Who does she REALLY play for...

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In having a VERY heated discussion today at work, a coworker says to me, "you know your daughter only plays softball because YOU love it. That is why most kids play sports".

This person has not met my dd, or any of my other rug rats. Has never watched her practice or play.

It does have me curious though...WHO DOES YOUR DD REALLY PLAY FOR?

Regardless of rec, travel, school, etc. we all know the kids that looks like they would rather watch paint dry, while the parent is giddy about being there.

Is this something we would recognize if it is with our own daughter?

 

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Apparently your co-worker doesn't know anybody who never played a sport in their life, but their child loves every sport they "touch".

And honestly, I think deep down, many of the higher level athletes play mostly because THEY love the sport, but there's a little part that plays for mom and/or dad. You have to figure, when a kid starts amping up the practice time and lessons and is continually trying to improve, there is a mom or dad there helping them along. It's a bonding thing. I played because I loved it. My parents didn't come to a single game I played all the way from 10yo through HS. I played because I loved it.

 

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That is my greatest fear - I always tell her - If you ever don't want to do this any more please let me know.
Mind you her room is covered with Softball posters and pictures and she adores her teammates and coaches more than family and she Loves to play.

BUT... I ask -

My fear is that when she is grown up we will replay that seen from Field of Dreams;

?By the time I was ten, playing Softball got to be like eating vegetables or taking out the garbage. So when I was 14, I started to refuse. Could you believe that? An American girl refusing to play catch with her father"

PS: She is never reading The Boat Rockers by Tarrance Mann (or Catcher in the Rye)


PPS: If you need me I'll be outside with my DD having a catch... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cz1TJ4r7bOU

 

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When they want to practice on their own and you don't have to remind or bug them, they are playing for themselves ...

 

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In beginning she played to play, something to do.
Little bit later she played seeing how much it pleased me.
14U she loved playing to compete.
16u she played hoping to play at next level.
now she plays because she loves the game.

 

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I try my best to listen to my DD, although, I'm sure she would say otherwise. I feel it is my job to raise a strong, independant, free thinking young lady. She has "EARNED" the right to make "MOST" decisions herself. When I don't agree, we discuss the pros and cons to be sure she is making an informed decision. I let her fail and learn, as well as succeed and learn. On occasion she needs a little pushing to stay on track, but the decisions are hers. I am a father, not a dictator.

 

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Cleary this coworker has never had passion for ANYTHING. Those of us that have that blessing in our lives understand. You just can't argue with people like that. He/she is not worth your time or energy.

 

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When my DD asked for some downtime so she "could be a kid", and begged to go pitch after one day, I knew she played for her.

 

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I want to believe that today mine plays for "us" for the bonding just as much as she plays for her love of the game but heard this yesterday on our way home from practice, "I love softball, Dad! I can't wait to see how good we are as a team this year! I think we're gonna rock it! I wish it would quit snowing so we could practice outside. Wanna go over to the high school and pitch for an hour? By the way, do I have a pitching lesson this Sunday; I wanna work on my drop curve. Yeah? AWESOME!" So... as much as I'd like to believe it's the bonding that drives her, that ship may have sailed to the bluer waters of "Softball - The best da_n sport in the world!"

 

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Longball ... good post ... I do think that we, as parents, need to make sure we are letting them be kids ... to some, that may still mean that they want to practice or play every day while, to others, that may mean they want/need to take some breaks. If we expect them to practice every day and play 12 months a year, or if we make them feel like they have to or they don't really want it, then they are playing for us and, at some point, they are going to decide they aren't going to play for anyone. Being a parent is not an easy job ...

 

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I think it's both.

I think she loves that we enjoy watching her and cheering her on, but she also loves playing.

Her facebook profile is a picture of her team
Her phone background is a picture of a softball and says I love softball
She wears her team t-shirt to school all the time.
She posted as her facebook status one day "Softball will always be my first crush"
She talks about how she ccan't wait to get to high school so she can play for her community team.

I never suggested she do those things she did them on her own.

 

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Longball ... good post ... I do think that we, as parents, need to make sure we are letting them be kids ... to some, that may still mean that they want to practice or play every day while, to others, that may mean they want/need to take some breaks. If we expect them to practice every day and play 12 months a year, or if we make them feel like they have to or they don't really want it, then they are playing for us and, at some point, they are going to decide they aren't going to play for anyone. Being a parent is not an easy job ...

