What the budget crunch really does.

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So, i know understand why teams, travel and school ball alike, take their team bonding to some neutral location (better to brainwash you, my dear, lol). So over the past few years I have rolled my eyes at the attempts to "bond" the girls to all bleed the same team color, only to find out that one game into the season that all the girls hate the seniors, one girl is dating another one's ex, and the freshman on the team who keeps diving at practice makes the older girls sigh "whatever, just go to JV".

So I've let my DD go to South Carolina, camping in Hocking Hills for volleyball and all sorts of other things (for my money, Classics have done all the right things when it has come to team bonding events). So, it was inevitable that with our levy failing, the trip to South Carolina for games and bonding was gone. Next best thing? Non-coach sponsored sleepover!

So, I ask you, dear reader, what would you do? Say all the team was at the house, chilling out, when suddenly there is a boy at the door. Do you,
A--let him in
B--let the girl he wants outside
C--tell him to go away

Now i know why team bonding is far away--no stalkers!

Now, the answer is D--none of the above, because the girl goes outside with him and an argument ensues. So do you:
A--call the cops
B--let the girl come back inside as if nothing happens
C--warn the boy you're calling the cops

And in the event that something were to happen, who is liable? Would i as a parent be upset that a girl on the team could have been put in danger, and therefore someone else's kid too? Would i want to know as a coach? Can a coach even do anything about it anyway? Would you have told the girl to go home or have called her parents? Is anyone really responsible anymore?

Weigh in, my friends

 

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Holy Cow Statman, You have me ready for a stiff drink just by reading the post.

I say tell the ladies before the event that no male visitors will be allowed. If they wish to leave later, they will have to have a parent pick them up. Just my opinion.

 

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So, I ask you, dear reader, what would you do? Say all the team was at the house, chilling out, when suddenly there is a boy at the door. Do you,
A--let him in
B--let the girl he wants outside
C--tell him to go away

Now i know why team bonding is far away--no stalkers!

Now, the answer is D--none of the above, because the girl goes outside with him and an argument ensues. So do you:
A--call the cops
B--let the girl come back inside as if nothing happens
C--warn the boy you're calling the cops

And in the event that something were to happen, who is liable? Would i as a parent be upset that a girl on the team could have been put in danger, and therefore someone else's kid too? Would i want to know as a coach? Can a coach even do anything about it anyway? Would you have told the girl to go home or have called her parents? Is anyone really responsible anymore?

Weigh in, my friends

Answer to the first question is

D: Show him my gun collection.

Answer to the second question is

D: Let him feel how cold the steel of one those guns feels when held against his cheek.

Seriously though. IMHO, of that party of 2, only one was invited to your property. I would have the other girls get the girl back in the house while I keep Jr. occupied. Let him know he is not welcomed and to leave immediately. Give him 1 minute and then call the police.

As for letting the coach know, I wouldn't say anything. What happens at Ray's house stays at Ray's house. At least until one of the other girls lets it leak. I would call the young lady's parents and let them know what happened. That way they are aware of the situation and can be alert if Jr. decides to come to their house.

I am old fashioned so I feel that I must protect all invited guests to my house, especially if they are under-aged.


I still like my answers though.

 

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My wife does team sleep over bonding with the girls.
I head to a hotel..........

But a few rules:

- call parents on cell and let them know cell phone will be off until the next day
- give them the house number (most already have it)
- seriously..............I would not even let him in the house, beat it

Can you imagine the football or BB team having a gather at a coaches house and a GF showed up...........not going to happen.

But I really like the cold steel approach.

 

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So, i know understand why teams, travel and school ball alike, take their team bonding to some neutral location (better to brainwash you, my dear, lol). So over the past few years I have rolled my eyes at the attempts to "bond" the girls to all bleed the same team color, only to find out that one game into the season that all the girls hate the seniors, one girl is dating another one's ex, and the freshman on the team who keeps diving at practice makes the older girls sigh "whatever, just go to JV".

So I've let my DD go to South Carolina, camping in Hocking Hills for volleyball and all sorts of other things (for my money, Classics have done all the right things when it has come to team bonding events). So, it was inevitable that with our levy failing, the trip to South Carolina for games and bonding was gone. Next best thing? Non-coach sponsored sleepover!

So, I ask you, dear reader, what would you do? Say all the team was at the house, chilling out, when suddenly there is a boy at the door. Do you,
A--let him in
B--let the girl he wants outside
C--tell him to go away

Now i know why team bonding is far away--no stalkers!

