Burn-out

[coachjwb]

There have been some posts on here currently and in the past about youth athletes "burning out". We all have seen some kids who looked like they were going to be softball's version of the next LeBron James when they were 10 or 12 years out, and a few years later they have left the game altogether. We also know other young ladies who were seemingly gearing their whole childhood to playing softball in college, and then they get there and don't play any more than a year. What happens?

Here's an article on burn-out in general ... http://educatedsportsparent.com/athlete-burnout/ ... which I think makes some good points, but I want to talk about softball more specifically. We all love this game or we wouldn't be regular readers and posters to this Forum, but are we sometimes the cause of our children burning out and, if so, what can we do to prevent it, or should we even? In today's world, there are opportunities to play all year long, even if you live in Ohio! There are also opportunities for some of the more talented and dedicated to play on teams that are based hundreds of miles away, and traveling sometimes coast to coast to play in the best tournaments, and/or in front of the coaches of the top softball college programs in the country. No doubt this often makes for a wonderful experience for players and their families, and sometimes pays off in the long run with significant athletic scholarships to play for college. The memories my daughter and I have from her own softball and travel experiences from when she was ages 9-18 are priceless, and neither of us would trade those for anything. She ended up playing 4 years for a D3 program, and we still both miss it greatly 4 years after her career ended.

My daughter didn't burn out on it, though I know she had some frustrations along the way, probably not all of which she even shared with me. But did the fact that she didn't burn out on it say something about her, or did we do something right? I'm not sure to be honest. She did not play on "A' level travel teams ... all of her teams were based within 45 minutes of home. She also went to college within 45 minutes of home, so that may have played a factor too. We did travel a fair amount ... she played in a couple of national tournaments in Alabama, one in Georgia and one in South Dakota, but some teams do all of that in one summer these days.

One thing I do remember is that during her junior year in high school she was playing fall ball after having played all summer, and told her travel coach that she needed a couple of weeks off. She felt she was mentally and physically drained, and she knew that winter ball with her high school team and the high school season itself was just around the corner. I remember being worried for her because she had never done this before, but I know I quickly accepted it and her travel coach seemed understanding as well. I wondered at the time if I had been pushing her too hard, but I honestly don't think I was ever that type of parent. She actually came back and played a week or so earlier than she had planned, because she missed it. But I also remember her saying a few months later that she was glad that she had taken that break because she needed it.

I want to throw this topic out for discussion. I don't have an answer, but I think some of it definitely has to do with parenting, and I want people to think about this more. We all want to support our children of course. And sometimes we hopefully know that it our responsibility to give then a little push ... but where do we draw the line? How do we know when it's time to quit talking and wishing for what we want, and it's time to start listening/watching them and recognizing that what we want might not be what they want?

 

[Louuuuu]

... are we sometimes the cause of our children burning out ...

Jeff, we - the parents - are the cause of our children burning out 98% of the time.

If a player is the one who says "I want to see a hitting coach every Thursday, pitching coach Tuesdays, play Fall Ball, winter ball," etc... then those are the ones who truly love what they're doing and would probably do it forever.

When it's the parents pushing all this, it's usually for bragging purposes, or chasing that almost-unattainable dream of a Full Ride. The kid starts feeling overwhelmed and powerless and decides that the best way to handle it is to hang up the cleats.

Talk to your children to discover their thoughts. Do your really want them resenting you the rest of their lives for depriving them of the childhood THEY wanted.

 

[daboss]

Coachjwb starts the thread on this subject at a very good time in our season. Many unanswered questions are in his post and I hope many parents read it and begin thinking how it can relate to their own situation.

I don't believe any black and white rule for raising kids and being supportive exists on this subject. Keep a sharp eye on how your daughter is acting and reacting to softball and the environment she is in. Communication without judgement is key. Listen to your kids and take time to understand what they are telling you. Be sure if you feel the need to "debate" the subject you are loaded with the right reasons and not share "Because I said so" as an answer.

More so in Rec. ball than travel ball, many of the kids on any given team probably won't play school ball at the high school level. The girls can see this. They aren't stupid. As a Rec. coach, I would try to explain to the young girls that the numbers alone do no support all of them to still be an active player on a roster when they finally become seniors. I'd have them stand in a circle, hold hands, look to their left and look to their right, and tell them there is a good chance the girls on each side of them may not be playing by the time they graduate. It was a reality check of sorts. Then, I would explain to them my job as a head coach is to change this statistic by offering each and every one of them my undivided attention and try to help them become the best player they possibly can become. If they will work with me to achieve this goal there's a much better chance that most will still be playing ball and having fun in the future. If they let up they'll simply have to deal with whatever happens. It always seem to motivate them for a season and while the numbers are hard to ignore, many borderline players would stick with it long enough to develop their skills into something that the team could use later.