The best part about it is, she's turning 11 tomorrow! She already has goals in place to meet when she is older too. She even went as far as sneaking a new background on my phone that says "keep calm and play softball" . Her phone says "live life like a 3 and 1 count" . I love it!

 

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Nobody is "born" to do something specfic or there would be a lot of unhappy born to be blacksmith's out there. Most likely kids are introduced to many different things, the stuff they are best at is the stuff they gravitate to. Parents in general want what is best for their kids, so lets take softball. You sign your little 6 year old DD up for Tee ball, you work with her in the back yard (1 on 1 attention from mom or dad) the team goes for Ice cream and she's thinking this is pretty freaking awesome. Her mind is open and she continues to get better and moves up the ladder... Hitting/Pitching coaches, you know this is her passion. She still gets that 1 on 1 time with mom and dad, spends weekends with 11 of her best friends, 22+ adults that feel like family to her... Again she thinks it's pretty cool. In jan she has the blahs doesn't feel like practicing gets grumpy about it, you push her because you know it's what she wants. You support her, push her and help her. So I'd say kids play because they like it, achieve the heights they do because of their parents.

If I took that exact same path with a kid and a violin she'd be a fantastic musician, we tend to guide them down the path we enjoy both intentionally and unintentionally, they get their love of what they do from us, but in the end I think most girls when all the work is done and they are between the lines want to be there.

 

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My dd is 11 and started her own softball blog site. The banner at the end of her texts say "LOVE SOFTBALL!". I think she plays mostly because of her love of the game and some because of myself BUT I'm blaming her mother completely for the obsession with her phone, tablet, and computer......

 

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It merely sounds like jealousy! Pure and simple. They wished their son or DD had this same passion. They pushed their kids and it failed. So......they assume all kids are like theirs! And all parents are like them! Passion for anything healthy should be encouraged. As long as the kid is having fun, they will thrive. Fun to some , is the intense journey they choose to embark on,called travel ball........thank God!

 

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When she was young luved every sport she could play, as a young teen dropped one sport but started travel ball,as a senior only play's softball and is playing at the next level next year , As a young teen i will say she wasn't sure but when she was a junior is when she realized she luved softball the most . As parents we always told her to play because you like it not for us,and now off to the next level its hard to put into words how proud we are of her ,never thought she would keep at it enough to play in college, I would have to say that , that is when you realize that she luvs the sport of softball.

 

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My oldest dd quit playing when she was 15 because she did not want to put all her time into it anymore. Her dad and I both agreed, the commitment must be there or it's time to move on.....if she were playing for us she'd still be on a team. My middle and youngest play for themselves because they love the game. Anyone who says otherwise can switch me for a week and enjoy being dragged from facility to facility, practice to practice every day. They spend countless hours in the yard playing whiffle ball, kickball or indian ball when they aren't at practice or games....they play because they love it. They don't put that much effort into anything I force them to do. People who say that don't have a child who is dedicated to something so they can't imagine a kid being so committed without being forced.

 

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I have 2 DD's. The 15 year old decided this year not to play anymore even knowing she would most likely be starting on our varsity team as a freshman because she said she "didn't like softball". In our conversation she said she only played travel the last 2 years because she didn't want to disapoint me and her mom. My 13 year old loves to play, practice, watch, and talk about the game. She plays because SHE loves it. So I am sure you have a little bit of both with the girls playing the game.

 

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I remember when mine was in 10u first yr kid pitch. She would cry her eyes out when a practice got cancelled! Now she's 13 yrs old, and I honestly believe she plays the game because she loves it. She "plays" volleyball, but she lives for softball. Loves the competition , and absolutely LOVES her teammates!

 

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Maybe your co-worker never played sports. There is that feeling one gets putting on a uniform, or facing another opponent with your teammates, or the feeling one gets from getting better at something if you keep repeating it, over and over.
My DD would tell you that there's NO WAY a 15y/o would get up at 6:30 in the morning to play an elimination game on Sunday morning if she was playing to make daddy happy. NO WAY...