Now, the answer is D--none of the above, because the girl goes outside with him and an argument ensues. So do you:
A--call the cops
B--let the girl come back inside as if nothing happens
C--warn the boy you're calling the cops

And in the event that something were to happen, who is liable? Would i as a parent be upset that a girl on the team could have been put in danger, and therefore someone else's kid too? Would i want to know as a coach? Can a coach even do anything about it anyway? Would you have told the girl to go home or have called her parents? Is anyone really responsible anymore?

Weigh in, my friends

I'am glad my D.D. went out 2 years ago on the high notes, it's getting so bad..I'am sorry to hear it's that out of control.

 

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After many years of coaching girls of most ages, I've decided it's about 1 out of a hundred teams that will entirely bond. Because the percentages of it happening are so low, I don't make any effort for it to happen. Basically; I tell them to leave their differences in the parking lot and for each and every game they are under my command they will get along as a team or I'll help them understand the meaning----let's start with team bonding push ups. lol.

Seriously, unlike boys----girls cannot seem to leave their petty differences at home and get along. I don't care if a guy finds out his best friend has been seeing his wife behind his back, guys will still let it be for 7 innings and play as a team. Girls-------they'll sit in the dugout and pray her teammate falls down running to first base and ends up with a mouthful of dirt to eat. They can't let go of things, even for the sake of a team effort. I advise coaches to keep things more professional and not get involved in the drama. Once a coach gets ****ed into that dark hole, it's very difficult to disassociate from all the other problems that will surface. I call it the "Need to know" mentality of coaching. If you don't "Need to know--------- then don't."

 

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I agree with daboss...I think the whole "team bonding" thing is a pleasant fiction. I'm not buying it. They are all there because they enjoy playing softball...and that's enough.

There will always be cliques and not everyone will be included...these are young girls and that's just the nature of the beast. He's also right that when grievances occur (usually over boys), they just want each other to eat chit and die. No amount of kumbaya is gonna change that.

But to address your questions Rey:

#1. If a boy comes to the door...send him away immediately. Do not even let the girls know he was there, if at all possible.

#2. If the above is not possible because you have found the girl in question already outside arguing with the boy, DO NOT let the other girls out of the house to come bring her back in. You direct her back into the house yourself and if she will not go, then have your wife bring her back in. You stay with the boy and instruct him to leave the effin' premises immediately or you are calling the effin' cops. (No threats of guns allowed...you never whip something out unless you are prepared to use it, and you have no idea if the boy may be packing heat himself...no need to escalate things but a bar of soap in a sock would be okay to get his attention).

#3. I'm afraid you have to drop a dime on the girl. Out of the hearing range of the girls, you need to call her folks and CALMLY make them aware of the situation that just occurred. It's their call on whether it's okay for her to remain with you and the girls for the night, or whether they want to come pick her up (wouldn't you want to know if your dd had just been in such a situation? I know I would.) As far as letting the coach know...I don't think I would call that night, but I think they definitely ought to be made aware of the events that had occurred. If something comes up on the field, they would have the backstory and be in a better position to handle things (emotions running high, might want to ban the boy if he tries to come around practices or games, etc).

Well, that's my advice. And keep in mind what they say...free advice is worth every penny that you pay for it.

 

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Daboss, you absolutely right about the girls not letting things go while the games start. I had to kindly remind my dd's that when I was asked to help coach the jv team(dd's are on varsity) at their school. That it might be a good idea to stop talking to me about the other girls and why some were not at practice or what was going on within the team. I told them that I believe I have an obligation to the head coach to let him know if I hear anything about his girls, and I had to remind myself to not make any comments to dd's about players on the jv team. So far, it has been great and I'm having a blast working with the jv, several who have never played before.

I would have politely told the young man bye bye, and the cold steel is not a bad idea either. You wouldn't have had to worry about the young lady wanting to see him after he wet himself.

 

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Wow! When Ray takes some time off, he comes back and jumps in the deep end!

A.) For once, I disagree with KJBM. Bonding moments outside of softball are good. (Unless a few girls just don't like each other, then they will never "bond", no matter what you try.)

B.) Send Romeo away. Whatever reason that brought him there could wait until the next day.

 

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...

A.) For once, I disagree with KJBM. Bonding moments outside of softball are good. (Unless a few girls just don't like each other, then they will never "bond", no matter what you try.)...

It's all good doll....you're probably right on this one. Eh, sometimes I'm just a cynical old thang.