That's really all we can hope to achieve. Most head varsity coaches have 4 class years to pick a 12-14 person team. School rules allow for 18-20 person rosters. It is such a culture shock to the girls to go from playing within a limited age format and being thrust into a team situation that can come from such a wide variety of ages and talent because of the structure. The girls see it as they enter their freshman year. Some may run the course till they realize as a senior they no longer are that 9 player on the roster so they quit. Sad but true. Girls want to play. They are never satisfied with being a roll player and again, that may be the problem due to pressure from parents or family members. Boys are more accepting to be a roll player. Girls struggle to see the benefit. If only the support group they have would be more receptive, maybe more girls would stay and thrive with their opportunities to contribute to an overall team effort. The game in general would benefit from it. Rosters would be full. Coaches would have more options during every game!

 

[mike_dyer]

I'm a firm believer that burn out = lack of goals.

I bet a strong majority of the people who post here played sports at some point in their life.

I'd also bet that they didn't quit playing them because they "burnt out."

 

[coachjwb]

Mike ... Good point, but don't you think though that things have changed a lot in the last 20-40 years from the time when the people here played sports ... i.e., more year round opportunities to play and/or be coached, more specialized/one sport athletes, more travel/elite teams, more athletic scholarships to be had (at least by females) and more emphasis on them, and even parenting styles in general (i.e., more helicopter type parents)? I mean of course the answer to this is yes, but couldn't much of the reason for burn-out be a lot different than it used to be?

 

[mike_dyer]

Mike ... Good point, but don't you think though that things have changed a lot in the last 20-40 years from the time when the people here played sports ... i.e., more year round opportunities to play and/or be coached, more specialized/one sport athletes, more travel/elite teams, more athletic scholarships to be had (at least by females) and more emphasis on them, and even parenting styles in general (i.e., more helicopter type parents)? I mean of course the answer to this is yes, but couldn't much of the reason for burn-out be a lot different than it used to be?

Here,,,,

My kid had a bad weekend last summer. It wasn't too terrible, I was satisfied that under the circumstances she had given it her best go. She wasn't satisfied though, not even close. She said she felt like she had let her whole team down.

We had a long talk about it on the way home. It got pretty deep and I felt I needed to end it so I asked her what she wants out of all of this, she told me she didn't know. I told her she really needs to think long and hard about that and get back with me, there is no sense in putting yourself through this kind of torment over something you're not really sure about.

At about 3am she came in my room and woke me up, asked me if I would talk to her. I got up and put some coffee on, we had us a cup and we talked about all kinds of stuff. Finally, I had to get around for work and she had to get ready for school so we were about to break it up and do what we had to do. She says "Hey, I thought about what I want out of all of this." Oh yeah, well???

She said "I want to be the best there ever was."

Now,,, how is that kid ever going to "burn out" on her quest to "be the best there ever was"? That's not exactly a milestone the way your last high school game, last college game, 1,000th hit, 5 millionth win etc, etc is.

 

[Louuuuu]

I'm a firm believer that burn out = lack of goals.

I'd like to change that to " = different goals".

For example:

Dad wants offspring to eventually be the starting pitcher for the Georgia Bulldogs.
Daughter wants to hang with her friends in Rec Ball.

 

[mike_dyer]

I'd like to change that to " = different goals".

For example:

Dad wants offspring to eventually be the starting pitcher for the Georgia Bulldogs.
Daughter wants to hang with her friends in Rec Ball.

I understand, but my post had nothing to do with what dad wants.

I would also like to add that in most cases nothing that dad wants will matter in the end.

