Changing organizations in the middle of the season

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I truly believe that it is important to teach a kid how important it is to hang in there and not let her surroundings affect her decisions or the way that she acts. This is great education for a young child to learn at an early age and to understand the "investment" made in this travel softball world is not just to learn how to play a game individually; but to help them become team players as well. I would encourage you to find a few families (or one ot two at least)that you can bond with and make the experience the best that you can for you, your daughter and your family (team). Staying committed can be a great lesson for her that may pay off later. Commitment to a team is very important reguardless of the circumstances and can only help her grow stronger as a person. Sorry for the long message as I am a farely new user of OFC but one of the strongest assets (I believe) is our relationship between our families and our players. Not every kid is always going to be happy with the position they are playing at but it is understood that we are all in it for the team and quiting to play on another team is never an option. There's my two cents (or 3 or 4 or 5)

 

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I'd like to get everyone's thoughts on something like this. My DD is just not happy or having fun on her current team. Every weekend there is some new drama or BS that arises between the girls, coaching staff, parents, and it pulls everyone in whether they are a part of it or not. There is another opportunity with another organization that had arisen (an injury) and my DD fits what they are looking for perfectly.

My biggest concern is that she might want to bail like this any time things start going south with whatever team she is playing for. I think a little adversity is good for character building but I hate seeing her unhappy and miserable all the time.

She is an 11yo player in her second year of travel ball.

Opinions? Thoughts?

I sense some reservation regarding the reason to move on ...
If its truely detrimental to your daughter then get out of dodge as quick as possible. You only need to take care of your daughter first team second. She's eleven and this aint the world series for Christ Sake. All teams can move on and find other players. I am not condoning quitting a team for little BS stuff, but if its enough that is having an effect on your daughters abilitry to play then move on. I would caution though, when I say move on - I do not mean move on to a greener pasture. I would let my DD choose whether to stay and play and or leave the team and sit the remainder of the season. A commitment was made and their is always a price to pay for breaking them.
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If the situation is not healthy, I say leave. I do not promote quiting just because, but I likewise do not promote staying out of some twisted sense of commitment.

This whole never quit mentality has gotten really twisted over the years. Sure we never want our kids to give-in or give-up just because things get hard, but how many of us would stay at our job if day after day it just $ucked and we had other options?!

If you are powerless to change the situation, move on to different pastures. Just be sure you are doing it for the right reasons. JMHO

P.S. You never leave a team crippled unless the situation is truly dangerous.

Agree with this post ~ sometimes there are good reason to leave- i.e. verbal/metal abuse by a coach....and the list goes on.
However, I don't thinks someone should "jump" just because the parents think that there kid will get more playing time on another team, or the other team will let a girl play X position instead of Y position.
As The3dm said- just be sure you are doing it for the right reasons.

 

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I agree with The3dm about the twisted sense of commitment. Somewhere along the line we decided that thought was too much effort and we should just have a set in stone policy and not have to think about the individual circumstances. Zero Tolerance in schools is a get example. Straight A, 12 year old girl brings a plastic knife to school with her lunch and gets suspended because of Zero Tolerance. 14 year old girl brings one Midol pill and gets suspended. Our "educators" are too stupid to handle cases on individual basis and think about what if any threat exists and what the course of action should be so they adopted Zero Tolerance and now they don't have to think. Same thing with this once you commit you must stick it out thought no mater what. NO. If there are "good" reasons to leave, leave. Only you can decide if there are "good" reasons. Sounds like you have a conscious, do what feels right. Might want to try and make your current situation better first.

 

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I agree with The3dm about the twisted sense of commitment. Somewhere along the line we decide that thought was too much effort and we should just have a set in stone policy and not have to think about the individual circumstances. Zero Tolerance in schools is a get example. Straight A, 12 year old girl brings a plastic knife to school with her lunch and gets suspended because of Zero Tolerance. 14 year old girl brings one Midol pill and gets suspended. Our "educators" are too stupid to handle cases on individual basis and think about what if any threat exists and what the course of action should be so they adopted Zero Tolerance and now they don't have to think. Same thing with this once you commit you must stick it out thought no mater what. NO. If there are "good" reasons to leave, leave. Only you can decide if there are "good" reasons. Sounds like you have a conscious, do what feels right. Might want to try and make your current situation better first.

