it, and she shouldn't be doing this because she thinks I would be disappointed if she would hang it up.

I see no signs of burn-out, but I re-assure her that whatever she wants to do is fine by me.

 

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Personally, what I did was go teach other kids and play slow pitch, myself. When I would go to teach pitching or hitting, I was surprised to find that DD was ready to go with me.

 

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we reached this point last season as a second year 16u (i wanted out that year myself, but since, ironically it was pretty much my decision to get her involved in the first place, i couldn't "take" it away if that's what she wanted to pursue). I was worried about her self confidence and while my DD isn't a stalwart by any means, she enjoys the game and being with her friends, many of them whom she's played with since 12's.
So, after some meetings and tears she's moving on to 18's. many of the girls around her are going through the same things, except for perhaps the D1 girls, but alot of them begin to question whether or not they want to continue. It could be from burn out, lack of self confidence (when your friends are getting offers and you don't, you either see the writing on the wall, or you begin to lose patience), pressure from a parent, and other factors too.
I told her awhile back that selfishly I wanted to "involve" her in anything to give her those experiences she probably wouldn't have had (we fostered our DD at 11, adopted her at 14). Selfishly I got involved, sometimes way in over my head, but I enjoyed meeting new people and enjoying the "statman" persona. Now, being through it, I have begun my burnout (hmmm, wondering where the inevitable, if-a-parent-wants-to-quit thread is going to show up?). There's girls and parents I'd rather not be around. Quitting the team isn't really an option sometimes. When you've played with the same org for years, who's really going to treat her better? What mean girls on another team wont even be worse?
All the while, my DD has become a beautiful young woman, involved in church and loves life. We're still searching through her catalog of colleges an leaving softball up to her. If she wants to play somewhere, she'll play, and it has nothing to do with what uniform she wears or what tournies she's in, because if it's one thing I've learned, most of this recruitment is to boast the coaches ego, and prance up the princesses and drama queens that these poor college coaches are going to be dealing with on their squads. good luck!
Anyhow, i'd say, getting back to the point. if the girl wants a break, let them. if the girl never plays a sport again, is it really the end of the world? i'll be reluctant to bring up my other DD through the ranks again, thats for sure. if only my boy would stop wanting to swing a bat in the house everyday is another matter.....

 

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Well said Stat! If they want to play or choose a different path, it's up to them. Any kid who plays travel ball that plays the big name tournaments can play ball at the next level if they truly want to. Thing is.. 75% don't want to. 10% think they do until they do and then drop out of it as well leaving the 15% who play all 4 years.

I'll take the Cardiologist mine is going to OSU for over ball anyday... The last one is soon making her college choice and we couldn't be more proud of her as well.

They both said they will eventually coach younger kids to give back to the game, as many others have done for them over the years, which gave them the opportunity to play at the next level if they so chose to.

 

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My oldest moved in with us when she was 16. She was playing ball year round before that. On top of that her mother had her in nearly everything from so**er to basketball. She told me she was just burned out meanwhile She had OSU pursuing her pretty hard. I let her quit. Now that she is 20. She regrets it more than ever. She threw away that scholarship for what?
Now we have an 11 year old, with a huge ceiling of potential. If she told me she wanted to quit. I'm not sure I'd let her. It's not about the money we spend on lessons or traveling, but more about when she is 30 and looking back and wondering what if I would have stayed. Would I have been one of the greats?
Our 8 year old is just getting into the love of the game as well. We let them decide initially if this is for them.
I think we are too easy on our kids and let them do whatever "they decide." Do I get burned out? Heck yes. Honestly, there are days I say to myself. I just want this to be over. But deep down, I wouldn't change it for the world. I get to spend a ton of time with my girls and I may be selfish in doing that, but it's time I'll never get back.

 

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Jdcii ... I do agree that sometimes with your kids that you do have a responsibility to make sure they don't take the easy way out and do something they may later regret. As a parent, you know more them more than anyone, and you should have a sense of what they really love and what they are good at.