 

[Pacerdad57]

we went thru the burn-out problem last summer. as it turns out i believe it was a little of that and a lot of having a coach who was nothing but negative about his players, or at least 90% of his players.
the DD had played non stop since before tryouts for 7th grade when she decided to go back to softball. that's a lot of time and hard work to play some catching up.
the travel coach was nothing but negative and she ended up never wanting to pitch again. i made it her call, not mine, her commitment and desire to play was still there, just not to pitch. and if you don't like doing what you're doing it certainly is nothing but counterproductive to continue. so i gave her what we thought would be 2 months off from softball. she got talked into subbing for another team by her best friends dad, and on top of that he talked her into pitching too. this org was an eye opener for her, she found that with positive reinforcement and the opportunity to pitch again it was fun. she finally decided to end her relationship with the former travel team, she finally came to realize that it was a toxic situation for everyone, and about 40% of the team left for the same reasons. she ended up doing quite a few tryouts and finally ended up trying out for the org she subbed with. easily made the team, and has been carrying a good bit of the load for them as their pitcher.
guess what i'm trying to get across is that there is such a thing as burn out without an equation to that being a lack of goals. it can simply be physical and mental stress and exhaustion. she definitely will be getting another month off after summer season this year if that is what she feels serves her best.

 

[Louuuuu]

I understand, but my post had nothing to do with what dad wants.

I would also like to add that in most cases nothing that dad wants will matter in the end.

Mike, you're right - your post was explaining what burn out is "equal to". My reply addressed that.

And, #2 - I don't think we know the same "dads".

 

[mike_dyer]

Mike, you're right - your post was explaining what burn out is "equal to". My reply addressed that.

And, #2 - I don't think we know the same "dads".

There are only a coupla ways to make sure something happens. 1, obviously, is you can do it yourself. The only other one that is sure to work is to tell a kid not to do it.

This also works the other way.

Tell a kid that they absolutely have to do something and it will work for a little while. Sooner or later -- usually sooner -- you can forget about it happening.

I'm sure there is more than one person reading this and shaking their head no in disbelief.

Unfortunately you're gonna get your heart broke.

Soon.

 

[coachjwb]

Another good article from the NCAA site ... very similar points made ... http://www.ncaa.org/health-and-safety/sport-science-institute/understanding-student-athlete-burnout

 

[alborules]

Players, parents, and coaches are susceptible burn-out, but I know this thread is about the players. It's not easy as a parent or a coach to avoid burning out the players.

As parents, my wife and I are always keeping an eye on our 3 daughters ages 14, 11, and 9. We watch them to make certain they still at least "like" softball on any given day. We measure how much they want to go to practice or put in extra work at home against how often they "just aren't feelin' it". Each season we want them on the best teams that they can make, but we also listen to them about staying with their friends and coaches. We try to figure out how much practice and how many weekends each daughter can handle before we settle on a team or a coach. Obviously if we pick a team that practices 3 or more days per week and is out of town every weekend during the summer for the 14 year old, she better love softball and be OK not hanging out with friends from school much. I can see that we can make a mistake with any of our daughters and push them into something they don't want. It wouldn't be blatant such as making them play a sport that they don't like or me picking a high level team that wins and travels, but my daughter sits the bench. It could be as simple as just too many practices with the team we chose, or so many tournaments in the summer that they missed a bunch of birthday parties. Kids don't come out of the womb with directions. So we know we made the proper decisions with the 14 year old as she loves softball, is on a great team, and she still has time for a social life. The 11 year old loves to play softball and be with her friends on her team. She doesn't always want to put in the extra work, but she has a great coach that is helping her see that extra work can be fun too. We will see what happens with the 9 year old. I'm hoping her coach (me) doesn't screw it up.

As a coach, particularly at younger ages, it is difficult to choose a schedule for the team to avoid burning the players out. Usually by 12u, the players start to separate by talent and each families desire to win and/or travel (hopefully the parents desires align with their daughter's). At 10u and below, it's up to the coach to get a feeling for the talent level and parents feelings before setting up a practice and tournament schedule. It's always a compromise. I don't believe I have ever made every parent happy with my practice and tournament schedules.

Although it's not easy to avoid burn out at some level; a parent or coach would need to be completely ignoring their child or players to make them not want to play again. That would take the coach treating the team as a win machine at all costs; or even a parent so obsessed with their child being on the best team in the country, that they don't care what their kid wants. Not every kid wants to be a D1 player. Some might have that talent, but just don't love the sport. You might be able to "nudge" them and then they decide they love it, but they will not let you push them. Bottom line: parent or coach, have the child's best interest and wishes in mind.

Allan Abel

 

[spartansd]

I was given advice on this a very long time ago by a wrestling guy.