Agreed, tough decisions are never EASY decisions. Now, 6 years from now you look back and see that you've jumped ship 6 times.....you may have commitment issues and should seek help. Lmao.

 

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The easiest road is not always the best. Grass is always greener on the otherside until you take your sunglasses off & go walk on that grass As a coach, all I want is for the girls to be happy but I always keep coming to the realization you can't make everyone happy especially the parents - heck I can't even make myself happy all the time

I agree Kavin.

I also think that you ultimately have to do what is best for your daughter. You don't want to look back at some point in time and say to yourself that you did what you thought was the best thing for the team even though it negatively effected your daughter. She can learn a lot from having to deal with the drama herself and how seeing how you react to it as well.

Never an easy decision, good luck.

 

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The PC answer is "stay" but there are allot of variables. If you feel there is a "perfect" situation some where else it will make putting up wit hthe BS even harder. I say talk with the coach and maybe everyone will agree it is best for all to part ways now.

It is a game and games are supposed to be fun!

JMO

I agree with Yahtzee, schedule a time to talk with the coach, be honest about your concerns and issues and see what the coach has to say. If you choose to go this route, my advice would be to write your thoughts down on paper to keep yourself organized during your meeting--that way you can be sure to discuss everything that is important to your DD and you.

If it would happen that the meeting doesn't go well, don't hesitate to talk with the organization president or board. Make sure they know what the situation is and your thoughts.

And like Yahtzee said, you may both agree the its best to part ways now or the situation may improve and it could be a better experience for your dd.

Good Luck!

 

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beware. 80% of travel teams have this same scenario. that is why you see faces switching teams all the time. remember though, if you quit, your old team has to release you to play with you new team and that means having to ask the coach that you just left high and dry for a favor.

 

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I just had this exact conversation with a guy i hadn't seen in about 10+ years about his dd's situation. Proud to say that I said a lot of the things being said in the many post before mine. I told him I would sit down with my dd with a list of pro's and con's about leaving the current team. The main thing is in the end, you need to do what is best for your dd, because we all know that some coaches in the end will do what is best for them. JMHO

 

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I'm late on this thread and haven't read all the posts but .....

It would have to be a pretty horrible situation before I'd pull or allow my daughter to drop off a team mid-season and join another. Tryouts are around the corner in August so I think I'd just ride it out. If it just drama and situations stay with the team. If the coach is actually being "harmful" to your player then that is different and you have to evaluate the situation.

 

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Have to agree with Funsister and Yahtzee on this one talk with the organization about your concerns before you burn your bridge, all in all it is about the girls and if they are sending signals that they are not wanting to play anymore that is the signal I have always looked for as a time to move on.

A commitment is a commitment, but with that being said you commit to an employer to preform a job, but if they don't provide safe and healthly work conditions you walk away or if they don't hold up to their committment to you about pay or job assignments ( hire you to manage people and you end up cleaning port-a-potties for 40 hours a week) you walk away. Its the same with softball you hire a girl to catch or pitch but they only see the outfield the question is why did the coach take her in the first place to keep her from signing with another team or did they lie to her just to field a team?

Have seen both worlds with coaches painting pretty pictures only to end up in a unhealth situation, and have rode out a bad situation for an entire season. So when DD says I don't want to play with this team I rather sit out a year it is time to look else where (after the organization has an opportunity to make things right).

The final point is that softball is suppose to be fun and when the fun stops so does your DD's intrest in the sport. But the best advise I could give any parent is to keep your opinions silent when in the presense of you DD, listen to what they are saying but don't jump to conclusions, let them decide where they want to play, try out for several teams each year even if you are 100% sure that you are going to sign with a specific club. And do everything in your power to honor your commitment, but when all avenues are exhausted your first priority is the wellfare of your DD.