With that being said, I do think they can just hit a wall sometimes especially if they are playing year round and/or spending virtually all of their free time practicing, taking lessons, etc. ... and in those cases, they may truly just need a break. My daughter had that happen during the Fall of her junior year in high school, but then came back refreshed and strong and is still playing now into her junior year of college, taking breaks herself when she feels she needs to.

But the other thing that happens is that as kids grow up, and especially as they become teenagers, they do begin to develop other interests (boys, working, etc.) and/or see the handwriting on the wall ... like I love softball but I really want to be pre-med at OSU and there's no way I could balance that if even I were good enough to play there ... or gee, I still love the game but I'm really more of an average player and would rather spend some of my free time working or getting involved in other activities.

I just think when a kid speaks up and wants to take a break, that you need to listen carefully and talk it through with them, and then help them through that decision with an open mind that a break may be best.

 

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My oldest is easy, if she decides to quit, she can. She's trying out for the high school team this year, and she loves the sport moe fun than anything. If my youngest decides to up and quit, I won't need to jump on her...her instructors will. ;&.

 

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Jdcii ... I do agree that sometimes with your kids that you do have a responsibility to make sure they don't take the easy way out and do something they may later regret. As a parent, you know more them more than anyone, and you should have a sense of what they really love and what they are good at.

With that being said, I do think they can just hit a wall sometimes especially if they are playing year round and/or spending virtually all of their free time practicing, taking lessons, etc. ... and in those cases, they may truly just need a break. My daughter had that happen during the Fall of her junior year in high school, but then came back refreshed and strong and is still playing now into her junior year of college, taking breaks herself when she feels she needs to.

But the other thing that happens is that as kids grow up, and especially as they become teenagers, they do begin to develop other interests (boys, working, etc.) and/or see the handwriting on the wall ... like I love softball but I really want to be pre-med at OSU and there's no way I could balance that if even I were good enough to play there ... or gee, I still love the game but I'm really more of an average player and would rather spend some of my free time working or getting involved in other activities.

I just think when a kid speaks up and wants to take a break, that you need to listen carefully and talk it through with them, and then help them through that decision with an open mind that a break may be best.

I agree. My 11 year olds dreams are to be an architect. I'm all for it. And if she told me she wants to hang softball up, I'd be truly saddened, but it's her choice and she's the one that has to deal with those consequences.
Don't even break boys up. She's only 11 and that's all I hear about. I keep telling her boys will ruin her life and not to consider them an option until after grad school

 

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Quite a different tune from 4 - 5 years ago when most on this BB thought time-off was a nasty word. I have always been a proponent of "time off", and I especially urged my DD to take time off in the fall, even though I was told by many that she MUST play year-round softball to get that big college scholarship. Well, she skipped fall ball and played volleyball & basketball instead. Sure, she still did weekly workouts/pitching lessons in the winter, but that wasn't her primary emphasis. So today, after pitching 4 years DI college on a quite healthy scholarship, she's tired, but she'll soon realize how nice it is to graduate from 5 years of college with hardly any debt. I just saw on the news the other evening about the increasing number of kids today that are graduating with over $100,000 debt in student loans!! Glad my DD isn't in that group!!

Time-off is a good thing...

 

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I think some time off is good for the kids. After last season, tryouts, and the fall both my team and coaches were in need of some time away so we shut it down in November. The beginning of December the girls started emailing/texting me asking when we were going to start up again. I had the team over last night for a pre-new year sleepover. They were SOOOOO excited to see each other again and I was excited to be around them again. We had a meeting after breakfast this morning to set our goals and expectations for the season and now it is time to get back to work!

 

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November December has always been shut down time for mine. I dont even like having team practices during those 2 months. Just let her be her until she is ready to go again.

Tim

I agree 100% and its what we did with my DD as well, now a freshman in college.

I am coaching a 9U team that is full go and ready to practice any time any place. Its new to them, we have an indoor facility so I have to make built in breaks for the kids or they wont take them. Gladly, I've been through it once so I know a break is needed.

My advice to any parent whose kid has played a season, take November and December off!

Especially pitchers!!! For God sakes bucket sitters, put that bucket away for a few months and let their arms, bodies and minds heal up a bit.