NO ONE BURNS OUT ON FUN OR PURSUIT OF GOALS

Now you can take that a million different ways. But I think quite a few of the issues surrounding burnout stem from control. And if you constantly focus on thing a player can not control like winning you will burn them out.

Every good and great coach I have ever read about or talked to bring up the same theme. That they coach to a standard. And the standard does not include the concern about winning or losing. You can not control winning. You just can not. So to grade a players or teams performance on if they win or lose is not the right way to go about it at the youth level. You need to focus on things a player or team can control. Once you sent up standards and goals that can be controlled and measured you can build from there.

For instance. We never discuss batting average. We discuss good at bats and bad at bats. The goal is to go 20 for 20 on the week with good at bats. We discuss what makes up a good at bat and what does not. We do not dwell on physical errors. Bad bounces happen. Bad throws happen. But mental errors are 100% not tolerated.

My daughters have never had issue. As a matter of fact they are having more and more fun and they play "A" ball. Now that they have weight training they enjoy setting goals to reach certain strength levels. It is all about getting better. we try very hard to not focus on failures. but rather discuss the pursuit of attaining goals (backhand plays...)

I agree with someone saying that the issue is goals. You have to set goals that are attainable and rejoice when those goals are reached.

I am not at all saying winning is not important. But rather if you focus on if you win or lose as the pass fail grade you will create a no fun environment. And players will burnout and leave the sport.

 

[wow]

Mike- you make some very valid points.

Issue is simple. Your DD will tell you what they want from the game without saying a word. You just need to listen. The real problem is parents who push based on their agenda not their kids.

I am going to take a very unpopular position and say I think doing to many sports at the same time leads to burn out. Now before I get lambasted about all the studies on multisport athletes, I want to be clear, I am not advocating playing only softball rather being committed to something you love. Play school BBall, track, whatever and have fun. Not everyone will go D1 full ride and that's ok. I see so many kids, who are pushed to play AAU basketball, JO volleyball, Travel softball, Gymnastics, hair braiding, there is no time to be a kid. To me that's the real issue. Kids cant be the best at EVERTHING. Its hard enough to be the best at just one.

Parents need to listen and support the kids in what they want to do. If you do that the will not get burned out. Foster a environment where you talk to your kids and allow them to tell you what they want, even if its not to play softball.

 

[Pacerdad57]

Told the DD many times when she has run into a rough patch that it will get better, things happen in life that you don't expect, but whatever you decide it changes nothing between us, I will support you in anything you strive to do.
All I ever ask her is to always give it her best no matter what it is, and I can never ask more of her or be more proud of her.
She always realizes if it's a passion she has, it's worth the bumps in the road and the bruises to your self esteem

 

[DanMaz]

I'm a firm believer that burn out = lack of goals.

I bet a strong majority of the people who post here played sports at some point in their life.

I'd also bet that they didn't quit playing them because they "burnt out."

only difference i can think of is that when we all played sports, yes it was all year but probably different sports all year and one at a time. there was not to many travel anything when we were playing so burn out would be a little different than what our girls do with travel ball playing all the time.

 

[FastBat]

She said "I want to be the best there ever was."

Now,,, how is that kid ever going to "burn out" on her quest to "be the best there ever was"?

Well, that makes sense. I never thought of it that way, but yep, no burnout.

 

[WWolff]

We played some sports year round, but difference was it was neighborhood pick up games.

 

[Pacerdad57]

Girls softball didn't even exist in southeast Ohio when I was in school ( t-Rex however did). The only sport they had was tennis, so burnout did not exist. It's a totally different thing if you're going more than 1 sport year round, but when you're doing 1only 11months out of the year I still think burn out can occur, goals or no goals. What If a girls sets those high goals and runs into difficulties, be it coaches, slumps whatever, and starts to suffer from self doubt, thinks she doesn't have what it takes, I think burn out can occur there just due to a mental stress of not meeting goals. On the other hand I would think mental pressure could be tough if you are making your goals, the pressure to maintain a playing level and meet expectations of coaches, teammates and parents could lead to burn out. Not saying this applies to all girls, but I'm sure it happens more than most are willing to admit. I just think it's never a bad thing to give a kid a month or month and a half off at the end of travel season if she's isn't playing other sports. If for nothing else than to heal up from the rigors of tourney season, dial it back and be a kid!! You only get one shot at that, and trust me, I'd definitely trade being an adult for being a kid again... But then again I did have to deal with the t-Rex thing so maybe not...... Jmho