 

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I'm going to put a different spin on this because we have "been there, done that". What would you do if you weren't happy at your job, or happy in your marriage, or happy where you live? Life is full of decisions, good and bad, and it's what makes us who we are as people. Sticking to a commitment may at the time seem like the honorable thing to do, but life is to short to allow people who are living THEIR dream through their kids to make your life misserable. Whatever decision you make you are the one who has to learn from it. How many people have changed jobs because they weren't happy, or got a divorce, or moved to a different state. I think if you ask those that have, they don't have any regrets. Softball is full of lifes leasons. If you become a better person because of it, then you didn't make the wrong decision, whatever it might be.

 

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Late on this thread also, but I feel you should stay. I think it is very selfish too leave or quit in the middle of season," but every situation is different. " P.C Sting 13u as you all may know very good team, they have a great coach play in all the good tourn. just folded because certain parent's said they wanted a better fit, so they had too fold. I think this was very selfish and not fair too other player's, girl played all the time and was one of the main pitcher's, they had no reguard for other girl's very sad too me. Your on a team that is one of the top team's in state, and playing all the time what's a better fit. They should have at least finished the season then made the move. I know a little about this situation and I feel for Steve and his girl's.

 

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is 0-11 a good reason?or dd sitting in bleachers watching other teams play not in uniform shirt..clean t-shirt on and hearing other players from different teams refering to her team how they ****...being 16u time is running out to get noticed by any colleges.. any advice thanks...

 

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I'm going to put a different spin on this because we have "been there, done that". What would you do if you weren't happy at your job, or happy in your marriage, or happy where you live? Life is full of decisions, good and bad, and it's what makes us who we are as people. Sticking to a commitment may at the time seem like the honorable thing to do, but life is to short to allow people who are living THEIR dream through their kids to make your life misserable. Whatever decision you make you are the one who has to learn from it. How many people have changed jobs because they weren't happy, or got a divorce, or moved to a different state. I think if you ask those that have, they don't have any regrets. Softball is full of lifes leasons. If you become a better person because of it, then you didn't make the wrong decision, whatever it might be.

It's kinda like comparing apples and oranges. Travel ball is a one year commitment, whereas marriage, job, etc. is a long term deal. My dd is a little troubled by developments on her team over this past weekend especially. This is a 16U team and the coaches made it clear that they don't want the parents getting in the middle of things, so my daughter took the coach aside and discussed her concerns. We'll see what happens this weekend, but my dd wouldn't consider leaving the team. She understands that she made her commitment to the team and that she can tryout for other teams when the season is over if she is unhappy at the end of the season. But.....everyone's situation is different.

 

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" P.C Sting 13u as you all may know very good team, they have a great coach play in all the good tourn. just folded because certain parent's said they wanted a better fit, so they had too fold. I think this was very selfish and not fair too other player's, girl played all the time and was one of the main pitcher's, they had no reguard for other girl's very sad too me. Your on a team that is one of the top team's in state, and playing all the time what's a better fit."

Which state, and which schedule?

 

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beware. 80% of travel teams have this same scenario. that is why you see faces switching teams all the time. remember though, if you quit, your old team has to release you to play with you new team and that means having to ask the coach that you just left high and dry for a favor.

They don't have a choice they have to let you go

 

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They don't have a choice they have to let you go

You're right! They have to let you go, but they do not have to release you from their roster. And since you can only be on a single roster....

 

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But could making her stay with the team make her quit softball altogether? I agree with teaching commitment and adversity. However, there could be that special situation where the coach and player or parents relationships are just not a good fit and in some cases, down right toxic. Pushing her to stay and be miserable could push her to quit altogether. I am just saying from experience... that was me 20 years ago.

 

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Look, a kid only has a limited number of years to play ball.

If the coach is not treating the girl fairly or is not respecting the players, then I say go. Although my daughter hasn't bolted teams, I've seen ridiculous situations where I thought a player *should.*

Why stay with a team when it's just going to be a miserable experience?

The "team commitment" people talk about ought to go both ways. But unfortunately, with some coaches, it does not.