Best Umpire Heckles...I Need some new ones!!

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I need to refresh my "umpire heckle library" for fall games. What are some of the best one-liners you heard (or used) on an umpire?

One of my favorites is: "Hey blue, if you had one good eye we could call you cyclops."

 

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I don't heckle but I've heard a few good ones.

"Hey I just checked my Blackberry and there is a Lens Crafters down the road. I can make on online appointment for you, are you available NOW or right after the game?"

 

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Hey ump, diarrhea has more consistency than your strike zone......FR

 

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hey blue, did your glass eye fog up?

 

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Better get a hammer and nails Blue.... cause that plate keeps moving around!


Hey Blue leave the gift giving to Santa!

 

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This was a thread not to long ago. My favorite one was the coach that was thrown out and he asked blue where he should go. Blue told him anywhere that he can't seem him. So the coach went over and stood on home plate.

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

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This was a thread not to long ago. My favorite one was the coach that was thrown out and he asked blue where he should go. Blue told him anywhere that he can't seem him. So the coach went over and stood on home plate.

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

LMAO :lmao::lmao::lmao: That is pricless!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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Hey Blue you should be a fan!! You're blowing this game all over the place.

 

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I loved the one about flipping the plate over and reading the directions!

 

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Hey blue why don't you bend over and use your good eye...

Kick your dog blue he's lying to you...

 

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Hey Blue...Look thru the bars, not at them.

 

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Hey Blue that even sounded like a strike

 

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I liked the one with the coach that stood on home also. My other favorite was the coach holding up a cell phone, asking blue if it was his and when the ump gives a confused look the coach said it had three missed calls on it. That one made literally bust out laughing at work.

 

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After the Ump is knicked in the face mask by a foul tip or a pass ball, ask "Hey blue, is your mask alright?"

 

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I got two

Was that fair chalk or foul chalk?

When is your first game?

 

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You couldn't see that plate if your dinner was on it!

Your like a bat without sonar!!

 

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I'll have to print these off so I can remember them!!!
I'm sure they get tired of hearing me say "You've got to be kidding me"
I can't wait to whip some of these new ones on them
How many can you use in one game before you get kicked out???;&

 

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Punch a hole in that mask, you are missing a good game.

Hey blue, you ganna use the plate that is out there or did you bring one of your own today?

 

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Well You will need the "Sorry didnt Know you had RABBIT EARS" taunt once he starts Yipping at you for "Dare Questioning his judgement"....
Here are a few Ideas to get him steamed up.

Call it both ways, ump.?
Come on blue, be consistent.?
You?re better than that, blue.?
Where?s your strike zone??
Was she supposed to hit that with her 9 Iron ??
Tie goes to the runner, blue.?
Get the Cement out of your feet Blue.?
Let the players decide the game.?
Blue must be ready to go home.?
Timeless Classic.... "WoW...."

 

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Hey Blue, point out your car and I will take your guide dog some water so he is refreshed to drive home.