(but the rest of the advice still stands, lmao )

 

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I am thinking the bonding thing is much tougher than originally I thought.

As the our girls get older (12U 98s) they seem to care more and more about the softball. And as they get better the group of girls gets more and more intense. It has been my observation that "most" really good players have an edge. And that edge has a hard time coming down for anyone. The exception is if you can keep them together for a few years. But the problem is that if one leaves you are looking for a player better and that means one more Alpha in the mix. We picked up a girl this year that is awesome but she has a serious edge. And I do not see her ever really embrassing the team completely. Mostly because she has played on lower teams for years and is just used to being the best palyer on the team. And is having a hard time (mother also) adjusting to being on a team with all good players. She likes the winning but gets sore about not being the one (if that makes sense). She pitches and plays SS. We have 3 pitchers that are all very good. So they all kind of split time. And the new girl struggles with this concept.

 

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Is it still bonding if its at a Motel 6?

Sorry Stat, couldn't resist.

 

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There really are no firm guidelines.

There are some teams where the girls show up, play the game, and go home without ever socializing.

A team is more like a team, however, when the players have something more in common than softball. Plus, there's more harmony in the dugout when someone isn't b*tch*ng about that grounder you just booted - a "harmonized" player can discuss it without ruffling the feathers of others.

 

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Answer to the first question is

D: Show him my gun collection.

Answer to the second question is

D: Let him feel how cold the steel of one those guns feels when held against his cheek.

My thoughts exactly!

 

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I'll take a shot:

If the boy shows up uninvited, he's uninvited by you. But I'll bet you that the whole thing was planned by the girl from the git-go. They were probably texting back and forth while he was on his way and the objective was probably to get the girl away from the bonding party.

I'd call the cops and report a stalker or someone trying to break in to your house and let them find him and cart his butt away.

If the girl is pulling that kind of stuff, my experience is the parents have no clue and wouldn't likely do anything about it either. A girl doing that is showing a complete disrespect for you and your home, her team, and even the boy. Usually the apple doesn't fall far the tree.

It would be interesting conversation for the boy from the police station though....

 

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Daboss & Kat got it goin on!! C'mon now - The whole "forced bonding" thing is an eye roller for most of the girls! I like the speech daboss handed out. IMO, the bonding thing goes more towards turning fastpitch into a social event - is that where we want it to go?

Team cohesion comes from having a winning attitude, which comes from being taught HOW to win - and trusting your teammates. I vote for a skills clinic in lieu of a "bonding party".

 

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Answer the door and say ya got the wrong house sorry.....

 

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I'm with Kat, they will bond during softball. Lots of bonding happens at practice, between games, and on the field. Setting up an event in the hopes that the girls will bond is wishful thinking. It will bring some girls closer and drive others apart. That's just my opinion. 

 

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Team cohesion comes from having a winning attitude, which comes from being taught HOW to win - and trusting your teammates.

As we all know, nothing bonds a team like winning or playing really well against top flight competition, especially at the older ages. At the younger ages we had some bonding events, but now it seems like the players organize their own events. I still occasionally think how we should orchestrate some formal event, but there are only so many hours in the day to plan what needs to be done for these young ladies as players.

Actually, we no longer have one person coordinating hotel rooms so that the players can all be together for the off times at tournaments. If some or all of the families want to stay at a particular place, god speed. But I think to force them all to be at one place has a greater potential for drama than to just let the families figure out what each one wants to do.

Our players seem remarkably healthy on the drama front, although as Da Boss says, it may just be that we don't see all the drama. (And frankly, some of the drama we do see does not necessarily argue for more time together but perchance for some time apart. )

 

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man, all great responses.

i will tell you that i did not host, but when i heard the drama, i was pretty upset. maybe more than i should have, maybe because the house in question are "members" of the community (no other to way to really say it) and the girl in question has "history." what really burned me up was that my DD was so stubborn at that moment because of other things, she found no problem whatsoever. Of course i couldn't let that go.

and we've had the school team over before. BBQ, playing in the yard. i guess it's much more melodramatic when they are 16, 17 and 18. I will be henceforth not allowing any future bonding moments! Oh well, guess i'll have to email the coach on that one.

and i think the only thing they bonded about was who on the team was a bad influence, what underclassmen comes across as a diva, and staying up until 4am on a morning of a game that afternoon. and as we all know by now, sleepovers the day before games is a no-no. But then again, i guess i have different standards