 

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As most of ya'll know, my DD decided to take last year off from travel ball. She had decided that she would not be playing college ball because of her intended academic choice. Back when she started travel ball, we told her that when she said that she was done, then we would be done.

Well, that turned into a part-time stint. She had a blast subbing in a couple of tournaments. She was having fun again playing softball. I think the whole recruiting and competitive schedule was wearing her down. It was great to actually see her smile again while playing ball.

Well, now the plot thickens.......she has gotten some calls from some college coaches and she is now considering playing college ball. Not the demanding D1 programs, but the smaller schools. She thinks that she can probably play ball at a smaller school and keep up with her demanding academic schedule and she is starting to see how much academic money she can get for having good grades and good test scores.

So, let her make the choices, it might just come back around.

 

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One thing that people need to consider. A sport specific athlete doesn't get better by playing their sport year round. Doing so can lead to injury, due to repetitive motion, joint problems, shin splints, lack of flexibility and an overall loss of athletiscism. A 2 to 3 month break from their sport at the right time of the year to train as an athlete ie....speed and strength, weight training, cardio, and solid core work will reduce the chances of the athlete from getting injured, stale and burned out; as well as prepare them to get the most out of themselves "in season". I REPEAT, YOU DON'T GET BETTER BY PLAYING YOUR SPORT YEAR ROUND. If you're a ball player then you're a ball player. If you've been at this for any length of time you probably have good/great hitting, fielding, throwing and or pitching mechanics. But are you athletic enough to field a rocket shot to your backhand side at 3rd base without breathing a huge sigh of relief that you guessed right and the ball found your glove? Are you athletic enough to catch a line drive back to the circle without thinking "thank god I had a facemask on?" Countless hours on a tee has developed your great mechanics at the plate, but are you athletic enough to keep from getting handcuffed on an inside pitch?

My point is that time away from your sport is good if not waisted on the couch. Parents help your kids develope as athletes. Kids develope yourselves as athletes and see how much more fun the sport you love to play and your parents love to watch you play is. I think alot of times we as parents encourage our kids to play year round with the idea of benefitting them, but it's really to give ourselves something to do. I know that I go through withdrawl when my dd (a varsity pitcher and position player) is in performance training mode and not between the lines.

My dd's schedule looks like this.
GRADES, GRADES, GRADES HS spring softball season
ASA/Summer season
GRADES, GRADES, GRADES Sept to Mid-Oct HS volleyball-No softball at all.
GRADES, GRADES, GRADES Mid-Oct thru Dec-speed and strength.
GRADES, GRADES, GRADES Jan and Feb pitching/hitting.
GRADES, GRADES, GRADES March HS practice begins.

Things may vary with some winter ball mixed in November-ish but I leave that up to her. She usually plays but it's more of a team building bonding time, and time to knock the dust off. More fun than competetive.

 

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lot of good information here, I can share that my dd has decided to take a year off travel ball. She will be a 1st year 16u player in 2011. After 3 years of playing a highly competitive summer schedule (asa/usa twice , what seems like every major city in the midwest and most minor ones lol) she just seemed beat down by the demands of practice time , game time , practice time , game time . Throw in a 2 hour drive to get to any practice and it just wears on you. She wanted to play on a high level team so that required the 2 hour drive.
This past summer was most difficult. My son had health problems and that required 1 parent to stay home with him on the weekends. So for 3 months the family was split up on the weekends. (actually 3 out of 7 days with tournies starting on friday am) We are a tight family and that was very difficult. Before nationals this past summer she had already hinted that she had had enough.
Maybe she will want to play in college , maybe not, but no way could i force her to play the game. For my dd that would be a disaster. She has picked up a bat and ball 1 time since August. Plays hoops and hopefully will be ready HS action in 2 months or so.

I agree about the attitude change on time off. 3-4 ago years you would have got flamed pretty hard for saying taking time off was Ok, like we had to play as much as the calif. kids to reach their level. I'm not sure about that , I think our dd's just need to play tough tough competition much more often to get there, but that requires lots of big travel.